Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
The two women were onto their third boutique when Catherine fell in love with a lemon two-piece in slub silk, sighing as she admired the outfit from several angles. The assistant asked if she’d like to try it on, but Catherine shook her head.
‘Something that special would only do for a wedding, and there are none on the horizon, I’m afraid.’
The assistant glanced at Stella’s finger. ‘Will madam’s daughter not be getting married in the near future?’
A veil cast itself across Catherine’s eyes and Stella tried to eyeball the assistant, who, perhaps realising her blunder, excused herself and moved on to another customer.
Stella raised her eyebrows at Catherine. ‘Sorry, that was a bit unfortunate.’
‘You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I can’t expect the world to walk on eggshells for me. Do you know what? I will try that outfit on. Come with me. You can give me your opinion while the saleswoman extracts her foot from her mouth. In any event, I imagine your opinion should be more reliable than someone on commission.’
Stella followed her into the changing room, which was decorated like a French boudoir, plonked herself down on a damask chair next to an occasional table and helped herself to a golden sugared almond from a crystal bonbonnière. She was onto her fourth when Catherine opened the changing-room door, pirouetted and smoothed the dress across her hips.
‘Oh dear, I’ve said goodbye to my girlish figure – too many cream teas over the years, I suppose.’
‘Your figure is just fine and that outfit is perfect on you. The colour brings out your eyes and the longline jacket gives you a great silhouette.’
‘You really think so?’
‘Yes, I really do think so.’
Catherine’s face broke into a broad smile. ‘Bob always says the kindest things about my new outfits but he’s a bit biased and not always telling the gospel truth.’
‘I’m sure Bob is most sincere, and you do look lovely.’
‘You know, since I rarely get to London these days, I’m going to treat myself to this.’ Catherine did another little twirl in the mirror and admired herself. ‘And I’ll need a hat, some shoes and a bag while we’re about it.’
‘Then I hope you’re packing some serious plastic. This place is no bargain basement.’
‘Well, I’m worth it. And do you know what? If I have the perfect wedding outfit, then I’m sure that the perfect wedding will come along soon enough.’
Catherine was as good as her word, and within a couple of hours the two women were laden with colourful cardboard bags with pretty ribbon handles. When Catherine suggested stopping at a café, Stella gratefully agreed. They collapsed at a table and ordered a pot of tea to share. Stella was keen to keep the conversation away from Benedict, and Catherine appeared equally keen not to have the subject wander round to her plotting attempts, so the conversation remained light and easy. Once they’d finished their tea, Catherine leaned down and rubbed her left leg.
‘You know, I can’t bear the Tube again in this heat so I’m treating us to a cab back to your flat as long as you don’t mind an impromptu visitor?’
‘Not at all. I’ll go and hail a taxi.’
When Catherine came outside five minutes later, Stella was still standing on the pavement, surrounded by shopping bags, waving haplessly as a parade of black cabs sailed by.
‘You may as well go and sit down for a bit as I’m having no luck here.’
But Catherine was having none of it and drew herself up to her full height, walked smartly to the kerb, put two fingers in her mouth and gave an ear-splitting whistle, which magically brought a cab to the kerb. Winking at Stella, she climbed in.
‘What? You think once you’re over sixty you forget how to whistle?’
‘I’m impressed and envious. Whistling’s something I’ve never been able to do.’
‘Then you must allow me to teach you some time.’
The cabbie glanced in the rear-view mirror and asked them where to. Stella gave her address and was about to give directions when the cabbie pulled away.
‘Forget it, my dear,’ said Catherine, ‘he’ll only be insulted if you give him directions.’
At Stella’s puzzled look, Catherine informed her that London cab drivers have to do a test called ‘The Knowledge’ before they get a licence, and pointed out that the driver probably knew every single street, alley and shortcut in London, and all without the aid of satellite navigation. When the cab pulled up in Abbey Road, Stella gathered their things, hopped out and held the door for Catherine, who paid the cabbie. Ernie saw them coming with their shopping and hurried to open the outer door for them.
‘Thanks very much, Ernie. ’
‘Good shopping trip, ladies?’ he said, pressing the lift button for them.
‘Yes, thank you,’ said Catherine. ‘But we’re ready to put our feet up.’
