6. Auden
Sun shines directly on me and I inhale sharply. A throbbing headache attacks my temples. It must not even be six yet. I stretch out and let out a soft moan, glancing over at Storm in the same position from last night.
My heart trips on its valves, bringing in the out-of-body experience that was my night. It wasn’t me, but something about it felt right. As if we were supposed to meet and have the most amazing night of my life. Something tells me his night was just as glorious.
My angel. His words circle my head as I slowly slip out of bed, staring at his taut back as his soft snores fill the room. He sure is beautiful, but the temptation to drink with him is too high. Sean is the only one who knows how to calm my cravings and I forced him not to come with me. If I spend any more time with Storm, something tells me I won’t be able to resist that liquid gold.
Tiptoeing my way to the washroom, I get dressed so quickly, scared that he might wake up and make this an awkward goodbye. It’s better to leave our night as it was. Spontaneous, mysterious, a one-time thing.
I tiptoe to the door, glancing over my shoulder as his snores get louder, and smile. I slip into my boots and look at the mirror by the door, taking my lipstick from my purse.
From the prettiest girl this town has ever seen, thanks to the nicest guy to let me crash in his bed.
Auden ;)
I close my lipstick and leave. I’m sure if I stayed and we woke up beside each other, we’d go at least once more. How could I have done that? I’m not this reckless. I’m not a floozy. I’ve had four boyfriends and slept with each of them. No side pieces. No flings. Only them.
Now look at me.
Cringe.
Grimace.
Bleh!
He’s a bartender living on top of the bar he works at— I’m sure working off of tips. There’s no stability. I need someone with a plan, someone who isn’t working a side job for a living.
Hey, at least he was hot.
It’s a lot cooler outside than it was in his apartment so I grab a black trench coat beside the exit door and throw it on. Thanks, Storm. I’m keeping this trench coat.
A parking lot greets me on the other side of the door, his car parked right beside it. It truly is the only thing in the area. I glance back at the bar as I walk, looking up at the top window and grinning. We sure did have a good time last night. It’ll be one memorable experience.
As I walk toward my car on the side of a very lonely road, I purposely jump in every puddle I pass like a child. I feel good this morning. Happy about being here rather than hatred. Maybe getting laid was all I needed.
A car drives by and I look up, spotting a Baby On Board sticker on the side window. My heart flutters, and I frown watching as the car drives down the road. It brings back the woman and her son from the gas station yesterday, the realization that I didn’t have a single day with my birth mother. I have this emptiness growing inside of me. A wonderment as to why I’m grieving her when I never even met her.
For twenty-four years I thought about meeting my birth parents, but only recently I found out my birth mother died during childbirth. I don’t know more than that. I’m hoping all my questions will be answered. Being here feels like something I need to do.
When I see my car up ahead with a red and white tow truck in front of it, about to drive off. I charge for them, waving my arms and calling out to stop. I have to get to my birth father. I need to know my story.
The driver waves at me, his thick white beard makes me smile. It reminds me of my grandfather, he always loved growing his beard out even though my grandmother hated it. Secretly, it was my favorite thing watching them bicker. It was their love language. Something I craved to have with the man of my dreams. But I’m still waiting to meet him.
I open the passenger door of the tow truck, seeing candy wrappers on the floor. “Hi,” I say out of breath.
“You…Charlotte Summers?” He reads off an order form.
I nod, holding the stitch in my side. “That’s my car.”
He smiles. “Hop in, lady. I’ll bring you to my shop.”
A smile touches my lips and I hop in, unsure how far the shop is or how long it’ll take to get there. But as soon as I buckle up, we drive off, heading in the direction of Creed’s. A giddy grin spreads to my face when I look at Storm’s jeep parked out back. The green-eyed man who asked me to dance so I’d loosen up will be the first thing I tell Sean when I get to the BnB. Storm’ll forever be ingrained in my heart.
“How far is your shop from here?” I ask, fixing the purse on my lap.
“Twenty minutes, tops,” he answers, glancing at me quickly. But enough to notice the hickey Storm left on my neck.
I lift the collar on the trench coat. “I had an unexpected night in that storm. Didn’t know my car was a piece of crap,” I joke, looking back out the window at the fields moving past.
“The name’s Gerri, by the way.” He smiles. “What brings you to Campbellton?”
Campbellton? I’m already here? I thought I was two hours away.
“Just passing through,” I lie.
“You got yourself a place to stay while you’re here?” he asks, rolling down his window. “We ain’t got any rental cars in town.”
“There’s this bed and breakfast I read about in town that I made reservations at. I was supposed to check in last night, but as you can tell, I didn’t quite make it.”
He nods as a quaint little town comes into view. Pastel colors, vibrant flower beds, and trees guide our way. It’s exactly what I expected it to be. Shop owners who have known each other for generations. A single café that probably serves the worst coffee, but to everyone, this café is home. I could have grown up here, eating at the bakery, shopping at the Dress Barn, and working at the general store. The boy I’d fall in love with and eventually marry would buy me flowers from the flower shop next door to the pharmacy. This could have been my life.
“The BnB on Main?”
I fixed my hair into a ponytail. “Think so.”
“That belongs to the Misses and me,” he beams. “We’d love to have you stay.”
“What a small world!”
“My shop’s right up here.” He points out Gerri’s Autoshop a pale blue building with rust leaking down the sides. This place has probably seen better days, but it’s the best I can do in a town that has a population of five hundred people.
