Chapter 27
A dam buzzed me into his apartment block, and just as we said hi, the signature theme song of Peppa Pig sounded behind him. I wondered if there was anything else Sophie and Bianca had ever watched on TV.
‘Oh, you’re mannying again,’ I said, relieved.
‘What?’
‘You know, the male version of a nanny: manny.’
‘I prefer it to be called babysitting.’
‘So where are Sharon and Keith tonight?’ I didn’t mean to pry, but it seemed like the most obvious question to carry on with the small talk.
‘Exploring the nightlife in the city.’
‘They seem to be visiting you a lot…’
‘They’re thinking about moving to London. They’re just checking out the different areas before making a decision.’
‘Or maybe they just want to take advantage of the free babysitting service,’ I pointed out. ‘But shouldn’t they be looking at schools and nurseries instead of nightclubs?’
He laughed. ‘You’re so critical of anyone capable of having fun. So what brings you here, Boss Lady?’
‘David said you’d called in sick…’
‘I’m fine. I just completely forgot they were coming over last night.’ His eyes darted to the plastic bag I hadn’t been quick enough to hide. ‘What’s in there?’
After I passed it to him, he examined the contents with great interest. ‘Ooh, paracetamol, a hot-water bottle, and is that the chicken soup I cooked?’ he asked, making me feel silly about rushing to see him, prepared for a medical emergency .
‘Yes… I mean no . It’s Korean, but I picked it up on the way here.’ I tried to play down the fact I’d had to make a five-mile detour to get him the soup, but I hadn’t wanted to waste more time going back home first. ‘There’s also a pack of Mars bars somewhere,’ I added.
‘Why are you being so nice to me?’ he asked, clearly trying to be funny.
But before he could crack another joke, I decided to come clean. ‘I wanted to say thank you for yesterday and felt guilty because I thought you’d caught my bug… I sort of expected to find you half-dead on the sofa.’
‘Why don’t you come in and say hi to the girls? They’re already in bed watching TV. I put it on for them while I tidied up.’
‘You’ve managed to get them into bed on your own? Look at you.’
‘I do it all the time. I don’t always have a wicked witch to help me,’ he said, shutting the door behind me, then called towards the living room, ‘Sophie, Bianca, look who’s here.’
Both girls were tucked in the sofa bed, and their eyes were about to close. They seemed so small and angelic. Why couldn’t kids always be like this? They almost made me feel broody, but motherhood wasn’t a priority on my list, at least not for the next five years.
Adam switched off the TV, and the girls didn’t even protest.
‘Hi, Evelyn,’ they sang without much energy.
‘Evelyn, do you want to read to us?’ asked Sophie.
‘Do you need help cleaning up?’ I looked hopefully at Adam.
‘It’s all done. Today’s dinner was all dry food, so no mess,’ he said proudly. ‘But I’ve got a few things to do, so I’ll leave you with the girls if that’s okay?
I turned to the little ones. ‘Alright, what are we reading tonight?’
‘ Frozen ,’ said Sophie in her little voice.
Bianca mouthed the word after her sister, unable to talk from tiredness .
‘Again?’ I sighed. ‘Fine.’
Just like last time, the girls were fast asleep after a couple of pages. I put the book on the coffee table that was now pushed under the window, then I tidied up some toys around the sofa and went to look for Adam.
I found him in his bedroom; he was folding some laundry and pairing socks, perhaps for the first time in his life. ‘They’re out,’ I told him.
He looked up. ‘You see, you’re not that bad with kids. You’d make a great mum. You’d probably scare the shit out of them with your military-style discipline; still, you have potential…’
I wondered whether it was meant to be a compliment or an insult.
‘Do you want a family?’ he asked.
‘Haven’t thought about it much… One day maybe. What about you?’
‘I don’t think I’d be a good mum, but yeah, a football team will do.’
I let out a quiet laugh. ‘Poor mother of your children. She’ll be spending more time in the hospital giving birth than at home.’
When his chuckle had stopped too, I looked around and asked, ‘Can we sit down and talk for a minute?’
‘Are we not talking already?’ he asked but pushed the remaining laundry back into the basket and moved the folded items from the bed on top of the chest of drawers. He then sat down, waiting for me to join him.
‘Can we not use the kitchen?’ I assumed Keith and Sharon’s things had taken up the spare room like last time, but I’d have preferred a setting without a bed anyway.
‘I wouldn’t go in there; the floor is all wet.’
‘Didn’t you say there was no mess to clean up?’ I didn’t take him for someone who’d casually go around mopping floors every night.
