5. Daphne Blue
FIVE
DAPHNE BLUE
Halle
“Halle! You’re here!” Cade exclaims as I walk into the garage, the rest of the band standing in their usual spots with their respective instruments like they were about to start playing something.
“Wait, you're still practicing tonight? I was just coming by to drop off some merch, I didn’t think you’d be here…” I trail off, feeling a bit flustered. Their show on Friday night was electric, it was the best I’ve ever seen them perform before, so I thought they were going to take this week a little easier—ride the high for a few days, maybe even cancel practices.
“Uh, yeah. It’s Wednesday, isn’t it?” Cade sticks his guitar pick between his teeth while he throws the strap over his shoulder. Hot. Once his guitar is resting on his body, he pulls the pick from his mouth and quickly wipes it on his pant leg. My eyes trail up his arm, taking inventory of his fine line patchwork tattoos and the way his veins start to pop as he reaches up to start strumming.
No—Halle stop it. He’s not yours and never will be.
I clear my throat and try to shift my focus to anything but Cade’s arms. “You guys go ahead and get started, I’ll get myself organized and we can take a look at merch later.” I scurry over to the couch and kick back to watch them play.
Cade and I have an interesting relationship. I mean, we’re friends, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t any lingering tension between us. We had a fling a few years ago, a typical situationship. We went on double dates with Abbott and Mel—at least I thought they were double dates—all of the time, and Cade even took me to prom.
We were getting to know each other, spending more time together outside of group settings. Things were going pretty well, but then he got to college and the texts stopped coming as often and I started seeing pictures of him with other girls at parties, girls older and smarter and prettier than me. I felt played, but who am I kidding, I was just naive. Naive to think Cade was actually into me and thought of me as anything but his best friend’s little sister.
It was always one-sided, and probably until the end of high school, I still had a big crush on him. What can I say? The dark curly hair, the nose ring, the guitar playing and singing, the smirks and charm? It’s attractive. But I’ve gotten over my crush, for the most part. It pops up sometimes when I see him performing, seeing him so in the moment, doing what he’s meant to do, and looking like he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.
And that’s been happening a lot recently with how big Tryhard’s getting. They’re not big big, but for being one of the many bands just trying to make it out here, I’m really excited their hard work on social media and playing all sorts of gigs is paying off.
Cade’s always known about my love for music and design, plus he’s one of the few who has a Halle original embroidered hoodie from high school, so it almost felt like a no-brainer when he asked me if I wanted to do their merch. It probably also helped that I’m one of the only people in our bigger friend group that isn’t in school, so I have a lot of free time on my hands.
It’s not that I don’t want to go to college, I just don’t know what I would want to study, or if I even need to go to do what I love. Even though my official role in the band is merch designer, all the guys are cool, so they let me sit in on every practice and distract them with random conversations and opinions on everything they do.
They’ve all known each other for a few years now, except Logan—they found him at a music store playing bass one day. Legend has it they saw him, looked at each other, shrugged, and asked if he wanted to join the band and he said, “Sure, sounds fun.” And the rest is history. And by that, I mean all of this happened about two years ago and he’s been a stellar addition; he fits in with the group so well and completes them in a way I don’t think anyone anticipated.
Zack and Beau met Cade and Abbott their freshman year at Hemlock State when they were all put into a suite style room together. I don’t really know how the whole story goes, but basically once Cade found out Beau played drums, and Zack played guitar and piano, they got together and started playing music.
Since Abbott was always at baseball practice, games, and all kinds of team stuff, Cade, Zack, and Beau spent a lot of time together and started the band.
Abbott’s one of their biggest fans—aside from me. Whenever he doesn’t have baseball or schoolwork, he’s always either front row or in the back at the merch table with me at their shows. Their four-way (now five-way with Logan) bromance is probably my favorite thing ever, well maybe after Mel and Abbott’s relationship. Mel and Abbott are endgame, which is great for me. If they were to break up now, I think it would hit me harder than them. After Abbott committed to play baseball at Hemlock State, there was no doubt that Mel was going to choose to go there too.
“I’m not following him, it’s the best program for me, and he just happens to be here,” she said to me when we visited the campus for a tour our senior year of high school.
