42. Auden
Igroan, rolling onto my back and fluttering my eyes open. I’m in Sean’s room, sun poking through the curtains. I put my hand on my head, feeling a surging migraine pounding at my temples. Why did I do that last night? Why am I such an idiot?
I roll back over and bury my face on Sean’s pillow, groaning loudly. I see Storm when I close my eyes. His beautiful smile fills my heart with so much joy that I want to scream. I relapsed to stop feeling the pain of leaving him. I wonder when I’ll ever be able to smile again.
I can hear the shower on when I lift my head and look at the time on Sean’s phone on the nightstand. Right as I lift my head the entire room spins, making me nauseated. I drank way too much last night over a boy who showed so much potential to make me happy. Of giving me that stability I crave.
Was drinking again worth it? No.
Will I do it again? Probably. So long as I don’t overdo it, a little drink will help ease my nerves for the day ahead: Millie’s wedding.
I pull myself out of bed and sigh. I didn’t drink enough to need to puke, but I drank enough that my head feels like a monkey is banging cymbals together. I grumble, placing a hand on my head, and see my dress on the decorative chair in the corner. Panic sets in when I look down and see I’m in one of Sean’s t-shirts and nothing on underneath it. I gasp, my hand shooting to my mouth. I know I passed out last night after he caught me drinking outside, but everything after that is a blur. Oh, my God. Did I sleep with him?
No, no, no, no. I would’ve remembered that. Guilt swims through me as I drag myself to the washroom, feeling ashamed because of the person I’ve become after twenty-four hours without Storm. It’s not a pretty sight to see.
I open the door to Sean stepping out of the shower, water still pelting the tiles as if he’s leaving it on for me. He’s naked, and I can’t help but look away even though I’ve seen him naked a million times over. He’s not Storm. “Well, good morning.”
I squint, shutting off the lights. “Shh, you’re being too loud.”
He laughs, running the towel through his hair and chest before wrapping it around his waist. “How’re you feeling?”
I drop my head back and groan again, the rush of blood going to my head is giving my migraine a heaving throb. “Like death.”
“That’ll happen when you drink like an idiot over a fucking idiot,” he says, folding his arms and standing in front of me. “Don’t do that again.”
Tears well in my eyes and I want to shake my head but the smallest movements are making it hard for me to function. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say sorry to me, kid. I’ve spent enough time holding your hair back over the years to know you did not need to get back to that state. You’re better than someone who turns to alcohol when she’s sad,” he says sternly, tilting his head to the side. “If you fuck up, you can lose this job. And remember, it’s also my job on the line for putting in a good word for you.” He steps closer to me, shaking his head again. He’s worried about me. Sean shouldn’t have to worry about me again like he did so many years ago. “So nut up and go to a meeting. Because drunk Charlotte is not allowed to come out ever again. She’s buried deep and will remain as such, got it?”
I nod, wiping an escaping tear from my cheek. “Yeah, got it.”
He’s right in every way. I shouldn’t have done that last night. But I couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t thinking clearly, all I wanted was Storm in my arms again, but I couldn’t have him. I still can’t. So I turned to the bottle to stop my pain.
And I’m paying for it now.
I clear my very dry throat and lick my lips. “Tell me something, Sean. Why am I in different clothes than I was last night?” I fold my arms. “What happened after we left the rehearsals?”
He smirks, wiping water from his eyes. “You passed out, then puked all over my damn truck. I took you home and put you in my shirt because your dress smelled like vodka and vomit.” Relief sweeps over me and he points a thumb at the shower. “Now, get your butt in the shower because if you’re late for hair and makeup, I think Millie will have my head on a platter.”
I feel the blood drain from my face as he steps past me and I reach out, grabbing his wrist. “You told her?”
He shakes his head, adjusting my grip so we’re holding hands. There’s this pained look on his face. I hate when he’s disappointed in me. “Evan and Ryan came out looking for me and saw you passed out in my arms. I don’t know if Ryan told her—”
“Fuck.” I cover my face and groan. “I’m such an idiot.”
“You said it.”
I punch his chest and he chuckles, nodding at the shower. “Get in and I’ll make you a coffee. We leave in twenty.”
I can’t blame Sean for being stern with me and not treating me any differently, either. I fucked up last night and he’s keeping it as if nothing happened. But I can see it on his face, he’s worried about me. I’m worried about me, too. If Storm has this much of an effect on me, then what the hell would have happened if things between us worked out, then down the line they didn’t?
Gosh, I will be okay. I will get through this. My heart will heal.