Chapter 20
I stand in my kitchen and chug a glass of cold water to quench my thirst. My wild woman had me working overtime tonight, and I wasn’t mad about it. I look at the digital clock glowing from the oven. 3:00 a.m.
Jesus, we really went at it all night.
I could go twenty-four hours straight if it meant Audrey coming over and over with my name on her lips.
A grin flashes across my face as I think about Audrey’s beautiful face and her perfect body coming apart beneath me, on top of me, all over me. The wait was worth it.
“No…please…stop! Get off of me! Get away from me!”
My ears perk up as I hear Audrey yelling. My feet respond before I can even think. No. Not again. This can’t happen again. My heart thuds rapidly out of my chest. I gotta get to her.
I swing the door open to see her arms flailing and her legs kicking through the sheets. With a quick scan of the room, my mind expects me to see a man standing over her. But there’s not. It’s just a nightmare. Not an intruder. Not Kellan. The air empties from my lungs, my hand gripping the door handle so tight I’m afraid it will snap off. I struggle to catch my breath, like I’ve just run a marathon. Who knew ten feet could feel like ten thousand? The room closes in on me as the image of Kellan strangling Audrey comes rushing in like an unwanted parasite, feeding off of my fear.
It’s not real, Donovan. She’s having a bad dream.
My legs finally get unstuck and I rush to her side, slipping in bed beside her. I’m careful not to startle her awake too quickly, gently stroking her hair out of her face.
“Shhh, baby. Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay. Baby, it’s me,” I whisper, keeping my voice low so I don’t freak her out more than she already is. Her eyes flutter open, already wet with tears. She nuzzles into my neck and wraps her body around me. I feel her heart thumping rapidly against my chest. Whatever nightmare she just had really got her spooked.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she whispers. I help her sit up, our backs resting on the headboard. She laces her fingers with mine and I place a soft kiss on her temple.
“You don’t need to apologize. What happened? You’re trembling, Mouse.” My eyes fill with concern. The color in her face has drained and her lips are pale. She looks down at our hands, fidgeting with her thumb on mine.
“It was Kellan. He was on top of me and I couldn’t move. My arms and legs felt like a dead weight. I couldn’t fight him. I—” her voice cracks and she cups her face in her hands as quiet sobs shake her shoulders.
“Shh…you’re safe, Audrey. He can’t hurt you anymore,” I reassure her. A deep anger boils in the depth of my stomach. I grind my molars, thinking about smashing Kellan’s face in for ever laying a finger on my girl.
She puts her head in my lap and cries. I stroke her hair and let her feel what she’s feeling. It’s difficult to watch someone you love go through shit. I wish I could take all the pain away. Everything she endured and suffered at his hands, I’d take it all.
I recall watching my mom laying in James’s bed after he passed, clutching his t-shirts and crying on his bed. It was like the beast of trauma was so big, we didn’t think it would ever leave us alone. I wanted to take the pain away from my family and destroy it, so that we could be happy and whole again. It’s the thief of joy, and it’s doing its worst on Audrey. And there’s nothing I can do to help.
Audrey picks her head up and looks at me, her eyes fill with fear. “Donovan, I have to tell you something,” she mutters. My heart drops. I silently nod, urging her to go on.
“When I went to get my number changed, I felt someone watching me from outside the store,” she whispers. My breath halts. “He was wearing all black with a cap and sunglasses. And um.” A pause. “I followed him,” she confesses. My eyelids fly open.
“You what? Why did you do that?” My tone comes out harsher than intended. I’m trying to stay calm, but her safety is my first concern. She notices my agitation and strokes my forearm, instantly settling me with just her touch.
“I don’t know why, but I felt like I needed to. He turned down an alley and the last I saw, he got into a black SUV and drove through some back roads off of Main,” she utters, clearly spooked by the entire ordeal. She shakes her head, and a tear falls past her chin. I wipe it away with the pad of my thumb and caress her soft jawline.
“Donovan, what if he comes after me? What if it’s him? I couldn’t live with myself if he came after you, too,” she chokes out a sob. I shake my head and hold her face in my hands, bringing her gaze to mine.
“He won’t come after me, baby. You don’t need to worry about me. He didn’t even see my face,” I say with confidence. Her expression turns from worry to fear. Her eyes dart back and forth between me and off into nothing while her hands tremble in her lap.
“He knows about you, Donovan. I fucked up,” she whimpers shakily, crossing her arms over her chest. I subtly raise my brow in shock, my breathing becomes shorter. She sits inches from me, but feels a hundred feet away. I start to say something until she puts her hand up to me, shaking her head at me in frustration.
