Chapter 28
The evening had grown dark by the time Hedgehog was getting ready to lock up the animal rescue centre.
They could have left earlier, when Teijo had stopped taking promotional photos and they’d completed their list of animal-related jobs.
But in truth, Alyssa had been enjoying herself.
That sense of feeling useful and needed, not to mention the animal cuddles, and spending so much time with Devan.
She couldn’t help relishing their easy banter and the fact she felt so at home with him, as though the imprints of their souls still knew each other – or something kooky like that.
‘Get going, you two,’ Hedgehog insisted, all but shooing them towards the door. ‘I’ll check on this pig, and then I’m out of here. You’ve done more than enough.’
Alyssa’s eyes met Devan’s across the now-dimmed lighting of the reception area. Something unsaid passed between them.
‘We’ll come with you,’ said Alyssa. The last time they’d looked in on Nicole Pigman she’d been restless, and still desperately rearranging her nest. Alyssa wouldn’t sleep if she was worrying about her, and she sensed Devan felt the same.
They weren’t wrong to check. Nicole was lying on her side, panting, and looking like she was trying to push. Alyssa didn’t know much about giving birth, but it surely looked a lot like that.
Hedgehog sighed. ‘I knew you were a diva, Miss Pigman. I’m due at an engagement party in Taybury in one hour.’ She checked her watch. ‘I literally can’t miss it, because it’s mine.’
With a lot of wows and congratulations, a call to the vet, and thrusting of various guidebooks and blankets, Hedgehog was rushing out of the door, looking apologetic.
‘Go and enjoy your night,’ said Alyssa, in her best we’ve got this voice. She hoped somebody did.
When Hedgehog had gone, Alyssa went to crouch next to Miss P.
The indoor pen was dark, other than the orange glow of the heat lamps, and oh so warm.
Alyssa began stroking the animal’s side and making reassuring noises.
Devan knelt next to her in the hay. They stayed that way for a while, not quite knowing what to do other than hope for the best. Their pig friend calmed again, as though she’d gone off the idea of popping out piglets.
They settled themselves down, Alyssa pulling a blanket over her knees, Devan reading through the guidebooks.
‘Were you there when Emmalina was born?’ The question was out before Alyssa had chance to decide whether to ask it. There was something about this warm, bosom-like darkness that made it easier to talk.
‘Yes.’ Devan’s face lit up. ‘It’s such an experience.
All of it.’ He turned to her and grabbed her hands, squeezing them, as though he couldn’t keep the joy of it to himself.
‘I mean, I was still young, and I stayed firmly at the head end of the bed. Sylvie did an amazing job with all that pushing. But when I first got to hold Emmalina …’
They held each other’s gaze for a moment, Alyssa transfixed by how alive he looked. Then he remembered he was still grasping her hands, apologised quickly, and dropped them.
‘It’s OK.’ She took a deep breath, sensing it was time to ask the question she’d been keeping in all day – even if the truth of it frightened her. Because once she knew, there might be one less barrier to hold her tumbling feelings back. ‘Can I ask you something?’
He nodded.
‘Sylvie said she was already pregnant when you agreed to marry her, and that the two of you were never really …’
He exhaled a long breath and took hold of her hands again.
‘That’s right. Emmalina will always be mine.
I love every inch of her, and she’s got my heart for life.
But I’m not her biological dad, and she knows that now.
She’s been surprisingly cool about it.’ He let out a soft chuckle.
‘I think she sensed we were different to her friends’ parents, with our separate bedrooms, and the way we were with each other.
And yes, it’s right that Sylvie and I have never been together.
Her wedding ring was for show, and I never even wore one.
Behind closed doors it was strictly friendship.
A pretence, to protect them both from the wrath of Sylvie’s dad, and to keep people away from the truth of things. ’
Alyssa knew all about keeping up a pretence.
