19. Chapter 19
Chapter 19
Mazie
I t’s been quite a few weeks since Zach and I finally took the step to be more than just friends. And our time together has been nothing but incredible. He’s had to work a few night shifts, which leaves me feeling lonely in a way I didn’t know was possible. It feels silly, having been single for years.
But I’ve become not only used to his company, but overly comfortable with it. Not just his presence but the warmth he gives off, the way he wraps around me. The safety I feel in his arms. I’m slightly convinced that the nights we’re together are some of the best sleep I’ve had in years.
It leaves me excited to go to therapy, which is the first time in almost two months. I’ve worked down to one session a month, unless I’m going through a crisis of some sort, but last month, my therapist was on vacation, and I didn’t want to bother her with moving my schedule. Not to mention, I didn’t want to take the time from somebody else who needed to see her. I was sure I’d be fine. And I have been.
Sitting in her office brings me a sense of peace. There are some things that I prefer not to relive about my time here and what I’ve talked about, but overall, it’s been helpful.
“Tell me what’s been new in your life.” Dr. Raylinsky sits in her padded chair, across from the sofa I’m on, with one leg crossed over the other.
“Well, Zach and I are dating. It’s been a few weeks now, and things are moving along smoothly. Everything’s been great. He practically lives at my house, which I feel like should be weird because it’s been such a short time, but it’s not strange at all. In fact, it feels really right.” I loop a curl behind my ear. Sometimes I get a little overzealous and say too much too fast and need to take a second to breathe. It’s something Dr. Raylinsky has taught me in the past.
“And how much time do you spend at his place?” She cants her head to the side as she asks.
“Um. None.”
“Why not?”
My brow furrows in confusion. “I mean, everybody would prefer to be at their own home with their belongings. Right?”
“Zach isn’t. He seems to be making the compromise to be away from his things for you.”
I’d never thought about it that way. Sure, there have been a few times I’ve felt guilty that we’re always at my house, but he’s never seemed to mind.
“And how often are you getting to the café?” Her eyes narrow as she looks down her nose at me. This question comes up almost every session.
I run a hand up my arm, not loving the direction this conversation is going. “Um, every now and again. I still do most of the work from home.”
Dr. Raylinsky nods a few times before bringing her steepled fingers to her pursed lips. “I’m going to suggest something you’re not going to like.”
My stomach flips. “Okay.”
“I want you to spend more time at the café. As many days as you can.”
“Why?” A lump has settled in my throat.
“Because I’m worried that you’re moving backward and not forward. That you’re one meltdown away from becoming completely agoraphobic.” While I understand where she’s coming from, it seems a little extreme.
“But…it’s tourist season.”
“All the better.”
My eyes widen and my heart races.
“Mazie, you’re safe at work. It’s a safe space for you. It’s your space. You own it. Your sisters are there. It’s probably the second safest and well-known space to you after your home.”
“There’s…there’s just so many people.” I swallow harshly.
“I’m not asking you to engage with them. Yet. I’m just asking you to be there more often. Even if you start by being squirreled away in your office. After a few days, I want you to spend ten minutes out on the café floor. Then slowly increase that time until you can be an actual part of the business.”
“I do all the backend stuff. I make sure our supplies are kept up.” Even as I say it, it sounds weak and unimportant. Liv and Alina could certainly do the added tasks and not bat an eyelash.
“I know, and I understand the importance of that. But think about how hard your sisters work, day in and day out. Can you say you’re working equally as hard for a business you have evenly split three ways?”
My chin drops to my chest, and I link my fingers in my lap. “No.”
“Do you think that’s fair?”
One shoulder lifts, but I keep my gaze down. “I don’t know. It’s always been this way. And they’ve never complained about it, so I’ve never thought to change it.”
“For a minute, I want you to think about how much easier things could be if you had a bigger hand in the day-to-day running of the business and were there. Both your sisters have gotten married and taken honeymoons. Liv has had a baby and Alina may too. Not to mention, Liv’s accident.”
My spine straightens at the mention of the accident. It’s something that I try my hardest to forget. She’s had no lasting signs of her injuries, and had I not seen the damage firsthand, I would never have known it had happened. Jameson hasn’t been able to put it out of his mind quite so easily, but I’m not entirely sure he tries.
But I do as she says and imagine how much pressure would be off my sisters if I was also able to run the front. Not only would it allow them shorter hours, less stress, and not having to worry about what staff can fill in.
“It would be helpful to them.”
“I’m not asking you to jump right in. I’m asking you to start spending more time there, build your comfort level. And you can start that in the back. Is that something you think you’re capable of doing?” I know she’s only asking to check in. It’s not really something I can say no to.
“Yes.”
“Good. You should start right away.”
My heart gallops as I nod.
“Lean on those who are there and closest to you. Let your sisters support you, and Zach too. Everybody is there to help you, Mazie. Let them.”
She knows it’s always been hard for me to accept support. Ever since Mom and Dad died, I’ve felt the need to do it all myself as well as for everybody else. Letting go of control isn’t something I do so easily.
“What if I can’t stay the whole day?”
“I’m not asking you to get it right away. Or even to stay from open to close. Just what you would consider a routine shift for one of your employees. And again, all I’m asking is for you to try .”
Chewing the inside of my lip, I nod as I glance out the window. The sun is bright today, and it was fairly warm before I left the house. Tourist season is ramping up as the weather turns nicer. Zach said the small beach at the lake is already packed, and I know the café has been much busier. There’s some silly start of summer festival coming in two weeks. We’re always jam-packed for that. And now, I’m going to have to be at the café instead of the safety of my home.
Inwardly, I groan. I can’t let Dr. Raylinsky hear me because she’ll want to talk about it more and, honestly, I want to put it out of my mind until I need to actually think about it.
I know my sisters will be all too happy to have me in their presence, and Zach will gladly bring me by in the morning, if not also pick me up when I’m ready to leave.
No, it’s not them that’s the issue. It’s entirely me .