Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Pauline looked at herself in the hallway mirror as she put on her coat.
She looked tired. Her skin was dry and, despite the touch of blusher, eye shadow and lipstick, she couldn’t do anything to make herself look brighter.
She looked what she was – a middle-aged woman stuck in the centre of a nightmare.
There was a beep from outside. Leo was ready with the car.
She took a deep breath and looked around her.
Every time she left the house, she wondered what state it would be in when she arrived home.
Would there be more windows smashed, graffiti sprayed on the front door, dog shit through the letterbox?
She’d had it all. Before she left, she spread newspaper on the hallway floor in front of the door, just in case.
‘You look nice,’ Leo said as she climbed into the car.
She looked over to him and smiled. ‘Thank you.’ She knew he was only being kind, but it meant a lot to her. She needed a boost of confidence even if he was just telling her what she wanted to hear.
Leo pulled away from the kerb and drove slowly towards the end of the road.
Pauline tried not to make eye contact with the people on the pavement, her supposed friends, her neighbours.
They all avoided her now. They crossed over the road if she was coming towards them.
Not one of them was on her side, on Anthony’s side. She only had Leo now.
The eighty-mile trip to HMP Starling House where Anthony was on remand was not a pleasant journey.
This was Pauline’s third visit. The first time, she’d cried all the way there and, on the way back, she cried so hard she fell asleep from exhaustion.
The shock of seeing her son, her only child, locked away with all those hardened criminals was worse than she’d imagined.
He was innocent. It was cruel locking him away because the police had lied.
He should be allowed home until they could fight his corner in a court of law. This was wrong. It was all wrong.
The second visit was less emotional. She knew what to expect and she’d spent the two-hour journey to get there in complete silence.
Seeing what just a few days in that prison had done to her Anthony was horrific.
He seemed to have aged twenty years. His skin was grey, his hair was unkempt.
His stubble was patchy. He was exhausted, physically and mentally.
He had begged and pleaded for his mum to take him home. On the return journey, Pauline cried.
‘I’ve brought him a couple of Spider-Man comics,’ Leo said, breaking the heavy silence.
Pauline gave a small smile. ‘He’ll like that.’
‘I didn’t ask, last time, if we could bring him any food. I was going to bring a bag of those mint humbugs he likes.’
‘I don’t know,’ she said, only half-listening.
The silence enveloped them again.
‘I’m a Mint Imperial man, myself,’ Leo said. ‘I started on them to replace cigarettes. I think I’m addicted to them now instead,’ he chuckled.
‘I didn’t know you smoked.’
‘It was years ago. It was seeing my sister get lung cancer that made me give them up. I doubt Mint Imperials damage your insides. Though what they’re doing to my teeth is anyone’s guess.’ He gave another nervous chuckle.
‘Do you think I should tell Anthony about the library?’ Pauline burst out with the question that had obviously been bothering her.
‘I wouldn’t, if I were you. He’s holding onto the fact that everything will be back to normal when he comes home. Let him keep thinking that for a little while longer.’
Pauline shook her head. ‘I never thought Jane would turn like that. The favours I did her mother when she was ill.’
‘Pauline, I don’t think it’s Jane. I think she’s facing pressure from the boss, and the other members of staff. You know what that Carol’s like. She’s always been, well…’
‘A bitch,’ she spat, venomously.
‘That’s one word for it.’
‘I was thinking in bed last night. Once Anthony’s out of there and back home, we’re going to move. Have a fresh start somewhere new.’
‘Where?’
‘I haven’t decided yet. We can’t stay around here, though. How can I have a chat and a laugh with my so-called neighbours in Tesco after knowing how they shunned me when I needed them the most? I can’t forgive that.’
Leo looked hurt. He opened and closed his mouth a few times to say something, but no sound came out.
‘Leo,’ Pauline began. She looked down at his hand on the gearstick and placed a gloved hand on top. ‘Would you like to come with us?’
He turned to her, then quickly turned back to keep an eye on the traffic. He had to slam on the brakes and they both shot forwards.
‘You want me to come with you?’
‘You’re the only person who’s stuck by us. You’re the only true friend I’ve got. We’ve got. I know you’ve got your work, but you can be a factory manager anywhere. I really think a lot of you, Leo.’
He opened his mouth to say something.
‘Don’t answer now. Give it some thought.’ She removed her hand and turned away to look out of the window.
The visiting room at the remand centre was a huge area with tables set out equal distances apart.
The visitors entered first and silently made their way to a free table where there were two chairs on one side and one on the other.
There was an uncomfortable silence. There were close to one hundred people in the room and every one of them would have rather been anywhere else in the world than there.
Yet, for forty-five minutes, they would all smile, laugh, joke and chat with their friends and relatives as if life was continuing as normal and they were simply passing the time of day in a coffee shop.
Pauline watched, expectantly, as the prisoners, all dressed the same, entered the room.
Their expressions were blank until their eyes landed on a loved one and suddenly a spark appeared.
A brief glimpse of happiness in the darkness.
When Pauline saw Anthony enter, she visibly baulked and let out a sound like a wounded animal.
Leo grabbed hold of her and pulled her close.
Anthony approached the table, pulled out the chair and sat down.
