14. Chapter 14
Mika
It’s been about five days since the fight, and Maz was finally up and walking.
He moved slowly and couldn’t go far before needing to sit down, but he was so much better that I could finally relax.
Even with Ithorum’s assurances that Maz would live, I’d been scared.
The first few days I’d stayed by his side constantly, sometimes simply watching him breathe.
The constant rise and fall of his chest had been comforting.
Nadia must’ve sensed my strong emotions because she’d been fussier than normal while Maz was unconscious. With Maz doing so well now, Nadia was back to her wide-eyed interest in the world.
She was also sleeping better when she napped next to a purring Maz. And since Nadia was sleeping better, I was sleeping better. It was a nice little cycle of positive reinforcement.
We were all sitting on the floor of Maz’s lab under the sparkling lights of one of his machines. Nadia loved it.
Maz was holding her and telling her the color and meaning of the different lights. She looked like she was hanging on his every word.
“I was thinking of fixing some of that fasloma for our next meal,” I said. “That’s my new favorite.”
He didn’t look up from Nadia cradled in his arms. “If you want it, I’ll eat it.”
I liked that he agreed with everything I said, but it was also disconcerting. I could tell there was something wrong. Whenever he wasn’t directly interacting with Nadia or me, he would lapse into a silent, motionless state. It was almost as if he was catatonic.
Sometimes I’d have to call his name several times or touch him to pull him out of it.
I’d ignored it at first because I thought it was part of his healing process, but it wasn’t going away. It was like his body was healing but his brain wasn’t catching up.
Nadia fussed a little in Maz’s arms.
“I need to walk with her,” Maz said and started to get up, but I stopped him.
I held out my hands. “She’s probably hungry.”
He hesitated to hand her over but then gave her to me. Nadia fussed louder until I shoved a nipple in her mouth. With an indigent sniff, she started sucking.
When I looked up, Maz was staring off into space again.
I waited until Nadia ate her fill, burped her, then rocked her until she predictably fell asleep.
“I’m going to put her down in the nest,” I said. Maz didn’t acknowledge me, even when I stood up and walked out of the room. Before going back to the lab, I fixed us a meal.
When I walked in with the fragrant food, he was in the same spot, eyes staring unseeingly.
I hated this.
“Maz.”
Nothing. I sat down in front of him and took one of his hands in both of mine. “Hey, Maz, I need you right now.”
His eyes snapped to mine, and he sounded a rumble of agreement. “Are you hungry? In pain?”
It was a relief to hear him sound a little like his old self. “I’m a little scared.”
He jerked a bit, as if I’d just slapped him. “I understand. I wouldn’t have trust in me either.”
I was confused for a moment, then realized he thought I was afraid he couldn’t keep me safe.
“I trust you to do everything you can to keep us safe,” I said quickly, clutching his hand when he tried to pull away from me.
“You’ve treated me with respect and care.
You spent a lot of wealth on us at the health center on Himil Station after you bought us.
Then you took us to another healer on Helsin.
I’m healthy again, and Nadia is thriving because of you. ”
“But I didn’t protect you as I should’ve,” he said. He blinked a few times, then his eyes started to move to stare at a spot over my head.
“Maz, no,” I said, tugging at his hand. “Don’t leave me yet.”
He met my gaze again. “I’m here.”
“Your body is here, but your mind keeps leaving,” I argued. “What’s going on?”
He pulled in a deep breath. “I don’t know how to process what happened on Helsin Station.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “I know that’s not the first time you’ve been in a fight. You rescued me from those Tulks all by yourself. You know there are bad guys out there.”
“Yes, but those Tulks don’t count,” he said. “Himil Station wasn’t a reputable place owned by Talins. There were several times on non-Talin stations where I was forced to defend myself. I’ve always been successful despite the unfavorable odds, but none were like what happened on Helsin Station.”
“You won, though,” I pointed out. “That’s what’s important. Not only did you take on three guys, you carried me and Nadia all the way back to the ship, even though you were hurt.”
Our successful escape had been a team effort, but I decided it would be better if he didn’t know that yet.
He looked down at our joined hands and mumbled something I couldn’t make out.
“What was that?”
He didn’t look up. “It never should’ve happened.”
“The fight?”
“Yes.”
