37 EVIE
E VIE
Sometimes we make plans for our lives and can see it all mapped out so clearly that we forget we’re not actually fully in charge of how everything goes.
That something beyond us—the universe, God—has a different idea.
Carter used to believe that we were brought to Earth to fulfill a contract we made ahead of time—that we choose our parents, good and bad; we choose our experiences, pleasant and challenging; and we do it all for the betterment of our soul.
It was his way of dealing with things when they were difficult—believing it served some greater purpose—and it was how he stayed grateful for the good things.
During those weeks, I walked on air, barely able to contain my smiles, looking forward to everything we had planned.
My career was blossoming. I was about to move to a different country—far away from the crappy little bedroom with the stained ceilings I’d grown up in.
I had the love of a new, chosen family. And of course, above all, Carter.
I felt unstoppable, as if I had a magnet attracting my wildest hopes and dreams.
But you never quite see what’s around the corner.
I want you to know that this next part will be hard for you to hear.
Sometimes I think I made huge mistakes—and I’m sure that’s true.
But other times, like on Christmas mornings and family vacations and quiet family movie nights on the sofa, I would feel like everything was exactly as it should have been. That maybe I did some things right.
I suppose both are true.
I hope, by the end of this, you’ll feel the same.