ELEVEN
“I think things will be okay,” Finn offers hopefully while chewing on a french fry. He sounds like he believes it, which oddly enough makes me want to believe it too. “Chalupa has to come home. He has to.”
I groan. “Maybe. Fuck, it’s just… All I had to do was close the window. I swear, I keep closing it but somehow it’s always open.”
With his features twisted into concern, Finn scratches at his cheek. “That’s… bad. Um, you… A-Are you gonna be okay?”
Taking the last bite of my burger, I shrug in response. “Maybe. Probably. Hopefully.” Weak laughter follows in an attempt to make that sentence less pathetic. “It’ll be okay. I really appreciate this. This whole… whatever this was. I do feel better.”
Again with that smile that just lights up my heart. It’s so stupid how one miniscule thing can make me feel so strongly, but when he stares at me like that I never want it to end. Maybe it’s only a fleeting crush, but it feels nice. I wanna keep the feeling as long as I can.
“Can I get you guys anything else?” The waitress from earlier approaches, twirling her hair around her finger as she grins eagerly at me—back turned to Finn entirely. “How about some dessert?”
Without missing a beat, Finn answers for the both of us in a voice that sounds a tad bit deeper than usual. “No, thank you. Just the bill.”
“Uh-huh.” She seems displeased with his response but walks off to fetch it anyway. When she returns he doesn’t even speak to her, tapping his card and plucking the receipt from her red fingernails.
“You didn’t have to pay,” I say as we walk back out into the parking lot. “You paid last time. Let me get next?”
Finn's voice goes back to its usual sweet tone. “So there’s gonna be a n-next time?”
“Don’t be a dork.” I playfully hit his hunched-up shoulder before we clamor into the car. “Of course there will be. Who else is gonna help me look for my cat at one in the morning?”
After a brief pause he lights up. “Y-Yeah. That’s true. It’s… special. This is special. We’re friends.”
“That’s right. We are friends.” We are. I actually managed to make a friend. My mind wanders to Haley, who I definitely need to reply to when I get home. “Thank you for your help, Finn.”
Finn turns up the radio, but I’m honestly out of it all. Staring out the window having one of those angsty music video moments, I suck up the last few drops of my cherry cola milkshake and close my eyes. When we stop at a red light, Finn taps my shoulder gently.
“Um… Uh…” he stammers for some reason. Sorry about Chalupa. Do you want to search for him again tomorrow? I-I could take off work, maybe, or—”
“Don’t worry about it.” My somber tone betrays me. “I really hate the thought of you missing work ‘cause I’m a dumbass. It’s not like I don’t have a car of my own. I’ll find him. I know it.”
Finn’s brows push together in thought before a warm expression takes over. “Okay… you seem… in a better mood. S-So, I believe you. I really hope you find him.”
“Me too,” I sigh before taking another sip.
My apartment is on the horizon now, and this weird little outing will be over. Is this what it feels like to have a friend? Just hanging out casually and then dipping? I never realized how much I could enjoy this.
Probably a little too much since for a moment the idea of inviting him in crosses my mind.
But no, that’s not smart. If I move too fast he might get scared, or he’ll get the wrong idea, and that’s no good either.
It’s extremely late to the point it's actually early, and I’m predisposed to making bad decisions when the sky isn’t fully lit up.
“Thank you for suggesting this, Finn.” That stupid swirly feeling comes back to my stomach as we arrive in front of my place. “It was… it was nice. I appreciate the help.”
“Anytime, Duncan. I mean it.”
“Bye," I sneak one last glance at him. "Get home safe, okay? Text me?”
“Will do. B-Bye, Duncan.”
Unbuckling my seatbelt, I wave as I get all the way to my front door. In spite of the fact we didn’t find my cat, I actually feel pretty okay about the entire situation. It’s not over. Finn is right, Chalupa might still come home.
His beat up car drives off slowly while I mess with my keychain.
Once I find my house key I’m back inside, only to be greeted with silence.
There’s something unsettling about spending so much time with someone only to go back to being alone, it makes you feel so isolated regardless of what happened before.
Setting my tote bag down I enter my bedroom to find my stupid fucking cat curled up in the middle of the mattress as though nothing happened. As though I didn’t spiral for the past three days because I thought he was dead somewhere.
Yet I’m beyond relieved. Calmly walking over to the window, I shut and lock it before letting myself flop down into the bed with him. Shaky hands pet his soft fur. I really thought I lost him, but here he is.
All the stress of the day reaches its peak in an ugly mess of tears and hiccups. Now I’m really glad I didn’t invite Finn in. It’s all so intense that I really might just vomit all over myself. This is so disgusting. I’ve never felt more ashamed of myself.
I’ll text Haley tomorrow—or I guess later today. I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I’m surprised I can even form a cohesive thought with how badly my body is trembling.
Of course I’m happy Chalupa’s okay, but I almost can’t process the fact he really is okay. I had prepared myself for the worst, yet here he is purring up a storm and being his typical adorable self.
Every emotion I have lately is weirdly heightened even if they disappear as quickly as they arrive. It’s so damn stressful. I think if I told anyone what was actually on my mind most of the time, they’d have me admitted to a psychiatric hospital or something.
Or something.