‘This your mum, Stella?’
‘Ah, no.’ Unbelievable. Twice in one day. But how to describe their relationship without the aid of an overhead projector or a flipchart or something?
Fortunately, Catherine beat her to it. ‘Friend of the family.’
Stella ushered Catherine into the lift. ‘Sorry about that. My fault for not introducing you.’
‘Please don’t worry. These things happen, and I imagine it’s as hard for you as it is for me.’
When Stella let Catherine into her flat, she made a beeline for the sofa.
‘I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been dying to do this all day.’ Without further ado, Catherine kicked off her shoes and sank back into the sofa. ‘I adore the West End, but it’s murder on the old tootsies. The Tube would have finished me off.’
‘You stay put, and I’ll make us a nice cuppa.’
‘You’re an angel.’
Stella pottered about in the kitchen while Catherine relaxed. ‘I hope coffee mugs will do,’ she called through the serving hatch, ‘as there aren’t any teacups.’
‘Mugs are fine. We can fit more tea in them. Come and sit next to me, and while we drink, you can tell me exactly what’s troubling you.’
‘Who me? Nothing’s troubling me. I’m absolutely fine.’
‘Stella, my dearest girl, if I know one thing in life it’s when two people are weighed down by something. And it’s the best thing in the world if you talk about it, you know.’
‘I know, but, well… you know.’
‘What? I’m Anna’s mother and you think it’s not right to talk to me about your feelings for Benedict?’
Catherine had put her finger on it. It was incredibly awkward spending time with this woman, given that Stella was only on the scene because Anna had died. She sat down and looked at her feet for a long time, not knowing quite what to say. Then she felt a warm hand patting hers.
‘You can count on my blessing and on Bob’s, so there should be nothing standing in your way.’
‘That’s very gracious of you both, Catherine, and I really appreciate it. But even assuming Benedict does like me, there’s the problem of the stars. Well, the planets, to be precise.’
‘The planets? What on earth can you mean?’
‘You know, what with me being an astrologer and Benedict being an astronomer. He’s afraid of risking his professional reputation by associating with me, but it’s my work and my passion in life, so I couldn’t give it up. Not for anyone.’
Stella’s head drooped and even a comforting hug from Catherine didn’t help her to straighten up again.
‘Benedict Redman is made of sterner stuff than that, and he wouldn’t dream of asking you to give up your work…’
Catherine trailed off as Stella’s chin began to quiver. She tried to get a grip before she found herself sobbing snottily in the arms of someone she’d known for less than a turn of the moon. Unruffled, Catherine offered her a dainty, lace-edged handkerchief and Stella dabbed her watery eyes before passing the now-damp hanky back.
‘It’s quite all right, my dear. You hang onto it. Now tell me everything. Leave nothing out. You’ll feel better for it, I promise.’
And so Stella told this kind woman how she’d lost her parents when she was just a little girl and how astrology was her last link to her childhood. Astrology was how she earned her living, but more importantly, every time she looked at the stars or made an astrological calculation, it brought her closer to her mother, who’d taught her everything. And this woman understood perfectly, as only someone who has experienced great loss truly could.
‘So you see, no matter how much I feel for Benedict and Daniel, I cannot and will not betray my mother’s legacy.
‘Stella, my darling girl,’ began Catherine. ‘Benedict would never ask you to betray your calling, just as you would never ask him to give up his.’ She sighed and took Stella’s hands between hers. ‘If you and my son-in-law would only take a step back, you’d both see that what’s keeping you apart is nothing at all to do with a bunch of big rocks millions of miles away. You lost both your parents at a tender age, so it’s no wonder that you’re scared to love anyone in case you lose them in the same way.’ She paused to give Stella a little squeeze. ‘Likewise, Benedict is terrified of loving another woman in case he loses her again. My daughter was the world to me, and now she’s gone, all that I have left of her are Benedict and Daniel. My daughter would want them to be happy again. I want them to be happy again and can’t think of anyone that would make them happier than you.’ She got up and walked to the window, gazing down into the street below before going on. ‘Stella, I’d give everything twice over to have my daughter back. I miss her every single day of my life and always will. But I’ve accepted that Anna is gone, and as sad as that makes me, I love Benedict and Daniel, and their happiness means more to me than anything else in the world nowadays. And you, dear girl, are the one person who will make their happiness complete.’