Once I knew I wasn’t going to enroll, I convinced her to petition her way out of the school’s first year on-campus living requirement so that we could get an off-campus apartment together. We ended up taking the empty unit of the triplex a bunch of the baseball guys live at together, thanks to Abbott. There was no way I was going to stay at home for a year, or move out and live by myself until she could move in with me.
Since Abbott and Cade are kind of a package deal, Cade weaseled his way into living there too, even though he doesn’t go to Hemlock State anymore. He decided to take a break from school to focus on music, and so far, it’s working out pretty well.
Their end of the house has a big garage that’s become the perfect home base for the band. When we were all moving in, Mel was so confused by all the instruments in the garage because she didn’t realize how serious Cade was getting with his band. I can’t believe that was already a year and a half ago. At that point, they still hadn't decided on their permanent band name. And, like most band things, I was there for that one too.
Last year
“What about Coastal Sunrise?”
“We’re on the west coast, Beau. The sun sets over here.”
“How about Neon Velvet?”
“That sounds like we’re trying to prove that we’re underground indie. How about something like Dirt Cheap? We always say we don’t want to overcharge once we make it big.”
That one made me laugh. Like, really laugh. I laughed so hard they all jumped a bit and looked like they forgot I was here. They’re starting to get noticed on social media and are playing shows more regularly, but they still haven’t figured out a permanent band name. So, that’s what they’ve been doing the past forty minutes since practice started instead of actually playing. They’re a bunch of idiots (respectfully), but if I’m being honest it’s actually kind of fun watching them babble and go back and forth.
“Zack, I love you, but that’s awful.” I’m still chuckling as I’m trying to get the words out. “You’re all tryhards for trying to get something deep and meaningful out of random words. At this point you should just read through the dictionary until you find something you like.” I start to go look for one on the bookshelf inside when I hear Cade start to talk to the rest of the band.
“Wait, that’s actually such a good idea.”
“Thank you for noticing, I do have great ideas.” A proud smile works its way onto my face as I shuffle toward the garage door to the hallway.
“Tryhard. I think I really like that. It feels super 2000s and 2010s, which is what we’re going for.” Cade fully turns to face the rest of the band to see what they think.
That stops me in my tracks, my hand barely grazing the doorknob. Tryhard? That’s what they’re going with? I should’ve told them they were trying too hard a year ago when I first thought it, I could’ve saved them all the headache this has been causing.
“Tryhard’s actually so good. Why didn’t we think of that?” Beau agrees.
Beau is cool, he’s a bit more chill and laid back than the other guys, which is saying something because there’s not an uptight bone in any of those four bodies. I think he has the best style of all of them too, except I’d never tell them that. He’s open minded to try every new trend—he’s currently deep in a pearl necklace and black nail polish era. He even got a perm recently because he was jealous of Cade’s curls. My theory is he thinks it will help him have better luck with girls.
“You’re actually going to call yourself ‘Tryhard’? It wasn’t a real suggestion, you should probably think about it a little longer before you actually choose.” I’m trying to reason with them, but also, I kind of am a genius for giving it to them.
“Nah, Tryhard is good, and it’s the right feel for the band. We all like it, and what better way to honor you, our greatest and biggest and most dedicated fan,” I fake swoon and fan myself as Cade winks at me, “than to name our band after you, kind of. Well, after your attempted insult.”
If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost think that Cade’s trying to butter me up, but I know he’s not. I know better than to get my hopes up for nothing again. We’ve already had our will-they-won’t-they moment back in high school, and the verdict was ‘won’t they’.
This is Cade all the way to his core. He’s a total charmer, a shameless flirt, but he’s also one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met—down-to-earth and the perfect shoulder to cry on. But something that has changed a lot since high school is the size of his ego. I don’t know if it’s from his newfound confidence of being in an actually good band, or if it’s from all the girls who constantly fawn over him at shows. I wonder what they’d all think if they got to spend time with him outside of his rockstar persona. They’d probably fall even harder for him .
Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I look back up at them and say, “If you’re sure, then that’s great. Designing your merch is going to be so much easier now and it will look better than just putting your names and Almost TBD on everything.” I can never finish a sentence that involves Almost TBD without scoffing. “The fans will go crazy for Tryhard merch. Already thinking up some ideas.”
“Oh my gosh, it was an accident! I didn’t mean to name the band Almost TBD!” Beau groaned for what felt like the tenth time today.
