Chapter 3
RACHEL
Ikissed Jinx Enders.
More accurately, I threw myself at him right there in The Creek’s parking lot.
Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. I didn’t shove my tongue down his throat or try to hump him like a dog. But I did kiss him in a moment of drunken, mid-divorce insanity because I completely misread his chivalry.
Also, he smelled really, really good. Like spicy man, fresh cut grass, and fuel.
Oh my god, I’m going to hell.
Elbows planted on the kitchen counter, I pinch the bridge of my nose and pray for the ibuprofen to do its job. Every time my headache starts to ease up, I think about last night, and it starts throbbing all over again.
I’m not sure the kiss was even the worst part. Jinx laughed it off, and he wasn’t weird about it when he sat with me on the front porch and made sure I ate the burger he’d bought for me.
No, the worst part about last night was that I’m pretty sure I cried to him about Craig. I don’t remember everything, but I do recall Jinx telling me Craig was a selfish ass who didn’t deserve me.
Which was really sweet of him.
Stoppp.I slide my arms forward and collapse against the countertop. The cool surface dulls the pounding in my head a little, at least.
Last night was full of weak moments, and I am not going to continue that craziness today. I will not swoon over a twentysomething boy who has a reputation around town for his laissez-faire attitude. A boy who also works with my soon-to-be ex-husband. Ugh.
When my phone pings, my first instinct is to cringe. I swear to god, if it’s Craig asking me what the hell I was thinking last night…
Crystal: Hey, babes. Did you make it home okay?
Thank goodness.
Me: I did. How are you feeling?
Crystal: Like hell. Don’t let me do that again.
I laugh and instantly regret it when my head revolts.
Me: Same. No more PTA meetings at The Creek.
Crystal: Bobbie Jean’s from here on out. Coffee only. No more brandy.
Me: And no more whiskey
The clock in the living room chimes, reminding me that I need to get moving. The last thing I want to do today is nurse my hangover while the sun beats down on me, but I only have myself to blame for that.
Me: Heading to Emma’s game. Talk later.
I grab my purse and keys and head for the door. I’ve got my hand on the knob when it hits me, and my stomach sinks. My Explorer is still at The Creek.
Great. Not only will I be pulling up to the game with a hangover, but I’ll be late, too. Mom of the year, for sure.
I’m just pulling out my phone to text my dad—the only person I know who won’t ask a million questions—when a familiar white truck pulls into the driveway.
My heart takes off at a gallop, and the nausea that, so far, has been mild, ratchets up. What in the heck is he doing here?
The driver’s door opens, and a well-worn pair of boots hit the gravel. Then Jinx rounds the front of the truck looking far too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Which, of course, is a reminder that I have absolutely no business noticing how delicious he smells or how sweet he is or how good he looks in that snug white T-shirt. Also, he’s twenty-five. Or is it twenty-four? God.
“Mornin’.”
Dammit, that charming drawl is one more thing that shouldn’t affect me.
“Thought you might need a ride into town to get your car.” He arches one brow at the keys in my hand. “Looks like I’m right on time.”
“Uh…” Embarrassment floods me. I want to die. I want to go back into the house, curl up in bed, and die. “Yeah, I sorta forgot about that.”
He lifts his sunglasses and rests them on the brim of his ball cap. The way his light eyes twinkle against the late morning sun is like a punch to the solar plexus. And don’t get me started on the smile that stretches wide, revealing a dimple in his left cheek. Even with the light brown scruff on his jaw, the dimple is right there, looking as adorable as the man it belongs to.
He’s trouble, Rachel. Jailbait. Maybe not legally, but morally. And you’re not even divorced yet.
As subtly as I can, I blow out a breath, willing my body to chill.
“Happens to the best of us.” He tucks his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Jeans that are well worn and—stop looking! “Anyway, I’m heading into town, so if you need a lift…”
“Uh, sure.” I swallow down the butterflies threatening to take flight. “That would be great. Thank you.” The last thing I need is to spend more time with him, given how much he’s already derailed my sanity, but this saves me from having to call my dad for help.
A minute later, I’m buckled into his passenger seat just like I was last night, but this time, I’ve mostly got my wits about me.
Unlike Craig’s truck, this one is immaculate. There are no fast-food bags on the floor, no half-empty bottles of Gatorade rolling around in the back, no tools that smell like grease and diesel fuel. It’s all clean seats and that newer truck scent mixed with Jinx’s spicy deodorant or body wash. And a couple of tubes of lip balm in a cupholder.
Huh. His? Or were they left by the many girls I’m sure he’s had in here?
“What time is the softball game today?” he asks, one arm draped over the wheel while his other arm, thick and full of dark ink, rests on the console, his fingers drumming along to the rock song playing quietly on the radio.
“Noon.” I swallow and assess him as discreetly as possible. “How do you know about the game?”
The corner of his mouth curls into another grin. “You told me last night.”
“Oh.” I clutch my purse to my abdomen a little tighter. I really wish I could remember all the things I told him. “About that… I probably owe you an apology.”
He chuckles. “For what?”
