Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Parker
My dad’s crew were tight. They looked out for each other and they looked out for me—to some extent. But with the exception of The Butcher and those closest to him, none of them would lay down their life for another.
I figured that was normal. We all had our part to play, our jobs to do, then we got paid. End of.
Being here, with this gang of bikers and their motley crew of friends, I realize the closeness I’ve been craving, the family I came to America to find—and had every intention of forcing my love upon—has been here the whole time.
They didn’t even require any force because I’ve been welcomed with open arms.
I have been shown more love and affection in these past four months than my whole life. From my brother, his friends, all the way to my pod. They are each a part of my soul that I didn’t even know was missing. But now I have them, my heart could literally burst.
The problem with loving people this hard, though, is that you feel it more when they’re hurting. And when there’s nobody to kill to make them feel better, I’m kind of at a loss.
Well, I was at a loss. Maybe still am…we’ll see how this goes.
In reality, it should take a couple of years to be a truly skilled tattooist. And I’m certainly not skilled, but I have spent every second of every day practicing, learning, honing the craft.
Obviously, I’ve eaten and fucked and even passed my motorcycle test super quickly, thanks to Mac’s instruction—and ADHD. It’s a superpower until it isn’t.
Shade has trusted me to do some of my designs on actual people over the last few months, under supervision of course, and I’m hoping that I’m not about to cross the line with my suggestion.
Clearing my throat, I approach Mac in the kitchen of the clubhouse.
“Mac?”
She ices the final cupcake on her tray and slowly turns to face me, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy.
“Hey, Parker.” She blinks a few times, as if gathering her thoughts, then takes a deep breath in through her nose, out through her mouth.
“Could you take these down to the bar room, please, ready for when Church lets out.” Her voice is so quiet, so unlike her usual self.
I can practically feel the pain radiating from her.
“Do you want a hug?” I wouldn’t say I’m the best person to be around when others are sad, hugs and alcohol are my usual offering.
Fuck, if she starts crying, I won’t be able to help myself.
With a barely perceptible nod, her bottom lip begins to wobble and I immediately step forward, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and holding tight. It’s quiet, but I can hear her gentle sobs as she accepts my comfort.
I don’t say anything because the whole, “it’ll be alright,” “they’re in a better place,” bullshit is exactly that.
Bullshit. We all know these phrases, they’ve been engrained into us, we don’t need to hear them every time we lose a life.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling the pain.
Letting the sorrow overtake you so much that you can barely function.
As long as, eventually, you allow someone to pull you back up again.
So that’s what I’m doing. I’m being here for my friend as a support, a crutch, until she’s ready to do it by herself. I’ve been doing it for Grinder since the early hours of this morning, when the group text was sent out by Psycho.
“Sorry.” Pulling away, Mac wipes at her eyes and nose.
“How’re your dolphins?” I love that she’s taken to using our name for ourselves.
She’s Spenny’s best friend in the world and she simply accepted it when he told her.
Psycho, not so much. He’s more into taking the piss and calling us fish, but Mac is all aboard.
“Spenny’s making sure Gryffin is settled with his nanna in the lady house out back, totally ready to get fucked up with you tonight.
And Grinder had an idea that I’ve been working on.
Which is why I came to find you, actually.
” Holding up the drawing tablet, I show her my design and wait for the reaction.
She sharply inhales a deep breath and covers her mouth with her hands.
“Ohmygod, Parker.” She looks from me to the picture, back to me again, back to the picture.
“It’s fudging beautiful. It looks so much like him, I…
” Her voice cracks and fat tears slide down her cheeks as she looks back to me.
“Thank you.” Her words are wobbly, quiet, and I can’t help my own eyes watering.
“Grinder gave me a photo of him to use, and I didn’t know if I could do him justice, and I was thinking, well, Grinder was thinking that the club could all have a new little tattoo and—”
Mac chuckles, the saddest chuckle there ever was. “I truly love it. So will Aleko. And I guarantee there’ll be no arm twisting for tattoos.” She sniffles and gives me a wobbly smile.
“A little birdy tells me two of my favorite women are in here.” Spencer rounds the corner and pauses at the door, sighing and giving his sad you-need-a-hug eyes before he opens up his arms.
Sorry, Mac, but you gots to share him now.
We both go and tuck ourselves under an arm each, allowing him to wrap us in his own brand of amazing hug.
After a few minutes, the music starts up out back and we know Church is over.
“C’mon. We have a life to celebrate.” Spenny gives me a little squeeze and kisses the top of Mac’s head.
She nods.
“Go ahead, I’ll grab the cupcakes.”
Holding Mac’s hand, Spenny gives me a sad wink before leaving the room.
I sigh and take in the cupcakes. So much love and care has gone into these, each one delicately piped with his name.
The perk to not being loved the way this club cares is that the pain when someone dies is like a needle prick.
I’ve only known Ninja, barely, for four months and I can’t help my own tears.
Sighing, I pick up the tray of cupcakes and head downstairs to go out back, where they set the barbecue up for today’s shenanigans. There’s a space for the tray on the long table set out with paper plates, napkins, and a couple of ice buckets full of beer.
“Did you make those?” Grinder sidles up behind me, his palms caressing my hips and stomach as he rests his head on my shoulder.
“Because I love you, and I’m willing to die for you, but death by cupcake isn’t the way I thought I’d go.
