Chapter 18
Nate groaned and rolled over in bed. As nice as Alex’s guestroom was, he had been running on fumes for too long, and his body was still recovering from the torture Sims had put him through.
Everything hurt, and his mission in Atlanta had completely wrecked him.
Even crashing after he came home earlier Saturday morning wasn’t cutting it.
He needed more rest. Hell, he needed a vacation.
Or how about a new fucking life?
That sounded good right about now, particularly one with Alex.
He groaned as he thought about Alex. God, she was beautiful.
It was getting harder and harder to be around her.
The last thing Nate wanted was to be some weird pervert who had inserted himself into her life, but he couldn’t help but get aroused when he was with her.
Everything about her did it for him—the shape of her body, the way she looked, how she moved, even the way she smelled.
He had been fighting the attraction by focusing on his mission, but now that he was staying under her roof, it was impossible to ignore her.
His dick began to stir to life, and he cursed himself. For a while, he had been too weak, and the drug detox had been too rough to worry about boners. But now, he was feeling a hell of a lot better, and his cock had been like steel the last few days.
Nate tried to ignore it, but his thoughts soon turned to Alex.
And then he felt like shit when his hand traveled under the elastic of his boxer briefs to pull his dick out and begin to stroke it while thinking about her.
Then again, he wasn’t feeling guilty enough to stop because his mind focused on what it would be like to kiss her lips, to massage her breasts, to slip his fingers inside her wet heat.
He got an image of her lips wrapped around his cock, and he let out a hiss as he began working himself with vigor.
Her mouth would be amazing, but he bet her pussy would be absolute perfection.
He shut his eyes and thought of how perfect she would feel underneath him as he fucked into her.
A sudden orgasm overtook him, and he ejaculated onto his stomach, breathing hard as he came down from the sudden high. Immediately disgusted with himself, he grabbed a tissue from a box nearby, wiped himself, and fumbled to the guest bathroom.
Why had he done that? He shouldn’t have thought of her like that. He had no chance with her, and she’d never want someone like him. He was just a damaged drug addict. Alex deserved much better than him.
He took a quick shower, rinsing off the sweaty feeling that had accumulated from sleep.
Then, he returned to the guestroom to scrounge for one of his few pairs of clothes to wear, hoping that one was decent.
He’d have to buy more clothes or ask to use Alex’s washer.
Frowning, he looked for his spare clothes and noted they weren’t thrown on the chair in the corner where he had initially put them.
Had Alex moved them? Where would she have put them? In the dresser?
He glanced over and noted the space empty, except for a few decorative candles.
Curious, he nudged the top dresser drawer open and stared at the contents.
One of his black shirts was on top, washed and folded nicely.
Alex had done his laundry and put his clothes away.
Why? She didn’t have to do that. He never asked her to and wouldn’t have wanted her.
He was fully capable of doing it himself.
His eyes grew wide as he noted there were more shirts below it. However, he didn’t recognize these. They were all brand new with the tags still on them. She hadn’t bought these for him, had she?
Why?
Nate’s phone beeped, and he glanced at it to see that Alex had pulled into the driveway.
Miles Bryant had asked her to work today, and even though he was disappointed she hadn’t been home when he had stumbled in this morning, he understood how important her job was to her.
He still felt guilty for asking her to help him, and now, he felt even more guilty about the clothing. He’d have to pay her back.
Knowing that he needed to get decent, he pulled open more drawers. There he found new pants along with a new shirt. She had bought him socks, too. And underwear—the exact kind he wore.
No.
He checked the brand. Scratch that. It was a better kind than what he had been wearing.
Nate was almost finished getting dressed and was pulling off the tags on the softest black T-shirt he had ever felt when there was a knock, and Alex stepped in. He had heard her coming up the steps, but he had assumed she’d gone to her room.
“Oh, my gosh!” she exclaimed. “Why did I even bother knocking when I barged in anyhow?” She stared at his bare chest, and he felt self-conscious.
His body had filled out. He wasn’t emaciated anymore, but he wasn’t in his usual shape, though Alex’s face seemed to turn a bit pink when she glanced at him.
Was she blushing? Damn. “I’m so sorry. I’m a terrible housemate. I’ll go.”
“No!” Nate said more sharply than he had intended. “Stay. I’m almost done. I wanted to, uh, thank you for getting me the clothes. I only had a few from a quick trip to Big Box. Yours are much nicer. Let me have the receipt, and I’ll reimburse you.”
Alex smiled.
“Don’t discount Big Box clothes. Almost all my casual clothes come from there.”
Nate frowned, puzzled. When he had initially broken into her home, he had done a thorough search for weapons as well as hidden security cameras. She had a closet full of designer clothing and shoes. Her house was immaculate. She drove a luxury car. Perhaps his assumptions weren’t correct?
“I didn’t think you’d shop at a Big Box,” he noted.
Alex frowned.
“Why not?”
“Because of this…” He pointed to the suit she was wearing and then down to her classy high heels. He had no idea who the designer was, but he could tell the material was quality.
She looked at her suit and pinched her lips together.
“Oh.” She took a step back, her eyes suddenly becoming glassy.
“This isn’t me. Miles feels guilty that I end up doing so much overtime and overcompensates by buying me stuff.
I bought all your clothes with unused gift cards.
You seriously don’t have to pay me back.
I’ve told Miles to stop. Now, he’s insisting on helping me furnish my house.
I never thought I’d be this fancy when I started, but here I am. ”
Nate stared at her, feeling like he had kicked a puppy. She was upset that he had suggested she had expensive tastes. He shouldn’t have said anything. Why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut?
Because you’re insecure and hold her on a pedestal like the goddess she is, he reminded himself.
