Chapter 46 – Five years ago
FORTY-SIX
SUTTON
FIVE YEARS AGO
“Excited for your game tonight?” Dad asks me, turning on his turn signal to join the drop-off line in front of my high school.
He’s driving me today because Meave is on a college visit with Mom. She drives me right now—she’s a senior, I’m a junior—but not for long.
We were supposed to pick up Cooper and Jordan, but their dad decided to take them to breakfast and let them miss first period.
“Mhm.” I nod, twisting over in the seat to make sure I brought my bag with me. I won’t have time to go home before we have to get on the bus after school. “You’re coming, right?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
Dad has never missed a game, even if it means showing up late. He’s always there. I know I didn’t need to ask, but I like to. I like the reminder that I have people in my corner now.
When we are second from the drop-off area, Dad pulls out his wallet and hands me a fifty.
“Dad.” I sigh. “What’s this for?”
“Buy lunch, we both know what I packed is probably terrible.” It was, but he didn’t know I swapped out the containers. “Then get a smoothie, or whatever, for you and your friends before the bus.”
“Fine.” I give him a cheesy smile.
He rolls down the windows and turns up the music as we pull into the turnaround.
“Stop.” I laugh, trying to roll up my passenger window. He rolls it right back down. “You are going to embarrass me.”
“That’s the whole point.” He starts to sing the ABBA song loudly.
I sink into my seat and use my tote bag to try to hide my face. My freckled skin heats, and I know it’s as red as my hair.
Dad puts the car in park for a moment. My best friend, Izzy, pops her head into the car. Arms crossed on the windowsill.
“Hi, Mr. Davis.”
“Izzy. How are you? I haven’t seen you over at the house in a bit.”
“Tell this one to invite me over.” She pokes at my cheek.
“I did last week,” I remind her.
She pops a shoulder. “I was busy.”
Izzy backs up, and I unbuckle and get out of the car. Before Dad drives off, I grab my hockey bag and set it on the curb.
I lean into the window like Izzy did. “Bye, Dad. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Firecracker.”
I love hearing those three words. Collect and cherish them like people do with rare coins. There were days before he and Mom adopted me that I didn’t think I ever would.
“See you tonight.”
The teacher working the drop-off whistles at him to move his car. He waves an apology at them and puts his car back into drive. Giving me another love you before heading off.
I spin around, and Izzy has my bag resting on her shoulder.
“Geez, Sutt. What do you have in here?”
“Give it here.” She passes it to me, dramatically sagging and rubbing her shoulder afterward.
Izzy Adams and I have been friends for the past two years.
We’ve known each other longer than that, but it wasn’t till eighth grade that she invited me to eat lunch with her.
Outside of Meave and Cooper, I didn’t have many friends.
Because of her, I now have a solid group of four.
Sammie, Jasmine, and Clara were Izzy’s other friends. Cooper calls them her minions.
“Did you get a haircut?” I ask.
She fiddles with the ends of her now shoulder-length brunette hair, which is always tied back with a bow.
“After school, yesterday. Clara and I both went, and then we got our nails done. I would have invited you, but”—I glance down at her nails, painted in the color I told her I was going to get this weekend when we were supposed to go—“you had practice.”
“It’s fine.” I blow it off, only slightly hurt.
Things have been…weird lately.
Izzy’s been more withdrawn. Same with the girls.
Hockey is in season, so I know I’m busier, but I’ve always made time for my friends. I can’t get jealous of them hanging out without me when I have a game or practice, but this is different from freshman year. We’ve been through this before.
A couple of weeks ago, a small rumor about me started: why I was adopted, who my parents are, why they didn’t want me. It started as whispers. But our high school isn’t big, maybe two hundred kids per class. We are the perfect size to know everyone, and rumors spread like weeds.
My friends said they shut them down but I’m hesitant to believe them.
Then why are they withdrawn? Maybe they think the rumors are true?
Izzy loops her arm in mine as we walk through the front doors of the building, promising me we can still go this weekend.
She asks me about my game and where Meave is touring. I ask if she’s ready for our World History quiz, which she freaks out about, realizing she forgot.
At my locker, she abandons me to go cram.
But that’s okay, because my boyfriend, Dylan, is there waiting for me.
“Hi.” I blush, something I’ve never been able to control, leaning in for a kiss. He pulls away. My shoulders slump with confusion, feet sinking into my loafers. “Everything okay?”
“I’m breaking up with you,” Dylan announces casually and from out of nowhere.
“What? Seriously?”
“Yeah, Sutton.” He repeats himself more slowly, “I’m breaking up with you.”
“I heard you. Why?”
He checks over his shoulder. It’s then that I see how busy the hallway is, and his posse standing by the drinking fountain, snickering.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Eh. Don’t like you anymore.” Dylan pushes off the locker and walks away.
“Dylan. Wait!” Trying to get his attention only draws more on me. Other students in the hallway are laughing, whispering to each other, or even pointing at me.
He doesn’t pay me any attention. Doesn’t care that I’m confused and hurt, or—do not cry, Sutton.
I stand there, frozen.
Dylan walks away with his friends. One of them walks backward and makes eye contact with me, and says, “He doesn’t want you. Nobody wants you. You should be used to it by now.”
I’m a smart girl. I put the pieces together quickly. Dylan is breaking up with me because of the rumor. The rumor is now no longer whispered, but full-fledged.
Before it was easier to know my truth, but not so much now.