” He nuzzles into my neck and bites down, sending a thrill shooting from the tips of my toes to every erogenous zone I have.
“Ha ha.” We figured out that baking isn’t my forte when I severely overcooked, then undercooked, my first, second, and only batches a few weeks ago.
“We decided I’d leave the baking to Mac.
” Gripping his hands against my stomach, I squeeze before bringing them up to my mouth and kissing his tattooed fingers.
“Shots!”
Everyone stops and turns toward the grill, where Bear is standing with Athena tucked beneath his arm. Psycho and Mac are beside him, tiny glasses in hand, and Bear is holding up a large bottle of amber liquid. I think that’s the loudest I’ve ever heard that man speak…well, shout.
“Well fuck me upside down. There’s a first time for everything. Teddy Bear calling for shots” Grinder lowers his voice and speaks into my ear. “We can try that upside down thing with the swing later.”
A mass of bodies all crowd toward Bear with shot glasses and he pours each one. Obviously, Grinder and I do the same thing. Mac’s eyes are still red-rimmed, but Psycho seems to be holding himself together. I doubt that’s the case behind closed doors.
When we got the news yesterday that Ninja had passed, Grinder clung to me and Spencer for hours. Literally. He was mostly silent as we watched a few films, and his fingers squeezed tighter than usual. Like he was making sure we weren’t going anywhere without him.
Ninja was Psycho’s personal pet, even though he was a club staple, so I know it must have hit him hard. The other rattie, Bandit, is currently in the hood of his jacket, munching on a carrot stick that I have no doubt is from Bear.
Stepping back, my hand in Grinder’s, I look around for Spenny because he was with Mac…ah, there he is. Joining us, sliding his spare hand around Grinder’s back, he holds up his glass along with the rest of the club.
“To Ninja.” Psycho leads the charge, holding his glass high.
Everyone follows suit, with a loud, “To Ninja!” ringing out across the back yard space.
Shots are thrown back before the music is turned up, yells are shouted out, and burgers are flipped.
“Where did you go?” I face Spenny and give him judgey eyes. For no other reason than because I know it amuses him.
“I left something in our suite.” He grins like he’s keeping a secret.
“What?” Grinder is just as inquisitive as me.
“Would you drop it if I said wait until later?” Spenny knows the answer to that question. Silly man.
“No.”
“Nope.”
Grinder and I answer at the same time and Spencer chuckles.
“You can’t go dangling balls and expect them to go unplayed with. Now spill.” I push my fist onto my hip and glare expectantly.
Barely containing the roll of his eyes, Spencer tilts his head and leads us toward one of the empty benches, where we all sit.
“While I was shopping with Mac last week, I saw these things.” Digging into his pocket, a red flush creeps up Spencer’s neck before he pulls out a large jewelry box.
“We can’t get married, but I want the world to know that I’m committed, that I’m in love, that I am absolutely off the market.
And I want the world to know the same thing about you two.
” He opens the box and inside are three silver rings.
“Fuck off!” I squeal, but before I can pounce on him, Grinder holds his face between his palms and kisses the everloving shit out of him. It’s so fucking cute.
Next, Grinder turns away from Spencer and grips my chin, pulling me in for a mind-melting kiss of my own.
Leaning back, Grinder takes one of my hands and one of Spencer’s, making sure we both have his attention.
“I will find a way to marry you both. Whether it’s technically legal is another matter, but we’re having a wedding.” He’s never been more serious. “Life’s too fucking short for all the bullshit.”
Taking the lead, he grabs two of the three silver rings.
“Left hands.” He points to his lap and, of course, we both oblige, placing our left hands on Grinder’s thighs.
“You’re my sanity, Doc, and I’m so fucking proud of you.” Grinder slides the first ring onto Spencer and I have to hold back my tears.
Fucking beautiful.
Then Grinder turns to me. “You’re the devil on my shoulder and I wouldn’t have you any other way.” He grins and slides the next silver ring onto my finger. It’s thick, but also delicate, and I can’t help but wonder how long it took for Spenny to find these. They’re perfect.
Peering around Grinder, Spenny and I make eye contact and reach for the third and final ring together. I give him the nod to go first because, while we may be in tune, his words are not mine and vice versa.
“I wish I had some sweet words, but I think there are only three that cover everything.” Spencer smiles. “I love you, Diego.” Then his eyes flick up to mine and his grin grows. “And I love you, Parker.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to follow that?” They both chuckle at my faux-outburst. “Ditto to all of the above.” I lean forward and kiss Spenny’s nose before biting Grinder’s lip. “We doing this?” Holding the final ring, Spencer and I both push it onto Grinder’s finger before relaxing back.
Grinder’s arms wrap around each of us and we settle against his firm chest.
“Can we agree that when Pepper’s dead, we don’t get any more pets because today is hard?” Blowing out a heavy breath, Grinder sighs.
“Erm…” I clear my throat but I don’t move. I know I gave judgey eyes earlier, but I don’t want them reflected back at me in this moment.
“What did you do?” They’re so in sync it’s almost comical.
“I er…dammit. It was supposed to be a surprise, and I arranged it before the Ninja thing and I’m sorry but also not sorry…” I chance a look up at them through my lashes, but my head is still firmly against Grinder’s chest.
They’re both smiling. Good…
“We’re getting a dog!”