The kiss, for one. And anything I said that may have made him uncomfortable. I’m sure the last thing he wanted to do on a Friday night was deal with an emotional thirty-two-year-old woman who’s in the midst of a divorce.
“For all of…” I wave my hand, my stomach twisting itself into a knot. “All of everything last night.”
He shakes his head, drawing my attention to the brown-sugar hair curling around the edge of his ball cap. “Not a problem.”
“You were probably out with your friends and—”
“Hey…” He reaches over and gently squeezes my arm. Neither of us acknowledges the goose bumps that rise on my bare skin in response. “It’s all good. I promise. I only stopped in to have a beer with Ty and Connor and grab something to eat. You were on my way home.”
“And what about the cheeseburgers? You just happened to order two?”
The slightest blush creeps into his cheeks. “Sadie said you hadn’t eaten, so…”
So he might’ve been driving past my house, but he still went out of his way for me.
“Thank you.” I dip my chin and fiddle with my purse strap.
In my periphery, he nods humbly. “You’re welcome.”
We sit in silence as he drives into town, and I pray none of the people we pass recognize me.
I’m sure plenty of them saw us leave together last night, and I don’t even want to think about who might’ve seen me kiss him. The last thing I need is for people to see us together again this morning and make assumptions about how we spent the night.
Then again, Cole Creek is a small town, and the rumors are going to fly one way or another.
“No offense, but I noticed that your lawn could use some TLC,” he says as he turns onto the street in front of The Creek. “You need a hand with that?”
“My lawn? Oh. Mason takes care of that, but he mentioned something about needing more gas for the mower. We’ll deal with it tomorrow afternoon when he gets home from his dad’s. Er, his grandparents’. Thank you, though.”
Jinx slows in front of the pub and pulls into the parking lot. “No problem. I’m happy to help out if you change your mind.”
“I appreciate that.” When the truck comes to a stop next to my car, I unbuckle and turn to him, suddenly feeling like an awkward teenager getting dropped off from a date. “Thank you for the ride. Both of them. And the burger.”
He leans an arm on the driver’s door and gives me another of those crooked grins. “You’re too damn grateful.”
I frown in confusion. “What?”
“You’ve thanked me no less than a dozen times in the last twelve hours for things anyone with a lick of conscience would do.”
An ache forms in my chest. Craig wouldn’t. He wouldn’t have made sure I ate last night. He would have been too pissed off at the inconvenience of having to pick me up and deal with me. And he wouldn’t have offered to give me a ride to my car today, either. I would have had to swallow my pride and ask. And then he would have spent the drive complaining about me acting a fool the night before.
“I’m not sure that’s true, but th—” I pinch my eyes shut and let out a soft laugh. “I’m going to get out now.”
He chuckles, too. “Bye, Rachel. Have fun at the game today.”
“Bye, Jinx.” Have fun being too sweet and too swoony for your own good.
And for my good, too.
“Big crowd today.”Bobbie Jean scans the people nearby as we hurry from our cars to the softball field with just a few minutes to spare before the first pitch.
Each of us has a lawn chair in one hand and a cooler full of water and Gatorade for the kids in the other. Even though it’s Craig’s weekend, loading myself down with every single thing kids might need is a hard habit to break.
“It’s a nice day, so I’m not surprised.” But there’s no way I’m sitting in the sun with this headache. “How about we sit over there?” I jut my chin to a spot in the shade.
“Perfect.” Bobbie Jean sets up her chair and makes a few hand gestures to her son, Casen, who’s already taken off to play with his friends. “But I might sneak up to the fence later for pictures if Mariah gets to pitch.”
“Oh.” I nudge her with my elbow. “She’s getting good, huh?”
Bobbie Jean smiles. “She really is. Too bad her dad is never here to witness the progress she’s made.”
Ugh. My heart hurts for Mariah and for Bobbie. Though after the horrible divorce Bobbie and her ex-husband went through, maybe distance isn’t such a bad thing.
“I see Craig brought Miss Thing along today.” My friend discreetly lifts her chin toward the bleachers on the other side of the field.
“Yeah, I noticed.” I may not want Craig back, but seeing them still sends a shock of pain through my chest. We’re not even divorced, and they’re flaunting their relationship all over town just like they did when they were kids in high school. Good lord, grow up. Or at least wait until the ink is dry on the divorce papers.
“Mom!” Emma’s voice snags my attention. “Drink, please!”
Ah-ha. Motherly intuition saves the day.
“Be right back.” I stand and dig a Gatorade from the cooler, then walk it over to the field. “Hey, baby. Where’s your brother?”
She backs up and holds out her hands, ready for me to toss the bottle over the fence. “With Grandpa,” she says as she catches it. “He didn’t want to come.”
I figured that was the case once I saw Cady sitting beside Craig.
“Your hair looks cute.” Her hair is done in two French braids that hang over her shoulders.
Her face goes red, and she ducks her chin.
“It’s okay, baby.”
My heart aches for her. I hate that she and Mason so often find themselves in the middle of issues they shouldn’t have to worry about. She can’t braid, and my mother-in-law has never been the type to do hair, so it’s not hard to figure out who’s responsible.