‘No, bath time got a bit out of hand…’
Reluctantly, I settled next to him on the edge of the bed. It was strange being in his bedroom again; the memories of our first real night together in June kept rushing back to me, but I tried not to show it.
‘So?’
‘So…’ I started, but words failed me.
Sitting so close to him, the scent of his aftershave distracted me, but eventually, I managed to compose myself enough to carry on.
‘I appreciate that you came to dinner the other week and looked after me yesterday. Honestly, you’ve done a lot for me recently, and for that, I’m grateful. I definitely owe you one…’ I hesitated again, but he was looking at me with a cynical expression, waiting for me to go on, so I did. ‘But I don’t want a repeat of yesterday; I think you know exactly what I’m talking about… It’s not professional, and you’ll just get yourself into trouble at work.’ I took a deep sigh before adding, ‘I’d love for us to put the awkwardness behind us, move on, and be friends.’
Regardless of how unwell I’d been yesterday, I could recall the stand-off between Adam and David. I was worried others had noticed it too, and I couldn’t let that happen again.
I couldn’t talk to David about how it affected me and our working relationship – he’d just deny the tension anyway. After all, he was about to be a husband and father. But that confused me even more, as I couldn’t understand why he was then reacting to Adam’s advances towards me so negatively. For someone who was engaged, his behaviour wasn’t appropriate at all.
On the other hand, I knew I could approach Adam about it; he wouldn’t lie to me or tell me I was just imagining things.
I normally wouldn’t have worried what others thought of me, but I couldn’t let my private life interfere with my work.
‘I don’t think I can do that,’ said Adam.
He was looking at me intensely, and I swallowed hard. When he proceeded to touch my hair and stroke my chin, I felt the urge to jump on him and rip off his clothes.
‘Why are you doing this to me?’ I asked.
‘Why are you doing this to me?’ he asked back quietly .
That was it. The urge took over, and I grabbed his face with both hands, pulling him closer, and kissed him, pressing my lips so hard on his that our noses were buried in each other’s cheeks, making us almost unable to breathe, but I didn’t care. I wanted to taste him; I wanted to feel every inch of him.
He kissed me back with the same force; low moans and rustling of hair ensued.
I quickly undid his belt buckle and reached to haul his top over his head before finally letting go of the kiss.
‘Hey, hey, slow down,’ he said, laughing and pushing me away. ‘Remember, we have the kids here.’
I bit my lip, still breathing heavily.
‘You’re right; we shouldn’t be doing this,’ I agreed, feeling ashamed that I was unable to control myself when being this close to him.
‘I just meant we need to be quiet. Well, relatively quiet…’
‘Please stop winking at me. It makes me feel like I’m dealing with a playboy.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Okay, let’s just get on with this,’ I said, reaching for his top again.
‘Wow, can’t you be more subtle?’ He laughed, pushing my hands away again. ‘You sure know how to put a man at ease. This time, we’ll do it my way.’
I didn’t like the sound of that. His words foreshadowed an unnecessarily long pillow fight, likely in the different variations of missionary position only. But I couldn’t leave tonight without having him first, so I told him, ‘As long as you keep your mouth shut.’
He smiled. ‘Well, it’d be difficult to do the things I want to do to you with my mouth shut.’
Perhaps I’d been wrong about the missionary position then. ‘Pervert,’ I told him.
‘You can’t call someone a pervert in the middle of having sex… and look who’s talking!’
‘We haven’t even started because you keep talking. Maybe I should just go.’ I stared at the door as if seriously considering leaving; not that I had any intention to though. The lack of direction, however, started to frustrate me.
‘I will if you just relax and let me be in control for once,’ he said, even adding a please.
‘Whatever.’
He put a finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him again. ‘Okay, I’ll go slow, and please don’t rush me.’
‘Oh, just shut up for Christ’s sake! I could have flown to Gran Canaria and back by now. Twice.’
He laughed. ‘“Gran Canaria” – is that what you call it?’
I shot him another deadly stare.
‘Okay, okay, no more talking,’ he said.
A second later, his intense gaze resumed, the gaze that promised a wild pillow fight instead of a slow and boring one. His smile faded; there was no time for jokes anymore, and he leaned towards me again.
He kissed me lightly, then his lips moved to my neck and ears.
With my fingers, I tried to direct his head so that his lips would be where they belonged – on mine – but he pushed my hands away.
‘I’m in charge now,’ he whispered into my ear, and my groin immediately started burning.
