Chapter 7
‘No way. I’m absolutely not doing that.’ Alyssa pursed her lips. Rufus ruddy Diamond had surpassed himself this time. On the scale of potential dream jobs, this was the stuff of teeth falling out nightmares.
‘Why not? It’s a bloody brilliant offer.’ He shifted himself, making the legs of his chair creak.
They were in the sweaty bosom of The Pitts Café, which always reminded Alyssa of that grim place they visited in the TV show The Apprentice, before someone got fired. It was ringing true right then, and it wouldn’t be her for the high jump.
Alyssa clopped her rank-tasting cappuccino down on the chipped Formica table, not caring that half of it spilled out.
It turned out the people at ’Appy Together had reached out to Rufus when she’d stopped responding online.
Yes, they were offering a lucrative deal for a relatively easy publicity campaign – but she had her reputation to consider.
As if an app could make people fall in love. Alyssa glared at her agent.
Rufus waved his phone screen, using his stumpy finger to point out just how viral the social media post had become. Was that why she’d had the unexplained burst of new followers over the past week? At least it hadn’t been bad for her brand. Yet.
‘Love is big business, Miss Heart. And it’s your business. These people are asking for you.’
Her agent was probably one of the few people who’d known her long enough to suss out she was a non-believer where love was concerned. But like her, he knew which side the bread was buttered. ‘Love is …’
‘All around. In the air. All you need.’ Alyssa read the comments from the screen in front of her. ‘No more than a collection of clichés and a load of bullshit.’ She pulled her woollen hat down further, wishing she could hide from all of this.
The previously bored-looking waitress Princess Trudy’s ears appeared to prick up under her plastic tiara and Alyssa chided herself.
She wasn’t usually so unprofessional or grouchy – at least not in public, where people might recognise her.
But this offer had got her riled. The whole idea made her skin crawl.
The worst thing was that it was the best and only option she had going for her. What on earth did that say?
‘And you wonder why I haven’t got job offers lined up for you?’ said Rufus, running a hand over his greying blond goatee. ‘You need to drop the attitude.’
She pursed her lips again – because perhaps he had a point about that bit.
‘Anyway, Hartglove needs you.’
Alyssa spluttered. ‘Hartglove?’ she repeated.
‘Yes, this is the clever bit. The town was voted most loveless place, or some such, and ’Appy Together has latched on to the idea of running a media campaign to change the town’s fate before next year’s awards, linking in with the launch of their app.
’ Rufus beamed. ‘You and ’Appy Together in Hartglove – a match made in heaven! Aren’t you from there?’
A match made in hell. Was this some kind of desperately cruel joke?
‘I am not going back to that place, for a lot of very good reasons’ She had no idea if her main reason for staying away still even lived there. Though Devan Shaw certainly still existed in her dreams, even if he was uninvited.
‘But they’re hot for you.’
‘They don’t even know me.’ Alyssa doubted anyone really did.
On the plus side, she’d been the boringly named Beryl Bagnor when she’d grown up there.
If she went back with pink hair, a completely different persona, and a new name, people might not even recognise her.
Not that she was going back there. ‘Anyway, I’m not looking for a new relationship, because I’ve been single for less than a week.
And I’m not even geographically close, which I seem to remember them saying was important for a match. ’
‘It’s a publicity stunt. Just go with it.’
‘Well, I’m not interested in completing seven pointless tasks.’
‘That’s the beauty of it,’ said Rufus, leaning across the table.
Alyssa made a point of leaning backwards, trying not to wince as she banged her head on the window.
Princess Trudy, who’d been busy tapping on her phone, looked up and glared.
‘If you don’t believe it will work, you just have to go through the motions.
Smile for the cameras, play nice. Seven harmless projects.
Job done. Think of all the potential media coverage and the TV opportunities that might spin off from it. ’
‘Wait, what? The tasks are like projects?’ Alyssa tried to keep her voice down. ‘How long could this thing drag on for? What if one of the tasks is to trek to Kathmandu in matching underwear?’
Rufus raised his eyebrows. ‘Then I would pay to see that.’
She added another reason to her no list.
‘I’m joking. Look, the tasks will be in Hartglove, if they’re planning to give the place a boost. It’s likely you’ll be in and out in an hour each time.
And seriously, the money they’re offering.
’ He rubbed his belly, no doubt thinking of his healthy cut of the cash and the slap-up steaks he could treat himself to.
Perhaps the joy of depriving him should be another reason not to.
‘I don’t even know who’s masterminding this thing, do you?
’ Alyssa politely shooed away Princess Trudy, who seemed to be edging nearer with her cleaning cloth.
‘It’s like The Wizard of Oz, when nobody knows who’s behind the curtain, because you can only see some bloke’s backside. ’ The thought gave Alyssa the creeps.