If it were only that easy. ‘I’m not even sure how Benedict feels about me. He… well… he did almost kiss me the night before Daniel’s birthday.’ Stella’s heart tightened at the memory. ‘But the next day, he was as cool as anyone could be. I assumed he’d made a mistake. And that was that.’
The older woman was quick to assure Stella that he hadn’t made a mistake. He’d just realised that he’d found someone who made him happy. And that made him feel guilty. He was afraid of being happy, of betraying Anna’s memory, and betraying his in-laws, but Catherine insisted he was doing no such thing, and she and Bob wanted nothing more than for their grandson and his father to live a happy life.
‘My lovely Anna, God bless her, she would want them to be happy. And you mustn’t worry one bit about never living up to some impossible ideal. My daughter was everything to me, but she was no angel.’ Catherine laughed softly to herself. ‘We paint such saints with our memories, don’t we?’
Stella was lost in thinking how she’d also created saints of her parents, remembering only their lovely aspects and casting into the shadows anything less than ideal. She was spared the ordeal of feeling disloyal to them by the intercom buzzing, and she got up to press the button, only to hear heavy breathing.
‘Hello, Daniel.’
‘Hello, Stella,’ the little boy panted. ‘Guess what, guess what?’
Stella laughed. ‘What, what?’
‘We won! We won the cricket and I’ve got you a prize.’
‘A prize, eh? Well you’d better come up and show it to me.’
She buzzed him in and stood waiting at the door. In a couple of minutes, Daniel raced out of the lift, waving an England cricket hat in her direction – a hat very similar to the one her father used to wear when he went fishing.
‘Here’s your prize, Stella,’ he said. ‘I’ve got one just the same.’
‘It’s a lovely prize, thank you. Let me try it on.’
‘Very fetching, ’ whispered Bob as he passed. ‘But I think he means present rather than prize.’
‘No, I don’t, Grandpa,’ said Daniel. ‘I know what a present is. This is a prize because England won.’
‘Daniel, do you want some milk? Tea for everyone else?’
While Stella made tea, Daniel explored her flat. Benedict tried to stop him. Stella called through and said it was fine, but to keep an eye on him if he went onto the balcony.
‘The balcony! Daddy, I wish we had a balcony. Can I have my milk on the balcony with you, Stella?’
‘If your dad says it’s all right,’ she replied, carrying through a loaded tray and setting it on the table.
With permission from Benedict, she took her own mug and Daniel’s milk out onto the balcony and closed the glass doors behind them. Together, they gazed up and down Abbey Road while Daniel filled her in on the cricket match, how his daddy had been good at cricket when he was a little boy, and how he was going to practise hard so he could be just as good as his father when he grew up.
‘Will you come round and help me please, Stella? Sometimes on a Saturday when I’m not at school?’
‘We’ll have to see, Daniel. Now, do you see that white building over the road with all the people hanging around outside? It’s a recording studio and lots of famous musicians record their music there.’
The door opened then and Bob came out to join them. The balcony was scarcely six feet wide, and she and Daniel were already occupying most of those six feet. Bob lifted up his grandson, took his seat and parked him on his lap. Peering over the wrought-iron railing, he pointed to the studio.
‘I don’t believe it,’ he said. ‘Daniel, look over there.’
Outside the studio, a young man in shades was walking briskly away from a sleek navy-blue car, tailed by a small crowd.
‘Is that Grandma’s favourite singer?’ asked Daniel in an awed voice.
‘I’m sure it is. That car of his costs a pretty penny and not many young men can afford a set of wheels like that.’
Daniel hopped off his grandfather’s knee, rushed to the front of the balcony and yelled down to catch the man’s attention. The man turned around, raised his shades and peered up at Daniel .
‘Hello, it’s me! My Grandma Catherine loves you. She can sing all of your songs because she knows them off by heart.’
The man cracked a wide, dazzling smile and held up one thumb. Daniel bounced up and down and Stella got up to grab him under the armpits in case he bounced himself over the edge in his excitement. The man counted the floors up and along to Stella’s apartment, then he waved and was gone.
‘Grandma loves him, you know,’ said Daniel, ‘but not more than she loves you, Grandpa.’
