14. a girl like me
FOURTEEN
A GIRL LIKE ME
Halle
Wednesdays have always been my favorite day of the week; the sewing classes I went to as a kid were on Wednesdays, so looking forward to the middle of the week has stuck with me.
I hope it’s good luck that my date with Cade is today. Unless it’s not actually a date. I’m scared I could have taken it too literally when he asked, “Is it a date?”
It’s a figure of speech that people use all the time, so I shouldn’t get my hopes up too high just to be let down again .
I did think a Wednesday was an odd day to schedule a date, especially when the other half of our carnival double date is made up of two of the busiest college students I know. But for all I know, it could be the only night they were going to be free.
I stop my overthinking and shift my full focus to getting ready. Cade’s picking me up in thirty minutes, and I’m only halfway through curling my hair. The other half shouldn’t take more than fifteen minutes and then I can throw on some makeup and an outfit, no problem.
I’m fine, everything’s fine , I try to convince myself. I’m never late to anything, but I’ve been all over the place today. I couldn’t think about anything except this date while I was at work today, and then I got home and still couldn’t pull myself out of my daydreams and lost track of time.
I speed through the rest of my hair and brush through the curls to get them just how I like. I think I’m down to about ten minutes now, give or take, so I decide to cut makeup short—I don’t usually wear much anyway. I throw on some brow gel, my usual blue mascara to compliment my green eyes, and finish the look off with a clear lip gloss. Now, what to wear, what to wear, I think to myself while I spin out of my vanity chair.
I pull my closet door open and immediately land my eyes on the outfit I wanted to wear to Varsity last week, the one Mel said was too cool for Sean. It’s one of those outfits that makes me feel the most like myself, and I know it’s not going to be too cool for Cade because Cade has always been too cool for me.
I slide into the denim jumpsuit and am thankful it zips up in the front since Mel’s not here to help me. I scan myself up and down in my full-body mirror and think about what shoes would go best. The flared legs of the jumpsuit make me want to fully lean into its 70s look. I queue up a few of my favorite Fleetwood Mac songs to set the mood while I perfect my outfit. Singing and dancing away, I get a little distracted from what I’m supposed to be doing, and the doorbell rings, creating an instant panic.
Shoeless, I run out of my room and down the stairs, and when I open the door, I’m met with the wind chill of early March and a cloud of Tobacco Vanille cologne. I don’t even have to look up to find his dark curls and silver nose ring to know Cade Walsh has arrived. But when I do look up, I melt from the way he’s looking at me.
Out of breath, I only manage to breathe out a weak, “Hi.”
“Hi.” Cade pauses, looking me up and down. “You—um, you look great.”
“Here, come inside. Need to get my shoes real quick.” I giggle and take a step back to let him in.
I follow the sound of my music blasting back to my room and quickly shut the speaker off. I grab the first pair of platform boots I see in my closet and then remember that we’re going to be walking around a carnival and swap them for a trusty pair of sneakers instead. I take one last look at myself in the mirror and a few deep breaths before heading back down to Cade.
He has his jacket off and is holding it open in front of himself, waiting for me to come slip my arms into it. I let him help slide the jacket over my shoulders, and feel some of my nerves ease when he pulls my hair out from the collar, laying it back over my shoulders.
“What about you? It’s cold out there, I can pick another one.” I turn around to face him.
He laughs and shakes his head at me, then reaches around me and grabs my trusty maroon leather jacket off the coat rack. “I like yours better.” He winks and I can feel myself melting again.
I swing the door open, eager for the wind chill to cool the heat rising to my cheeks.
“You ready to go?” I ask as I lock the door behind us.
“I’m supposed to be asking you that. So much for being a gentleman,” Cade jokes.
“Well, if you play your cards right, then there’ll be more opportunities to be a gentleman tonight,” I say mysteriously and then stalk off toward the passenger side of his car.
Cade jogs to catch up and beats me to the car, opening the door for me. “For you, milady.”
Sitting buckled up in the passenger seat is a stuffed animal, the kind you can only get from winning a carnival game.
“What’s this?” I ask, pulling the tiger out of the seat and holding it out in front of me.
“It’s for you, I went and won it at the carnival yesterday.” Did he really go there just to get this for me?
“Thanks, it’s cute, but why wouldn’t you just get it when we’re there tonight?”
“Well, Valentine, I thought I’d be too nervous to do well if you were watching,” he trails off.
“But I watch you all the time,” I blurt out, faster than I realize how creepy it sounds.
A mischievous smile spreads across his face.
“No more questions, we have places to be,” he jokes and motions for me to get in the car. He gently shuts my door behind me, and hustles around the front of the car to get in himself.
“You have time for about four songs, give or take.” He passes me the aux cord and then turns his keys in the ignition.
I’ve been daydreaming about this moment for days. I know he’ll love anything I play—he always has, which makes choosing even harder. Do I try to send signals of how I feel about him based on lyrics? Do I pick songs that will ease my nerves? Do I put a random playlist on shuffle and see what happens? I decide to shuffle my Nostalgia Mix, and am instantly betrayed by my Spotify.
“Trying to tell me something?” He laughs and looks over at me.
I quickly hide my face behind my hands in embarrassment. “I swear I didn’t pick this, but I can’t complain, it’s a great song.” I act cool, hoping the burning of my cheeks will cool down.
“Kiss You is a great song, we should keep listening to more 1D, if you’re down.” It’s nice that he threw that on at the end, being considerate of what I want, but he didn’t need to—I’m always down.
I turn the volume dial up and we sing along to all five songs that play during the drive and search for a parking spot once we get to the county fairgrounds. The spot we end up finding is a tight squeeze with cars on either side of us, so I speedily get out of the car before he has time to make it out himself. It’s not that I don’t want him to open my door for me again, I’m scared of how it would have made me feel for our bodies to be that close. Sure, we hug all the time, but something about being pressed up between two cars with someone you’re head over heels for—who you’re not sure you’re even on a real date with—is different.
Right before we get to the ticket stand, I get a text from Mel. All I can see from the preview is that it starts with “don’t hate me” which can’t be good. I slide my phone open to read the full message and realize she’s canceling on us. Right now. When we’re already here. I reach out in front of me and grab onto Cade’s wrist to stop him from going up and getting tickets for everyone.
“What’s up?” he asks so casually; he must not have heard anything from Abbott yet.
“Mel and Abbott, they aren’t coming.”
“They aren’t? Why not?”
“Something about a last minute mandatory pitching practice for Abbott, and Mel doesn’t want to third wheel, so it’s just us now.” I try not to sound let down, or too excited—I’m playing it cool.
“Oh, so, do you still wanna go in, or…” Cade runs his hands through his hair and looks back toward the ticket stand.
What would Mel say right now? She’d probably tell me to not worry because I do things alone with Cade all the time. But this is different, none of those were a date . If I tried to say that, she’d probably say that it doesn’t matter, and I guess she’d be right—it doesn’t need to matter. I’m so good at going with the flow and being in the moment. I don’t have to put any extra pressure on being here alone with Cade just because it’s a date, I can treat it like every other time we’re together, but maybe add some flirting, of course.
With my made up Mel pep-talk, I pull myself out of my head. “Let’s go in, it’s a date, right?”