“I should go,” she said and turned to leave, but Nate found himself reaching for her.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her back toward him. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t protest. She looked so beautiful; he’d give anything to kiss her. Nate knew he couldn’t. Instead, he needed to explain.
“Alex, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply anything negative. Honestly, I’m intimidated by you.”
“Me?” she asked, a look of astonishment on her face. “Why?”
“Because you’re perfect. I mean, look at you.
You’re gorgeous, smart, put together. I figured wearing high-end clothes was a part of you being so classy.
I didn’t mean it to be negative. And if I’m going to get it all out there, you buying me those clothes was the nicest thing anyone has done for me. ”
“Oh.”
She stared at him, blinking owlishly. She looked so fucking beautiful that he couldn’t help but move closer.
He expected her to move away, but when she stood there, staring up at him, he started to get ideas.
They all revolved around cupping her face and kissing her.
He shouldn’t be entertaining them, yet he could quite shake them.
“I was just trying to be nice,” she told him.
“I thought maybe I overstepped. Miles let me have Friday afternoon off. I figured I’d do chores and realized you’d probably have laundry.
I figured you’d want fresh clothes, so I went into your room and grabbed what I saw.
” She cringed. “Sorry for the intrusion.”
“Alex, I told you—”
“Then, I realized you barely had any clothing. So, I got the laundry going and went on a shopping trip. I was only going to get a few things, but I kept finding all this stuff I’d thought you’d look good in. I went overboard. Sorry.”
“Alex,” Nate said again, trying to snap her out of her nervous rant.
“And then I—”
“Alex,” he said loudly and squeezed gently on her arm.
“What?” she asked, biting her lower lip.
“Don’t apologize. I told you that I liked the fact that you did that. Thank you.”
“Oh. Okay.”
He grinned, remembering what she had said.
“You were thinking about how good I’d look?” he asked teasingly.
He had meant it as a joke, but when Alex’s face flamed red, he realized there could be a real attraction. That meant he did have a chance with her.
Without another thought, he took his free hand and gently cupped her cheek. When she looked at him with wide, inviting eyes, he leaned in and kissed her gently.
? ? ?
All Alex wanted to do was update Nathan about Gray Tower. Kat and her team had developed a portable device for the super suits, and it was being deployed in the field soon. However, all of that had quickly fled from her mind.
The man was ridiculously hot. She couldn’t help but stare at his bare chest. He wasn’t as bulky as some of the guys at Gray Tower.
He had been tortured and starved, but she was surprised he had gained that much weight back already.
The muscle that was there was well-defined.
The sight had made her stomach flutter. She couldn’t remember the last time her body had reacted to a man that way.
She should have been scared, but with Nathan, she wasn’t.
After the clothes conversation, she felt more confused than ever. His hand was gently gripping around her arm, and he had just given her compliments. Of course, she had goofed up and said she imagined him looking good while shopping.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
She had no practice with men. Sure, she was around men all the time, but they were friends. She had no desire to go out with them, but Nathan was different.
“You were thinking about how good I’d look?” There was a big grin on his face.
Alex could feel her face grow hot with embarrassment. She needed to change the subject or leave before she made an even bigger fool of herself.
However, she couldn’t move. All she could do was stare and admire how handsome he was.
Those blue eyes looked back at her, and before she could do anything, his hand gently cupped her cheek.
It was rough and calloused, but she loved the feel of it there.
When he pulled her in for a kiss, all thinking stopped.
It was a soft and tender kiss, and she reveled in it, closing her eyes and enjoying the feel of his lips on hers. Then, she was suddenly back there again.
Stop fighting me, bitch. You can’t go anywhere.
That’s it. Cry it out while I give it to you. You’ll feel better.
You’re such a good girl, taking my load. Just wait a moment, and I’ll give you another one.
Alex cried out, snapping out of the memory, and pulled away from Nathan. That man wasn’t with her. She was with Nathan, a man she trusted. Her eyes watered with unshed tears as she watched his expression darken. He was angry. At her.
“Nathan,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
She reached out a shaking hand to him, but he stepped back. Her heart sank.
“Look, I get it,” he told her. His tone wasn’t as harsh as she expected, but he didn’t sound happy either. “You’re perfect, and I’m just a junkie. It was stupid of me to pull that shit. You’ve been gracious enough to help me with this mission. I won’t bother you again. Sorry.”
He pushed past her and was out the door before she could say anything. She needed to stop him and tell him she had wanted that kiss. She was the one who was messed up, not him.
Alex sank into the bed and began to cry.
Of all the times to be upset about the flashbacks, this one stung the most. It prevented her from moving on with life when she finally found someone.
She had wanted Nathan to kiss her; she had wanted him to do a lot more than that.
It scared her, but it also felt exhilarating.
However, if she went back to that place every time she tried, it would never happen.
She would be alone.
Forever.
No. She had to tell him. He needed to know.
The thought of revealing her past to another person was frightening.
She had never told another person—not even Kat.
At the time it had happened, she and Kat were leading busy lives away from one another, and they rarely talked.
Kat had just gained recognition as a tech whizz, and her career had taken off.
Alex hadn’t wanted to add to her stress.
After a time, she felt it was best to leave the past in the past, even after they had reconnected at Gray Tower.
As scary as it was to tell someone else, she knew it needed to be Nathan.
It wasn’t just because she wanted him to understand that he was “worthy” of her.
When he had called himself a junkie, her heart had broken.
He was a good man. He didn’t need to prove his worth to anyone.
She already knew. Alex also needed him to know that she was broken, too.
She couldn’t let things end as they had. She wanted more. She had to tell him.
She had to come clean.