24 EVIE
E VIE
“You know, this would be a whole lot easier if I wasn’t leaving,” he said on the last day at the beach house.
“This would be a whole lot easier if you weren’t such a good kisser,” I replied.
He smiled and continued.
They were going back on tour. I was going back home to gather the minimal gear we needed and plan the logistics. If all went well, I would join them two weeks later. By the way we’d acted that day, you’d have thought we’d be apart for two years, not two weeks.
“If you two are going to be like this the entire time, then the whole thing is off,” Tommy joked, coming around the corner with Alex, Fred, and Darren behind him. “All right. Let’s sit down and figure out what we’re going to do with this little film once and for all, yeah?” he said.
“For the record, I’ve been trying to do that from the moment I got here,” I replied.
“For the record, you made us sound like a bunch of little girls who play with unicorns in the Spin piece. All that stars and moon shit,” Alex complained.
Carter grimaced. “I did come across a bit like a sap, didn’t I?”
“Yeah. He’s such a nice guy. All warm and sappy, this one,” Darren chided.
“You are a nice guy,” I said.
“Ha. Tell that to the kid whose nose he busted up in year six,” Alex added.
I looked at Carter, having a hard time imagining this. “You broke a kid’s nose?”
“And don’t forget—”
Carter gave Alex a sharp look, putting an end to whatever insights Alex had planned.
I heard the story later. The kid had been making fun of Carter’s father, and eleven-year-old Carter had hit him.
He hadn’t meant to break his nose when he hit him.
But it wasn’t long after that kids began realizing they needed to stay away from Carter Wills, just as they had Jacob.
Teachers had a soft spot for them, though; the two boys were quiet and polite and studious and looked out for the other kids in school as much as themselves.
But everyone knew ... you didn’t mess with the Wills boys.
I conceded. “Okay, fine. No more stars and moons.”
Despite the hard time he’d been giving me, to my surprise, I learned later that Alex had been the one who loved what I’d done on the Green Witch video more than everyone else.
He had gone back and read nearly every single story I’d ever written before even considering having me at the beach house that weekend.
I don’t think even Carter knew that. But Alex had told me later.
He and I often sat together sketching out ideas during the filming over the months.
He had a big hand in the way it took shape, and we had similar sensibilities.
He just liked to give me a hard time because, well, because that was just the way he was.
He gave Carter a hard time too. Sometimes more than others. I’d overheard them arguing that morning behind the closed doors of the den. They’d thought I was in the shower.
“None of my business?” I’d heard the anger simmering in Alex’s voice.
“Are you kidding me right now? We had a deal. No complications. No distractions. And now you’re going to start some relationship .
.. with a girl who is actually making a film of us and works with the press? What the hell are you doing?”
In muffled tones, I heard them going back and forth, Carter assuring Alex that he could handle it.
“Fine, if you can have your little distractions, I guess I can handle mine, then, right?” Alex said.
“Alex. Don’t.”
“Shut up, Tommy. You know I’m right about this.”
“What the hell did you say?” Carter sounded furious. “Your little distractions ? Is that some kind of threat? I hardly think this is the same thing, and you know it.”
“It’s exactly the same thing. We all have our poisons, and this is yours.
Mine may be chemical, but yours is in that messed-up place in your head, and we can’t deal with you going off the damn deep end.
When this ends badly, you’ll cut her out of your life like she never happened, and we’ll be the ones left having to dig you out of whatever dark hole you crawl into. ”
“Oh, I see, so you can run around with whomever you’d like, but I actually have something real and you want me to end it? I’m not doing it. And besides, you know as well as I do that she’s perfect for this project.”
“He’s not wrong, Alex,” Tommy added. “You saw what she did with Green Witch. It was perfect. And you’ve heard what she has in mind. If we have to do this damn thing, she’s exactly the right person.”
“Well, maybe he should have thought of that before he started f—”
“Don’t.” Carter cut him off sharply. “It’s not your decision. The film, yes. But the rest of it is none of your goddamn business.”
“Look,” Alex said, his voice turning into a plea.
“It’s good to see you happy again. But not like this.
Not right now. What happens when it’s over?
When we head home?” There was silence before he continued.
“I honestly don’t care if we do the film or not.
But this is a bad idea and you know it. There’s too much on the line. It’s not just about you.”
Carter’s voice was low and steady. “Fine. You’ve made your point. If this goes badly, it’s on me. Not on you. Okay?”
A few moments passed, bits of conversation I couldn’t hear. “It’s settled, then,” Tommy said finally.
“But, Alex,” Carter said a moment later, “let me be clear. If you ever treat her again like you did earlier this week, then we really will have a problem. Do you understand me?”
We all had our fears and demons. I’d almost left after that. Carter had found me putting my things in my bag, planning to leave early. He never knew the reason why. Of course, he’d convinced me to stay.
It feels like I was standing in that kitchen just last week, all six of us talking.
I read somewhere once that when a brain experiences something new or outside the usual routine of life, that’s when it creates a lasting memory.
Simply repeating one day after the next is the enemy of a fulfilling life.
It’s the reason why months go by too quickly, or years, even, and it’s like there’s almost no memory of it—an overload of routine that the brain registers as unimportant.
But a new experience is something special.
A bookmark. A highlighted section in the pages of your life.
It’s the reason why you can remember the exact way your shoes felt on your first day of first grade or the exact light of the room when you had your first kiss but can’t remember what you did last Tuesday.
But when we said goodbye that day, I think I was still worried that it might not happen.
That it might be the end. That something would go wrong, or that the project would fall through, or that Carter would change his mind about us.
Something. I imagined myself later in life; maybe I’d tell my kids about it one day, just like I’m doing now.
The week I spent with Mayluna, I would say, and they would laugh at the idea of it.
And maybe I would bump into the guys at other venues.
Work-related events. Our paths crossing.
Would Carter and I look at each other awkwardly?
Would he avoid me? Or would we hug and remember the tryst with wistful sweetness?
It would be a nice memory, I’d thought. A glimpse into a different world—one where I almost belonged among an unlikely crew of English men.
But good things do happen sometimes. Two weeks later, I was on the road.