Chapter 25
Audrey
I’m leaving in 10, T.
Tia
omg make it 20. i’m so fucking hungover.
Audrey
honestly, same. lol
Tia
why didn’t you stop me after the 6th glass?!
Audrey
no no, don’t blame me. i couldn’t even keep track!
Tia
this is YOUR fault.
Audrey
lol. Donovan invited us to the winery for a tasting. you up for some hair of the dog after we shop?
Tia
fuck yeah lol.
Audrey
be there in 30 then.
Tia
??
I woke up with Donovan deliciously between my legs, devouring what he couldn’t have last night. I got embarrassingly drunk with his family after dinner and blacked out. The two orgasms he gave me this morning helped get rid of my throbbing hangover headache, and I made it up to him with a blowjob in the shower. I squeeze my thighs together, licking the faint taste of him on my lips, thinking about his gorgeous face coming apart for me.
Before I passed my limit, last night was amazing. Donovan’s family, including Caleb, were so gracious and kind, welcoming me and Pop with open arms. I laughed harder than I have in a long time. I realized last night that this could be my life. My life with Pop, Donovan, and his family. Tia and Logan too. I didn’t think it was possible, considering where I was going a month ago.
Kellan was all I had known since I was nineteen. I shut out everyone who loved me, because it was clear I didn’t love myself—Kellan made sure of that. I closed my heart off to the possibility that it could get better. That I wanted it to get better. I convinced myself I’d already had my chance of love that night with Donovan in the gazebo; I wasn’t worthy of more. I believed Kellan’s lies, wrote my own narrative around them. These last few months with Donovan have taught me how to rewrite my story. The man gives me his love in capital letters. Unabashedly. And I relish in every syllable.
And now, with Tia home, I’m going to tell her everything. I’d been so deprived of friendship for so long. I admit, I was nervous if Tia and I would connect like we used to. It’d been ages since I had seen her in person. I wondered if we both had changed too much.
But all of that doubt evaporated into thin air the moment we embraced. Everything was as it had always been. And now, I was really looking forward to our girl’s day.
I opt for a pair of light-wash flared jeans and a lavender razorback tank top. I’ve had to get used to seeing myself in colors again since I moved back.
I zhuzh my hair a bit, smiling at my natural color that I’ve always loved. I lean closer into my reflection, inspecting the freckles sprinkled across my nose. All my life I had been insecure about these dots that pepper my face—until Donovan. The wide grin pulling at my lips is too big to hide. I’m able to look at myself and love who’s staring back. My fingers trail along the column of my neck, down to my collarbone. The bruises that used to live there vanished with every gentle kiss from Donovan’s heavenly lips. He’s healed me from within, and the beaming smile in my reflection is proof that I’m going to be okay.
I give myself a reassuring nod in the mirror and head into the living room. I swipe the keys from the hook by the front door and step onto the porch, getting hit with a wave of dry heat. A cool breeze brushes against my cheeks as I make my way down the steps, thankful for some relief from the sweltering air.
Donovan left me his truck and took the quad to work so I could go pick up my Jeep from Pop’s house. As I settle into the driver’s seat, I reach forward to turn the ignition when I see a folded note perched on the dashboard.
I grab the note, reading “Mouse” written across the top. Just like the note he left for me with my dress. Damn, I’m down bad for this man.
Hey baby,
Have fun with Tia today. Can’t wait to see you at the winery. Maybe I can steal you away so we can finish what we started this morning.
I love you,
D
Can your heart smile? If it can, it’s doing it right now. A big, fat, cheesy smile. I place the note in my purse and fire up the engine, making the quick ten-minute drive to Pop’s.
I approach the garage to swap cars and put the truck in park, sliding out of the driver’s seat and walk toward Jules. It’s a perfect day to cruise in the Jeep with no roof, no windows, and no worries. Just me and my best friend.
I open the door and find another neatly folded note sitting in my seat.
“Aww, Donovan,” I giggle quietly to myself, overwhelmed by his affection.
Mouse,
“My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
I really do,
D
Jane Austen. My copy of Pride Prejudice is beaten and tattered from the amount of times I’ve read it. The apples of my cheeks are sore from smiling. I’m like a love-sick teenager around him, squealing and giggling, kissing his picture on my wall, scribbling “Mrs. Audrey King” in my diary.
Audrey
Don’t ever stop writing me love notes.
Donovan
Never.
Audrey
I want one every day for the rest of my life.
Donovan
Done.
Audrey
Promise?
Donovan
I promise.
