32. THIRTY-TWO
THIRTY-TWO
Hoisting myself up off the couch, I try my hardest to follow after him. I already exerted myself earlier, so my arms feel like jelly. I only make it about halfway through the hall before my body just can’t do it anymore.
“F-Finn!” I shout to no response. My throat feels tight, I can’t even scream anymore. Trembling, I lay there for a moment. I’ve had some serious low points in my life, but never before have I felt so damn useless. “Please, Finn…”
When my voice trails off I know that’s the end of it. My forehead hits the ground and I shut my eyes, fists tightening into balls as I’m left there. Discarded as though I was never important in the first place.
Even though I want to scream, I really don’t have the energy. When Finn is mad at me he’s clingy, but this is the opposite of that. What if I really did it this time? What if I’m not worth it anymore? Is he gonna be mad forever?
My stomach rumbles but I barely hear it over the sound of my own labored breathing. In spite of my racing heart and overactive mind, exhaustion gets the better of me and I fall asleep right there on the floor. Tired eyes open to pictures of myself plastered across a familiar ceiling.
Finn sits at the edge of the bed, staring at something in his lap. His features are illuminated by the bright blue light of my phone, which he’s scrolling through with a frown on his face.
“Finn?” I hate how quiet I am. How nervous I sound. I’m not even scared about what he’ll do, what if he’s mad at me for real this time? “You… brought me to bed?”
“Couldn’t let you sleep on the floor.” He says with a dry chuckle before inching closer, holding out my phone to me. “This is what you wanted, right? I charged it.”
With raised brows my eyes flick between him and my baby blue case with a cat sticker on it. “You’re… giving it to me?”
“Just to look at.”
I take it, hastily entering in my pin only to be greeted with nothing. Not a single thing. No messages of concern. Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s been at least a week, and no one has even noticed that I’m gone? “What… Where’s all the…?”
“Nobody texted you. No one called you, either. It’s empty.” Finn plucks it out of my hands, sliding it in his pocket before scooping me into his arms. Something about his hold is comforting. Or at least more comforting than it was before.
Finn’s arms are so thick. Strong and sturdy yet soft enough to melt into. He’s warm, too. That’s nice when it’s always so cold at his house. Really nice.
“Why?” I ask before I can even process the word. “I thought… It’s… Why doesn’t anyone care?”
“I don’t know, Dunk.”
My brain starts working again and I jerk back. “Wait—but… you already had my phone. That’s why… the nickname. You saw it in Haley and I’s texts.”
“Yes,” he nods as if that’s obvious, “but that’s it. No one texted you. You wanna sit around all day to see that I’m not lying?”
Although he has every reason to lie, I doubt he’s bluffing about this. He’s not exactly good at hiding how he feels, after all. My stomach feels so hollow, and I swear I’m two seconds away from puking all over his unwashed sheets.
No words come out of my mouth, only a hoarse groan. Falling back into his chest, I shut my eyes—and the world—out for a second. This is confusing me. Am I going crazy? “I don’t feel good.”
“You really pushed yourself, getting up off the couch like that.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t… I just—”
Finn mumbles something that disrupts my train of thought, his voice all warm and welcoming as though he’s the best blanket. “I’m not angry. I was… upset yesterday, but… I-I don’t know. I guess I can’t stay that mad at you.”
A firm hand slips underneath me, hoisting me up by my ass so he can cradle me better. “I’m r-really sorry… that I ignored you. It’s not… I-I felt horrible to do it, I just… you really…” he laughs bitterly, “you really are so brave. My brave little bunny.”
The nickname that I’m supposed to hate sends a fluttery feeling to my chest, spreading across my skin like a virus in disguise. “I miss… my house… and I’m worried about my legs.”
“There’s nothing to be worried about.” Finn says before he kisses my forehead sweetly. “You don’t need them. I’m gonna be here forever, t-taking care of you.”
That thought should mortify me. I should scream, kick, fight to get away from him. But when he says it so gently and looks at me with so much love, I almost don’t even care. Is it really the worst thing in the world to be stuck with someone who loves you?
I think he loves me. He has to. If he didn’t, I’d be dead by now. I’m sure of it. I’ve pushed back every step of the way, and the worst thing that came out of it was my legs. That was my fault, honestly. I should’ve stayed put like he said.
Finn cared when nobody else cared. Clearly my family didn’t, and Haley didn’t either—not that I can fault her for that. I could be swinging from the ceiling fan in my living room and no one would give a fuck. Nobody except him.
This is too much. Who can handle this? I can’t. I want to scream until my throat is raw, but even the thought is exhausting. My stomach rumbles, and with a whine I nuzzle against Finn’s broad chest. “I’m hungry.”
“Yeah?” More kisses across the top of my head, running down to my cheek. “Want me to make you something to eat, b-bunny? It’s bedtime soon.”
I am tired, even if I just slept. It wasn’t so much a proper rest as opposed to a power nap without the power part. My head hurts and sitting here feels unsteady, so I’m definitely not gonna complain about going to bed.
“Yes, please.”
One last kiss on my forehead before Finn scoops me up in his arms bridal style. “Alright, let’s go eat.”