I wanted to sink my nails into his skin, make him flinch and cry out, even if only for a second. I wanted him to want this as much as I did. Not for the feeling of pain but for the feeling of control. I had to have it – it always elevated my senses.
My unruly hand slid under his top, but he swept it off him. I tried again, and this time, he grabbed my wrist to lead my hand back to a safe area: onto the bed cover. Not willing to risk another attempt at rebellion, he locked his fingers around my wrist.
‘Not yet,’ he breathed on my neck while alternating between gentle bites and hot exhales on my skin.
He talked as if I was a greedy child in a sweet shop. But his words, instead of slowing me down, triggered the opposite effect. I wanted to feel him even more badly, as if his body was forbidden candy and my sweet tooth ached for a treat. My craving worsened by the second.
Nothing he was doing to me was rushed, aggressive, or with the purpose of leaving visible marks. Yet his moves signalled the beginning of another war – a takeover one. His lips and tongue extended their visit to my neck just to boast about who the new commander was.
My left hand knew better now, so instead of venturing under his top, I moved it onto his scalp, stroking his thick hair. His grip loosened on my right wrist as if to say that as long as my fingers didn’t wander too far, they were allowed to participate in this new type of battle. A battle where we didn’t fight against each other but worked together for a common goal.
He unbuttoned my shirt, one button at a time. This took ages as he kept pausing, gazing fiercely into my eyes every few seconds to remind me that he didn’t need my permission to undo another, and another… This was his call now and done at his pace.
Then his look softened, though it remained passionate, as if to convince me that tonight would last forever; that he wanted it to last forever… But I knew everything had a shelf life; emotions like lust didn’t last. It couldn’t. This time next month or next year, Adam would be kissing someone else, making them feel like they were the only woman in the world.
The room started spinning, and an unfamiliar ache began to form in my chest, squeezing my lungs. At first, I thought perhaps I hadn’t quite got over my cold, but the pain didn’t seem to be physical, like it was all in my head. I didn’t want to accept that the thought of Adam being with someone else had triggered such an emotional reaction in me. It couldn’t have been that…
Or could it?
By the time the pain subsided, my shirt was on the floor.
He then got up and offered a hand to help me up.
I looked up at him, questioning, definitely not expecting what was to come next .
He folded his arms around me, and awkwardly, I returned the hug. We just stood there holding each other, for how long I didn’t know, our warm bodies heating the cool room before that sharp pain returned to my chest.
I’d never hugged a man before, not like this. It felt like my whole life depended on holding him and the fact he was holding me.
He gently broke away from the hug, his fingers moving down my waistline to find the zipper on the back of my smart skirt. I realised I’d put on a short skirt today only for him, no one else, just to tease him, and discovering he was off work had left me hugely disappointed.
Again, he took his time, undoing the zip then ever so slowly pushing the skirt down my hips until it slid to the floor without further assistance.
I’d never felt so confused, out of control, not knowing what to do and what would happen next. Though I was dying to know. Wearing only underwear and tights while he was still fully dressed made me feel even more vulnerable and exposed in all the senses of the word. To make things even, I needed to cover myself up or convince him to also remove his clothes.
But before I could negotiate with him, he kneeled before me, and I realised when he’d said about needing his mouth hadn’t been a lie. Even the black lace tights and knickers couldn’t lessen the intensity of the feeling his lips and tongue created between my thighs as he tasted me, circling the same spot over and over again.
My toes were curling, and I was close to collapsing and screaming out.
However, he didn’t finish his mission that easily. He rose from the floor, and with one move, he picked me up and gently laid me on the bed.
He didn’t break eye contact with me until he moved to get something from the chest of drawers opposite the bed. Meanwhile, I quickly removed the rest of my clothes and threw them on the floor, waiting for him naked, ready for the final act of takeover .
When he returned, he shook his head as if to say I was naughty and should have kept my undergarments on. Despite his disapproving nod, his soft stare told me he liked the view though.
He let his eyes explore every inch of me before he finally took off his top, revealing that gorgeous upper body, and joined me on the bed. He lay on his side next to me, propped up on one elbow, his other hand gently stroking the side of my leg from the knee to the hip, his gaze obediently following his fingers’ path.
Meanwhile, I let my fingers run across his chest, gripping the warm flesh, allowing my nails to dig into his firm shoulders at last and piercing the flawless skin.
He flinched but didn’t make a sound. Then he turned to the bedside table behind him.
