Chapter 24 MJ
MJ
“You kissed him?” Rose asks as we sit in my living room Tuesday night.
We’re curled up on the couch with a giant bowl of popcorn and two glasses of wine under the pretense of watching White Christmas, but so far, all we’ve done is talk.
Lindsey’s upstairs asleep, having looked like death warmed over when she got in early from work.
She wouldn’t even let me make her something to eat, saying she just needed to lie down for a bit, but that was hours ago.
I know she needs the rest, so I didn’t dare disturb her.
“Yes,” I say, pushing my hand through my hair. “I’m freaking out here, Rose. I kissed someone. Someone who is not my husband.”
“And I think that’s great. But I also think it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you to consider a time when perhaps you might do more than kiss someone.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She raises her eyebrows. “You know.”
“Clearly I don’t.”
“You know.” Rose lets out an exasperated huff. “Sending Ron on a spelunking mission down south.”
I gasp. “Oh my God, Rose. What is wrong with you?”
She holds out her hand, examining her perfect red nails. “I ask myself this every day.”
“That is the last thing I want to think about.”
“Why?” she asks. “You’re not dead yet, woman. You mean to tell me you don’t miss it? Not even a little?”
My cheeks are on fire, but I refuse to give her the satisfaction of admitting she’s right. I do miss it, but I also miss Henry.
“Look, I know Henry was the love of your life,” Rose says, as though reading my mind. “But what if you get more than one?”
“Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose? If you get more than one, they’re not really the one, are they?”
“Aren’t we more evolved than that, Myra Jean?
You can love Henry for the rest of your life, and you can still move on and love someone else.
It doesn’t have to be either/or,” she says.
“And maybe Ron won’t be the right guy, but I think you should be open to the idea that there’s more than one person on this planet for you. ”
I blow out a breath. “I don’t know. It’s so hard to imagine.”
My sister pins me with her eyes. “Is it really? Because I’m not so sure it is. In fact, I think you have imagined it, and that’s why you’ve got your panties in a twist. The very idea has you petrified.”
I drain the rest of my wine in one gulp. “Well, can you blame me?”
“Of course not.” Her face softens. “It’s okay to be scared. I’d be worried if you weren’t. But you can’t let fear rule your life. We may not be spring chickens anymore, but we’ve got a lot of years left. And if you get the chance to be loved twice, you should take it.”
“This, from my perpetually single sister.”
“You know the whole relationship thing has never been my bag, but it has been yours,” she says. “I have all the companionship I want, and I’m happy with my life as is.” She hoists herself off the couch and takes my empty glass. “But are you?”
I open my mouth but close it again.
Am I happy? Will I be happy if this is all there is?
“I’m going to get us a refill,” she says. “I’ll be back.”
I nod, staring ahead at Henry’s stocking that I still hang from the mantle.
If she asked me the question just days ago, before I met Ron, I would have said no. I wasn’t happy, and I couldn’t imagine a time when I would be again. There were fleeting moments of something resembling joy, but they were inevitably swallowed whole by grief.
Grief not only for the loss of my husband, but also for the years we lost, a future we would never see together.
However, something’s changed since I met Ron.
I’ve smiled and laughed more than I have in a long time.
He’s unearthed parts of me I thought were buried in a cemetery, left behind, along with the rest of my heart.
But maybe they were never really gone. Maybe it just took them a while to find their way home.
“Okay,” Rose says, returning to the sofa with our drinks. “I need details about this kiss. Tell me everything.”
I snort as she hands me my glass. “Absolutely not.”
“Oh, come on. Humor me.” She kicks at my leg with her sock-covered foot. “What was it like?”
I toss a handful of popcorn in my mouth. “Like leaping off a building,” I garble.
“You know, you’re not exactly selling this,” she says, wrinkling her nose.
I chuckle, taking a swallow of wine. “I wasn’t finished. I was going to say it was like leaping off a building, being completely terrified, only to find out I could fly.”
“Aw.” Rose presses a palm to her chest. “That might be the cutest, most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.”
I swat her arm with a throw pillow.
“When are you seeing him again?” she asks.
“Tomorrow. We’re meeting for lunch at The Southern Bean.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oooh, a lunch date. How sexy.”
I throw up my hands. “What would you have me do? Make out with him in the back row of a movie theater like a teenager?”
She smirks. “I mean…yes.”