“Holy shit, I can’t believe we are riding in fucking Jules!” Tia yells out into the open air with her hands above her head as we cruise through the country roads with nothing but grapevines as far as the eye can see.
“I know. It’s so surreal. I feel sixteen again!” I lift one arm in the air and let the cool breeze kiss my fingertips. Our smiles beam so brightly, they outshine the sunrays stretching over the sky.
We scream the lyrics to “C’est La Vie,” our favorite song to drive around to back in the day. Tia balls her fist like a microphone, her face scrunching up as she sings at the top of her lungs. I glimpse at the picture of us on my dash. Just two best friends ecstatic to have some freedom after getting a new car. Looking at Tia giving the performance of her life in my passenger seat right now, I know we’re still the same teenage girls, deep down.
Tia turns her whole body to face me, tucking her legs beneath her. “I’m so happy we’re together again, Auds. I missed you so much.”
I glance toward Tia, my gaze instantly softening at her affirmation. Her hazel eyes shimmer beneath the sun, looking at me like she’s piecing the memories together from our childhood.
“I really missed you, T. I can’t believe you flew out here to surprise me.” But really, I’m not surprised she did this. That’s Tia. A fierce and loyal friend, through and through.
“The second you told me you were home, I told Logan—naturally. Then he told me that Donovan told him that…” she rambles. My eyes flit back and forth toward her and the road, balancing the dual tasks of trying not to crash while following her mind map. Tia has always been a spitfire. You gotta keep up. “And so, yeah! We booked tickets and got our asses here. I mean, our parents were happy to see us too, I guess,” she chuckles. Tia’s parents moved back to Oakwood Valley two years ago, but she stayed behind in Austin working as an interior designer. I shake my head and giggle, softening my gaze as I look out toward the road.
Tia and Logan coming home is a reminder of how I never want to shut anyone out again. That’s just the thing with small town friendships: they’re hard to shake, no matter how hard you try.
Main Street is alive and buzzing today. Tourists flood the sidewalks, drifting from shop to shop. A twinge of anxiety bubbles in my chest at the amount of people out, considering what happened last time I was here. But that was just paranoia, a lapse of letting Kellan get under my skin, just for a second. I won’t have another freak out moment like I did the other night in front of Donovan. The look in his eyes wrecked me.
“You okay, Auds?” Tia’s voice cuts through my negative thoughts, and I quickly push them away.
“What? Yeah, of course. It’s just a lot of people out today. No parking anywhere, Jesus,” I reply, breathless. Our eyes scan up and down the street. My hands grip the steering wheel a little tighter as I try to push the rest of the anxiety out of my chest.
Chill out, Audrey.
“Oh! Car’s backing out, get it get it get it!” Tia squeals, frantically pointing at a black SUV backing out. I slam hard against my brakes, causing us to lunge forward rapidly.
“Jesus, Audrey! Are you good?” Tia rubs her collarbone, her eyes stunned. I hold my breath as I watch the SUV drive off before slowly pressing the gas and taking its spot. I try to catch the license plate, but it’s gone too far. Either my mind is playing tricks on me, or that was the same SUV the man from the other day got into when I’d followed him out of the store. Please let it be mind tricks. I break into a cold sweat, my breaths uneven.
I put the car in park, and I feel Tia’s eyes on me like a hawk. I stare blankly at the black SUV pulling further away, turning into a tiny black speck in the distance. So much for trying to chill out.
“Hey, what’s wrong? You look flushed. Are you feeling okay?” Tia asks, her voice laced with concern. She quickly unbuckles herself and leans over the center console, pressing the back of her hand into my clammy forehead. I really need to get my shit together.
“Hmm, no fever,” she mutters. Her hand rests on my shoulder, tension forming in her brows. I bury my face in my hands and shake my head, unable to stop the stinging in my eyes.
“I’m sorry T. It’s just...fuck,” I whimper into my hands. Tia’s hand gently strokes my back, trying to calm my breathing.
Take a deep breath, count backward from five.
“Auds, talk to me. What’s going on?” Her voice is full of worry as she watches me fall apart. Heat forms behind my eyes and the stinging gets stronger, tears almost forming.
Don’t you fucking cry right now.
I lift my gaze and face her. I guess shopping can wait. After all, I did say no more secrets. We sit in silence for a moment before Tia cuts the tension.
“How about we grab a coffee and then talk?” she suggests, and I’m thankful she can read my mind right now. Coffee sounds great. After shutting her door, she rounds the front of Jules and loops her arm through mine, her free hand rubbing my forearm. We don’t talk the whole way, but the silence is deafening.
