17. Jimmy
JIMMY
I set out a stack of cups where Sawyer told me to put them and glance over my shoulder to check that I’ve got it right, but he’s not even looking anyway.
He’s too busy throwing his head back and singing some song I don’t know with Charli.
She’s laughing her way through the lyrics, and the way they’re acting makes it obvious they’ve been singing this song together for years.
I’ve never had a sibling. I do have a cousin, but he lives in China, and the few times I’ve met him, it’s been awkward as our parents sat nearby, watching our every move.
This whole weekend—these games, this noise, this party—it’s all so foreign.
Foreign and terrifying, yet… I don’t want to be anywhere else.
This afternoon, we got back out on the water. I paddle-boarded down the river with Cash while Mac attached this donut thing to his boat and gave wild rides to anyone who was up for it.
Watching Darian and Sawyer fly off that thing was pretty entertaining. Ben ended up doing a flip and crashing into the water, and Enzo managed a belly flop that gave him the reddest mark on his stomach. It lasted for a few hours. Must have hurt like hell.
So yeah, I had a good time.
That might all change, of course, when the hordes arrive. But I can always sneak up to my room and hide away if I need to.
For now, I’m not minding the noise so much.
“It doesn’t go like that.” Nix points at a table that’s laid out with a bunch of Solo cups. “It’s diamonds, not triangles.”
“Are you kidding me?” Darian looks at her like she’s lost her mind. “It’s always triangles. Have you ever even played beer pong before?”
Her look could melt titanium as she crosses her little arms and pulls her shoulders back. She only comes up to Darian’s chest, and he looks huge when he rests his fists on his hips and towers over her.
She doesn’t even flinch. “It’s diamonds, you idiot.”
“It’s triangles, Miss Clueless. Here, let me google it for you.” Pulling out his phone, he takes great delight in proving her wrong, and when her eyes lock on that screen and her skin flushes pink, I don’t know what she’s gonna do.
I hold my breath for the fallout, but after a soft tut, she mutters, “Diamonds look cooler,” picks up a Ping-Pong ball, and throws it into the nearest cup.
Darian’s smug smile makes me wonder if she’s about to punch him, but instead she flips him the bird with a sticky-sweet smile and sashays away.
He takes advantage, checking out her butt, and I take a quick glance too. I shouldn’t. That’s rude. I know better than to look at a girl’s private parts. You look into their eyes, not at their breasts, and when they walk away, you don’t leer at them like some creepy predator.
But my eyes can’t help a quick skim, and that short little thing has got some very tight curves.
Wow. She’s hot.
Can I say that about girls?
My insides flush, my body tensing for… a reprimand that won’t come.
Because I’m not home right now.
I’m here.
And here is so liberating.
I nearly laugh out loud as this spike of freedom rises up inside me like a stratovolcano forming this peak of knowledge in my chest—this awareness that I don’t have to stay locked in a prison anymore.
Leaning back against the wall, I cross my arms and just stay quiet, silently watching from my perch. No one’s beside me whisper-barking at me to stand up straight, pull my shoulders back, smile at the person we’re supposed to be cajoling into selling or buying a property from us.
Glancing down at my polo shirt and shorts combo, I frown and pull the fabric out, shaking it free and letting it just hang.
No one notices.
A smile twitches my lips, and I run a hand through my hair, mussing up the back.
No one says anything.
It almost makes me want to laugh.
No one is watching me here.
No one cares what I do or don’t do.
Freedom.
This is what it feels like.
And yes, I’ve been away at college for the last year, so you’d think I’d know, and maybe I have had tastes of this before, but something about this weekend just feels different. My parents don’t want me here, yet I am.
It’s the first time I’ve ever done this—gone against their wishes with them actually knowing what I’m up to.
It’s—
My phone dings and I pull it out of my pocket, scanning the screen and getting instantly reminded of what a terrible child I am.
Your mother and I are very disappointed, Jun Hie.
You should be coming with us tonight, and your selfishness has not gone unnoticed.
We will be having a conversation when you return.
Family duty must always come before basketball.
That was the agreement we had when we allowed you to join the team at Nolan University.
We were being supportive, but you are proving that this was a mistake on our part.
You are obviously not mature enough to handle making decisions on your own. I expect more from you.
I hover my thumbs over the screen, apologies raging through me as I try to think of the best way to word this. Excuses, justifications, words of remorse. I could type it all, but…
I don’t want to.
Although this upcoming party is intimidating and this house is loud and I don’t feel like I belong… it has got to be better than some tux-wearing, bow-tie event where I’ll mix and mingle with people I don’t even care about just to secure some deal for my parents.
Shaking my head, I do the unthinkable.
I don’t reply.
In fact, you know what?
With a shaking thumb, I push the button on the side of my phone and turn it off.
My heart is pounding, my throat thick as I swallow and slip the phone back into my pocket.
I’ve never done that before.
My parents will be pissed.
But I’m twenty years old! I should be doing fun things with my teammates. I should be going to parties.
I have to make some changes this year.
I have to step out of this prison cell, or I’ll find myself a miserable middle-aged man still kowtowing to my parents’ every whim.
It has to end.
And that starts right now.
My heart has thumped its way up to my throat, and I feel mildly ill as I try to dodge thoughts of how my parents will react when I return home. But I can’t think about that right now. I just need to focus on getting through this party and trying to enjoy myself.
Looking around the room again, I wonder if I can.
I wonder if I’m ever going to find a place on this planet where I actually feel comfortable.
A place I fit.
A place I can call home.