Chapter 51 – Five Years Ago
FIFTY-ONE
COOPER
FIVE YEARS AGO
High school parties aren’t typically my scene. The basement or garage of someone’s house—if you’re lucky. Sneaking shitty liquor from their parents’ cabinet because you’re afraid to touch the good stuff.
I’ve drank before. Dad told me if there was anything I ever wanted to try, he’d rather me do it in a safe environment and have someone there to take care of me. Needless to say, the first time I got wasted, Dad was there. Mom was the one to try weed with me. I hated it.
When I got to Izzy’s I knew her parents kept a white drink fridge in the garage. I snuck a beer and headed down to her basement.
I’m late. Most people were already buzzed. A game of spin the bottle is happening on the ground in front of the couch. Couples are making out on the sectional. Some playing on the ping-pong table. Others dancing anywhere they can find space.
I take a lap in search of Sutton. Izzy said she was coming when she invited me at school today.
Sutton’s boyfriend, Dylan, is playing pong with one of his friends, Sid. He catches my attention and gives me an arrogant grin. She’s not with him, so I keep looking. Making it back to the bottom of the stairs, I don’t spot Izzy or her minions either.
I snag a spot on the couch as a few guys from the hockey team start up a game I’ve never heard of. I finish my beer, but before getting another, I text Sutton.
Are you at the party?
Sutton
What party?
Izzy’s?
Sutton
Oh. Yeah. Didn’t feel well.
Unless she took a turn in the past two hours, Sutton wasn’t sick when I saw her. She’s lying, she didn’t know about the party. Why would Dylan or Izzy not invite her? It’s not like Sutton to forget something.
I run a hand through my hair and decide to head home. There’s no point in me being here.
I’m going to head out. Need anything? Mom’s soup?
Sutton
You should stay.
Hang out with your friends.
I end up having a Diet Coke and then decide to head home. Before leaving, I dip into the bathroom.
I’m washing my hands when the door opens.
I could have sworn I locked it.
Through the mirror, I spot Izzy. A tiny bandage dress—honestly it might be a stretched-out tube top—and hair tied back in her signature bow. Her makeup is overdone. Our eyes lock and I can easily tell how glassy hers are.
She steps up beside me. Izzy is about a foot shorter than me. Fingers walking along the porcelain and up my hand white-knuckling the edge.
“Cooper. I’ve been looking for you.” Her fingers creep up my forearm and I hate the sensation. It’s as if a spider is crawling over me. “I was happy when I saw you gesture to the bathroom.”
Gesture? “Huh?”
She’s made her way to my chest, spinning her pointer finger and thumb into the fabric and pulling me to her.
“You wanted me to meet you in here,” she slurs her words.
“No. No, I didn’t.” I try to take a step away from her but am surprised by her strength.
“Yes. Yes, you did.”
“Seriously, Iz, I wouldn’t.”
She pulls away from me, disgusted. “Wouldn’t? What is that supposed to mean? Because I’m not a curly redhead that wears stupid overalls or skirts and plays hockey, I’m not good enough?”
Izzy sways. She’s more than tipsy. In this moment, I hate that it’s an involuntary movement to steady her.
“Come on. Let’s go upstairs and get you some water.” I reach for her hand and she swats mine away.
“No.”
“Iz,” I warn and plea.
“You know she doesn’t even like you, Cooper, but I do. And I’m here with you now. Not her.”
“Izzy.”
Her gaze flicks over me and I’m having whiplash because she tries to kiss me next. My hands find her waist and I push her away gently.
“Stop.”
She’s back to being pissed at me. Arms folded across her chest—and is she pushing up her boobs? I want to jab my fingers into my eyes. I will never understand girls.
“I’m sorry if you misunderstood me. If I did something to lead you on. I never meant to.” I open the bathroom door to leave, but apologize one more time. I don’t think I did anything, but just in case. “I am sorry, Iz.”
“Yeah, she will be.”
A month later, I’m volunteering in the library shelving returns.
I do this during study hall sometimes. I enjoy the quiet, the mundane of shelving books. Plus, our librarian, Mrs. Knight makes a mean oatmeal chocolate chip cookie.
This week, my study halls have been monopolized by Sutton. Dylan dumped her, and there’s a rumor surrounding her being adopted. Specifically why.
It’s ranged from hurtful ideas to idiotic reasons. My favorite exaggeration is that her parents are spies for NASA and abducted by aliens. Make that one make sense?
It’s trickled into name calling and out-of-line questions.
It’s been floating around for a couple weeks now. Thought it would have died out, but someone is still stirring the pot despite my efforts to snuff it out. None of it’s true. Sutton doesn’t know anything about her birth parents.