I think I forgot just how cruel people can be—even when they know something isn’t true and are only doing it for attention.
A tear slips down my cheek. Then another when someone walks by and calls me a name under their breath.
I scan the hallway for Meave, forgetting she isn’t here. Then I look for Izzy or any of the girls. The air in my lungs catches when I spot Cooper strolling down the hallway, bookbag slung over one shoulder, his hat still on and backwards.
His smile fades when he sees me.
He picks up his pace, jogging over to me and dragging my trembling body into his arms.
“Sutton, what happened?”
“He broke up with me. And—”
Another person walks by us, brushes shoulders with Cooper, and makes a comment that I can’t fully hear, but Cooper does. He lets go of me, grabbing onto the back of the guy’s backpack. “What did you say to her?”
The student, I can’t remember the name of right now, but I know we have English together, repeats himself.
“That’s not funny,” I hear Cooper say. “And not true. Get her name out of your mouth.”
“If I don’t?”
“Good thing I know how to fight.”
Cooper shoves him forward and comes back to me, wrapping his arms around me again. Blocking me from the world.
“Want to get out of here?” he asks.
Yes. “I can’t, I have a game tonight.”
“Right. We’ll I’m walking you to class, I’ve got you.”
Cooper walks me to class, then is there when it’s over to walk me to my next one. At lunch, he sneaks us into an outdoor corridor. This happens daily for a week.
Dylan and I’s breakup does little to help kill the rumor. Instead, it only enhances it. I hate going to school. I hate going to school without my best friend slash bodyguard even more.
Cooper has a dentist appointment today. He’s supposed to be at school by lunch, but he hasn’t texted me yet.
I’m sitting with my friends. They were all shocked to see me since I’ve been avoiding anyone who doesn’t have the last name Carmichael since I was dumped.
Izzy had called me after she found out Dylan broke up with me, but the other three haven’t said anything.
At lunch, so far, they’ve attempted to get me to bad-mouth him, but I don’t. Can’t bring myself to, especially since everyone is saying mean things about me all over school. I refuse to stoop to their level.
I tear the crust off my sandwich. Then, tear it into smaller pieces. My appetite non-existent.
“You know who started this rumor,” Izzy says, bumping her shoulder into mine to get my attention.
“Who?” Clara pipes up.
“Cooper.” His name is an alarm in my head.
“What?” I shake my head, dropping the crumbs in my hands. “No way.”
“Why not him?”
“Because he’d never do anything like that.”
“Really?” Izzy rests her elbows on the table, leaning my direction. “I think he’s always had a crush on you and was jealous of Dylan. What if he started the rumor to get Dylan to dump you?”
I hate that she makes sense. Still…I don’t think Cooper would do this to me.
“Wait,” Jasmine chimes in, “did he tell you that?”
“You’re talking to him?” I ask.
Izzy moves her head from one shoulder to the next. “I mean…we bumped into each other over the weekend, and I asked.” She turns to me, placing a hand on my forearm. “I didn’t want to say anything then because you’ve been upset, and Cooper has been hoarding you.”
“But Cooper told you that?” I seek out the confirmation.
“Yes,” Izzy says plainly.
Clara, Jasmine, and Sammie all eye each other. Sammie bites her lip as if she has something to say. Jasmine shakes her head no at her.
“I don’t think Cooper would do this.”
There was only a semi-truthful part of the rumor, everything else was a lie. My worries about being enough were, while accurate, twisted. Desperate. Will do anything to make someone love her. Manipulate boys into being with her.
“Come on, just give it a thought. Who knows the most about your feelings on being adopted?”
I swallow harshly. Cooper…
Some things I can’t tell Meave.
I don’t talk about it with Jordan, Cooper’s little sister. I don’t talk about it with my teammates or the girls that often either, not like I do with him.
Would he really do this?
Could he have been jealous?
We’ve always been friends, and sure, I’ve had a crush on him before, but he’s never thought or seen me like that.
I think about how he’s been this week. Encouraging me not to reach out to Dylan. Helping me avoid everyone…
I think Izzy is right. Cooper started the rumor.
Cooper
Getting dropped off. Is it too late for lunch?
I grab my lunch and thrust it into the overflowing trash can. Storming to the front doors, I push them open. He’s walking up the sidewalk.
“Excited to see me?”
When he’s in front of me, I shove him. Two hands on his chest.
I might be strong, have an athletic figure, but Cooper is stronger. More solid. He barely budges.
“You did this.” I shove him again, and he lets me. “Tell me. Admit that you did it.”
“Sutton—”
“Don’t Sutton me. Not now, not ever again. Were you that jealous of Dylan that you had to break us up? Could you not share me? Or stand to see me happy with someone that wasn’t you?”
He pulls his head back, tips up his chin, but still doesn’t say anything.
I push at him again, tears welling up in my eyes.
“Admit it,” I demand. “Did you start the rumor?”
Cooper swallows harshly, gaze tipping to mine. “Yes.”
“I knew it.” Tears stream down my face, and I can feel the fissure going through my heart. “I told you how I felt in confidence. How could you do that to me?”
“I’m sorry—”
I could handle the rumor. I could handle the breakup, but knowing that Cooper betrayed me…it’s taking me down.
“You’re sorry?” I take a step away from him. My face becoming a maze of moisture. “Screw you.” I take a deep inhale, and the words come out of my mouth quicker than my opponents blade sliced through my skin that night. “I hate you.”