Chapter 33
THIRTY-THREE
SUTTON
I slide into the plush chair across from Jordan and Elliot the morning after Elliot’s class, tucking my sore legs up underneath me. Elliot rises, going to order another coffee and breakfast. Jordan, Cooper’s little sister, nudges a glass of water in my direction.
“Hey,” she says gently.
“Your hair.” I ignore her tone or what it implies. Jordan is close with Cooper, they’re Irish twins. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had already told her about yesterday.
Jordan runs a hand through the long strands. Unlike her siblings, who have wavy hair when grown out, hers is straight. All three of them had deep, chestnut-brown hair until now. Her hair is blue—a midnight shade with hints of indigo in it.
“It’s blue,” we say in unison. “I love it,” I follow up with.
It fits the olive undertones of her skin and makes her gray eyes lean midnight blue.
“When did you dye it?”
“Three days ago.” Jordan leans back in her chair, relaxed but shoulders and back stiff—she’s always so serious. “Meant to give myself highlights, messed up, and decided to dye it all.” She braids a section of it, eyes flickering with various emotions.
“What gave you the idea for blue?”
“Just because.” She shrugs nonchalantly, dropping her hair to sip on water.
Jordan is bold. Extremely confident and blunt, but fun-loving or easy-going wouldn’t be in my top five characteristics for her.
Dying your hair blue on a whim? That’s random, fun, and easy-going.
She wouldn’t just do this on a whim.
Elliot shows back up before I try to get her to elaborate.
“Chai for you.” A steaming mug is dropped in front of me.
“Decaf for me. And an iced banana bread latte with macadamia nut milk for you.” Plopping into the chair beside me, Elliot excitedly asks, “Did you see Jordan’s hair?
Dontcha love it? Makes me want to dye mine pink! ”
I reach for her coffee and smell it, checking that it is decaf.
She pokes my side, snatching the bowl-like mug away from me.
“Would suggest a hair salon if you do.”
“Want to, but I’d never. My mom calls me a unicorn because I’ve never dyed my hair.”
“You’re a natural blonde?” Jordan is shocked.
“Born and raised. I wrote an essay on it for speech class in high school,” Elliot announces proudly.
“Makes so much sense.”
I toss a napkin at Jordan. “Don’t be mean.”
“She’s not.” Elliot waves off her comment. “Did Cooper answer any of your calls this morning?”
Yup, that’s right. Calls. Capital freaking S.
Texts too.
I’m pissed at him, but I’m more confused than anything. After he bailed at the end of the cycle class, I stopped by his house, but his car wasn’t there. The guys didn’t know where he was either; his location turned off.
I shake my head no behind the mug, pressing into my mouth.
“He drove home this morning. Asked if I wanted to tag along, but I was still asleep,” Jordan admits. “Did something happen between you two?”
I catch Jordan up—Elliot filling in the non-existent blanks—she’s a better, more extravagant storyteller. When I finish, the confusion she’s wearing makes me realize that Cooper didn’t tell her about being my dating coach. Or about anything.
The dynamic between the three of us is different, more interconnected, than our other siblings because Jordan and I played hockey together. After Cooper and I’s friendship exploded, it put Jordan in more of a precarious position.
We don’t talk about her brother, that’s the agreement. Made it easier to be teammates and friends. However, I truly assumed he’d tell her.
“Don’t forget to tell her about the study room—”
“Elliot!” I smack her shoulder. “I told you that in confidence. Did you tell the rest of the guys, too?”
“Chase and Jaxon guessed!”
Ugh. I let out a groan, a blush rising to my cheeks.
“Was it good? I’ve been meaning to ask.”
I let out another groan and tip my chin in Jordan’s direction.
“Sister in the room.” I put my hands over Jordan’s ears momentarily. “Yes. I can’t stop thinking about it, or wanting it to happen again.”
Elliot claps joyfully. “I am loving this.”
“I am not,” Jordan and I both say.
“So what happened between that morning and yesterday?” Jordan searches for the same clarification I’ve been racking my brain for.
“I don’t know, but should I be surprised? Cooper and I were never going to work. I like someone else, he’s just helping me out.”
“And who is it that you like?”