I’d been so preoccupied with enjoying the perfectly formed landscape of his body that only now did I notice the items he’d placed on the nightstand – a pair of silver handcuffs and some silky beige-black material, like a long ribbon. These were the last things I’d expected Adam to keep at home – this man kept on surprising me.
He took the cuffs in his hands, presenting them to me as if to ask, ‘Do you trust me?’
I’d never thought I’d fancy the idea of being enslaved by someone. Still, to my surprise, I offered up my wrists without hesitation, allowing him to fasten them to the wooden railing of the bed above my head. He then tied the blindfold over my eyes and put a pillow behind my back, making sure I was comfortable enough in that half-lying, half-sitting-up position.
There was no question anymore who was in charge. Adam had won this war, and for the first time in my life, I felt excited about someone else taking the lead. And that it was him.
Waiting in the dark for him to do whatever he wanted to do to me, a sudden wave of relief washed over me. It took me a while to understand it, but it was as if I’d eliminated some unnameable pressure from my chest. I had nothing to prove here; there were no expectations set against me. It was his turn to show me what he was capable of and in what ways he could please me… and he didn’t disappoint.
First, he covered my body with gentle kisses from head to toe, pulling away and letting out a soft laugh (which sounded more like a muffled moan) whenever he was operating close enough for me to try and bite his gorgeously smooth shoulders.
Every time he brushed against my skin with the tip of his tongue, my body tensed, and the metal cuffs cut into my wrists. But the physical pain was nothing compared to the mental pain his leisurely moves brought upon me. I wanted to reach for him and tear his jeans off, but he tortured me for quite some time – until I was almost begging.
When I could literally bear it no longer, almost going insane from craving him, I could hear the heavenly noise of a zip sliding, and the next minute, his bare legs were rubbing against mine. He was on top of me, but his chest kept some distance, holding himself up, not burying me under his weight.
Like mine, his body was on fire, and it was apparent he too was ready to finish this game. Still, instead of giving in, he started teasing me further, circling his manhood between my legs without any intention of invading my body. I wasn’t sure which of us endured more agony from the extended wait.
However, the friction caused by his repetitive grinding motions was enough for me to start experiencing the familiar, intense sensation of a different kind of relief. My teeth sank into my lower lip to stop me from crying out, and I tasted blood.
He must have understood what was going on, as when my body shook for the second time, he slowed down and stopped for a minute, allowing me to enjoy the moment a little longer and gather myself, ready for another attack.
I expected him to carry on teasing me around the same sensitive area, but instead, he set me a new challenge. I heard him moving and could sense him kneeling over me – then he was offering himself to me, thus reversing our roles. It was now him dangling a sweet carrot under my nose, brushing my lips and cheek, offering a sample.
I knew he was curious to see whether I’d take the bait.
Just when he was about to give up on the experiment, I did. From his first groan, I could tell he hadn’t expected my reaction.
I decided to make him wait just as long as he’d tortured me, pushing my tongue out, tasting him slowly and gently, first taking the top bit only between my lips, then more and more of him until I was almost choking.
His groans became louder, and I could feel the tension building in his body, but before the game was over, he moved away. As if he was just trying to prove a point and to remind me that he was still in control. (To me, it seemed he was punishing himself for no reason.)
The next few hours became a long and sensual blur. At some point, he was kissing my body again: my neck, my shoulders, the inside of my thighs. He spent ages gently sucking on my ears, my nipples, even my toes and other places I’d never thought could be so sensitive to touch, but soon my body underwent the same earth-shattering explosion as earlier.
When I was visibly exhausted from his countless attacks, he finally allowed himself some fun, locating my extra protection and finishing the game inside me. As he filled me perfectly, pushing himself hard into me, the blindfold started to slip from my eyes.
After that, it didn’t take long for us to arrive in Gran Canaria together, with an unworldly sense of pleasure.
When the journey ended, the blindfold had slid to my neck, and I watched his face; his eyes were still closed when the last waves of joy had passed. Then he opened them, gazing back at me. He was looking at me with the same tenderness he had yesterday, and his thrusts slowed, like he was now trying to gently rock me to sleep.
Being with him tonight had felt surreal – most of the time – like floating on water, far away from the shore, almost unconscious from tiredness and an unfamiliar sense of liberation. Then the cuffs grazing my skin reminded me that I was his slave, yet it felt like he was mine.
When his forward motions completely stopped, he kissed my cheek and rolled off me.
Floating back towards the shore, I started to sober up and asked, ‘Where did you get the handcuffs from?’
‘Keith is a policeman. I borrowed them.’