“The braids look nice, and it’s hot out today. They’ll keep your neck cool.”
Her shoulders drop in relief. “That’s what Cady said, too.”
“Good.” I wish we were standing on the same side of the fence so I could give her a hug and reassure her. I don’t love that another woman is playing a role in my children’s lives, but I’m not going to force their loyalty when, thus far, Cady’s influence seems to be a positive one.
“I’d better get back to the dugout.” Emma tips her head.
“Okay, baby. Kick butt today.”
With a thumbs-up, she trots off to join the rest of the team.
I watch her for a minute, unable to help but smile. When I turn to head back to the shade, I almost bump into Craig.
“Thanks for bringing her a drink,” he says. Then, “What’s this I hear about you going out last night?”
Without my permission, a breath huffs out of me. I should have known.
“There was a PTA meeting at the pub.”
“I’m talking about after the meeting.”
So the beer pong. “I’m allowed to have fun, Craig.”
“With a bunch of college guys?” He regards me, brows lifted.
In the sun, it’s so easy to see how much he’s aged over the years. Of course, I have, too, and these past few months haven’t been kind to either of us.
“Look, I really don’t owe you an explanation.” I don’t want to argue with him, but I will stand my ground purely on principle. If it’s okay for him to already be in a new relationship, then I can go out and have fun. With whomever I want.
“At least tell me you didn’t fuck around with Jinx.”
If it were possible for my jaw to disconnect from my skull and hit the ground, it would have.
Hands fisted at my sides, I tilt my chin up, defiant. “Are you freaking kidding me right now?”
He lifts his hands in that innocent yet passive-aggressive way he’s responded to most of our conflict over the past couple of years. Like he’s just the messenger of whatever crap he’s spewing without taking accountability for any of it.
“He gave me a ride home.” I won’t mention that Jinx kept me from doing something worse than playing games with those guys. He doesn’t need more ammunition to use against me.
“He gave you a ride back this morning, too. Right before you came here.” This time, he doesn’t even try to soften the accusation.
“I’m not doing this with you.” Here or anywhere else.
“You have kids, Rachel.”
I rear back. “So do you.”
But that doesn’t matter. It’s always been about me and what I am and am not. Never his shortcomings. Never how selfish he was for the entirety of our marriage. Never the things he got to do, the life he got to live, while I stayed home and raised our kids and maintained a job.
“Go back to your girlfriend, Craig.” I will my tone to remain even. “And next time you want to come over and give me shit about what I’m doing with my life, maybe you should think about what you’re doing with yours.”
I shoulder around him, using all my willpower to keep the tears at bay, and march back to my seat by Bobbie Jean.
“What the hell was that?” she asks, frowning at Craig.
“Oh, you know.” I drop into my lawn chair with a huff. “Just my soon-to-be ex-husband and his hypocritical bullshit.”
“Does today’s bullshit have anything to do with Jinx giving you a ride home last night?”
My spine stiffens and I spin to face her. “You already heard, too?”
“I saw your car was still at the bar this morning when I went into town to open the shop. I texted Sadie to check on you.”
“Why didn’t you text me?”
“What if you’d gone home with someone?” She smirks. “I wasn’t about to interrupt your fun. Or your walk of shame.”
“Oh my god.” I press my fingers into my temples and close my eyes.
These people are out of their minds. I may be in the middle of a divorce, but I’ve never been that kind of woman. I’m not going to start now. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I slept in my own bed last night.”
“So nothing happened with Jinx?” She frowns, her head tilted slightly.
Does she really look disappointed right now, or am I imagining things?
“He’s a kid, Bobbie. And he’s your cousin.”
She holds up a finger. “For one, he’s twenty-six and most definitely not a kid. And two, I’m related to half this town, so nothing is weird to me anymore.”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “I’m not talking to you about this.”
“This…” she repeats. “That implies that this is something.”
“Ugh.” I grip the armrests of my chair and push myself back against it. “No. Just… no.”
“He’s a nice guy.”
I haven’t had nearly enough coffee for this.
“It wasn’t like that, Bobbie. He literally just gave me a ride.” And he fed me. And talked to me. And didn’t freak out when I kissed him.
“Hmm. That’s too bad. I think you two would be really cute together.”
Well, yeah. Because he’s cute.
But he’s young. And dating is the farthest thing from my mind right now.
Even if it weren’t, I wouldn’t even consider Jinx Enders.
As sweet as he was both last night and this morning, he has a reputation for exactly that… for being a total lady’s man. And me? I’ve been with exactly one man my entire life. I’d humiliate myself with someone like Jinx. Not that he’d even be interested in someone like me.
Craigwasn’t even interested anymore, and he knew everything about me.
But did he really?
I shove a hand through my hair, close my eyes, and turn my face to the sliver of sun streaking through the trees.
No, that isn’t true.
Craig didn’t know everything, and to be fair, I didn’t for a long time, either. I just became really good at convincing everyone, including myself, otherwise.
The truth is, I wasn’t happy. With my marriage, with my life, or with myself.
And I can’t blame Craig for leaving…
When I already blame myself for staying.