Meeting You

1. Auden

Ten hours ago, I left my home in New Jersey, got into this shitbox of a car I’m sure is on its last legs, and started driving south. All my life I never felt like I belonged; like I was different, foreign. I knew the reason. I was adopted, but the thing that bothered me most was not knowing who my birth parents were.

I grew up in a fairly stable household. My mom’s a lawyer, and my dad’s a cop. But when we almost lost him three years ago in the line of duty, things changed. I needed to know where I came from to be able to survive my future.

It was an itch that appeared, and I can’t seem to scratch it hard enough for it to go away. An itch that my adopted parents wouldn’t help me with. They told me time and time again: You’re loved, Charlotte, that’s all that matters. But it’s not all that matters. The truth is.

So, I hacked into my dad’s laptop and figured out where my birth parents lived.

And now I’m on my way there without a plan.

It’s pouring rain and the wipers are barely working. The one on the right has frozen six times since I flicked them on. The heater isn’t working either, so I keep wiping down the windshield to be able to see down this dark and dreary road.

Not my finest moment. I should pull over and wait out the storm, but I can’t seem to do that. There’s this tingling feeling in my stomach that’s telling me to keep going. It’s screaming that I have a purpose to get to.

My best friend, Sean, groans through the earbud in my ear, shifting in his bed. “How far are you anyway?” he asks, keeping me company over the phone since this car has no radio in it.

I adjust my grip on the steering wheel, sputtering. “Well, if I could see out these damn windows, I’d be able to spot a road sign. Oh, wait, there have to be road signs for me to answer your question.”

He chuckles sleepily, his gruff voice moving through my AirPods. “Remind me why you’re on this trip anyway? What’s the difference between going now versus going after the reception dinner or after the wedding?”

“You’d be crazy to think I’d miss Millie’s wedding.” I sniff, leaning forward and wiping the window. “But this is my last week off before I start working with you. I just…I needed this, Sean. And as my best friend, you should know my need to find out my past the most.”

“Yeah, yeah, calm your tits, Char.” He yawns loudly, groaning as he turns over in bed.

I snort, blowing a raspberry. “Shut the fuck up.”

He laughs softly, letting out a breath. “I just worry about you, y’know? Ever since your dad, you had this incessant need to figure out who your birth parents are. He’s not going anywhere, kid.”

I tap the steering wheel, nodding as the right wiper seizes again. “I know he isn’t. But I have to do this. You don’t need to understand, you just need to support me, okay?”

He sighs softly. “I’m here.”

I release this breath, it’s shaky and deep. I know I’m not far and the closer I get, the harder it’s becoming to face the truth. “It’s funny, when I gassed up earlier I saw this mother with her kid getting snacks.” I chuckle softly. “The kid was so happy over a green lollipop; and I realized that I didn’t even have one day with my birth mother. Not a single moment like that. And yet I feel so connected to her but so disconnected at the same time. Doing this trip is going to change so much, like this grief I’m holding over someone I never met will magically uplift and…I don’t know, maybe I’ll have the freedom of relief or this newfound look at life or some such enlightenment. Y’know?”

“I do,” he says, yawning again.

I wipe the windshield right as the dashboard lights up. “What the fuck?”

“What’s that?” he asks, clearing his throat.

“The car’s lighting up like a Christmas tree and—” It clunks, sputters, shakes, and screeches before giving out as I roll slowly to a stop. “Well, fuck.”

“What!?” He panics, the squeak of his bed moves through my headphones.

“The car died.” I hit the steering wheel and take my phone. “And my fucking phone is at three percent!”

“Jesus, Charlotte! Why the fuck isn’t your phone—” Sean’s voice is cut off and I’m left in utter silence as the rain pelts off the car.

“Fuck!”

I don’t have many options. The road is deserted. It’s pitch black out. And I have no idea where I am.

Great, just wonderful.

Who the fuck thought this was a good idea? Oh, right, me!

A chill seeps through me, crawling up my spine as I look out the window at the darkness. My breath clouds in front of me and I have one of two options. Get out and find some shelter. I can’t be too far from town. Or stay in here and freeze my ass off.

Shit, what if I don’t make it back home in time for Millie’s rehearsal dinner? Or the job I’m starting next week? Sean’s doing me a solid by getting me this job. If I screw up it’s not only my job on the line, but his as well.

I guess that’s what I get for buying the first car I saw on the lot without doing a thorough inspection of it. My dad insisted on it, but I just wanted to leave before anyone talked me out of meeting my birth father.

What a dumb idea on my part, honestly. Who knows if my birth father would even want to see me or even care that I exist?

Only one way to find out I guess.

So, like a dumbass, I look around, my heart hammering in my chest as the darkness takes hold. The only light guiding my way is the headlights, but even those are flickering. Tears blur my vision, bringing with it a fear that licks up my spine, knowing I can’t sit here all night. I have to go out there and find help. It’s dark as all hell, I’m in the middle of nowhere, my stupid cell phone is dead, but I have to do something, don’t I?

Dad would know what to do. He always knows what to do.

With a shaky breath, I decide to get out of the car. I’m completely drenched before I shut the door.

What a wonderful night for a stroll, isn’t it?

It’s really coming down, stinging my skin. But I need to get to a phone. I thought I would make it to town before it died, but nothing on this car works.

Why I used it for this trip is another stupid decision on my part.

I’m shivering and I can’t see anything farther than two feet in front of me and even then it’s a blur. It’s dark as fuck, too. It’s cold. And I haven’t seen a car in the last fifteen minutes. I’m starting to freak out a little. God, Sean must be shitting bricks trying to get in contact with me.

Drive there, I said.

It’ll be fun, I said.

Well, it’s not fucking fun.

It’s agonizing.

I’m driving to butt-fuck nowhere so I can meet my birth father. The man who cut his losses when my birth mother died and put me up for adoption. I love my parents. Don’t get me wrong. I’d do anything for them, but my mannerisms aren’t theirs. My ways and abilities aren’t theirs. I want to know where I came from. No one seems to understand this.

Lo and behold, this shit box I’ve been driving for the last ten hours stalls on the side of the road. I can’t see anything in front of me, not the lines on the side of the road, not the mile markers, and it’s cold as all hell. I shouldn’t have come. I should’ve emailed or sent a letter in the mail. But no. I drove alone to see a man who I bet doesn’t even think about me.