Chapter 34 #2
“Thane, I know you think we should keep things on the surface, but you can talk to me.” I grab his hand and hold on to it, collecting his attention again.
“I think it’s ridiculous that you chose your line of work, and I think I’m ridiculous for embarking on this journey…
and hiring you to accompany me…but that makes us both a little ridiculous.
But, as ridiculous as this all is, I mean what I say.
You can talk to me. I’m a pretty good listener and would never tell anyone your secrets. ”
He looks at me a beat longer before lowering his eyes to our hands. His thumb strokes my knuckles. “I don’t want you putting too much faith in me, Zaira.”
“Why? Because you don’t want me to care about your well-being when you happen to kill for a living?”
“Precisely.”
“Well,” I sigh. “I think it’s too late for that.”
“Why?”
“It’s kind of hard for me not to care about a person I’ve been traveling with for days who has saved my life on multiple occasions. I think you’re starting to care about my well-being, too. That’s why you keep trying to push me away.”
“It’s my duty to keep you safe,” he says. “And I keep a distance because it’ll be easier for us to part ways when this journey ends. There’ll be nothing left to cling to. Trust me on that.”
I can’t deny that. Even if I decided I wanted to be with Thane and he decided to change his life, he’d still be a wanted man. What kind of future would that be for us?
But, for the briefest moment, as his thumb sweeps over the back of my hand and our eyes connect, I can imagine that future.
No mask.
No hood.
No swords.
Just a man living a normal life. But then I wonder…
“Is now a good time to tell me more about your brother?” I ask, studying the ink on his arm.
“There’s too much to tell.”
“Please, Thane,” I plead. “I just want to understand you. That’s all.”
The knot in his throat bobs up and down, and he closes his eyes, drawing in a deep breath and following it with an exhale. He’s silent for a few seconds.
“I hadn’t known him my whole life, but I found out my father slept with a woman several years after I was born and left her pregnant.
I only knew this because I saw him speaking to her in the city one day.
She had a young boy with her. He looked to be only a few years younger than me.
I got a closer listen to their conversation, and she was demanding coins from my father.
Turns out he wanted nothing to do with Koa and was willing to pay her so she’d leave him alone. ”
I nod so he knows I’m listening.
“My father sold me to The Divine when I was only ten years old. I worked on the palace grounds and everything.”
“Ten years old?” I gasp, eyes stretching. “He sold you like you were an object. What the shadows?”
“Yeah, well, my father was born with magic, and I inherited that magic. He was nothing more than a drunk, though, and shit with his gifts. He’d have never made it as a sorcerer with any special skills.
But it doesn’t matter. I’m glad he sold me off because when I was with The Divine, I had a bit more freedom.
“I’d always been curious about the boy I saw with that woman, though, so I found them.
I showed up in my Divine uniform, introduced myself to them, and instantly took a liking to Koa and his mother.
” His mouth curves just a bit at the edges.
Almost a smile. But even this half smile makes his face more beautiful…
and he has no idea. I can only imagine what a fuller one would look like on him.
“They liked me, too. And Koa was funny, bright in spirit, and could be a little mischievous…just like me.”
I can’t help but smile. Our hands still touch. I don’t think he even realizes it.
“Anyway, I grew closer to him and his mother, Helena, and after just a few months, Helena began to feel like my mother, too. Koa looked up to me a lot, and Helena knew this. She appreciated me, said she was glad Koa had someone he could connect with. I never wanted him to look up to me, but he did, so when he turned sixteen, he decided he wanted to join The Divine, too.”
“Oh. Did he get in?” I ask.
He nods. “Something in my gut told me not to let Koa join, but he was so eager. And truthfully, I felt safe with The Divine. I was fed every morning and night. I was trained to be the best of the best in all of Meriva. I was one of the queen’s soldiers and proud to be.
A part of me figured it couldn’t be too bad if he joined, if that’s what he really wanted.
Helena knew she couldn’t stop Koa from chasing his dreams, so yes, he ended up joining, did his training, and was eventually sworn in.
” An unexpected frown sweeps over his face, and his jaw ticks.
His grip around my hand tightens. “Only a few months later, we met Seferin.”
His hand slips out of mine. “Thane,” I whisper.
“I…” He shakes his head and swallows. “I don’t want to talk about any more of it right now. Not while I’m like this, lying on a bed, fucking vulnerable.”
“What’s wrong with being vulnerable? I’m not judging you.”
He looks away, staring out of the window while clenching his jaw. Rage swirls in his eyes, tiny sparks of gold flashing deep in his irises. That’s when I know the conversation about his brother is done for now.
An ache develops in my chest, but I give him his space.
I step back and busy myself with closing the vial and picking up the towels.
There is so much more I need to know. The ink on his back is a clear indication that he was with The Shadow Guild.
But how? How did he go from being a proud Divine guard to this?
This killer who wants revenge and has nothing else to lose?
It’s become clear that Seferin is the reason for Koa’s death. Thane blames himself because he influenced Koa to join The Divine…but what doesn’t make sense is their link to Seferin. How did two Divine guards get mixed up with a Grim sorcerer?
“I’ll get you some water,” I murmur, starting for the door.
“Zaira,” Thane calls before I can walk out.
I pause at the threshold.
“Thank you,” he says.
I turn around. “For what?”
“If you hadn’t thrown that vine to me, I wouldn’t have had anything to hang on to,” he says.
“There was only so much I could do with my magic while being washed away. In that moment, I only focused on staying afloat and not drowning. Tossing the vine gave me another option. Same with the swamp monster. I was only focused on my way of killing it, but your advice saved us. So…if we’re keeping score, you’ve saved my life twice.
It’s not every day a mortal saves a sorcerer’s life,” he admits. “You should be proud of that.”
I grin, actually feeling a sense of pride. “And all this time you thought I was a useless mortal girl.”
“I thought a lot of things about you when we first met.” He studies my face, as if trying to memorize it. “Turns out I’ve been wrong about a lot of it so far.”
Our eyes connect again, and a buzz charges between us that feels tangible. For a fleeting second, it’s just me and him.
No running.
No fighting.
No danger.
Just two unique, beating hearts in one room.
I linger by the door. “I expect to hear more about Koa,” I tell him, instead of focusing too much on how I feel in this moment.
He presses his lips together, contemplating it. “Sure, sweet one. Later.”
“Okay.” I blush at the nickname. I try to dismiss it—pretending his words haven’t just twisted me into tender little knots or that my heart isn’t pounding with excitement—but I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face.
I’m feeling things for him.
Things I never expected.