33. Chapter 33
Coming January 2024
The following is an unedited preview and subject to change.
Chapter 1
Elijah
Sitting in my chair, my ankle crossed over my knee while I nurse my beer, I look around the crowded room. All three of my baby sisters, happier than I've ever seen them. And they deserve it, all of them.
But I can't help but wonder when it will be my turn.
I've sacrificed a lot for them, more than they'll ever truly know. I did it all willingly, and I'd do it all again exactly the same way.
The look on Liv's face is worth it all. Her giant toothed grin, that I'm not sure I've every truly seen on her before Jameson entered her life. He's good for her, he gives her things that nobody else would have been able to. Our father raised me to protect my sisters, that it was my job to look out for them. I've always taken that to heart, and probably looked over Liv a little more than the others. She got the raw end of the deal, having Dad for the least amount of time.
I didn't like Jameson at first, didn't trust him. Nowhere near as much as Mazie, I could see a little hope for him. I think Dad would have liked him, would have seen from the beginning what it took me too long to notice. But he grew on me, and now he's probably my favorite of the brother-in-laws. He's able to give Liv the life she always wanted. She'd never leave our small town, the rest of us, but he kept his apartment in the city and takes her regularly. Gives her that small taste of city life that she's always wanted but never would take for herself.
He'd protect her to a fault, lay his life on the line for her if ever needed.
Watching them now, Jameson keeping Liv tucked tight into his side with one arm, holding their two year old daughter, Jordanna, in the other, solidifies every past decision, everything I sacrificed.
"Hey, big bro. Mind if I sit?" Alina plops into the chair next to me, her swollen belly causing her to lean back.
"Of course, LeeLee." The nickname I gave her as a baby has stuck. Much like Liv's. Most of us have nicknames for one another that only we get to use.
"I can't stand much these days. Liv said it gets better but I'm not sure she can be trusted."
"Oh certainly not. We all know that Liv is a known liar."
We both smile and chuckle lightly. If it's one thing Olivia is known for, it's her total honesty. Even brutally. She doesn’t hold back, she has no filter.
"You only have a few weeks left. Feeling ready?"
Her eyes grow wide as she rubs her belly. "No. Not at all. But Liv said that instincts just kind of…take over. I know she feels like a screw up sometimes but Liv just…I don't know, has her shit together somehow."
"So do you, Alina. And if there's one thing the Baker clan can do is take care of others, of their own. You'll be great."
"Yeah but a baby? Eli, that's not the same thing as another adult, or teenager."
"You're right it's probably easier than taking care of the three of you was."
She reaches out and smacks my upper arm, causing me to laugh before I start peeling at the label on my beer bottle. "You can do this, Alina. And you have Cam. Not to mention all of us. We're all here for you, just like we were for Liv when she had Jordanna."
"I know. I do. Big changes and all." She runs a hand over her stomach again.
"Hey wait, where is Cam? Shouldn't he be here like rubbing your feet or something?" I straighten as I look around the event hall for him. It pricks at my nerves that he’s not doting on my sister.
"He went to get my slippers from the car and try to get me a pitcher of water from the bar." There’s a sheepishness about the way she admits it.
Knowing Cam is doing his husbandly duty, I sit back and look over at Alina. She’d be upset if she knew I still didn’t completely trust Cameron to not leave again. "Your slippers? Really? You're co-matron of honor. And you're going to wear slippers? With your dress?"
"I'm eight months pregnant. Mazie's lucky I'm even in a dress." She runs a palm over her stomach and looks at me incredulously.
“Fair point I suppose.” I tip my beer in her direction and take a swig, looking out over the large gathered crowd.
Mazie’s the first of the sisters to have a big wedding, the younger two opting for small and intimate, though they certainly could have gone big. Especially Liv. I’m sure there was no expense that Jameson would have spared to give her the best day ever.
Though, I do understand the reasoning behind Mazie and Zach wanting to truly celebrate with all their friends and family. A near death experience will do that to a person. His mom and aunt even flew out from Colorado. I’ve been lucky enough to mostly avoid them. I’m not quite the conversationalist I used to be. Not since last summer.
It doesn’t help that there’s still a level of guilt that I feel for getting Zach shot. I’m sure his mom blames me for that, and I don’t think I could stand the look in her eyes. These thoughts have been swirling around more and more as the ever looming start of classes nears.
The year off wasn’t quite as rejuvenating as I’d hoped it would be. I wanted to go back with a fresh outlook on life, feeling renewed and safe and really all I did was mope about my apartment. While a lot has changed, I don’t feel any different.
Zach thinks I spent the year drinking and sleeping around. He’s mostly wrong. Sure, I enjoyed the company of a woman or two, but not nearly like I’d been doing before. Having a gun pointed at your face can make you change that side of you real quick.
“Oof.” The complain from Alina draws my attention back to her and I see her pressing a hand against her lower back.
Concern pulls my brows together. “You okay? Do you need me to get somebody?”
I’m halfway out of my chair when she puts her hand on my forearm. “No. I’m fine. This one’s a kicker. And his favorite thing to beat on is my kidney. It hurts sometimes.”
Flopping back to my chair, I laugh lightly and finish off my beer, looking out to the crowd to find Mazie and Liv. Some habits die hard, and that includes keeping track of my sisters any time we’re in public.
It’s not just for protection, it also helps me learn about them and notice things that they may not bring up. Like the fact that Liv’s pregnant again. She hasn’t revealed yet, and I’m sure it’s because she didn’t want to rain on Mazie’s day. But all week she’s been clinging to Jay more than usual. And through the past several days she’s teared up far more than is normal for Liv. Not to mention that she’s a little green around the gills. I’ve taken care of her enough when she’s sick and picked her up drunk from enough parties to know what she looks like when she feels like she’s going to puke. And that look keeps creeping to her face.
Two sisters, moms or at least about to be. And I’m sure Mazie’s not far behind. I can’t help but feel like at some point it all went wrong for me. Part of my job was to are for them and guide them. I can’t do that not being a parent. I can’t protect them from things I know nothing about.
“You ready for classes to start again?”
My spine straightens as I adjust in my chair. The thought has been circling in my mind for weeks now. “Honestly, I’m not sure.”
“I guess that makes sense. Have you been on campus since last year?”
I roll one shoulder and tip my head to the side. Despite the air conditioning, I have to pull out my collar, feeling a bit overheated. “Um, not yet.”
“Probably going to be a tough transition. Do you feel ready for it?” She’s not trying to make me uncomfortable or upset me in any way. One of the things she’s worked on with her therapist is becoming more direct, especially when talking about somebody else’s struggles. It’s part of how she and Cam keep themselves open with one another.
But it’s rubbing me the wrong way. Mostly because I don’t want to talk about it. My own therapist would say that I’m deflecting and avoiding, and maybe he’s right. But I can’t sit here a moment longer.
Thankfully, at that precise moment I spot Cam weaving through the groud, a pair of pink fuzzy slippers in one hand and a pitcher of water in the other.
“Hey, uh, Cam’s on his way back. Mind if I leave you in his capable hands?”
“Of course. I’m sorry, did I say something? I didn’t mean to—”
“No. No, you’re fine. Just a little warm. Want to get some fresh air.”
The look on her face tells me she doesn’t believe a word of my bullshit but she’ll never call me on it. Actually, none of my sisters will, not even Mazie.
I find the closest door that leads to the outdoor patio and make a beeline for it. Fresh air will help.