He explained the story from his point of view, which was much the same as Sylvie had told it, other than he used less polite words about Sylvie’s now deceased father.
‘Not that the truth was anything at all to be ashamed of. But it wasn’t as easy back then, in such a small community.
People’s judgement can scar you. I know it would be different now.
Maybe it was naive of me, still being in my teens and not knowing what the future held, other than I’d always dreamed it would involve you.
It kills me that you found out like that, and I didn’t get chance to explain.
’ His eyes were heavy with apology. ‘But I’d do the Emmalina bit all over again in a heartbeat.
Being there to raise her and help her grow has been an honour. ’
Their hands were still entwined, connecting them, his warmth pouring into her.
But now, there was something more. Like an invisible something, joining their hearts, pulling her closer to him, as though he was her north.
Which could be the only reason their faces were drawing towards each other, her eyelids flickering shut.
Her mouth was moving instinctively, edging towards him, as though the memory of what to do was taking over from any logic.
And like she was in the sweetest dream, Devan’s lips were on hers.
Warm, soft. Sending a ripple of relief straight through her.
She heard his intake of breath, felt the pressure between their lips increasing, his hand finding the base of her neck, her fingers grabbing his hair …
Grug, grug, gruuuug.
They pulled away from each other sharply.
It was Nicole Pigman. Well, she had immaculate timing. With a lift of her back legs and a few more jerks, a small, four-legged ball of slime popped out of the mini pig, attached by an umbilical cord which promptly broke free.
‘Whoa! Oh my goodness.’ Alyssa slipped on some rubber gloves, trying to keep her voice and movements calm, even if no part of her felt it. ‘Her first piglet. What are we meant to do?’
Devan shakily put on gloves, then passed her a towel. ‘The guidebook – thankfully not written by Teijo – says to wipe them. Mum pig is likely to stay where she is, getting ready to birth the next one. Piglet should snuffle around for a teat. Help them if they get lost.’
Alyssa gave the tiny new life a gentle rub with the towel, her own heart filling with affection as she watched it wriggle and squeak, its eyes closed, its body determined to move and find its way.
‘It’s alive,’ Alyssa said unnecessarily, never having seen a creature enter the world before. She felt strangely protective of it, like she wanted to keep it safe, even though it wasn’t strictly her job, and she should probably let go now. ‘How many more could there be?’
Devan consulted the book. ‘Hard to tell, but maybe up to a dozen or so? Hope the vet gets here soon.’
As he said it, Nicole Pigman lifted her back legs and treated them to another live piglet. Devan grabbed a towel and came to help.
Nearly two hours passed, with Nicole successfully popping out seven tiny pink and black piglets, all as cute as buttons, and thankfully alive and well.
The vet arrived, decided Nicole was healthy and had finished, and there was nothing for her to do.
Alyssa and Devan decided to stay a while longer, feeling a pull not to leave the mum and her little ones – and perhaps not to leave each other.
‘It’s like we’re in a bubble,’ Alyssa whispered to Devan as she leaned against him, both sitting in the straw with a blanket over them, watching the tiny, snuffling brood.
Alyssa’s tired head rested on Devan’s shoulder and his arm draped lazily around her.
‘Like a strange, magical space of new life and fresh beginnings.’
Devan took a deep breath. ‘Doesn’t smell that fresh.’ His soft laugh vibrated through her. ‘But I know what you mean. Though I think we’re more enamoured with the idea than Nicole there. She’s snoring like a P-I-G.’
Alyssa chuckled too and then stifled a yawn.
‘It’s just so special, isn’t it? Seeing a living thing come into the world and take its first breaths.
To witness the strength of instinct to find belonging and to live.
’ She rubbed her chest, remembering what Hedgehog had warned about heart-eye emojis and falling head over heels.
‘Not that it’s the same, of course – because she’s absolutely not a piglet.
But I think I sense a fraction of how you must have felt with Emmalina. ’
Alyssa looked up at him. His face lit up like she’d just mentioned his specialist subject.