‘Thank goodness I’ve still got the edge,’ said Bob, ‘but I have to work hard to stay there.’
‘Yes, Gramps. Grandma loves you best of all, then she loves me and then Daddy and then you, Stella, doesn’t she?’
‘Well, maybe.’ Stella rocked her hand from side to side. ‘Come on, see if you can spot anyone else.’
Bob eased his legs out in front of him and rubbed his knees. ‘So, Stella, how’s business?’
‘Not so bad. I’ve just coughed up for some online advertising to bring in more custom. It’s very handy being able to work online as the world can come to me quite easily, and it was a godsend during the pandemic.’
Daniel tapped her on the arm. ‘I heard a buzz from in there.’
Puzzled, she got up and went inside, closely followed by Daniel and Bob. Catherine and Benedict were busy talking in low voices and oblivious to anything going on around them. Stella pressed the button for the intercom speaker.
‘Afternoon, Stella,’ said Ernie. ‘A runner from the studio just dropped over with a present for the little boy on the balcony, but she said only if that was all right with his mother.’
‘Hang on, Ernie.’ Oh, not again. Stella wished the floor would open up and swallow her. ‘Er, is that all right with you, Benedict?’ she asked .
He looked slightly blank. ‘Well, if you think it’s all right, Stella, then that’ll be fine.’
‘Thanks Ernie, we’re on our way down. Come on, Daniel. Let’s go and see.’ Together, they ran to the lift. When they reached the ground floor, the doorman was waiting with a CD.
When he saw it, Daniel’s shoulders drooped. ‘Oh, it’s been scribbled on.’
Ernie had to put his head down to hide his laugh, but he couldn’t stop his shoulders from heaving.
‘We’ll take it upstairs for a better look,’ said Stella. ‘Now say thank you to Ernie.’
‘Thank you, Ernie. I’ve got to go now to show Grandma this scribbly CD. Bye, Ernie.’
Stella had to run to catch up with the little boy as he dashed into the lift. He ran back through her open door, red-faced with excitement, straight into Catherine’s waiting arms.
‘Grandma, Grandma. Look, it’s that man you like, I talked to him on the balcony, but it was all right because Gramps and Stella were there and I wasn’t talking to strangers, well not properly anyway, but look, he’s given me this. It’s a CD with a photo of him on it, but it’s got scribble all over it so it’ll need a good scrub.’
‘Daniel, sweetheart, slow down and take a breath.’ Catherine accepted the gift from him. ‘This isn’t scribble. It’s joined-up writing, and you’re still learning that. It’s been dedicated, you see. This writing says To Grandma Catherine, with lots of love then he’s signed his name and underneath it, there are three kisses.’
‘Oh, well, you’ll definitely want the kisses, so we’d better not scrub those off.’
‘We don’t want to scrub any of it off. This writing makes it an extra special gift, and you must look after it carefully so you’ll always remember today and you can show it to your children.’
‘Don’t be silly, Grandma, I’m not having any children. I’m only seven. You have to be a grown-up to have babies. Honestly.’
‘Well, you never know, Daniel. One day you might find yourself all grown up. It happens, you know.’
Daniel looked at his grandmother as if she’d taken leave of her senses.
‘I’m never going to grow up, Grandma. I’ve decided.’
Catherine slipped the CD into her handbag for safe keeping. ‘Anyway, Daniel, do you feel like coming home with me and Grandpa tonight?’
‘What day will it be in the morning?’
‘Sunday, why?’
‘Are you going to make a great big Sunday dinner with Yorkshire puddings and roast beef?’
‘Grandpa would be rather disappointed if I didn’t.’
‘I’ll come then. As long as I can have three Yorkshire puddings. Daddy, you never make Sunday dinner like Grandma does.’ Snuggling into Catherine’s side, he looked up at her with big eyes. ‘Grandma, do you still have my special pyjamas in my special bed at your house?’
‘I do, darling. But now you’re seven, they might be getting a bit small, so you’ll need some new ones…’
She pointed to the pile of shopping bags and Daniel’s eyebrows shot up.
‘For me?’ He rushed over to the bags and opened them until he found a pair of summer pyjamas with cartoon aliens on the front.