‘Can you set me free now?’ I added, seeing he hadn’t got my previous hint that it was time to end my enslavement.
He looked at me, terrified. ‘Shit, sorry, I haven’t got the keys. I’ll need to ask him for it when they’re back.’
‘You’re joking, right?’
He leaned back towards the bedside cabinet and picked up something. ‘Yes, I am. It was an online order,’ he said, undoing the cuffs.
‘I’d never have thought you were into stuff like this.’
‘It wasn’t for me. It was for you.’
‘You bought these for me?’ I asked, massaging my wrists. Despite the fact he’d been trying so hard not to leave any marks with his teeth, he sure had left quite noticeable red marks on me with the cuffs.
‘Actually, it was you who bought them last year using my Amazon account,’ he said. ‘When I received the package, I tossed it in a drawer. I thought there must have been a mix-up, and they sent it to me in error. You must have ordered this then added your address later. Never mind… But I figured you needed something to relax, and they came in handy just now. So dear Cruella, one to ten, how would you rate this?’
My answer came swiftly. ‘Eight.’
‘Oh, come on. Surely tonight deserved a nine—’
‘Shoot, what time is it?’
‘I hate to break it to you, but it’s past your bedtime,’ he said, but I’d suspected that was the case.
‘I should go then. I shouldn’t be here when Sharon and Keith return. ’
‘Evelyn, we’re all adults. I’m pretty sure they don’t expect me to live like a monk.’
‘But it’s not right to have sex when the kids are next door.’
‘How are you planning on having a married life with kids then?’ he asked.
‘I’m not planning that.’
‘Why? Have you run out of Excel spreadsheets?’
‘Can’t you just be serious for once?’
‘Where’s the fun in that?’
‘I think you’re missing the point of being serious,’ I said, finally locating my tights. ‘Anyway, I’ll go now. See you next week in the office.’
Adam fell back on the pillow with a loud puff. ‘And we’re back to the work topic – that didn’t take long. Are you just using me for sex?’
‘Am I that obvious?’
‘I wish there was something more in it for me.’
‘Another free trip to Cardiff?’ I asked, clutching the door handle.
‘You see, now you’re the one who can’t be serious. So we’re back to square zero.’
‘One,’ I corrected him.
He shook his head. ‘No, it’s zero. From now on, it’s either all or nothing for me. I’m sorry, but I don’t like being played with.’
‘I’m sorry you feel that way,’ I told him. ‘It was never my intention to mislead you, but you do have a great body that’s hard to say no to…’
‘What about my personality?’
‘I guess you’re alright, but—’
‘But what? As a half Korean site manager am I not dazzling enough? Would my personality be more desirable to you if it came with a goatee and a silver Audi? Or do you despise me because I think there’s more to life than killing myself with work? Is that what you were going to say?’
‘You’re being childish again – I’m off. ’
‘You just do that: run off again,’ he huffed.
‘Well, I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.’
‘And I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.’
‘Fine.’
‘Fine.’
*
As I exited the building, a taxi pulled up at the block, and Sharon and Keith emerged from it. I quickly ducked behind a bush. What the hell was I doing? I was acting like a child caught in the act. Just as they reached the block entrance, I straightened up as if I’d just dropped something.
They didn’t seem to notice me though. They were giggling loudly, and ignoring that the kids must be asleep, Sharon pressed the buzzer. While waiting for Adam to let them in, they shared a passionate kiss, reminding me how I’d spent the past few hours, and I wished I could run back upstairs and throw myself into Adam’s strong arms again…
I wished he wasn’t so immature. Why couldn’t he accept that this was never meant to go beyond some casual and purely physical… something ? All I’d wanted was to smooth things out, and now this whole situation (I couldn’t really put a name to what we had) was getting more complicated than it had already been…
Thinking of Adam made me ache inside. It was a peculiar and alien sensation. I’d never felt such an extraordinary craving for anyone – whether it was to slap his face or rip his clothes off – and the intensity of these urges seemed to border on insanity.
No doubt, he was driving me mad, and I hated that he could so easily get under my skin.
And because of him, I’d started to forget who I really was. Because of him, I constantly had to remind myself that I was a strong woman who didn’t need a man to make her feel alive or safe. And I was definitely not a silly girl who’d hide behind bushes to avoid awkward situations .
If I was a witch, then he was a wizard who’d turned me into someone I couldn’t recognise anymore. I had to get rid of the spell he’d cast on me quickly. I could never allow the two of us to be alone again because I couldn’t trust myself with him.
This strange relationship – whatever it was – had to end now.