We’ve spent our study halls hiding out, but she told me she was meeting with her hockey coach today, so I opted for the library.
I’m pushing the book cart toward the poetry section.
Tucked away in the back corner of the library, dimmer, the only windows are from skylights in the ceiling.
Having a poetry book to shelve is rare, this was only my second time ever—and I’ll never admit it to anyone, but I’m the one who checked this book out.
I’m leaning over the cart, flipping through the pages to take a picture of my favorite poem. When I turn the corner to the aisle, my phone clatters out of my hand.
Pushed up against one of the shelves is a brunette female, and making out with her, is the last person I’d want to see.
Now what I do next, I’m not entirely proud of. I’ve never liked to let the aggression and power I have on the ice bleed into other areas of my life.
Before I know it, I’m grabbing the back of his shirt. Turning and shoving Dylan into the shelf next to Izzy.
“What the hell, man,” Dylan seethes.
“I should be asking you that. Does Sutton know about this?”
“Cooper. Stop.” Izzy grabs at my forearm, fingers pulling at the fabric of my crewneck.
“How long has this been going on?” I glower at him, our faces centimeters away. My breath is that of a dragon, hot and pungent with furry. I whip my gaze to Izzy. “Do you care to answer?”
Her jaw tightens, arms cross in front of her, similar to her posture in the bathroom at her house. Some of her lip gloss is missing.
“We didn’t mean to let it happen, it just did.” She’s lying. Her tone is too casual. You’d assume there would be remorse, but there isn’t.
“It was you.”
“What was?” she challenges.
“You started the rumor.” It burns as I say it.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I turn to Dylan. “Did you know she started it?”
“Not till Sutton and I had already split.”
“Dylan!” Izzy groans, as he reveals the truth.
“Come on, Iz. She was bound to find out.”
“Why’d you do it?” I ask even though I think I know the answer.
Dylan backs away, my grasp on him loosening. His hands are in front of his chest. “I am not needed here. Got biology in ten. Gonna go.”
Izzy rolls her eyes, and when it’s just us, I ask her again.
“Because I’m jealous! Sutton had you, even after I set her up with Dylan. All the boys like her, but she’s oblivious to it.” Her hands flex into balls at her side. “She’s athletic, and smart, and good at anything she does. Gets perfect grades and then goes home to her perfect family.”
“And kissing Dylan? That was jealousy?”
“That was an accident. He kissed me first and I didn’t know how to stop it. I do feel bad about it.” I level her with a look. “Okay, fine. He wanted me and what was I supposed to say? No?”
“Yes. She’s your friend!” At least I thought so.
“I feel bad about the kiss.” She slumps into a bookshelf.
“Because you were caught. What about the rumor? Do you feel bad about it?” She shrugs. “Izzy—”
“Yes. Okay, Cooper, yes. It was terrible of me, but there’s no taking it back now. It’ll eventually fizzle out; and Sutton never needs to know. It’ll alllll be fine.”
“This is not fine. You put an end to the rumor today. Fucking squash it, and then you need to tell her the truth.” I don’t know if I’ve ever been more angry than I am now, or had a deeper urge to protect Sutton.
“It’ll destroy her.”
“Tell her today, or I’ll tell her tomorrow. You decide.”
“Is that a threat?” A mocha brow arches.
“I guess you’ll have to see. I’ll be waiting.”
I resume pushing the cart to the next section, when Izzy calls out, “You know she’ll never love you back.”
Sutton pushes at me again, tears welling up in her eyes. I had a dentist appointment this morning and it ran long. We were supposed to meet during lunch.
“Admit it,” she demands. “Did you start the rumor?”
Izzy. I seethe internally.
She convinced her it was me.
“Yes,” I lie.
The word is pungent on my tongue. A poison that I swallow down and will have to live with forever while it slowly kills me.
I swallow harshly, gaze tipping from the sidewalk to hers. The answer to why that came out of my mouth isn’t chalked or pressed into the concrete. I don’t think there is a valid enough answer or reason for why I said it.
Izzy was right about one thing: no matter what, this was going to hurt her.
Sutton has wanted a group of friends more than anything, people to be her family. I think that’s why I do it. I don’t want her to be disappointed in Izzy, lose everything she’s searched for.
I’d rather her be upset with me. We’re young. We’ve been friends for a decade…she’ll forgive me, just give it a couple months.
“I knew it.” Tears stream down her face, and I can feel the fissure going through my heart. “I told you how I felt in confidence. How could you do that to me?”
“I’m sorry—” What a loaded two words.
“You’re sorry?” She takes a step away from me. “Screw you.” She takes a deep breath and then three words I never wanted to hear her say roll off her tongue, smooth, like a puck on fresh ice. “I hate you.”