Chapter 64
The ship bobs and dips as I help Analla into the cabin and lead her to a bed that Conred has prepared for her.
He’s also offered her a bar of soap and one of his tunics so she can wash and change out of the filthy nightmaiden’s dress she wore in Seferin’s dungeon.
Conred is taller, so of course the shirt is too big, the hem stopping just below her knees and the neckline sagging to reveal her collarbone. It’s better than nothing.
“Here you go.” I return to Analla after scooping fresh water from a barrel into a tin cup and offering it to her. “Drink this. You need to hydrate.”
She takes the cup, guzzling it down so quickly, water dribbles from the corners of her mouth and down her chin. I get her a refill, and she drinks it much slower this time. Once done, she places the empty cup down and releases a satisfied gasp.
“The guy that saved us,” she says, meeting my eyes. “Who is he?”
My heartbeat stutters at the mere thought of Thane. “Just…a friend.”
“Friends don’t hug like you two did,” she counters, eyeing me suspiciously.
“He helped me during my journey, when I was looking for the prosperity stones.” I wave a flippant hand, as if it’s no big deal.
But it is, in fact, a big deal.
Major, really, considering he’s sitting right outside of the cabin. “Like I said, it’s a long story. I’ll tell you all about it when you’re a bit more healed.”
Analla scans me with slightly narrowed eyes like she always does when she’s reading me. “You love him.”
It isn’t a question. It’s a matter-of-fact statement that causes my heart to bang a notch quicker.
“W-what?” I sputter.
She only smiles, lying on her side and placing her head on the pillow.
“I—I don’t think it’s that…” It can’t be that, can it? Love an assassin? A shadow assassin? No…
“Please. With the way he looks at you and the way you looked when you saw him…” She huffs a laugh. “I know love when I see it, sis.”
I stand still a moment, unsure what to say to that.
“Gods, I hate feeling so weak,” she mutters as I slide a quilt over her. I’m grateful for the change of topic. I sit on the end of the bed, and she reaches for my hand.
“Will you be okay until we get to Junsho?” I ask, giving her my hand. “I can get you something to eat.”
“No, no.” She blinks slower, snuggling deeper into her pillow. “I think I just need to sleep for now.”
“Okay.” I squeeze her hand.
“Thank you, Zaira,” she murmurs, her eyes watering. “For everything. I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you so much.”
Warmth wraps around me as I smile at my sister, and it really hits me that she’s back. That I saved her from Seferin—now uncursed—and she’s on her way to restoration. There are things we’ll have to deal with later, like The Shadow Guild and Seferin’s wrath, but we’re safe for now.
Together.
That’s all I wanted.
“I love you, too,” I tell her, lowering so I can hug her.
“Forever?” she asks in my hair. I pull back a bit, and her eyelids flutter closed, already succumbing to sleep.
“And always,” I whisper.
She releases a long, satisfied breath, and I watch her a moment as the muscles in her face slowly relax and she slips into a soft slumber. I stand and drop a kiss on her cheek before looking at the cabin door. My mind instantly circles back to Thane.
I step outside and onto the deck again, spotting him sitting on one of the backless benches, nursing a wound on his thigh. He’s removed his mask and buffers and is wearing only a black tunic with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black trousers, and boots.
Ocean mist sprays on my skin, and my hair blows in the breeze as I start his way. He raises his chin, gaze meeting mine when he sees me coming.
“Zaira—” He starts to stand up as I near him, but I stop him by placing a hand to his shoulder and easing him back down.
“Don’t,” I murmur. “You’re hurt.”
“It’s nothing I haven’t felt before,” he says, peering up at me with soft eyes.
I study all his other injuries. The gash on his bicep. The cut on his ear that is now caked in blood. The red mark on his cheek that will surely turn into a bruise. The crimson splotch on the white of his left eye.
He watches me as I inspect him, and when our eyes connect again, he cups one side of my face and says, “I’m so sorry for hurting you, Zaira.”
“Yeah.” I cling to his hand with my own, lowering my gaze to block the wave of sadness threatening me.
“It did hurt. A lot.” He spreads his legs apart, and I stand between them, caressing his face, too, stroking the old scar that runs over his full lips.
“I thought you were dead,” I say in a trembling voice. “I didn’t want you to die.”
“I would have for you,” he says. “Seferin wouldn’t have let you live—at least, not in peace. If he was going to take a life, I was going to make sure it was mine. That’s the least I could’ve done to make things right.”
I gently run my fingers over the top of his injured ear. “How would it have made things right if you were gone?” I ask, gripping his face in both of my hands now, wanting to shake some sense into him. “I would have lived with that guilt forever.”
“Wouldn’t have mattered.” He places a hand on my hip. “Your life would be better without me, Zaira, and we both know it.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
My vision blurs and my mouth quivers as emotion clogs my throat.
