Chapter 6 #2
My wolf is whining, desperate to take our mate. And then neither of us can get our clothes off fast enough.
It doesn't matter that we're outside in his yard because he has no neighbors back here.
It's private, and it's exactly what we need.
The partial forest he's got back here, all the green space, it's helping to keep me grounded.
Maybe I'm not a ‘taken in bed’ kind of girl.
I think I'm a ‘taken in wilderness’ one.
“We're coming back out here when the stars are out. I want to see you naked under that moon.”
He peels my shirt off and I peel his, and since I didn't bother with a bra today since I've just been studying, it's skin on skin.
And it's glorious. Even more so when his hot mouth trails right down to my breasts, pulling one of my nipples in, rolling it around on his tongue and sucking just shy of being painful.
And while he's doing that, my nails are clawing up his sides, using his hips to grind into me, trying to crawl underneath his skin. That seems like the only way I'll be close enough to him.
“Why the fuck do I have pants on? Give me a sec.” He jumps up on the picnic table so he's standing above me, peels his pants off, and tosses them over by the door.
Then he slips mine off, grabbing my panties with them before climbing back on top of me and splitting my legs wide open.
Nothing has ever felt more natural. More right.
He takes a second to fan out my hair, and then he leans back to sit on his heels to take in my full body. “Morgan, I don't…you’re fucking beautiful. And I get the feeling you don't quite believe me.”
“I know I'm lots of things. I'm just processing right now. I didn't think I'd ever be in a position like this.”
“I mean, I admit, taking you on a picnic table in the backyard for the first time isn't quite ideal...”
I let out a huff of amusement. “Not really what I meant.
It's just hard to believe this is real,” I say as I run my fingers up and down his body.
“Like being with somebody that's not the worst and actually wants me, is going to just disappear when I wake up.
I'll be back in that apartment I've been struggling to survive out of, and I'll have to walk down to the gas station for my shift.”
“Wow. Somebody that's not the worst? I think I need to work a little bit harder here. I can do better than that.”
He pulls away from me, but only so that he can stand on the ground and get his mouth where he really wants it. I've always wondered how different this might feel from my fingers, and the answer is very.
Hot and slippery, lazily drawing circles and teasing me. “Wow. This is way better than anything I've ever done to myself.”
He pulls his head up to look at me. “Okay, okay, let's not go overboard on the praise there.”
Damn it. He's making me laugh again. When he slides a finger inside of me, it does interesting things to the vibrations running through my body. I let out a moan and relax into it.
“There we go. Those are the sounds I'm looking for. I'll show you not the worst.”
And he does. I'm not going to think about where he learned these skills from, but I sure as hell am going to reap the benefits. Of which there are many.
Sooner than I'm ready for, I feel myself getting closer and closer to climax, and I try and hold it in like it's something I need to suppress; but the closer I get to it, the harder he chases it for me, until he's got two or three fingers inside of me, practically slamming into my body and curling just the tiniest bit against me while his tongue continues to do whatever the hell his tongue is doing.
The scream that escapes me is definitely feral, more akin to the wolf that lives inside of me than the human.
I'm gasping and writhing on that table, uncaring about the imprints it's surely making under my back, because all I need is in this moment. It’s the first time I feel like I'm actually alive, and I understand why this world revolves around sex.
“How did I do? Did I surpass ‘not the worst’? Or do I need to keep going?”
He's got a smirk on his face while my whole world has just been flipped upside down, but luckily, my heels can reach him. I snag his hips and pull him towards me, making him crawl on the table, because as incredible as that was, there's a need in me that's still not satisfied.
With the fingers that aren't covered in my bodily fluids, he smooths my hair away from my face tenderly. “Have you ever done this before?”
I shake my head no, already feeling tender from just his fingers. But I also know this is something I need to do, because until I get to feel what it's like to have my mate moving deep inside my body, my wolf is just going to continue to wind me up.
“Then let's save my knot for another day.”
I suck in a breath. “Don't you dare. I need the full experience here.”
His skin is darker from time exposed in the sun, a few gray hairs at his temple showing off some of his life experience.
And I feel like the luckiest person. Not because he chose me, but because I found somebody I get to feel like this with, to be vulnerable with, that is making my first time something that's, well, not the worst, to put it mildly.
“If it gets to be too much, too uncomfortable, I need you to tell me, alright? I'll stop when you need me to, whenever you need me to. Do I need to worry about pregnancy right now?”
“My heat should be here in about a month, so we're good.”
He nods, taking in this information. “That's enough time to figure something out. Just going to need you to relax for me there, sweetheart. Let your mate take care of you.”
He kisses me, and I think it's more of a diversion tactic than anything, and it works because I forget about anything except for the way it feels to taste him against my mouth.
I get lost in letting my hands wander, in feeling his hands on me, and then when he slides the tip of himself into my body, all I can do is widen my legs further and welcome him in.
It's far too easy to take him in. I broke my own hymen years ago, because I knew from a young age I never wanted to give that to a man.
So, there's nothing stopping him from continuing until he can't anymore.
His knot is just a hint at this point, something that I know is going to only grow as his body gets more worked up, and my wolf is trying to claw me up internally, wanting out so that we can demand everything we need from our goddess-blessed mate.
“Wait.”
Part of me is curious to see if he actually does stop like he promised he would, but that's not the reason for the pause.
He looks down at me, questioning, but I know what I need right now.
I move my hips enough to dislodge him, and I maintain eye contact as much as I can while I flip around and get on my hands and knees. Then I sink to my elbows and tuck my hair over my shoulder, and look at him over that same shoulder, being the most vulnerable I've ever been in my life.
Presenting myself to him like this is a big step. It's putting a lot of trust in him; I’m telling him I see him as a provider, as a mate. It makes what we're doing that much more intense, that much heavier.