“Beau, chill it’s fine. It’ll go on our Wikipedia page one day, only the O.G. fans will really know.”
“So, now that we finally have a good band name, can we start practicing? Or writing? Or something that’s band related?” Logan’s over the dilly-dallying and they finally get to playing some songs.
And just like that, Tryhard was born—er, named.
Present
“You know, with the EP coming out soon, you guys should think about going on a tour, maybe a small headline tour just down the coast. Or wouldn’t it be so cool if you found someone you could open for?” I suggest after they finish playing through a few of their new songs. They’re really good, and touring is only going to make them better.
Cade opens his mouth to say something when we hear the click-clack of fast approaching footsteps just outside the garage. We all look over and see her pearly white sedan parked on the street.
“Sorry I’m so late! Practice ran late, and then I had to get home and shower and get presentable, but I’m here now. What’d I miss?” Brooke, Cade’s girlfriend, runs in through the open garage door and kisses Cade on the cheek.
This is the first time I’ve ever been in the same room as her, so I don’t really know her, but I do know she fits right in with Cade’s type. Every one of his girlfriends have had the same long, sleek brunette hair, olive skin, and big brown eyes. I don’t think she really knew what she got herself into when she and Cade officially started dating.
Cade, for being as great as he is, is kind of an ass when it comes to women. I cannot tell you the name of any girl he’s dated longer than three months, because there’s never been one to last that long. Ever. He’s like Leonardo DiCaprio, but instead of an age limit, there’s a duration limit. And so far, she’s lasted a whopping 12 days, the over-under is 19 days—my vote is under.
“Not much, just talking about touring,” Zack says while tuning his guitar; he is sometimes a little too nonchalant.
“You’re going on TOUR ?”
Poor gobsmacked Brooke.
They should involve the girlfriends more often, but also the only one of them who ever has a girlfriend is Cade, and as previously mentioned: they don’t last long. Logan has a girlfriend too, but they’re long-distance right now while she goes to school somewhere on the East Coast.
“We’re not going on tour, we’re thinking about it though.”
“Oh, when did you start to think about it?” Brooke’s face falls a little bit when she asks this, like she’s hurt she wasn’t part of the conversation, or maybe thinking that Cade didn’t want to talk to her about it.
“It was just mentioned when we got here today. No thanks to anyone here but Halle, who isn’t even in the band,” Zack says, curtly. He’s probably jealous he didn’t come up with the idea.
“Hey!” I gasp, “I thought I was your greatest and biggest and most dedicated fan!” I fake being offended and hold my hand to my chest. I wonder if any of them remember when Cade called me that last year. I take a step back and offer the biggest puppy dog eyes I can manage.
That got Zack’s attention. “Halle!” He stops tuning and looks me in the eyes. “That’s not what I meant! You are our greatest and biggest and most dedicated fan. I just meant that the people in the band have barely lent a thought to touring but you, our greatest and biggest and most dedicated fan and best merch designer ever, just said what we’ve all been too scared to talk about.” Zack’s worried face and quick backtracking is making me feel a teensy bit bad for giving him a hard time—he’s got the heart of an innocent 12-year-old boy.
I look up at him with an apologetic smile. “Zack, I know, I know. I’m just messing. You should know by now that it takes a lot more for me to get butt hurt about these kinds of things.” I give him some reassuring pats on the shoulder before turning toward the rest of the band. “Plus, I know I’m your number one fan, I’m the only one who consistently shows up to watch you guys perform.” And with that comment, their jaws drop. Oops.
“Fine, you know what. You’re kicked out of the garage.” Cade looks at me with narrowed eyes and pulls me up off the couch by my forearm and walks me a couple steps before letting go.
“Oh no, kicked out of the garage! What ever will I do?” I walk the remaining ten steps out of the garage and into the sunshine and begin to walk slowly over to mine and Mel’s part of the triplex. Still well within range to have a conversation and listen to them squabble. Sporting my usual grin as I slowly walk farther and farther from them, I hear the guys talk and know I’m about to be let back in.
“Fine, you can come back in if you promise to be nice,” Cade says above regular speaking volume, but not quite a shout. Good projector, that guy.
I turn around and hold up my three fingers. “I promise I’ll be nice. Scout’s honor.”
“Halle, you know that doesn’t mean anything, you weren’t a Scout.” Logan was a boy scout, and I haven’t quite deciphered if he’s actually annoyed when I do that or not.