Will she judge me for staying with Kellan for so long? Will she think I’m stupid for thinking that he’s out to get me? So many questions thunder inside my brain, I want the noise to come to a halt.
Tia leads us into Sip Savor, and Josie pops her head out from behind the espresso machine. “Hey Audrey! Good to see you! I’ll be with you in just a sec!” she shouts out over the machine, preparing a coffee order for a woman standing by the pickup counter with a little girl.
“Hey Josie. No problem at all,” I reply, not being able to take my eyes away from the mother and her daughter. She looks about three or four, her little chubby fingers tightly wrap around her mother’s hand. They both share the same ice-blonde hair, the little girl a mirror image of her mom. Just like me. A rush of envy and sadness seeps out of my heart, wondering if my mom would have taken me into town while she picked up coffee, holding my hand.
“Ugh, she’s so cute,” Tia sings, giving the little girl a tiny finger wave. The little girl smiles back at her shyly, burying her face in her mom’s skirt. The woman looks down at her daughter, smiling and stroking her hair.
I wish my mom were here.
Josie hands the woman her coffee before greeting us with her bright smile and pink-streaked hair at the register. My eyes follow the little girl as she passes me, giving me a tiny finger wave like Tia had given her earlier. I give her a wink, a soft grin forming on my face as I turn my attention back to Josie.
“Sorry about the wait. We’ve been busy today,” she sighs, wiping her brow with the back of her hand. I glimpse a music note tattoo on the underside of her wrist.
“Hi! I’m Tia. Cool hair,” Tia gushes while Josie runs a hand through her hair. Tia’s arm stays linked in mine as she scans Josie up and down.
“Thanks! I’m Josie. Nice to meet you. What can I get you guys?” she asks.
“I’ll have a cappuccino with oat milk, please. Auds?” Tia asks. “I’ll have a caramel macchiato upside down non-fat, please,” I reply. Tia gives me the side-eye and I slip my arm from her, squaring my shoulders toward her as I cock up an eyebrow.
“I see you haven’t changed your coffee order since we were old enough to drink it,” she teases. I roll my eyes and give Josie some cash, and we snag a table in the far corner of the shop. There’s a busy chatter all around, but no one looks familiar. I scan my eyes around the room one last time before looking back at Tia, her arms crossed in front of her, leaning on the table.
“Okay, enough stalling. Talk to me, Auds. What the hell was that out there?”
Take a deep breath, count backward from five.
“Listen, what if we just like, shop and go to the winery and laugh and drink? This conver—” Her hand covers mine and her eyes are stern on me. She’s not letting me get away with this. I let out a heavy sigh and rub my temples, trying to figure out where to even start.
“Okay, okay. I’ll talk,” I sigh. “Well, you know about Kellan and how we were together for a really long time.” I place my hands under my thighs to keep them from shaking.
This is Tia for Christ’s sake. Just be honest, Audrey. Let it go.
We spend the next hour sitting at the table, sipping our coffee while I lay out every painful detail of my last nine years with Kellan, Donovan’s trip to New York, and the black SUV. She never interrupts, she just holds my hands and her eyes go wide from time to time when I share graphic details of everything that has gone down.
“So, he would hit me, call me a whore, and tell me I was a piece of shit,” I say dryly. She winces and closes her eyes, like she can’t bear to see me in that kind of pain. “And then the next day, he would bring me roses, tell me how sorry he was and how much he loved me,” I utter, keeping my eyes down. I hear Tia sniffle. As much as it hurts me to share the gory details, it feels like a huge weight lifted.
Once I had told Pop, it felt like the last person who needed to know what I had suffered was Tia. I kept her in the dark for years, claiming I was living a lavish, happy life in the city. Seeing her cry for me breaks me into a million pieces but brings me so much peace knowing that the secrets are out.
“Fuck, Auds. I’ll fucking kill that guy, I swear,” she seethes. That gets a laugh out of me. The situation is not funny by any means, but knowing that Tia would burn the world for me makes me happy.
“No wonder I love you. Donovan said the same thing,” I reply, giggling. She smiles at me, her eyes red from crying. She leans in closer on the table, gripping my hands. “First, thank you for telling me. Second, I’m so fucking sorry that was what you were going through all this time,” she murmurs. I shake my head to deny her.
“Audrey, you haven’t had an easy life. I don’t want to dwell on the past anymore, but let’s focus on today. Look at you now, babe. You are glowing, and beautiful, and…” Her eyes shimmer as she looks at me, tilting her head like she needs to find the right words.
