Chapter 35
‘The look on everyone’s faces earlier, when you strode into the ramshackle hall wearing a tight black sequined tango suit with a rose between your teeth. And it wasn’t even tango night.’ Alyssa’s laugh came right from the depths of her stomach and rolled across Devan’s bare chest.
They were lounging on his sofa watching another romcom, draped in blankets, a plate of peanut butter and jam sandwiches balanced on Devan’s stomach as they hadn’t fancied cooking.
‘I knew it wasn’t tango night,’ said Devan. ‘I was just trying to make it up to you for not being there. I had a message I needed to look into, then I got a bit carried away with outfit shopping.’
‘Nooooo,’ Alyssa joked. ‘Anyway, thank you for not outing us as a couple, just yet. I need more time.’
Alyssa was still feeling guilty that she was relying on his good nature not to declare their relationship, when most people in their situation would be happily sharing the news.
Was it rude of her to still be pretending she was devoid of feelings for him and that his software creation couldn’t work?
‘I guess a tiny part of me was trying to rebel against being dependable Devan today too – but I couldn’t stick it.
I must like my nice-guy persona.’ He shrugged.
‘Maybe it’s a role I’ve fallen into, or maybe it’s part of who I am.
But as long as that’s not all I am to people, then I’m comfortable with it. ’
She gave him a squeeze, trying to ignore the creep of her conscience. ‘Dependable sounds better than Good Old. As long as I sometimes get a glimpse at Very Bad Devan.’ Her fingers traced down towards his belly button, making their plate of sandwiches wobble.
‘Oh, he’ll be here.’
She heard the hitch in his voice.
‘And how about you?’ he asked gently, placing a hand on top of hers to slow its trajectory. ‘Are you happy with the role you’re still playing?’
‘How do you mean?’
He looked like he was choosing his words carefully.
‘I know you’ve been a lot more yourself around Hartglove recently.
But with your Instagram image, your latest photos are still about curly kale salads and running up hills in designer Lycra.
Both worthy pastimes, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you do either on purpose.
’ He pointed to their various snack packets.
‘People would still accept you if they knew you watched cheesy movies and were partial to a crinkle-cut crisp. And if they don’t, are they worth bothering about? ’
‘Would they though?’ She picked at the corner of her sandwich.
‘When you build your business and reputation online, people have to choose you. I need to look like I have my life together, so I can help others do the same. Who would pick a coach who’s so undisciplined that she lives on junk food and trash TV?
Nobody wants a Beryl. As Alyssa Heart, balanced, successful woman with an array of uplifting quotes and firm beliefs, people take notice. They choose to follow me.’
Even as she said it, she knew it sounded a bit pathetic. Likes and shares on social media didn’t hold much meaning, but she needed them if she wanted to cling on to her respectable love coach status.
‘Whoa.’ Devan broke through her thoughts.
‘Plenty of people chose you as Beryl Bagnor – and still do. The people who know you in real life and who flipping love hanging around with you, whether it’s digging over a field with a tiny trowel and a shit wheelbarrow, eating dry crackers in a tent or getting to do this. ’
He cupped her face and leaned down towards her, giving her a kiss that sent shockwaves to her toes.
‘Well, if nothing else, your app has given me some interesting new pastimes I could post about,’ Alyssa said with a smile, when she came up for air.
‘I’m not boring Beryl anymore, and I don’t have to pretend to have hobbies when I have all these new ones – from obsessing over hardy vegetables to cuddling stray cats. ’
‘That’s all you’re giving my app credit for?’ He raised his eyebrows.
‘Oh, and throwing me together with this really hot guy, who looks adorable in a Save Hartglove top and is no longer just the stuff of dreams.’
And to break with tradition, he wasn’t a man she’d chosen for convenience.
They watched as the closing montage of happy-together romcom moments appeared on the TV screen, filling the room with light and laughing faces.
‘It’s getting tough, pretending we’re not together in front of people, when all I want to do is hold you,’ said Devan. ‘How long are we going to keep this up? I’m not sure I can get through tango night and our dance, without the urge to kiss you like I mean it.’