He runs his hands over my hips before guiding himself back inside of me, and at this angle, it's not the most comfortable, but I can see the look on his face as he loses himself in my body and I relish it.
This time I don't stop him when he gets going, I just close my eyes and let the sensations ride me, pushing myself back onto him every time he thrusts himself forward, perfecting my timing so I can meet him at the exact right moment, using him as much as he's using me.
It's easy to adjust the angle, to curve my back a slight bit to get him to hit me in a different place, and soon he's hitting me somewhere I've never felt before, and I know it's about to go down.
I start to beg him, calling his name over and over again, until my whole body clamps down on him and his knot starts to swell.
Eventually he can't pull himself out because it's inflated so far, and he's lodged deeply inside of me, the knot pressing on all the sensitive nerves that I've never gotten to experience before.
It's damn magical. It's like the longest, most intense orgasm of my life, and every time one of us moves our hips even the tiniest bit, it tugs at our connection and throws fire down my nerves.
There's too much happening in our bodies to try and talk, so neither one of us bother with it. At some point he shifts so that we're on our sides, the unforgiving surface of the picnic table still making imprints on our skin, but it's more than worth it.
“So that happened,” I say when he's finally able to remove himself from my body. His knot took a while to deflate, going down bit by bit slowly, and now I feel strangely empty without him.
He sits up and leans over me, placing a tender kiss on my mouth. “And it's going to happen some more later.”
He stands up and gets dressed, and I guess I'm left to fend for myself as he runs inside.
As soon as I get off the table, there's mess running down my leg, and it's an uncomfortable feeling. I don't want to put myself in my clothes like this, so I just scoop them up and make my way inside. Might as well just take a shower at this point.
“Oh, I was running inside to grab paper towels for you. Here,” he says, extending a small stack of them as he meets me in the doorway.
“I'm just gonna hop in the shower. You wanna throw that chicken on the grill?”
He nods, and I get the feeling that things are awkward between us now. I don't know why, other than that we had an amazing time and he didn't mark me. Didn't even seem tempted to bite me, despite flapping his gums on the contrary beforehand.
Is that normal?
These thoughts plague me as I wash off my body thoroughly, making sure to scrub my skin raw. I feel more like myself when I get out. Then I bring myself back outside, only to find he's sitting in a chair and already eating.
I try not to be disappointed that he couldn't wait for me, but I know my smile is off when he looks at me apologetically and tells me he was really hungry.
I find that I'm actually not. I take a couple bites, eat some of the salad I threw together that he found in the fridge, but food is just not what I want right now.
“I did something wrong, didn't I?”
I push my plate away from me and dab the corner of my mouth with one of the paper towels that was in his hands earlier, feeling some way about that. Gathering my thoughts, I cross my legs and tuck a hand in between them. “You're just being weird now.”
“I'm being weird? How so?”
I grab the iced tea he thought to pour for me and take a few sips to clear my throat. “Well, as soon as we were able to pry ourselves apart, you kind of just took off and left me there, for starters.”
He frowns. “I told you; I wanted to get you something to clean up with.”
“But you didn't tell me that. You just grabbed your clothes and went inside.
How was I supposed to know you were doing that?
From my point of view, you just took off and left me out there to get my own clothes and figure out how to get your all your cum off of and out of my body.
I'm not exactly an expert on washing off male ejaculate after intercourse.”
He looks at me kind of oddly. “Are you sure about that?”
“Why the fuck would I lie about that?
He shakes his head. “Sorry. I just thought, you know the first time, there should have been something there for me to, I don't know, break through or something. That's what I was expecting.”
“Just because I've never had sex with a man, doesn't mean I've never had anything inside of me.
I do have fingers and flexible wrists, you know.
Lack of partner doesn't mean lack of opportunity.
It simply means I have to get more creative with how I get myself off.
I don't know if you know this about women, but we have sex drives as well.
Just because I wasn't with anybody, doesn't mean I didn't want anything. Sex toys exist for a reason.”
His face flushes all red, but there's just a sour taste in my mouth now. Who is he to question what I told him? Whatever. I grab my plate and the other dishes and head inside, intent on getting everything cleaned up so I can just go to bed and try and wipe this memory from my head.
He follows me in, carrying his own plate. “You want to watch a movie or something?”
I exhale, thinking about it. No, not really.
I want to be held and reassured that he wants me.
I want to feel like it's okay to be weak, and I want to feel a bond between us.
But apparently, he's not ready for that yet, and regardless of why, he’s still pulling back a little.
It only feels right that I do the same. “I think I'm just going to head up to bed, actually. I've got a lot of schoolwork to do tomorrow. I’ll get these dishes done first though, so I don’t have to do them in the morning.”
He sneaks up behind me and pulls the plates from my hand gently, putting them in the sink. “I'll do the dishes. You should rest. Sorry.”
“Do you even know what you're apologizing for? Or are you just saying that to placate me?”
He takes a step back. “You know, I'm trying here, Morgan. You could cut me a little slack.”
In the exact same tone he said it to me, I look him dead in the face and offer, “Sorry,” before walking calmly to my room.
It's not until that door is shut and locked that I give in to the emotion overwhelming me. I'm sad, I still feel alone. Even after that incredible time with my mate, things are still off. I thought that sex would fix everything. Clearly, I have a lot to learn.
Thankfully I have my own bathroom so I can brush my teeth and get ready for bed without crossing his path again, and I lie in bed way too long staring at that door as tears fall from my eyes freely.
I’m hoping he'll come check on me, hoping he wants to see me before he turns in for the night.
And while his footsteps start to head in my direction, they turn around quickly and never come back. So, I guess it's just not that serious.