“It’s the thought that counts,” I quickly say and offer a small shrug and smile before walking over to where he is with his bass. “But you’re right. I’ll pinky promise to be nice if you’d rather I do that.” I hold up my expectant pinky, ready to show him I mean what I say. I’ve always held pinky promises in high regard. How else am I supposed to show that I’m serious?
“I would.” He lets his bass hang from the strap around him and we lock pinkies. “There, it’s settled. Halle will be nice. Now can we please start doing something other than talk?” Logan does like to hangout and just talk, but he’s also one of those people that if there’s a reason for a meeting, he wants to get through the business part of it before joking around and goofing off.
We turn toward the group to see Zack and Beau murmur in agreement. I almost forgot she was here, but we see Cade and Brooke are in their own little world in the corner. Their conversation doesn’t look like a fun one, their body language is so painfully awkward but I can’t bring myself to look away.
After a few minutes of hushed whispers coming from their corner of the garage, Brooke turns around with the same sad look I’ve seen on a handful of other girls’ faces this year. She sucks in a sharp breath, plasters on a smile, and walks back toward the open garage door.
“I forgot I have somewhere to be right now, it was good to see you guys.” She picks up her pace, hurrying out to her car. Everyone else has stopped watching her by now, but when she gets in and closes the door, I see her drop her head to her steering wheel before picking it back up, starting her car, and driving off.
I guess I won this over-under. Oh, Cade, what happened this time?
“So, are we ready to practice?” He claps his hands and walks over to his guitar and mic stand as if he didn’t just break up with Brooke.
“What’d you find wrong with her?” The words fly out of me before I even finish thinking.
“What are you talking about?”
“Why’d you just break up with Brooke? I thought things were going well with her.” I realize now that we’re not alone, but the words have already been said, so I guess we’re talking about this now.
“Who said I broke up with her?”
“N-nobody said anything, but it’s so obvious!”
“Our schedules don’t really line up, would rather stop before it gets too far.” All he does is shrug his shoulders.
That’s so…so—ugh, I don’t even know what to call it. But I do know that if I was dating someone and they just broke up with me, I’d want to be worth more than a shoulder shrug.
“That’s the same excuse I used with my middle school boyfriend.” I roll my eyes. “Cade, come on. There has to be one girl you’d want to be with for longer than three months. Longer than 12 days.” I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Sure, we’ve gotten closer again ever since I got involved with the band, but I don’t think we’re really back to the heart-to-heart stage of our friendship. This is the deepest talk we’ve had since high school. “Sorry, I know it’s none of my business, and I really don’t mean to pry, but this new girlfriend every few weeks thing isn’t going to be fun forever.”
He’s staring back at me and looks like there are a million things running through his head. He keeps stuttering, starting to say something and then stopping. I’ve never seen him like this, but I’ve also never called him out like this before. I know the other guys are watching this all go down, but there’s no way any of them are going to step in and say something.
Since he can’t seem to find the words, I try my best to read what he’s feeling based solely on his expression, but there’s something in his eyes that I can’t quite read.
I step closer to him and lower my voice a bit. “Cade, I know we don’t ever talk about this kind of stuff, but I care about you. You’ve been my brother’s best friend basically his whole life and honestly one of mine too.” I lock eyes with him to show him I mean every word. “I want you to get the absolute best out of this life, you shouldn’t just settle for a new girl every week because you’re not sure.” This is officially the deepest and most truthful conversation we’ve ever had, and lucky me, we’ve got an audience of three. Hey, maybe I should take a crack at this songwriting thing.
“It’s not that I’m not sure,” he defends himself, but it comes out a bit whiny.
“Then what is it?” I’m losing patience with him. “Sorry if I’m being too harsh, I just want you to know you can tell me anything, we are friends after all.”
“Don’t worry about me, Halle.” His voice comes out gruff, and I feel like I somehow said the wrong thing. He clears his throat and continues. “I know what I’m doing.” He shakes his head and pushes past me to walk over to the other guys, picks up his guitar, and they start playing.
What just happened? And how was I here the whole time but I feel like I missed everything? With these questions swirling around, I take up my spot on the couch, grab my laptop, and start working away on some new Tryhard merch as I listen to my favorite band play some songs that all of a sudden sound like they could be about me.