“In love?” I whisper, a genuine smile forming on my lips.
“Yeah, Auds. In love,” she beams. “And damn, does he love you right back.”
My heart squeezes knowing that my best friend can see that radiating from me. It’s validation that I didn’t ask for, didn’t know I needed. Tia’s eyes suddenly shift to concern, pursing her lips tight together.
“But don’t you think we should talk to Chief Harper? I mean, if you think you’re being followed?—”
“No, Tia. No police. I know Logan is your best friend, but please promise me you won’t say anything,” I plead. She looks at me with worry, nibbling her bottom lip as if she wants to tell me something that I won’t like. But she doesn’t. Her sigh is loud and clear, telling me she doesn’t approve, but she nods in agreement, anyway.
“You’re my best friend, by the way,” she teases, squeezing my hands tightly.
“You’re mine, too. Always,” I reply.
She rounds the table and reaches her arms out, motioning me into her embrace. I slowly get up and wrap my arms around her, inhaling a deep breath of citrus that lingers from her shampoo. We pull away and she kisses my cheek, looping her arm in mine.
“Let’s shop our worries away. We can maybe find you a hot little number for Donovan, hm?” she purrs, waggling her brows. I bite my lip and entertain the thought that I wouldn’t mind getting a little lingerie for Donovan. I’d love to see the look on his face when he sees me wearing bits of lace that barely cover my intimate parts.
“I know just the place, and you won’t believe who owns it,” I chirp, waving goodbye to Josie as we walk out the door.
We walk arm in arm down the sidewalk, throwing our heads back in laughter at every inside joke that surfaces. Lavender Lane is just a few strides ahead, when an elderly couple abruptly exits the store next door. I see them in my peripheral vision, but I’m not quick enough to avoid my shoulder ramming into the old man’s.
“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry, are you alright, sir?” I ask, my voice shrill and panicked. I knocked his glasses off of him, and I bend down to pick them up before he has a chance to. His wife keeps her arm linked in his and gives Tia and me an apologetic smile.
I hand the man his glasses as he adjusts them back on his face, eyes squinting at me. He gives me a wide grin and gently touches my elbow.
“It’s quite alright. Thank you, little bird.”
My body freezes, turning my bones to pure ice. I’m sure Tia can feel the temperature in my body drop. I stop breathing. The only sound I hear is my heartbeat in my ears. The pain in my chest tightens, the panic growing inside me gets bigger. So big that I’m on the cusp of a full-blown anxiety attack.
That was just a coincidence. A sick, twisted coincidence.
The man and his wife move past us, but I don’t miss the puzzled look on their faces before walking away. Tia squeezes my arm as soon as she notices my distress. I can’t move. I can’t think.
“Audrey? Jesus, you’re ghost white. Audrey?” Tia waves her hand in front of me, but I’m not here. I’m with Kellan. In the penthouse. Under his hold. Tia moves in front of me, gripping my shoulders and physically shaking me.
“Audrey? You’re scaring me! What happened?!” she cries, desperate to help. She pulls me in close to her, hugging me so tightly that it snaps me out of it. I exhale a painful breath that I’d been holding. My body stays cold and rigid. She holds me in the middle of the sidewalk, helping me slow down my breaths as she breathes against my chest. I blink rapidly over her shoulder, but no tears come out.
“It’s okay, Auds. I got you. You’re okay,” she whispers, burying her face in my neck. It’s not until I hear those words that I melt into her embrace and squeeze her back. As Tia holds me, I couldn’t be more thankful that she is here right now. In this moment.
I’m okay.
She pulls back and leads me to a nearby bench. We sit side by side for a minute, no words exchanged. Just her hand in mine, my head resting on her shoulder.
“Auds, don’t take this the wrong way…but you need some serious therapy.”
I lift my head so quickly off of her shoulder and look right at her. We stare at each other for a beat until we are laughing so hard my stomach cramps up and I can’t breathe.
She’s not wrong, though. I need help, and it’s a harsh reality to accept. I can’t freeze up and fall back into Kellan’s grip every time I’m triggered. I need help to work through this.
“It’s not funny, but you’re right. I do. You think you could help me find someone to talk to?” I ask breathlessly, our giggles subsiding.
“Of course, babe. I got you. But first, shopping therapy. No more distractions!” she replies, poking me in the ribs.
“Yes, shopping therapy is definitely what I need right now,” I retort, smiling at Tia as we get up from the bench.
No more distractions.
Little bird. Go to hell.