‘My heart was bursting for her from the moment I saw her tiny scrunched-up face and those grabby little fingers. Biology didn’t come into it – I just wanted to protect her. Still do. Hey, you should meet her.’
‘Sylvie said that too.’ Not for the first time, she chewed the thought over.
The more time she spent with Devan, the more she found herself wanting to explore his world.
Toying with her growing feelings for him was one thing.
But something else had been troubling her.
‘What if I let her down?’ The thought was out before she could stop it.
‘All this time I’ve spent mistrusting people.
What if it’s me who can’t be trusted? I make rubbish decisions.
When the going gets tough, I run. Can I start letting myself back into your life, and into Sylvie’s and Emmalina’s, if I’m not sure I’ll stick around? ’
He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. ‘You’re being too hard on yourself,’ he said softly, stroking back her hair and kissing her forehead. ‘Your decisions aren’t rubbish, by a long shot. We’re all just doing the best we can with what we’re dealt. Whatever you decide, I trust you.’
‘Thank you.’ She yawned. All this emotional stuff was exhausting.
‘My mum’s looking forward to seeing you when she and Dad are back from their Maldives trip too. But no pressure.’
‘No pressure,’ she repeated, sleepily. She had adored Dawn, though now wasn’t the time to commit to too much.
She wasn’t quite sure when she let the final part of her guard down and fell asleep on him, her head nestled into the crook of his neck, both of his arms now wrapped around her.
She wasn’t sure if she subconsciously felt his warm hands stroking her arms and smoothing her hair, or his breath tickling her face, or if that was part of a dream she was definitely enjoying.
When she woke, it was nearly four a.m., and Devan had drifted off too. Her stirring to life woke him.
‘We should probably go soon.’ She yawned again, looking over at the sleepy brood and their dozing mother. ‘They all seem fine, and we’ll give the morning staff a shock if we’re still here, like shepherds in a manger.’
They stood, quietly gathering their things, Alyssa stopping for a moment to take it all in.
‘This has been special,’ she breathed, turning to Devan, who’d been standing behind her.
‘Being here for this. With you.’ Their faces were close now, as though something had drawn them back together.
Noses nearly touching, eyes drinking each other in.
Alyssa reached to touch his fingertips, their fingers entwining.
‘I’d forgotten what a good person you are, Devan.
I’m glad I got to come back here and start to remember. ’
She’d thought they’d been about to kiss again. Every part of her had wanted to. Instead, a brief sadness flashed across his eyes, and he nodded, stepping back from her.
‘I’ll send Hedgehog an update and then we’ll leave these guys in peace.
I could call you a taxi? You can’t walk down dark country lanes at this time, even though the murder rates aren’t too abysmal.
’ He checked his watch and then winced. ‘Actually, you won’t get a taxi out here at this time.
I could drive you? Or you’re welcome to stay at mine.
In a separate room, obviously. You don’t want to relive the only one sleeping bag night.
’ He ran a hand through his hair, as though it was helping him to think through logistics.
Alyssa looked at him. His eyes were tired, and she didn’t want to trouble him with driving when he looked like he might nod off. And a secret part of her did want to relive that intimate sleeping bag situation, albeit somewhere less chilly.
‘Can I stay at yours? Just for a few hours.’ It was nearly morning anyway. ‘I won’t get in your way.’ Not that she really wanted to promise that last bit.
‘Of course.’ He nodded.
‘Thank you. That’s so …’
‘Good of me. I know.’
When he tilted his mouth into a smile, Alyssa noticed that the hint of sadness she’d seen in his eyes had drifted down to it.
Had she said something wrong? Or maybe she’d had one of her sexy Devan dreams when she’d fallen asleep on him and had been accidentally rambling about his amber-scented skin or his washboard stomach. If she was about to stay at his, perhaps she should stay strictly in a separate room.