Hmm. Getting up close and personal with Devan on tango night, pretending she didn’t want to tear off his tight sequin outfit with her teeth and that her heart wasn’t falling for him would be a struggle.
‘You just want your app to win the bet,’ she joked.
‘I care more about us, than any of this mission. We could stop the tasks, if you want. Just be together, without winners or losers.’
She pondered it – but she was not a quitter. ‘We’ll see it through.’
‘Even if we’re faking it? Pretending we don’t care about each other?’
He had an endearing way of asking things without loading them with guilt, which made the pretence feel so much worse.
‘Who’s going to employ my services as a love coach if a free phone app can fix them? And it’s not about winning or losing. It’s about me not ballsing up my career. It’s a lot to think about.’
That was the point when he could have said it’s my career too, you bloody mean-arse. Or all manner of things she wouldn’t have blamed him for. But he didn’t, because he was kind like that. It made her feelings for him swell even more.
‘If it helps, I haven’t felt like anyone’s first choice for a long time. Sylvie needed someone trustworthy. You went out with all the popular guys before you’d look twice at me, when we were younger.’
‘I did have a brief bad-boys phase,’ she said guiltily. ‘But it didn’t last. I was immature and just wanted to look cool. All the girls on TV liked guys with a motorbike and a shady reputation. I honestly thought you were too good for me. And too cute.’
He looked sceptical. ‘My brothers have genuine, happy marriages with women who adore them. But the only woman I ever fell in love with left for London and had her pick of impressive guys and didn’t look back.’
‘But I …’ She lifted her hand to his face and uncreased his brow. ‘I didn’t know things then.’
But she knew better now. She could tell the world how she felt about him and take some of those hurts away. Couldn’t she? Or maybe she could just make it up to him in private, for a short while longer.
He nodded, leaning down to kiss the tip of her nose.
‘And I know that. I’m not sharing any of this for the sympathy vote.
’ There was a twinkle in his eyes. ‘But to let you know sometimes we all feel like we might not be good enough, or we’re nobody’s first choice, or we’ll never get our own ridiculously romantic love story.
’ He nodded at the TV. ‘But if Billy Crystal can bag Meg Ryan, there’s hope for us all. ’
‘That’s true.’ She laughed.
‘Do you think you’ll stick around after our seven tasks are done?’ he asked, looking suddenly unsure of himself. His eyes darted to his phone.
Where had that come from?
‘Has someone said something?’
‘Of course not. Well, sort of. I did get a couple of social media messages, but it was just a lame attempt at trolling and nothing that bothers me.’
‘Devan?’
‘Seriously. In my line of work, I experience it all the time, and I’m sure you get things too.’
She nodded. ‘And it’s early days, in terms of me deciding what I want to do after these tasks are over.
I just don’t know. We’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks.
I was with my last boyfriend for nearly two years, and I was packing my suitcase as soon as he started to look smitten.
The thought of staying is nice – on a good day.
But relationships aren’t always a bed of geraniums. What if we’re still in our honeymoon period and it’s less easy when real life and commitments kick in?
What if my ingrained instinct is to run when things get tricky or emotions run deep?
What if I’m just a big old, frightened wimp? ’
And she was acutely aware that if she was going to spend more time in Hartglove, she would have to stop dodging her father and the final handful of history that still troubled her.
As well as things were going, there was still an L-word she was struggling with, and if she was ever going to ace a relationship, she ought to find the root of that too.
‘It sounds like you need ice cream and a pep talk from a certain eleven-year-old. You do know Emmalina will be knocking on your Cow Shed door if you don’t agree to that date soon? And meeting her doesn’t mean marrying me and buying a three-bed semi in Hartglove. I’ve told her we’re just “friends”.’
Well, she didn’t want the poor girl getting a complex. Or banging down her door with insightful life advice.
‘Then I guess it’s Peanut Butter Triple Beasts, with extra whipped cream, all round.’
Maybe meeting this young force of nature was just the brave next step she needed.