“No, Donovan. Listen to me. I wrote you a letter when I was back in New York. I never meant to send it, and I definitely never meant for Kellan to find it,” she confesses, her voice getting more frantic and shrill.
I attempt to say multiple things, my mouth opening and closing, but the words aren’t forming. She’s crying, holding herself as the fear overtakes her body. I take a deep breath and reach for her hands, knowing that I made her a promise that day in the hospital to keep her safe. I’m not breaking that promise.
“Baby, he can’t get to us. He won’t,” I reassure her again, squeezing her hands in mine. The feeling of defeat creeps over me as she pulls her hands back. Doesn’t she believe me?
“He will. You don’t know him, Donovan. He is a powerful man. He knows your name. He read it, written in my ink. He knows where you live. He won’t stop until he gets what he wants.” She stabs each sentence with urgency, her eyes wild. “And I left him! With no warning!” she cries.
I flinch at her tone, my eyes wide as I see her slipping. I try to keep my voice even, not wanting to upset her more, but a deep red edges my vision.
“He almost killed you, Audrey! What did you expect me to do?! Let him strangle you to death?!” I fume in frustration. Her expression remains cold. I can feel the ice on my skin from her distance. The warmth and love in the room escapes, the gears in my brain work overtime to figure out how to bring it back. I’m losing her to the fear that has her in a death grip. She refuses to look into my eyes. Tears are coming out, but no sound escapes her mouth.
“He wouldn’t have killed me,” she mutters under her breath.
What the fuck?
“He would’ve stopped. He would’ve snapped out of it. You shouldn’t have come back for me!” she shouts, her voice so shrill it sends shivers down my spine. I angrily grip the sheets beneath me, feeling the urge to punch a wall. I grind my molars and bite my tongue to keep myself from saying something I’ll regret.
“And now I’ve put you in danger, Donovan! I can’t do this,” she chokes out a sob that shatters my heart.
She gets off the bed and finds her dress on the floor, rushing to put it on her body. My heart beats wildly, watching her panic and put all of her clothes on. I get up and she puts a hand up to me, motioning me to stop.
“No! Don’t come any closer. I’m not safe to be around. I need to go,” she snaps. I look into the eyes of the woman I love and don’t see her there. She’s slipping further away. I reach out for her wrist to keep her from walking away, but she yanks it out of my grasp.
“Audrey, please. Don’t leave. It’s three in the morning. Let’s go back to bed and we can figure this out in the morning. Please,” I plead with her. My voice is desperate, and my hope is failing as I watch her grab her things. Her purse strap tangles around her arm and she flails it around wildly, trying to get it loose.
“Ugh! God damn it!” she screams out, slamming her purse on the floor, sobbing as she falls to her knees. I take a beat, then walk toward her. I kneel in front of her, taking her delicate wrist and unwrapping the strap from it. It’s red and agitated from her flailing. I gently rub it with my hand and press a soft kiss onto her wrist.
I sit on the floor and gently pull her into my embrace. Her body melts into my chest, sobs racking her small frame as I hold her close.
Her sobs slow down and her breathing evens out. She sits in my lap and wipes her tears off on my chest. “Donovan, I’m so scared,” she whimpers softly into my neck. I gently cup my hands around her face.
“Listen to me. He won’t hurt you anymore. I won’t let him. I won’t let anyone hurt you. He doesn’t control you anymore, baby. You’re so strong, you know that? The strongest woman I know,” I stress to her. I need her to know this. I know she believes it deep down, but when doubt and fear take over, she slips. Fuck, I would too if I were in her position.
She chokes out a sob and presses her forehead against mine. My thumbs wipe her tears that fall from either side of her face.
She leans in and kisses me hard, stealing the breath out of my lungs. The kiss is desperate. Her fingers thread my hair as she pulls her body closer to me. I taste the saltiness on her lips from the tears I didn’t catch. She straddles me and my hands gently hold her nape. I can’t get enough. I need her kiss to breathe. I need her taste to live.
She slowly pulls back and I see her eyes come out of their darkness.
“There you are. I thought I lost you there for a second, Mouse,” I say quietly, my fingers grazing her delicate jawline. A faint smile plays on her lips, and a rush of intense relief rushes through me.
“I’m so sorry. I lost my mind for a sec…” she murmurs. Her voice is small, with a hint of regret.
“You don’t need to apologize, Mouse. I’m not goin’ anywhere,” I say. And I mean it. I’d never leave her. I won’t let fear or Kellan come between us. I won’t lose her again.