‘It looks worse than it is,’ he said.
His face was a map of bruises. His left eye was swollen and barely open. His lip was split, the wound looked fresh. He was wearing a bandage on his right wrist, and he had a bald patch on the right side of his head.
Leo looked at him in horror. ‘What happened?’
‘I … some of the men jumped me,’ he said.
He winced when he spoke as his lip split further.
‘I’m fine, though.’ He tried to smile for his mum, to show her he wasn’t in pain.
‘The nurse said that bruises always look worse than they are. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and I’m thinking where have all these bruises come from, because I’m not in any pain,’ he chuckled.
‘Who did it to you?’ Leo asked.
‘I didn’t see them.’
‘What … what happened to your hair?’ Pauline asked. Her voice was low and breaking with emotion.
‘It was pulled out.’
‘Oh my God!’ Pauline reached into her bag for a tissue and wiped her eyes. ‘What have the prison warders said?’
Anthony shrugged.
‘You told them, surely? You’ve told them everything that’s happened?’
He nodded and looked at his feet.
‘Anthony,’ Pauline said, finding her voice. ‘Please, tell me you reported them.’
‘I did. But I didn’t see anyone. I couldn’t say who it was.’
‘You’re lying to me. I know—’
Leo interrupted. ‘Pauline, leave it.’
‘No. I will not leave it. Look at him, he’s been beaten to a pulp. Who do I speak to? Who’s in charge here?’ she shouted, standing up.
‘Leo, please,’ Anthony pleaded.
Leo stood up and held Pauline by the shoulders. ‘Pauline, don’t make a scene. You’ll only make things worse.’
‘Make things worse? Look at him, Leo. He’s been beaten black and blue. Am I supposed to stand by and let it happen?’
‘Is there a problem here?’ a prison officer asked. He was wearing black trousers and a white shirt that was too tight. The buttons were straining over his massive stomach.
‘Yes, there is a big problem here. My son has been beaten up. I want to know what you’re doing about it.’
‘Unfortunately, madam, your son was unable to give a clear description of the men who attacked him. We can’t punish people if we don’t know who they are.’
‘Can’t you see he’s afraid? Can’t you see that he’s frightened it’ll happen again if he names them? You should be protecting him.’
Pauline’s voice was loud. Everyone in the visiting room had stopped chatting and was fixed on her outburst.
The prison officer leaned forward and lowered his voice.
‘Well, Mrs Winstanley, if you brought your son up better and taught him not to rape and murder vulnerable women, he wouldn’t be here to get beaten up in the first place, would he?
Now, I suggest you sit down and continue your visit in a respectful way, or I’ll throw you out and withdraw Anthony’s visiting rights for the rest of his stay here.
’ He turned on his heels and walked away.
Pauline, mouth open, remained standing. Leo had to forcibly reseat her.
‘Did you hear what he said to me?’
‘I heard,’ Leo said.
‘He can’t talk to me like that.’
‘Mum, please, don’t say anything. He’s the main man in charge here. Everyone’s scared of him. Even the other officers.’
‘Look, I know this is a nightmare for us all right now, but we need to keep calm, keep our heads down, and get through this together,’ Leo said, trying to be the voice of reason.
‘Leo’s right,’ Anthony said, struggling to smile. ‘I know what I have to do in here to survive. I’ll be fine. You should see the breakfasts we get. I’ve been having hash browns every morning.’
‘I haven’t had a hash brown for years,’ Leo said.
‘In the evenings, we get to go in the games room. Have you ever played snooker, Leo?’
‘Once or twice.’
‘What’s your highest break?’
‘Probably only about twenty-something.’
‘I got a break of thirty-seven last night,’ he said, genuinely pleased with his achievements.
Pauline blew her nose. She tried to smile, but the tears were winning, and her face looked ugly as it fought with two emotions.
‘Have you … have you made any friends?’ she asked.
‘Yes, a couple. There’s Peter over there.’ Anthony pointed. ‘And Scott. I can’t see him,’ he said, straining his neck. ‘And one of the officers, Jill, she was born in Whitby like me,’ he said, an excitable smile on his face.
Leo reached across to Pauline and took her hand. They made eye contact. Leo nodded, telling her everything was going to be all right. She looked back to her son.
‘I’m pleased you’re settling in,’ she struggled to say.
Once again, Pauline spent the journey home in tears.
She couldn’t get over how damaged and broken her son looked, yet when he spoke, he seemed to be enjoying himself playing snooker, eating hash browns for breakfast, and making friends.
Why wasn’t he angry? Why wasn’t he screaming and full of rage like she was?
This was going to be a long and hard fight for his freedom, and she didn’t think she had the strength to win it by herself.
She kept stealing glances at Leo while they were on the motorway and thanked God for bringing him into her life.
Without him, she’d be a complete basket case.
They pulled up on Crescent Avenue outside Pauline’s house.
It was starting to go dark. The street was empty of people and a stiff wind blew.
She took her key from her bag, opened the door and looked down before stepping inside.
As expected, another mound of dog shit had been posted through the letterbox.
Thankfully, it had landed on the newspaper she’d put down and not the carpet.
Pauline sighed, stepped over the mess, and went into the kitchen for a bin liner. This was her life now.