He then points to a little townhouse across the street, vibrant like the town, with pale green and yellow trimming to accentuate its Victorian feel. “And that’s the bed and breakfast you’re talking about. The wife hated being at home with nothing to do, so we bought the place across the street and fixed it to be a BnB.”
I laugh as he pulls into the garage. “What’re the chances?”
“I’ll get your car looked at in a jiff and back on the road in no time,” he says, cutting the engine. “You got things in the car?”
I eye the shop, seeing a worker at the far back of it hunched over a desk. “A couple of bags.”
“I’ll bring them over once you check-in.”
I nod and hop out of the tow truck. “Thanks.”
As soon as I inhale the scent of oil and tires, it dawns on me that I’m actually here. I’m about to meet my birth father and I’m nervous as fuck. This is going to be one interesting couple of days that I’m not sure I’m entirely prepared for. Time will tell.
***
I sputter, fixing my makeup as I FaceTime with Sean. He’s sitting in the bath right now, splashing water on his face. “I’m making the right decision, yeah? I’m not wasting my time on this.” I groan, shaking my head and second-guessing myself. “I’m wasting my time, aren’t I?”
He tilts his head and lies back in the tub. “Look at me, kid.”
So I do, releasing a nervous breath.
“Say the word and I’ll come to you.” He smirks, looking down at the bath. “The bubbles all over my body will probably be gone by the time I get to you, but you’ll have me there to support you through this.”
I chuckle, looking at the phone as I rest my chin on my hand. “Thank you, Sean, but this is something I have to do on my own.”
Another breath leaves me and I look at my reflection in the mirror, dabbing more makeup on my neck to hide the hickies. I think I’m about to cry. I can’t stop my mind from believing this was a mistake. That my dad will hate me for seeking out my birth father.
I stand up straighter and lean my head back, sniffling. “Shit.”
“Talk to me,” Sean says, sitting up as water sloshes around him.
He’s always the best at easing my nerves with the way he grins. He’s grown out his beard a little, keeping it short and tamed. Ever since we were teenagers, he’s tried to grow it out. But being blonde, he’s always had trouble. And the way he’s grinning at me right now, his dirty blonde beard framing his mouth, is easing my nerves completely.
I release a breath and that grin grows into a smile on his face. “So, tell me, how was your night?”
I can’t help but smile back, biting my bottom lip. See, he always knows how to help me through my nerves. “I had the most interesting night of my life.”
“Do tell,” he says, sitting back in the tub and bubbles hit his chin.
I release another slow shaky breath, looking at my reflection as my cheeks grow red. “Would you believe me if I told you I had a one-night stand?”
He laughs, wiping a hand down his face, then widens his eyes as I don’t laugh with him. “Shut up. With who?”
So I tell him all about Storm and the wild night we had. I tell him how I promised I’d be there in the morning, but something about it didn’t feel right. Something about being in that apartment above the bar didn’t feel right. And the temptation of that tequila bottle in the washroom made my cravings jump into overdrive. It’s better that I left without a goodbye.
Sean licks his lips, eyeing me as I fix the strap on my bra and pull a dress over my head. “Damn, kid. Didn’t think you had it in you.”
“I know. But something about this weird connection I felt toward him made the entire night just…surreal.” I lean on the vanity and stare at the camera. “I don’t know how to explain it, but he felt it, too. Maybe it was the setting. It was hella romantic.”
Sean smirks, lowering in the tub even more the water is almost at his mouth. “Well, kid. Let’s hope this guy isn’t related to you in some way. You are in a small town after all.”
I gasp, tossing my mascara tube at the phone. “Don’t say that! Oh, my fuck, don’t spray that bad juju on me.”
He laughs, blowing at the bubbles surrounding him. “I’m kidding—” His face grows serious for a second and he sits up. “Look, I gotta call you back, it’s work.”
I wave my hands at him. “Yeah, go, go, go.”
“I love you and good luck.” He smiles. “Call me when you meet your birth daddy.”
I smile back and he hangs up, leaving me staring at my own reflection. There’s no more putting this off, is there? I slide my feet into my wedge sandals and head out the door, plugging in the address to the house my birth father lives in onto my phone.
As soon as I step out into the warm morning, I feel the pit of my stomach starting to seize. I feel that dread coming on and I haven’t even made it past the garage across the street.
I shake my hands as I start to follow the map on my phone. I’m doing it, I’m actually fucking doing it. Although my legs feel like jelly, this walk will do me good to calm the uneasiness in my stomach.
The map is telling me that I’m only twenty minutes away on foot. Twenty minutes of me psyching myself up enough to be okay with this.
No.
Shit.
I can’t do this.
I stop walking and release a rush of air, shaking my hands again and looking at the sky. “This will be good for you,” I whisper to myself. “This will be really good.”
That sense of security to know where I came from. To be able to close the door on my questions and wonders. To bury the loss I almost went through three years ago which put a more serious tone to my questions and caused my eventful drinking habits.
The door to the flower shop opens beside me, a bell rings above it as a young man steps out. He smiles at me, looking back at his daughter who’s holding a bouquet of wildflowers with a smile so large, it causes me to grin. I release another breath and watch as they walk across the street to the bakery, her little squeal moving through the quaint little town.
I smile, picturing myself in her shoes if I was never put up for adoption. My birth father and I would be buying flowers just like that for our little farmhouse just down the road.
I lived a beautiful life with my parents, but I need to know where I came from.
I glance down at the phone and continue walking, a smile still spread on my lips. I’m going to meet my birth father and everything will be okay.