I help her up off the floor and she slowly lifts her arms over her head, urging me to undress her. I press my lips into her shoulder and bunch her dress from the hem, slowly lifting it over her head. The moonlight reflects off of her milky skin. Her glow intoxicates me. My eyes move to her perfect full breasts and her pale pink nipples.
The room fills with warmth and love again, no longer cold and gray. It burns with our love for each other—no one can take that away from us.
Her lips are swollen from our kiss, her eyes slightly puffy from crying, but I’ve never seen her so beautiful. She’s choosing to let me see her stripped down. To show me the good, the bad, and the ugly. The pain she’s endured in her life is my cross to bear, too.
Nothing about it scares me.
“Take me back to bed, Donovan,” she whispers, her arms wrap around my neck. I lift her up and hold her in a cradle, her lips dotting kisses along my collarbone. I gently put her down on the bed, and she grabs my nape and pulls me down on top of her.
We don’t talk. I know what she’s telling me by the way her body writhes beneath me. She tugs on the band of my briefs, slowly pulling them down. I help her take them off, tossing them on the foot of the bed.
Our hands move in a delicate dance, memorizing every crevice and curve of each other’s bodies. When our lips meet, passion and fire ignite within us, burning away any doubt or fear from earlier. I taste her with my tongue as her fingers grip my back. Our kiss grows deeper and desperate, like if our lips part, we won’t survive.
Her hips tilt toward my length, signaling me to make a move. I respond, slowly inching my way in, savoring every second as I listen to her sweet mewling noises that escape from the base of her throat. My hands gently cradle the back of her head while my fingers fist her hair. She takes me in to the hilt, and our lips finally part.
We breathe in unison, our bodies becoming one. I tremble above her as I lose myself in her eyes, my heart thumping so loud it drowns out our ragged breaths.
“You’re shaking,” she whispers as she presses her forehead to mine. Just hours ago, I had no hesitations about being inside her and letting my body ravage her after years of being apart. We fucked—hard. And I loved every second.
But this? This is different. This is deeper. This is the second chance I’ve longed for. It’s a chance for me to show her how much I love her, and that from this moment on, she’s mine forever.
She rolls her hips slightly as she stares deep into my eyes. I groan at the movement. Lightning strikes through my bones.
“I’m never letting you go, Audrey,” I breathe, my hips meeting her every move now. Her lips crash into mine again as our bodies sync in rhythm, friction building with every thrust.
I capture every moan she slips with my mouth, our bodies pressed so tightly together that I never want to break contact. Her body shapes perfectly into mine, moving as one unit as we chase our climax together.
I feel her walls tightening around me, her fingernails digging into the hard flesh of my back as her tongue swirls with mine. I roll my hips deep into her, pushing all the way in and all the way out as I teeter on the edge, ready for the lights to explode behind my eyes. I coax out every moan from her mouth, fueling into me as I thrust into her heat with a hungry desire.
When our lips finally part, I watch her come undone beneath me, breathing out my name like it’s her last words. She’s breathtaking when she comes for me. Her back arches off the bed and her hips buck wildly, pulsing around my cock to take me over with her.
She swallows my grunts and groans with her mouth, needy and desperate as I spill myself into her. My body twitches with every pulse of my climax, goosebumps erupting all over my body. She takes every drop, clutching to my body fervently as she kisses me with the force of a thousand suns.
God, I’ll do anything for her. I’ll give her the world. I’ll do whatever it takes to make every dream she has come true, no longer letting her hide behind fear.
Her gaze is dreamy and heavy as she breaks our kiss, her face full of color from her climax. I slowly pull out of her, dragging the tip of my nose along her jaw, down to the column of her throat, placing a delicate kiss in the center. It’s a reminder that no matter what, I’ll never hurt her the way Kellan did.
“I love you, Donovan,” she murmurs. I bring my eyes back to hers, a grin forming on my lips. She traces my dimples with her fingers and smiles at me, making my insides flip.
“Yeah?” I whisper.
“Yeah.” She bites down on her bottom lip and nods eagerly, not being able to contain her smile.
“Mouse, you have no idea how much I love you back,” I reply, sealing my admission with a kiss.
Whatever fear or doubt she had earlier stays at bay. We know that this fight isn’t over, but now she knows that I’m in it with her. I shift beside her, and she lifts her head for me to slip my arm beneath it. She settles into the crook of my arm, splaying her leg across my torso. I kiss her hair and stroke the outside of her arm. Her breathing is slow and even, and I tip my chin down to see her eyes closed, sleeping soundly against my heart.
I let sleep take me, praying that her dreams are kind to her until morning.