Ryland #3
Somee watched me for a minute before she hesitantly signed, “Can I ask you something personal?”
“Yeah, what’s up?” I had a feeling of what she wanted to know. I didn’t talk about Felicia with anyone, ever, because she didn’t deserve the energy it took to discuss her. For some reason, I didn’t mind sharing that part of my life with Somee.
“What’s the deal with you and F-E-L-I-C-I-A?” I appreciated that she used her name instead of referencing her as my mother.
“Long fucking story,” I signed and dropped my head back against the seat, turning to face her.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. I was just curious.”
My jaw tensed with annoyance before I responded. “Curious about how it’s fuck her kids? First me, then Rylee.”
“I wouldn’t have said it like that but…”
I cut her off with frustrated motions. “Doesn’t matter how you say it. The end result is still the same. She gave me away and left Rylee like neither of us fucking mattered.”
She stared blankly, not responding, so I added, “Having a kid doesn’t qualify you as a parent.
Some people don’t deserve the right. She is one of those people.
The reason I want Rylee with me and the reason I will fight to make sure I have her is because I know what her life was like.
You don’t have to physically put your hands on a child to abuse them.
You don’t have to use your words to do that either.
Bringing a child into the world and not showing them love is just as detrimental and hurtful as physical pain.
I existed in that space and couldn’t make sense of what I was missing having F-E-L-I-C-I-A as a parent.
I knew I deserved better. There was always a void until I was living with M-I-R-A-N-D-A and O-R-L-A-N-D-O.
They say you can’t miss something you’ve never had, but that’s bullshit.
With F-E-L-I-C-I-A, there was always something missing from my life.
I just couldn’t make sense of what that was.
Even if I couldn’t explain it. I fucking knew. I felt that shit in here.”
My finger tapped my chest. “When M-I-R-A-N-D-A and O-R-L-A-N-D-O adopted me, they showed me love. I understood what I lacked before having them. Same way Rylee felt that shit and understood what was missing as soon as she had you. That’s my deal and I don’t give a damn what her reasons are.
I made peace with it. My life is good. My parents love me, but with Rylee, I’ll never forgive F-E-L-I-C-I-A for the years she made my sister feel alone and unworthy.
That woman doesn’t deserve either of our forgiveness and she’ll never fucking get it. ”
Somee’s expression was neutral when she stared at me.
She sat stock still, not expressing her thoughts until she leaned across the seat and the soft warmth of her lips touched my cheek just above my beard.
When she hugged me, I didn’t move other than to drop my arm around her back.
It didn’t feel like sympathy. The contact felt like love.
Like she was attempting to pour into me everything Felicia refused to.
When she pulled away, she signed, “I’m sorry and I’m glad Rylee has you.”
I nodded, lifted my hand, and formed the letter K, moving it back and forth between the two of us before I signed, “She has us.”
After I drove Somee back to the house it took me another forty minutes to make it to the stadium.
Since we needed to clean out our lockers, exit interviews were held at the stadium instead of our practice facility.
I entered through the player access entrance, pausing at the scanner long enough to successfully be identified by facial recognition, granting me access to the building.
My first stop was the locker room and that shit gut punched.
The staff was already in the process of removing the personalization, which made the end of the season feel final.
Half of the pods were empty. The names were removed from the front and player images and numbers no longer lined the interior walls.
The zero-gravity chairs had been pulled out to be serviced or replaced.
“What’s up, Land. You good? Your ass went ghost after the game.
” Dedric walked over to his pod and began grabbing personal items from the shelves which he tossed into a Sharks duffle open on his zero-gravity chair.
Dedric Malloy was an outside linebacker and held the position I typically faced off against on opposing teams. His job was to target and take down the quarterback and mine was to protect ours.
I brushed a hand across my waves. “I’m straight. Just been dealing with a lot of shit.”
“I heard. These rumors are bullshit though. You know we’re not standing for that. Fuck a trade. You got Shark blood and that isn’t changing.”
“Hell nah, it’s not changing. Once the ocean claims you, it never lets go. This is our ocean, fam.” Taven McClain, our starting receiver, circled a finger in the air, acknowledging the locker room.
“Talk that shit, McClain. You’re family, Land, and we’re not going to let them fuck you over. We don’t just wear the same jersey. We carry each other. We’re carrying you with this. Fuck all that talk,” Dedric stated.
“’Preciate that.” I nodded and McClain extended a fist to me which I met with mine.
“You know we got you.”
“All this behind a pussy that never met a dick she didn’t like. Nah, that’s not how this is going down.”
I frowned. “You know?”
“Hell yeah we know. They couldn’t keep something like that quiet.
Especially considering how fucking bogus it is.
Karl is gonna have to shut that down or it’s going to be a bad look for the team.
If players can’t trust that the owner stands on business and instead allows their personal feelings to get involved in business decisions, the team suffers,” Dedric stated.
“The team is with you on this and the owners know,” McClain stated.
“We are, and hopefully once this shit is behind you, maybe you’ll stop fucking for sport.
Find someone solid to hold you down, fam.
I told you that wild behavior was going to catch up with you, Land.
This situation with Mia is too close to home,” Dedric said with a smirk.
“Get a gotdamn wife, or at least a girlfriend, so we can focus on redeeming ourselves next season instead of trying to keep you suited up.”
“I’m working on it.”
The first thought I had was Somee. In the past it would have been fuck settling down. I wasn’t even mad about the idea of her being consistent in my life.
“I damn sure hope so,” he muttered.
“Parks, let’s go.” Coach appeared in the locker room long enough to bark his demand, then was gone.
“Let me get this shit over with.” I dapped both Dedric and McClain before heading toward Coach’s office. The final decision about me remaining a Shark was up to management, but knowing my team was standing behind me felt really fucking good.