29. Chapter 29
Chapter 29
Mazie
I scheduled an emergency meeting with Dr. Raylinsky the day after Zach got shot. While I hate to leave him to go to therapy, it’s his mom’s last day in town, so it works to give them a little more time alone together.
My knee bounces relentlessly as I wring my hands together. Having to relive that day is not something I’m looking forward to.
“So. Zach was shot. Do you want to talk about the day as a whole, or your feelings about it in the aftermath?”
“I think it’s all jumbled together.” I shake my head as I look at the floor. “I was so terrified when he called. I mean, it wasn’t just him in trouble, it was Eli too. There was a chance I could have lost both of them. Though Zach assured me he’d make sure Eli was safe, I knew that wasn’t really a guarantee he could make. And he didn’t even say anything about himself.”
I chew the inside of my cheek as I glance out the window. It’s an overcast day, almost matching my mood. Not quite sad, but not quite happy either.
“When Eli called and said Zach was shot…I don’t even know how I didn’t crumple right then and there. My sisters were a huge help, keeping me going, keeping me sane. It wasn’t until I laid eyes on Eli and saw he was safe, albeit quite shaken up, that a layer of anxiety abated.”
“And how is Eli?”
My brows raze high on my forehead as I meet her eye. “Honestly, I don’t think he’s okay. And I don’t think he’s going to be for a while. He’s been staying at Liv’s, and while he didn’t seem to want to be a burden, he’s made no move to go back home. I think…I think he’s lonely and this scared him. Made him realize he’s human and not invincible and just as susceptible to life’s crap as the rest of us.”
“Do you think he doesn’t already know that?”
“On some level, sure. We all had the same big loss. But lately, he’s been…out of sorts. I think he’s struggling with the fact that he’s in his thirties and still single. I know he expected so much more from his life at this point. At the very least, to have been a graduate of MIT. Instead, he’s an econ professor at the local university. Sure, it’s a good school, but it’s not MIT.”
My heart sinks as I think about all he’s had to give up. I was able to follow my dream, Alina was able to chase hers, and now Liv’s getting tiny speckles of her dreams as well, thanks to Jameson and his ability to show her not just New York City, but the world.
“But Eli always talked about being a dad, having a family. In fact, he talked about being just like our dad, because he truly was an amazing role model. We used to joke that when we had kids, we’d have a leg up on most others for the teen years, having been through it with Alina and especially Liv. She didn’t make anything easy on us.” I glance at the ceiling as I remember my youngest sister, stomping through the house and slamming doors and trying to be just as grown as Eli and I were.
“We’ve told him, encouraged him, to go back to MIT. To finish his degree. He says he can’t, that he needs to be here to protect us, even though we’re basically all married off by now. While I’m sure there’s more to it than that, likely the bond that forged between us when our parents died, he’s never told me. As much as we know and love him, he’s a very private and introspective person. There’s a lot he keeps close to the vest.”
“That’s very perceptive of you. How do you feel about that? That your brother and closest confidante hides things from you?”
My eyes widen for a moment as I never considered this before. “I understand it. Aren’t there things we all keep to ourselves? Or at least from certain people? I’m not saying he’s never told anybody, but it just hasn’t been me. And if he feels the urge to keep things to himself, I’m okay with it, because he does so much for us and has given so much. It’s the little bit of self he gets to keep.”
She nods quietly but doesn’t ask any more probing questions. I know that it’s up to me to continue wherever my mind feels like leading.
“I’m sorry, I talked a lot about Eli, but it was mostly about Zach being shot.”
“Eli’s an important person to you.”
“He is. And Zach knows that. He told me that he risked his life to save Eli because he knows I’d be utterly distraught if something happened to Eli. That he’d risk his life for any of my siblings to keep me from having to lose one of them.”
“Sounds like he understands your bond. And you.”
A smile spans my face. So big, I can feel my eyes crinkle. “He does. In every aspect. Even my annoying idiosyncrasies and quirks. He doesn’t try to stop them or change them. If anything, he just tries to take some of the burden off of me, so I feel more comfortable and less stressed.”
My gaze drops to my left hand. “He asked me to marry him the other day.”
When I look up at her, she's grinning. “Did he now?”
“Not officially.” A crease settles in my forehead. “Well, I guess maybe officially, since he asked and all. But he didn’t have a ring or anything. It seemed impromptu and just what he was feeling in the moment.”
“Are you okay with that?”
“I am. Because Zach doesn’t do anything without intention. If he didn’t mean it, if he wasn’t serious about it, he wouldn’t have asked.”
Which is part of what helped me realize that Zach really was thinking about me and every aspect of what could happen when he went to campus. It wasn’t a rash decision based in a frantic moment; it wasn’t something he chose, thinking it was what I wanted. He went into it with the purpose and intention of saving Eli because it’s what he knew was the best course of action, even if he could have lost his life in the process.
“I’m assuming you said yes.”
I nod excitedly. “It took me a minute or two, and I had to make sure he was serious, but I definitely said yes.”
“Any thoughts on when?”
“We haven’t even talked about it again. His mom’s been visiting.”
“How is that for you? Seeing his mom?”
“It’s…” I hesitate, not really sure how to voice what I’m feeling. A sting settles behind my eyes as I remember what she said to me the other night. “Zach was over at our house all the time growing up. His mom worked a lot . While I didn’t necessarily know her as well as Zach knew my parents, she was still somebody I was familiar with.
“After my parents died, she moved out to Colorado with Zach’s aunt, her sister. I haven’t seen her since then.” Letting my gaze trail to the window, my shoulders crumple. “I think Zach kept her hidden, thinking it’d be too hard for me, and probably even Eli, to be around his mom after ours passed. He was very hesitant to even mention that she was coming to town, but he wanted to tell her about us.”
I have to look up at the ceiling to try to chase the tears away. “The other night, we had a summer festival, and we all went. It’s actually where he proposed, during the fireworks.”
“Very romantic.”
“I’ve loved fireworks since I was little. There’s just something about them that seems so…magical. Like beautiful lights floating in the air and captivating our attention for just moment before another one steals the show. For me, they always had a way of making things not quite so bad. It’s part of why I avoided them after Mom and Dad died. I didn’t want to feel better. I didn’t want to forget for a few minutes.”
I swipe my finger under my eye, clearing away the trail of the tear that escaped. “Anyway, Zach’s mom pulled me aside to talk to me. And she said she knew my parents would be proud of the woman I’d become, of the success of Three Sticks, of how my sisters turned out. She also said that she knows she’s not my mom and would never try to replace her, but as things progress, that if I wanted her help in any way, to just call and she’d fly out. And I just…I really appreciated that she wants to be there for me but isn’t inserting herself where she knows my mom would be.” I hiccup on the last word and the tears flow freely.
Dr. Raylinsky extends the box of tissues in my direction. Taking a few, I dab at my eyes, wipe under my nose, and then fan my face.
It takes me a moment, but I finally gather myself.
“Well, it sounds like when you’re ready, you’ll have a lot of support.”
A smile peeks out despite the remaining tears. “We really will.”
It’s a comforting notion. Despite Mom and Dad not being around, when the time comes, Zach and I will be surrounded by family, friends, and people who love us. And that’s all we could ask for.