“Um, because we should’ve done something differently?” I asked, trying to figure out why he was so upset about this fight.
“Because it shouldn’t have happened at all. Not on a Talin station.”
That sounded impossible. “Is there no such thing as a criminal in your empire?”
“Yes, but they are lost souls who’ve never reached any level of significant responsibility,” he said.
“Criminals aren’t supposed to reach the status of station director.
I know those men were hired by Gorum. First she tried to blackmail me, then she resorted to outright theft.
She put your life in danger and could’ve hurt Nadia. ”
“Your empire is pretty big, right?” I asked. “There’s got to be some bad individuals who manage to get some power, like Gorum. That doesn't mean much; she’s one out of billions.”
“But there shouldn’t be any!” He sounded so forlorn, like a child finding out Santa wasn’t real.
“Gorum’s actions go against everything the empire stands for.
If she did that, who else is capable of such things?
How many are there that are just like Gorum?
Individuals with criminal intent and almost unchecked power? ”
I hated that Maz was having to realize there was evil in his world, but we’d all be safer for it. I refused to step foot on another Talin station unprepared again.
Still, this revelation was hitting him hard, especially while he should be focused on getting better. Before I could find some comforting words, he started speaking again.
“The worst is that these individuals have always been there, but I was unaware. What else don’t I know about?”
This was worse than finding out Santa didn’t exist. Maz was also realizing that good doesn’t always win like in the fairy tales, and sometimes the villain gets away with everything.
I could sympathize, but my realization came at six years old, not well into adulthood.
“You should probably focus on how rare Gorums are,” I suggested. “Remember, one in a billion. Besides, Helsin Station was the cleanest, nicest station I’ve ever been on. That has to count for something."
“It’s not good enough that we’re better than others,” he argued.
“We need to be better than our base needs. First we must think of the empire, then our clan, then our family, and ourselves only last. That’s what we’re all taught in the cresh growing up.
How can anyone ignore that message? It’s a core part of being Talin. ”
Whoa, that was some serious indoctrination!
“Every society has those people," I said. “They say one thing but do another.”
He didn’t respond. Damn it, I wasn’t going to let him wallow.
“Maz, you’re honorable, right?”
Finally, he looked up. “I thought I was.”
“You are,” I said. “You saved my life. You saved Nadia’s life. If you hadn’t bought us, we probably would’ve been dead within a month.”
“You’re comparing me to the actions of other species. It’s not flattering.”
“So you found out there are bad people in your empire,” I said, getting a little angry.
“That doesn’t make what you did any less incredible.
You could’ve forced me to give up Nadia to those men and walked away without injury.
At any time during the fight, you could’ve begged me to come out of hiding with Nadia and that would’ve ended it.
But you didn’t. That tells me you are the ideal. ”
He made a sound. It was a faint purring, but it was there. I think that was the first time he’d done it when Nadia wasn’t near him.
“Do you truly think that?”
I nodded my head in a big, exaggerated motion. “I know it. The important takeaway is there will be those out there who will try and help us, like Ithorum, and those who want to hurt us, like Gorum. The universe is a mish-mash of everything.”
He seemed to think about that for a while before answering. “How do you know who to trust?”
“That’s the hard part, but you’ve got me to help you figure it out.”
Mazorium
It was hard to realize that most of what I’d believed my entire life wasn’t true. My orderly, righteous world had collapsed, revealing shadows full of hidden dangers.
At first, I couldn’t comprehend it. Everything had to be a drug-induced hallucination I would eventually emerge from.
Except I didn’t.
Pain was my constant companion, and only Mika’s steadfast care made it bearable. Nadia still needed me to hold and rumble to her. That drove me to move, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything with my mind.
I was scared to confront my shattered worldview.
Then Mika basically forced it all out of me. I thought she’d be disgusted by my naivety.
I was wrong. My human was too kind for that. She cared for me, fed me, and comforted me. She was everything I was supposed to be for her.
Even though she’d spent her life enduring countless hardships, she was still able to trust me.
I felt honored but also astonished. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to trust again.
“Is this what it’s like for you?” I asked as she returned to the lab with a large platter of food for us to share.
She wrinkled her brow in confusion. “Huh? Let’s normalize giving context, Maz.”
I sounded a rumble of amusement, then paused with surprise. Had she really just pulled unbidden mirth from me?