Somee Cole
“You do realize she’s not your child, right?”
My mother’s hands sliced through the air and her eyes were wild while her face was tight, expressing her irritation with me and this situation.
Before I delivered my response, I glanced toward the living room where the point of our contention quietly colored on my tablet.
Prior to engaging in this argument with my mother, I’d pulled up several designs to keep Rylee busy for a while because I had no clue how long this would take.
What I was sure of was that this wouldn’t be a quick solution to an ongoing situation. My mother had her feelings on the matter and so did I. Unfortunately we were on opposite sides of the fence when it came to my sweet Rylee.
“Yes, I’m aware,” I signed back, providing a green light for my mother to go in.
“Then what are you doing, Somee? Why is she here? For two weeks you’ve had that child. A child that is not yours, and with the way you’re caring for her, I’m not convinced you truly understand she’s not yours.”
“I know she’s not mine but does that mean I can’t be kind to her? She doesn’t have anyone.”
My mother’s eyes rolled and she shook her head before her hands moved vigorously again, jerking through the air.
“She’s not alone.”
Technically, no. The Tylers loved Rylee.
They had been supporting her for the past two weeks since Rylee’s mother just up and left her.
Although she was at my home, they paid for whatever she needed, which honestly wasn’t much.
Rylee was such a sweet girl who kept to herself and sparingly handed out her smiles, although she offered them more and more with each passing day.
I hated that every time she seemed a little lighter, smiled a little more and began to find her footing, I wished her mother stayed gone. Each time I had those thoughts I felt bad for wanting a child to exist without her mother, but the mother she was born to wasn’t the greatest.
“They care about her, but they can’t care for her.”
“They’re more than capable. They’re paying her tuition, which means they can afford to take care of her,” she signed, then threw her arms in the air.
“I know that. It’s easy to pay for resources but is it fair to Rylee to take away everything she’s familiar with, the things that give her comfort? Her mother is gone. She left her. Why are you trying to make me feel bad for wanting to be the one constant in her life?”
I glanced at Rylee then back at my mother who shook her head and walked away. She was done talking to me because I was her child. She knew me better than anyone, which meant she understood my position on this was not changing.
I watched my mother cross the room and lift her purse from the table in the living room. She kneeled in front of Rylee, who looked up and smiled. Those damn smiles were enough to make me go to war for this little girl.
“Can I see?” my mother signed and I watched as Rylee nodded and held up the iPad so my mother could see whatever she was working on.
I couldn’t make it out from where I stood in the kitchen but whatever was on the screen caused my mother’s smile to match the one Rylee handed over before my mother’s expression brightened while her hands were moving.
“This is beautiful, Rylee. I love butterflies.”
“Me too,” Rylee signed back after placing the iPad in her lap.
“Be a good girl and I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay,” Rylee responded and was back to coloring as my mother headed toward the door. She paused and looked my way, saying one last thing.
“I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I do,” I assured her, then she was gone.
I wasn’t exactly telling the truth. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing or how I would handle this situation. The only thing I was truly sure of was that Rylee wouldn’t suffer because her mother refused to love my sweet girl the way she deserved.
Being a teacher at Harrington Academy, a school that catered to children with disabilities, I had seen far too many beautiful souls with dimmed lights because their parents didn’t know how to love and encourage them fully.
That wasn’t always the case because several of my students had the full support of their loved ones, parents, siblings, and extended family.
Rylee did not have any of those and my heart hurt because she was such a beautiful child.
Although she didn’t have the love and support of her mother, she had an extended family who wasn’t there for her physically but supported Rylee financially.
At least they had over the past year. I still didn’t quite understand the system of how that worked but they paid her tuition, occasionally showed up for school functions, and sometimes checked in on Rylee.
That’s why the Tylers were the first call I made when Rylee didn’t show up to school for three days in a row.
I called her home and didn’t get an answer, so I took it upon myself to show up unannounced, just to check in.
Felicia was unpredictable at the best times and often didn’t do a great job when it came to Rylee.
The only thing I would truly give her credit for was that Rylee had a roof over her head, decent clean clothes, and since she’d turned school age, Rylee had been enrolled in the public school system in the city.
They did their best with her since they were required by law to accommodate her needs, but Rylee was still behind.
The only saving grace was that Rylee was bright and eager to learn.
So when she enrolled at Harrington Academy mid-year of kindergarten, it didn’t take long for her to catch up with the other students.
Harrington Academy was built to accommodate kids like Rylee, so she thrived in that environment and had been doing amazing ever since.
I wished the option was available for all kids but the tuition was more than most could afford.
Yet another strange dynamic between Rylee and the Tylers.
I wasn’t sure why they were paying for her education.
They never explained and I didn’t feel right asking.
The morning I showed up to check on Rylee, she informed me that her mother had been gone for days and she was home alone. I panicked. It was Wednesday of the following week. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I contacted Miranda Tyler and she came right away.
The Tylers refused to get social services involved and instead asked if I would take her for a few days while they made some calls to work things out. A few days turned into two weeks and Rylee was still with me. Not that I minded, because Rylee was a delight and having her here made me happy.
I just wasn’t sure what the future looked like because I wasn’t her parent and neither were they.
With no concrete answers on what Rylee’s future would be, I reached out to the Tylers this morning to see if anything had been decided and there was a new development.
Her mother had yet to be located but I was informed that Rylee had a brother who would be coming soon and together we could decide what was next.
Miranda also asked me not to mention the brother to Rylee as she wasn’t aware she had one.
Not that I could tell her anything about him because they hadn’t been all that forthcoming with details.
Again, another weird dynamic I had to digest. What I did know was they were kind and truly loved Rylee based on their interactions with her, but again, they weren’t her legal guardians.
Neither are you, Somee…
But I could be.
At twenty-eight years old, my life was pretty simple and routine.
I also wasn’t dating anyone, so it wasn’t like I had any prospects of getting married and having my own children.
Nor did I think I wanted that. The dating pool that appealed to me was very slim considering I refused to date hearing men as a deaf woman.
How could I when it wasn’t likely that he would understand me?
Our worlds would be vastly different. There were plenty who’d merged their worlds, living happily and in love, but I wasn’t sure that would work where I was concerned.
My mother had her heart broken by my father and she never let me forget how that heartbreak shifted her life and mine.
Why would I want to allow history to repeat itself?
My father was a hearing man. He and my mother had a short-lived relationship. She was born deaf, same as me, and wasn’t interested in dating him but he convinced her to give him a chance. From what she told me, they were happy until she had me. He left not long after finding out I was also deaf.
With a toddler, my mother was left heartbroken, barely possessing the determination to love me enough for my father’s absence.
Casandra Cole poured into me what she could and I often wondered if that led to my mother not loving herself enough.
Things weren’t always that great and she housed a deeply rooted belief that falling in love with a hearing man would be a terrible mistake.
Luckily that was years ago and we were both happy and well-adjusted from the struggles she faced as a deaf single woman raising a deaf child.
We had an amazing relationship and I loved my mother more than words could express.
She gave me the type of life I could only dream of and I never felt as if I missed out on anything.
I wanted the same for Rylee, which was why after the first week passed with no word from Rylee’s mother, I was up until two in the morning researching the possibility of becoming a foster parent and even adopting Rylee if Felicia never returned.