CHAPTER 16
Kaya
I wake against Maverick’s big body. His hands are on my abdomen and for a moment I imagine they’re there on purpose because of the life that’s quietly growing inside.
Of course he doesn’t even know about it yet, but the thought is nice.
Then the nausea hits. Shit. I slide away from him landing on my knees on the carpet.
As soon as I climb back under the covers, Mav’s arms are around me, pulling me close.
“Morning,” he rumbles. His voice is so husky with sleep, the word is barely understandable.
I smile, feeling like a giddy teenager. Never in my life have I been this intimate with a man.
It’s scary, but also comfortable and exciting.
“Good morning,” I say, before turning toward him.
His dark eyes take me in, a small grin tipping his lips.
I smile back, feeling like I’m floating.
I lay my head against his chest and he presses a long kiss to my temple.
This feels so surreal, so absolutely right, that everything inside me is telling me to run. Something is going to go wrong.
Maverick’s breathing evens out again while I lie against him, imagining every horrible thing that will inevitably happen to take him away from me.
Death, another woman, the pregnancy, or maybe him just realizing I’m a hot mess who could never make him happy.
I don’t know how or when it will happen, but it will. Life has proven it to me over and over.
My stomach turns again, but this time it’s from worry.
I get up and make coffee, no longer able to enjoy the comfort of him after reestablishing my belief that this can’t last. I’d like to believe that he will be my exception.
That he will be the one thing that sticks.
But after so many years of loss and disappointment, I don’t think having faith is something I’m capable of.
I sit at the table with my mug in hand when Maverick emerges from the hall.
His hair is back in a low pony tail, jeans on, but no shirt or socks.
My eyes skate over his glorious chest. I was never into chest hair, but there is something about his that’s beautiful.
There are no patches of uneven hair. It’s perfectly uniform throughout.
What’s even more amazing is the fact that he has no tattoos.
His muscled chest, abs, and arms are just him with no ink whatsoever, making him a unicorn amongst the other club brothers.
“Why’d you get up?” he asks.
I shrug. “Have to go to work.” My tone is cold, almost completely without emotion. His eyes narrow.
“We really doing this again?”
I take a sip of coffee as I stand, needing to get away from him. “We’re not doing anything. I need to take a shower.” I go to walk past him, but he steps in front of me. I close my eyes and release a ragged breath, trying to fight the reaction my body has to him being so close.
He lifts my chin for me to face him. His dark blue eyes take me in and his mouth curves into a frown. I blink up at him, trying not to cry. What the fuck is wrong with me? He brushes his large thumb down my cheek and then slowly across my lips. “What’s wrong, baby?”
Ugh, that word. He calls me baby and my insides snarl into a tangled knot of feelings and confusion.
My chin starts to quiver, even though I’m doing everything I can to fight against it.
Maverick’s gaze doesn’t falter, but his breaths quicken.
He’s uncomfortable seeing me like this, which makes two of us, because I’m uncomfortable as hell too.
Being that I’ve never been in any type of relationship beyond a single night of sex, I have no idea how to do any of this.
On one hand I really do want to try, but on the other, I’m literally terrified to get hurt.
Maverick takes a step closer until the tips of his toes are touching the tips of mine. He takes my face in his large hands and forces me to look at him. “I see what you’re doing and it’s not going to work.”
I pull back. “I’m not doing anything.”
“You are. You’re obviously scared of our connection. Every time you give me just a little bit more, you pull back and take it away.” He pauses. “I’ve never done this before either.”
As a tear falls down my cheek I meet his eyes. “What?”
“This.” He points back and forth between the two of us. “I know you’ve never done this before. Well, neither have I. It doesn’t mean we can’t figure it out.”
He grabs my hand and pulls me to the couch.
He sits back pulling me with him. I straddle him, planting my ass on his thighs, my knees pressing into the cushion.
Do I tell him now? Do I just blurt it out that I’m pregnant?
I study him for a second and swallow down the urge.
I suck in a breath, preparing to give him a different truth bomb. “I’m scared.”
His hands wrap around both of my wrists, holding them gently. His thumbs work like magic as they gently stroke the skin on my pulse points. “Tell me.”
My lips form an O as I blow out. My palms are sweaty and I feel an uncomfortable heat flow through me. “I’m scared I’m going to lose you.”
He quirks a brow. “But you’re the one always telling me to back off.”
