4. FOUR
FOUR
“I’m so happy to see you!” Finn is quick around the counter, pulling me into a hesitant hug. “I-It really means a lot that you came back to visit me!” He pauses. “...You did come back to visit me, r-right?”
“Yeah. I… I don’t know. I wasn’t exactly in the best mood yesterday, and it was nice to… talk? I guess?”
Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Finn shakes his head excitedly. “Nobody’s ever come to visit me at work before.”
“It’s not really normal,” I mumble with red cheeks. “Sorry if this is weird. I-I swear I’m not a creep or anything.”
“It’s not creepy. It’s really s-sweet.”
Sweet is definitely not the word I’d use to describe someone driving out to the edge of town to visit me. What the actual hell am I even doing? God—I’m so weird without even trying.
“My shift… It just started, but… If you need gas, I can give you my discount again! You liked that, right? Is that why you came back?”
My heart breaks a smidge. He thinks I’m using him, and honestly I might be. But not for that. I don’t care about a stupid discount. Not even I know why I’m really here. Maybe it’s a distraction, or maybe the way he looked at me yesterday made me wanna come back.
Life is stuck in limbo right now. Things are moving forward, but I’m not moving with them. It’s peaceful now, though. Standing here in this overlit room with fluorescent lights humming quietly feels oddly serene.
“Not at all.” I nervously grab my forearm. “I just wanted to see you. Uh, you aren’t still shaken up over yesterday, right?” That’s a horrible excuse, but any other explanation would make me seem weird.
Taking a step closer to me, Finn laughs weakly. “No. Not anymore. You… you made me feel better about it. No one’s ever done that before. S-Stepping in, I mean.”
“It was the right thing to do.” Not that I would’ve done it in any other context. Isn’t it kind of pathetic that it takes me being at rock bottom to do the right thing? “I’m happy I could’ve helped—even if it was small and dumb.”
“Not dumb. Not at all.” There’s something so inviting about that triangle smile of his. “I really appreciated it, Duncan. Duncan.” Finn chuckles softly to himself. “I like your name, Duncan.”
That makes me laugh like an idiot. “I like your name too, Finn.” This is flirting, right? It has to be flirting. Is he flirting with me? Am I flirting with him? It’s so humiliating to be a grown adult whose only experience with romance is movies and video games.
The jingle that I love and hate almost goes unnoticed, but when someone approaches us both Finn scurries to his place behind the counter. I awkwardly step back and stare at a bag of chips with far too much interest.
“Fifty on pump three,” the customer rasps before slapping down a fifty on the glass. She doesn’t spare Finn so much as a glance before leaving. Not even a ‘thanks’ or a ‘hey.’
His job must be hard. Spending the late hours of the night surrounded by people, but never really interacting with any of them. Everyone has their own places to be, and Finn is more of an object than a person in their eyes.
“You’re gonna be busy,” I say as I approach the counter. “I don’t wanna linger around and get you in any trouble or anything.”
“It’s not…” Frowning, Finn’s voice trails off. “It’s not trouble. I… I like having you around.”
When was the last time anyone liked having me around? “That’s really sweet. I’ll come back again soon, promise.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Okay… Thanks for visiting, Duncan.” The softest expression takes hold of his usually reserved features. “See you soon.”
“Anytime, Finn.” I give him a little wave and head for the door, but before I reach it he shouts from behind me.
“W-Wait! Uh… Do you… I-I… uh… Do you wanna go… go do something tomorrow?!” Glancing over my shoulder I find him shaking like a leaf, staring at me as though this is a life or death question. “Maybe… go get burgers… I know this good place…”
Burgers with the cute stuttery cashier that enjoys hanging out with me. That has to be a good entry point to at least having one friend, right?. A real, physical, in person friend. I can’t even remember the last time I had one of those.
“Yeah.” I do my best to sound casual about it, as though I’m not dying of excitement on the inside. “That sounds really nice. Do you… want my number? We can plan it, or whatever.”
Hazel eyes widen in awe. “Y-Yes! I want your number!” Seemingly embarrassed by his own excitement, he blushes. “I would really like that.”
“You got a pen and paper back there?” I ask, reapproaching the counter while Finn fiddles with something just out of sight.
“Here!” He slides it across the glass. “Is this… like, okay? You don’t feel forced or anything, right?”
That’s an odd question.
“No, not at all. I… I guess I don’t have all that many friends right now.”
Finn's shoulders drop. “...Me neither.”
“Text me when you get a chance, okay?” I scribble my number on a yellow post-it note, sliding it back towards him with a stupid grin that definitely makes me seem dorky. “Have a good shift, Finn.”
“B-Bye, Duncan! Have a good shift!” He freezes. “I mean, uh—night! Have a good night!”
With a little wave I step out into the cool night air. It’s nice out, even with all the clouds and the biting weather I still feel pretty good about everything. My phone buzzes with a text, and although I expect to see Haley’s name an unknown number appears instead.
503-XXX-XXXX
Hi, Duncan! Thank you for visiting me at work today. I was really happy to see you. Please get home safe, okay?
Maybe: Finn
It’s Finn, by the way! From the gas station!
The most charming part about all of this is that I don’t even think he’s trying to be so dorky. I think I understand him. It’s been far too long since I’ve hung out with anybody.
I could say I tried dating apps and stuff, but I didn’t. There were times I wanted to, but all the photos I took of myself seemed so wrong. I don’t go anywhere, and that becomes painstakingly obvious when all my pictures are bathroom selfies.
But this could be something different. I really hope it is something different, because god I could really use a friend right now.