“But since I’m here now,” he continues, “since I get the chance to see your beautiful face again, to breathe the air you breathe, and to feel your soft skin on mine, I plan to spend however long it takes proving I’m worthy of your trust.”
He brings himself to a stand with a mild grunt, now towering over me. I drop my arms as both of his hands cradle my face and crane my neck just enough to find his amber eyes.
“And hopefully one day, you’ll forgive me,” he rasps, his warm breath skating over my lips, taunting, teasing, sending sparks of heat through my veins.
“All I know is that I can’t continue my days without you.
The time we’ve spent together, however brief, has altered something inside me, Zaira.
I didn’t believe there was anything else good in this world.
I didn’t think there was any good left in me.
But then I met you—this bright fucking light,” he says through a breathy laugh.
“My sun, shining that radiant light on the darkest parts of my heart and soul.”
“Thane,” I whisper, still biting back my tears. My knees feel weaker, my body softer, all because I’m in his arms. All from his voice and the power of his words.
“If you give me another chance,” he goes on, “if you allow me into your life again, I’ll make this right. Okay? I’ll do better—I’ll become better for you.”
Tears accumulate at the rims of my eyes, casting him in a half blur.
This is one of those moments when I want to curse my tender heart for softening so easily, for believing in the power of trust. My forgiving heart that’s now beating like a drum, faster and faster in his wake. The heart that—
That loves him.
You love him…
Analla was right. No matter how much I try denying it, or rejecting him, or pretending he means nothing to me, it’s inevitable because rebuffing what my heart desires is impossible. His absence made me ache like never before, and thinking about a life without him felt flat, dull, and bland.
My mind goes back to the night we met in the Tilted Crystal—the instant connection I felt at the mere sight of him.
The urge to fly closer to him as if he were the flame and I the moth.
A danger, yes, but also a magnet. There were many others in that tavern I could’ve asked to help me, but I chose him.
The carriage ride in Bernwood, when my heart felt like it’d come alive for the first time as he kissed me.
And in Gadonia, when it leaped to life all over again while we kissed in the art gallery and blistered afterward while tangled between soft sheets and quilts, wanting nothing else but each other.
His laugh, and the rare moments when he showed me his vulnerable side and I showed him mine.
The way his gaze softened and my guard lowered the longer we were together…
And now this, standing chest to chest, wanting nothing more than to kiss him a thousand times and scream, yes. This is real, raw, and deep passion I feel for this man. My soul aches for his. Yearns for every single part of him.
How can I walk away from him again when he creates such beautiful chaos inside me? How can I run from the man who holds my raw heart in his hands and is so desperate to mend it?
We all make mistakes.
I know this, and yet I was so hard on him. I didn’t even give him the chance to properly apologize, even though I knew he so badly wanted to.
I want to believe he had good intentions about not telling me about the stones. He just went about it the wrong way.
And how can I blame him? After all he’s been through and all the darkness he’s faced—all that he’s lost—how can I fault him for something that may have been instinct?
“Swear you’ll never lie to me again,” I demand, gripping a handful of his tunic. “Swear you’ll never betray me again, Thane. If your goal is to win back my trust, I need to hear you say it right now.”
“I’ll never lie to you again, Zaira.” My heart flutters as he brings a hand beneath my chin and tips my head back a bit more. “And I would rather suffer a miserable death than ever even think about breaking your heart again.”
Flutters burst in my stomach and heat flares in my chest with his every word. And when he brings his mouth down, kissing me ever so softly at first, I sigh.
But when he breathes the words, “Please forgive me, my sun,” on my lips, I melt.
His sun. His light.
I close my eyes, and hot tears trail down my cheeks as I meet his kiss with urgency, my arms lacing around the back of his neck and our bodies fusing.
The ocean roars around us, and despite the Emellie gently rocking, we hold steady.
His hands roam the curves of my body as he slides them down my waist and then digs the pads of them into my hips, groaning as our tongues collide.
The ship gives a harder rock, and Thane stumbles just a bit, the backs of his legs bumping into the bench and forcing him to sit. Even so, our lips barely part ways.
I come down with him, planting my knees on either side of his outer thighs, loving the taste of him, the feel of his large, warm hands, the way my heart blossoms and feels reenergized simply by having him this close.
But as much as I want this to go deeper, and for us to find the nearest empty room, I slow down and, with all the willpower in me, break the kiss, grab the hands that are cupping my ass to stop him, and say, “Fine. I’ll give you another chance. But we’re taking it slow this time.”
“Yeah.” He swallows and nods, lips swollen and damp. “I’ll give you all the time you need—the rest of my life if you allow it, sweet one.”
Smiling, I place one more kiss on his lips, believing every word he says is the truth.