“Cooper.” It comes out abruptly. I’m slapping a hand against my mouth once my brain processes, dropping my attention to my lap.
Cooper? What?
No, I don’t like Cooper. I can’t like-like Cooper.
I don’t even like Cooper as a friend.
Yes, you do, my treacherous heart sings. You even called him your best friend, my brain teams up with my heart.
Great. Just great.
I tip my chin up and find Elliot’s mouth about to break from smiling so big, and Jordan’s brows are one with her blue hairline.
“That’s not what I meant,” I try to backtrack. “I thought you asked something else.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Sutton, it’s okay to have feelings for my brother.” When I open my mouth, she hastily adds, “That’s not hatred.”
“But—”
I don’t know why I’m fighting myself internally. I know I like-like Cooper. These rediscovered, renewed feelings for Cooper have already stuck themselves in the driver’s seat.
And maybe I wanted to deny it? Never admit it aloud. I’d rather let them burn out again than anyone know the truth.
Jordan hands me her phone, her brother on the line. Tell him she mouths.
“What? Right now?” I whisper-yell despite tapping mute.
She points to her hair. “Be spontaneous.”
I roll my eyes.
“Jord, you okay? I’m with mom. Jord?”
I unmute myself and hold the phone up to my ear. “Cooper—”
The line goes dead.
My favorite place on campus is empty, but that’s probably because no one knows about it. An old, wood dock hidden in a canopy of overgrown emergent plants. The path out here is discreet and if you don’t know where it is, you’ll more than likely never find it.
I’ve been coming out here since freshman year, and rarely see another soul, except Chase.
We’ve bumped into each other twice. From the dock, tucked in a small alcove, you’ll find fishermen along the distant shoreline, boats from the marina, or our rowing team out practicing.
Sometimes, students are brave enough to swim, or skinny dip, in the water.
I come here in the mornings or to catch the sunset. Mainly on my runs. A pit stop for my knee and brain. It’s peaceful.
My feet dangle off the edge, gaze out on the water where I tossed a pebble.
I had a missed call from Cooper last night. When I called him back, he didn’t answer. He drove back late, and was studying this morning for a quiz.
A part of me thought he’d show up to walk me to class or be outside with a coffee, but I haven’t seen him all day.
I understand why he’s angry with me. If the roles were reversed, I’d be too.
I saw you with him.
Cooper must’ve seen or heard me and Zach.
When and where, I don’t know. What I do know is that it had to be out of context.
Outside our class together or bumping into each other in the psych building, Zach and I haven’t hung out.
I like someone else, and we both know it.
I told Zach that when he asked me on a second date.
Our last interaction was on my walk home from campus last week. Zach asked to borrow my notes for the lectures he was going to miss. Asked if I could bring them by on Monday when he got back, which I did before this run.
Maybe I’m stalling. Maybe I’m letting him stew in his assumptions.
Either way he’s about to leave practice. Either way, I plan to go over there tonight to tell him how I feel.
Elliot’s in the living room putting on shoes when I get back. “Those were left for you.”
On the counter is a vase of my favorite flowers, Tulips. They’re from Cooper, I have no doubt. Tulip season starts mid-April around here, but mid-March or sometimes earlier in warmer climates. Mom sent me a picture of a shipment on orange and pink ones that came in late last week.
“The guys and I are going to catch a movie.” Elliot walks to the kitchen island, leans across it to steady my hand playing with the orange petals. “Wanna come?”
“I need to shower, and midterms are coming up,” I list off miscellaneous items on an imaginary to-do list looking for a reason not to go.
“Cooper’s not going if that’s what you want to know.”
“Oh.” I turn away from her and pace the kitchen.
Elliot pops up behind me. “I can drop you off there. I’m picking them up.”
“Why’d I have you do that?”
“Oh for the love of my sanity. I know you’re going to end up there.”
“Am not—”
“Whatever. Take your shower and shave and moisturize. I left my container in there since you still haven’t bought more.” Elliot’s walking toward the door. “Wear cute pajamas, and at least text me if you aren’t coming home tonight.”
I ignore her, repositioning the vase next to the sink, but she’s right.
I take a shower and rehearse what I’m going to say to him for the millionth time before leaving.