Chapter 19
Sunday Without a Plan
Lucy did something reckless on Sunday.
She left her apartment without a schedule.
Ben nearly checked her temperature.
"You don't have a plan?"
"I have a general geographic intention."
"That's a plan wearing casual clothes."
They met near the Public Garden and walked without deciding where they were going. The morning was bright and cool. Leaves gathered along the paths. Tourists took photographs near the bridge. A street musician played violin near the gate.
Lucy had been in the Public Garden hundreds of times.
She had never been there with Ben's hand in hers.
The difference was ridiculous.
"This feels weird," she said.
"Holding hands?"
"You. Me."
"Bad weird?"
Lucy looked at him.
"No."
Ben squeezed her hand once.
They bought coffee from a cart and sat on a bench.
For ten full minutes, they did nothing productive.
Lucy was beginning to see the appeal.
"Mara is going to be unbearable," she said.
"Mara already is unbearable."
"She will claim credit."
"She'll probably make a presentation."
Lucy laughed.
Ben watched her with an expression that still startled her.
Open affection.
No ambiguity.
"What?" she asked.
"Nothing."
"You are terrible at nothing."
"I like you."
The simplicity of it hit her harder than the confession had.
"You already said love. You can't go backward."
"I also like you. Important distinction."
Lucy looked down at their joined hands.
"I like you too."
Ben leaned closer.
"Dangerous."
She kissed him quickly.
A duck quacked loudly nearby.
Ben looked offended. "Judgmental."
They walked through Beacon Hill, stopped at a used bookstore, and split a pastry on Charles Street. Lucy bought nothing, which Ben claimed was proof of emotional growth.
At noon, her phone buzzed.
Mara.
Lucy showed Ben the screen.
"Ready?"
"No."
She answered anyway.
Mara appeared in a hotel room somewhere in Sweden.
"Hi."
"Hi," Lucy said.
Mara's eyes narrowed.
"Why is Ben's shoulder in your frame?"
Ben leaned in.
"Hello, traitor."
Mara screamed.
Lucy held the phone away from her ear.
People turned to look.
"I knew it!"
"You knew nothing," Lucy said.
"I knew enough."
Ben smiled at Lucy.
"She'll be like this for a while."
"I hate both of you," Lucy said.
But she was still holding his hand.
The day after their first real date, Lucy discovered that being happy made her less efficient.
She misfiled two volunteer forms. She forgot to return Priya's stapler. She spent seven full minutes staring at a text from Ben that contained nothing more significant than a photograph of the haunted-sandwich pumpkin.
Priya confiscated Lucy's clipboard.
"You are a danger to administration."
"Give that back."
"Not until you tell me what happened."
Lucy looked toward the circulation desk, where two patrons were browsing.
"We went for a walk."
"You kissed in the stacks and then went for a walk."
Lucy narrowed her eyes.
"How do you know about the stacks?"
Priya looked guilty for half a second.
"Acoustics?"
"Priya."
"Fine. Ben looked like someone had switched gravity on him when he left."
Lucy tried not to smile.
Failed.
Priya softened.
"I'm glad."
"It's complicated."
"Everything worth having is complicated."
"That sounds like something printed on a candle."
"Probably. Still true."
Lucy took back the clipboard.
That afternoon, Ben arrived with a paper bag from the bakery.
"Peace offering."
"For what?"
"Existing near your administrative systems while you are emotionally compromised."
Priya applauded from the desk.
Lucy glared at both of them.
Ben leaned in and kissed her cheek.
The library did not collapse.
Neither did Lucy.
She was beginning to think she could survive happiness without organizing it first.