I frown. “I know. It probably doesn’t make sense. Gretchen and Sophia can’t figure me out either.”
“Try me,” he rumbles.
I sigh. “My parents died in a car accident when I was 10, but before that they fought all the time. Their relationship only had two levels. It was like all the way up or all the way down. They were either making out in the kitchen or trying to kill each other. There was no in-between.”
“Jesus.” Maverick says. “Sorry.”
I shrug. “After they died, I moved in with my aunt and uncle. She got me into therapy, but after about six months, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. They had two kids of their own, so with me there, it was a lot for them to handle. From there I was passed around to other aunts and uncles and even a cousin before my case worker stepped in and said enough was enough. I was moved into Trudy and Bill Hayes house here in Dogwood Creek. They always had a house full of fosters. I was only supposed to be with them until my aunt got better, but while she was sick, my uncle had an affair. My aunt was devastated and never really got over it. After a few years I lost touch with pretty much everyone I was related to.” I swallow down the lump in my throat remembering how alone I felt.
Maverick just stares at me with his face set in a scowl. After a full minute, he says, “So you’ve never seen a healthy relationship.”
I shake my head. “Sophia’s parents were the exception and look what happened with them. My own family bounced on me, so why in the hell would a man ever stay?”
“Probably because you hadn’t met the right one. You know, I didn’t have anyone either. Phoenix is the closest thing I have to family.”
I reach forward to play with his beard, carefully running my fingers through the strands. “He’s the president of the Tennessee chapter, right?”
He nods. “He took me from my mom, the last time she beat the shit out of me.”
My eyes snap to his. He does a blinking shrug, hardly moving his head.
“She never wanted a son. My grandma was around until I was seven so I was spared a lot of abuse when I was little because of her. After she died though, my mama took everything out on me. I was her whipping boy. Things got a little better when my sister was born, but the older I got, the more she put on me. And every time I fucked up, she made me regret it.”
“I’m so sorry. Is that why you’ve never been in a relationship, because of your mother?”
“No. Well, maybe, but it was more that I never wanted to be. I’ve never felt that strongly about anyone to be tied to them for longer than a night or two.”
“And now you do?” I ask.
He grabs my t-shirt in his fist and pulls me toward him, slowly. My breath hitches when our faces come within an inch of each other’s. “What do you think?”
I tangle my fingers in his beard again and kiss his cheek. “I’m sorry,” I whisper against him. “It must seem like I’ve been playing games with you and it was never my intention. I mean honestly, every time I pushed you away, I intended for it to be over. I just couldn’t stay away from you.”
He rubs his hands up my thighs. “Then let’s cut the bullshit, ok?”
My brows rise. “What do you mean?”
“No more fucking games, Kaya.”
I don’t respond. I just fall onto his chest, resting my cheek against his cool skin. I don’t have the will or strength to keep denying him. His hands move to my ass and he gives it a squeeze. “You mine?”
I tilt my head up to study him. “You’re actually asking?”
“Just confirming.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, baby. I think I am.” And that’s the truth.
As much as I want to protect myself, pushing him away hurts too.
I want him with a fierce desire that’s both all-consuming and scary, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to live without him either.
I give him a soft quick, kiss and start to get up, but he holds onto me.
“Where are you going?”
“Work, remember?”
“Where?”
“North Bridge Bank in Colton.”
“No.”
I scowl. “Uh, yeah big guy. I have to be there in forty-five minutes. I’m already cutting it close.”
“I’m coming,” he says, as he gets up and follows me to my room.
“What do you mean you’re coming? Like with me to work?”
“Yeah, I said there was a shooting. We don’t know what’s going on yet so I’m not leaving you unprotected in Colton.”
He pulls his t-shirt over his head and immediately runs his fingers through his beard as he eyes me.
I take off my shirt and toss it at him. He catches it and brings it to his nose to smell it.
Jesus, that’s hot. I need to focus. I turn away from him and open the closet, quickly pulling out a pair of black pants and a lightweight satin pink button-down shirt.
I pull my clothes on as fast as possible trying to avoid Maverick’s hungry gaze.
After finally dressing, Maverick and I are out the door in less than ten minutes. On one hand I think it’s crazy that he’s planning on standing around at the bank while I work, but on the other, I can’t help but think it’s absolutely adorable that he cares so much.