54 EVIE
E VIE
It was Alex I saw first. Fitting, I suppose.
We’d reached the darkened dressing room hall as the show ended, and all that remained was the cacophonous white noise coming from the stadium of people making their slow exit into the night.
Painted cinder-block walls enclosed the space, with fluorescent lights above us and the din of activity humming from nearby spaces.
Kate stuck close to me, baffled, while adrenaline coursed through my veins, hot and electric.
Then, out of nowhere, Alex rounded a corner and walked straight to me.
I shuddered at the dark look he gave me.
“What the hell is she doing here?” he asked tightly. When Fred didn’t offer an answer: “Fred! What. Is she doing here? This is no good. You’ve got to get her out of here.”
My eyes welled as I realized how much had broken.
Fred held up his hands, trying to reason with him. “I can’t do it, mate.”
Alex turned to face me then. “He nearly blew the fucking encore thanks to you.”
“I’m so sorry, Alex. I—I didn’t mean ...,” I stammered, my eyes welling with tears. I reached out to touch his arm, and he shrugged me away.
“Didn’t mean what? You’re standing here, aren’t you? Evie, listen, if he ever meant anything to you, please would you just go?”
“She can’t do that and you know it, Alex.
” Tommy appeared. He looked over at me, and I saw concern in his now-older face.
I remembered the warm and jovial soul he had always been toward me.
“Long time no see, stranger.” He walked over to me and gave me a warm but reserved hug, kissing me on the top of my head. “Pretty as ever.”
I smiled sadly through teary eyes.
Tommy nodded at Kate, as if to say hello, and she stood wide-eyed, awestruck.
Then I felt it. The surge in the air. And I knew Carter was there. I looked up to see him standing in the center of the dim hallway. No one said a word as the oxygen in the space seemed to disappear in a vacuum. I heard Kate gasp.
He stared at me with an expression I’d never seen—a face full of a thousand thoughts, fire and ice. I had imagined so many times what it would be like to see him again. But I had never conceived of anything like what happened that night. The mess of it. Neither one of us moved.
“Hey, Ev.” His voice was quiet and carefully measured. I wanted to run to him. He didn’t come any closer.
I swallowed the emotion rising in my throat and attempted a smile. “It’s good to see you.”
“Yeah.” He paused. “You too.” His face was taut. “Not quite the way I imagined it, I suppose. But hey, whatever.” I blinked, unsure of how to reply. “Looked like you were headed out early.” He nodded toward the exit at the end of the hall and pointed. “Weren’t going to say hi, then, eh?”
“I wanted to.” I felt everyone, as if they were holding their collective breath, watching it unfold. “I mean, I wasn’t planning to, but ...” I trailed off.
“I see. Of course not.” He shrugged. “What’s another decade or two, right?”
The sting went straight through me. I realized, unbelievably, that what I’d been seeing in his face was the unfamiliar look of pain. He didn’t seem to know what else to say, but at the same time, he hadn’t removed his eyes from me for a second.
Similarly, I wasn’t sure what to do next, but then he spoke. “I guess I’ll let you go, then.” He looked at me for a few long moments, the years passing by in his eyes. He opened the door, paused as if about to say something else, but then thought better of it.
“Carter, wait,” I called, taking a few steps. “Please.”
But then he went through the door, halting me in my place. There, then gone.
Tommy walked over to where I stood trembling and spoke gently.
“Look, Ev, I don’t know what happened back then, but he’s not the same guy.
It’s been a long time, and a lot’s changed.
I don’t know what you’re doing here. But I think whatever it is, you need to deal with it once and for all. You can’t just leave again.”
I searched his pale-blue eyes. “But you saw him. He doesn’t want to see me.”
“He does. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have told Freddie to go and get you.”
I looked quickly to Fred for confirmation, and he nodded.
“Oh.”
“Listen, Ev, when you left, something inside of him broke. It took him a long time to put back the pieces. I’m not sure he ever really did. I think he needs to put it to rest. I think you owe him that.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” He pointed his chin toward the closed door. He looked at me closely, then kissed my cheek. “Anyway, it’s good to see you.” With that, he walked away, and I turned.
“Alex ...”
But he walked away as well. Fred watched with arms crossed in resignation.
I took a few steadying breaths; then I walked toward Carter’s closed door.
I looked then to Kate, who met me with wide eyes.
“I’ll explain, I promise,” I told her. “I’m so sorry I haven’t before.
But right now, you need to get home.” My voice was hoarse, full of gravel.
“Evie, I can’t ... I don’t understand what ...” Concern etched her face.
“I’m fine here,” I assured her.
“You don’t seem fine.”
“I promise. I’ll be all right. But you need to get home.” I glanced at Fred, and he gestured to Kate to go with him. “I’m so sorry I made you late,” I said. “Fred will get you out the back way. It’ll be faster so you can get home on time. Okay?”
She hesitated, but then hugged me hard while whispering in my ear, “This is the craziest thing I have ever seen. And you have so much explaining to do. You’re clearly not okay.
But I’m going to go and let you do what you need to do.
Whatever this is. Call me as soon as you’re home. I’ll be worried.”
I nodded in gratitude at my dear friend as she walked away, leaving me standing there alone, taking a deep breath before opening the door.