‘Ooh! Do these glow in the dark, Grandma?’
‘You’ll find out at bedtime.’ She got to her feet and put on her shoes with some difficulty. ‘Thank you for a delightful afternoon, Stella. We must do it again sometime soon, once my feet have returned to a more normal size.’
After kissing her on the cheek, Catherine stepped over to her son-in-law and kissed him. Bob shook hands with Benedict and Stella. Daniel kissed everyone, including his grandparents, and put his cricket hat on, ready for the journey .
They all walked down to the Telfords’ car together to make sure everyone was safely packed in. Daniel had a long hug from his father and a quick kiss from Stella. Finally, with much waving and smiling, and a sweeping U-turn that made Benedict take a sharp breath, they were off. When the car had disappeared into the distance and it would have been ridiculous to wave any longer, Stella and Benedict stood quietly side by side. What had been a companionable few minutes of waving and smiling had turned into something more awkward.
Eventually, she had to speak. ‘At the risk of being unoriginal, would you like to come up for some coffee?’
‘Coffee, Stella?’ He examined his watch. ‘At this time of night?’
She laughed nervously. ‘Obviously, I didn’t mean coffee coffee.’
‘Tea, then? Come on.’ He put an arm around her and together they walked back towards her building. ‘We need to talk.’
Ernie had made himself scarce and they waited for the lift in silence. Once inside her flat, Stella started to walk towards the kitchen but Benedict caught her shoulders and turned her around until she was facing him.
‘I don’t want coffee. Or tea. Look at me, Stella. I’m so sorry, but I hope you understand that I have to do this.’
He pulled her into his arms, and looked into her eyes until she felt she might go cross-eyed and had to close them. Then he kissed her. And this time, there was no near-miss.
In the morning, Stella woke with the light streaming through her window. She felt strangely happy and it took a moment or two for her to remember the night before. It hadn’t been a dream because she was nestled in a pair of bare arms and surrounded by that lovely nutmeg smell. She stirred against Benedict’s chest .
‘Morning, sleepyhead,’ he said. ‘I wondered when you’d finally wake up.’
‘You mean you’ve been watching me?’
‘Only because I left my phone in my jacket pocket. Had to alleviate the boredom somehow.’
Stella rolled her eyes, but it was wasted because she was still facing his chest.
He kissed the top of her head and murmured, ‘I love you, Stella.’
At this, Stella froze against him and he held her at arm’s length.
‘What? What’s wrong? Have I misjudged?’
‘No, not at all. I love you as well, of course I do. It’s just that I’ve spent so long wishing for this moment but also hoping it would never happen. It’s all so difficult.’
‘I know,’ he said. ‘I know what you mean, but as we’ve decided we love each other, and as we’ve er, tested the goods, we can hardly go back on it now. Look, let me give you a bit of space. I’ll nip out and fetch us some croissants and organise coffee. Then we can talk about how we’re going to find our way around this.’
‘Thank you. My brain works better after caffeine. I might grab a quick shower while you’re out. Try the high street, near the brasserie. Can you find your way back there?’
‘Not without my map app, I can’t. Won’t be long.’
When Stella emerged from the shower, wrapped in her bathrobe, Benedict had set out a pot of coffee and a plateful of freshly made croissants on the balcony. She joined him at the little table and sipped her coffee while he wolfed down a piece of pain au chocolat.
‘Sorry, do you want some?’
‘You can have it all,’ she said. ‘I’ve no appetite.’
Leaning over, he kissed her and went back to wolfing down pastries.
‘That’s no good, you’ll need to keep your strength up. As soon as you’ve replenished your energy, I’m carrying you back to bed because we need to have an in-depth discussion about the effects of the Saturn return. You must be about due your first one. I went through mine years ago, so if you need any tips, I’m your man.’
‘Where did you learn about the Saturn return?’ Stella laughed, delighted at the prospect of spending a long Sunday morning in bed discussing astrology.
‘Oh, research,’ he said. ‘I’m not just a pretty face, you know.’
‘So, with your new-found interest in astrology, don’t you think it’s time you told me your date, time and place of birth and let me analyse you properly?’
‘Sorry, Ms McElhone, but that information is restricted and can only be divulged to family members, so I’m afraid there’s another conversation that we need to have first.’