Rufus scratched his head, even though his hair was covered by his back-to-front baseball cap. He’d clearly never played baseball. ‘Isn’t the point with The Wizard of Oz that he’s just a normal guy with a few neat tricks? Maybe the magic is in the true love.’
A shudder ran through her. ‘I doubt it.’
‘Anyway, yes, I’m sure I saw a name.’ Rufus pulled his phone from his pocket and wiped the screen on his trouser leg. ‘Let me check this email. Someone who lives locally, I think. That’s why it’s tied in with this Save Hartglove thing.’
Alyssa froze, her crappuccino halfway to her mouth. No. Though she knew she was being stupid. The chances of it being a person she knew – or a certain person she knew – were slimmer than a gnat’s bum hole. And yet …
Rufus was scrolling his screen with the excruciating slowness of a sloth.
‘Let me just check this other message from …’
‘Rufus! The name.’
He looked up at her. ‘Snappy, aren’t you? You on edge? Or avoiding someone in that hometown of yours?’ His eyes shifted to her hand, which was drumming an agitated beat on the table.
‘No. I couldn’t actually care less. In fact, don’t bother checking.’ She glugged the rest of her drink and clonked the mug onto the table. ‘I’m already out.’
Rufus eyeballed her. ‘You making any money right now?’
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
‘’Cus you’re certainly not making me any money.
I haven’t had any decent commission from you in a long while.
You’re drinking my free coffee and taking up valuable space on my books.
There are young, energetic hopefuls who’d kill for an agent like me.
’ He waved his arms around himself as though she should be impressed with his Nineties rapper look.
‘If you don’t take this job, you might end up needing to find yourself another agent.
And with your recent track record in bringing in no cash, good luck with that. ’
Alyssa’s stomach cramped a little tighter.
There were plenty of things she wanted to say in response.
Retorts like ‘Get stuffed, you pillock’ or ‘Put your hat on properly – you’re not eleven’.
But her brain wasn’t completely stupid. Getting dumped by her boyfriend and then her agent would be career kamikaze.
She already felt like she had fewer options than Pikachu the mouse.
It was too wild to go burning bridges. And Rufus wasn’t all bad, under the dodgy outfits and bravado.
‘Oh, here we go.’ He waved his phone screen. ‘Knew I’d seen it somewhere. The name of the contact for this publicity campaign.’
Alyssa took a deep breath, avoiding the urge to snatch.
He squinted at the screen. ‘Teijo Yoshida. You heard of him?’
She finally allowed herself to exhale. ‘No.’ Thank goodness.
Not that there was any reason to think Devan would be involved, other than he kept inexplicably hijacking her thoughts.
Why would he be? The last time she’d seen him they’d both been studying psychology – not computer apps.
She’d never got the chance to finish the course.
He’d probably passed with knobs on, in the annoying way he always did.
‘Most people you knew have probably moved on, if the town is that rubbish.’
‘Maybe. Can you check the paperwork for a name?’ she heard herself asking.
Damn it. It didn’t even matter. There was no way she was doing this.
‘Devan Shaw.’ She clapped a hand over her forehead.
Had she said that out loud? And why was The Single Dream now appearing in her head, in full technicolour? She grabbed a menu to fan her face.
‘Old flame?’ Rufus asked, noticing her getting flustered.
‘No.’ She pursed her lips.
‘Devan Shaw. Never heard of him. And I would have remembered a funny name like that. A bit like Devon, the place. And seashore. Get it? Don’t tell me, he’s got blue eyes and sandy hair, body like a surfer.’
‘He’s not a surfer,’ Alyssa managed to puff. ‘And his eyes are …’ She shook her head. It didn’t matter that they were the colour of twilight, or that his hair was dark brown with hints of auburn, or his body …
Alyssa stood up sharply, though her legs began wobbling. ‘Like I said, I can’t do this.’
Because what if Devan was still in town?
And what if he was still with Sylvie? She never asked her parents about either of them during their infrequent, awkward phone calls – which was what her relationship with her parents had amounted to, other than the odd time when her mum was in London and insisted on meeting for a stilted brunch.
Alyssa didn’t want to seem interested in her past peers, and she did not want to hear about how great other people’s lives were.
‘How could I possibly go back to Hartglove, fresh out of another failed relationship and desperate enough to get paid to be matched with anybody but a porcupine?’
‘It could be the start of incredible things. Both professionally and personally,’ said Rufus.
‘I doubt it.’
Alyssa grabbed her parka and pushed her way out from the table, crockery shaking and chair legs screeching like violins. It was time to leave.
‘It’s not like they’re asking you to bone this stranger, or anything,’ Rufus yelled after her as she moved towards the café’s exit. ‘I mean, not unless you want to. We’d definitely need a bigger fee for that.’