Chapter 26
Sunlight peeks through the sheer curtains of my flat, casting a nice glow over Carson’s sleeping form. He spent the night on my couch because I knew I wouldn’t be able to control myself in bed with him, not this time. There would be a lot more going on than cuddling and light kisses.
My head is throbbing a bit as I work my way around the kitchen, cooking breakfast for us.
I thought a soup would be good. I know he’s going to feel like hell when he wakes up.
The smell of vegetables and garlic fills the space as the liquid comes to a simmer.
I put the soup into bowls and plate the rest of the sides, carrying them over to the coffee table. I don’t want him to have to go too far.
Carson wakes with a groan, “Something smells delicious.”
“Mmm, haejang-guk.” He hums, his eyes heavy with sleep. He looks so cute right now.
“Yeah, you need to eat. Get up.” I laugh, watching him sit up, his hair sticking up in every direction.
This feels so domestic.
“Thanks, this looks amazing, so you’re a little chef too, huh?” He grins, pulling me into his lap and kissing my cheek.
“You’re so silly, come on, seriously, let’s eat.” I laugh and wiggle out of his lap to sit next to him.
“What should we watch?” He says, flicking through the channels, “Anything is fine.” I say and hand him utensils.
“Hockey it is.”
“Absolutely not, Carson,” I say straight-faced.
“Aww, you’re no fun.” I grab the remote from him and turn it to cartoons, I think we both can pay half attention to.
“Sooo I was thinking.” He starts.
“You do that?” I chuckle.
“Haha. So cute and funny.” Carson says, tickling me lightly into a fit of giggles.
“Stop it! I’m gonna drop my food!” I laugh.
“Well, stop getting smart. Anyway, I was thinking you should come over after I’m back from away games.”
I look over at him mid-chew. I’ve never been to Carson’s place, and I didn’t think I would be going anytime soon.
“Oh…” My cheeks burn hot.
“Don’t worry, as just friends, Julian.” Carson laughs.
“I know that!” I stammer.
“Oh, I was just reassuring you in case you wanna dip again.”
Yeah, especially after last night. I haven’t even begun to address what happened and where his lips were.
But I think I’ve worked past running away.
In fact, being normal and un-horny is becoming increasingly harder around Carson lately, and I’m not sure what to do about that.
We’re not even together, making sex even more daunting for me.
But I do know what my body wants.
“Great, so this coming Monday then. You can spend the night, and I’ll take you to the rink.” He declares.
“Yeah, sounds good,” I mumble.
Spend the night.
Me and Carson finish up our breakfast. He helps me clean the kitchen and the living room.
We work in silence, and everything is back to the way it was before; it’s peaceful, like a pleasant daydream.
This feels so nice, having him here with me.
I wish this tiny moment could last longer, but I promised Liam I would meet with him today.
I haven’t seen him since returning from Ohio.
I think I need some advice, and honestly, I just miss him.
“Well, I need you to get going. I’ve got an appointment with Liam.”
“I still can’t believe you have friends.” Carson turns to me, mouth dramatically agape, “I’m so proud of you.” He continues teasing me.
“You’re so annoying, really, get out!” I shoo him as he’s putting his shoes on.
“So I’ll see you then?”
“Yeah,” I say softly, his face gets closer and close my eyes in anticipation.
“Good.” He whispers over my lips before ruffling my hair and leaving me pouting in frustration.
* * *
“I think I want Carson to fuck me.”
“For real this time.”
Liam spits a bit of his coffee back into his cup in shock.
“Sorry, that was a bit vulgar.” I say, “But it’s the truth.” I laugh at the face he’s giving me right now.
“Ok, well that’s a start. Finally admitting it because before you were being all coy with me about this.” He laughs.
We’re at a neighborhood cafe that Liam wanted to show me because I haven’t had much time since we met to explore any more of the neighborhood.
I must admit the coffee is pretty good; they make a good americano.
But I can’t stop thinking about Carson, every part of him, and the fact that every part of him and I are going to be alone in his apartment in not even two days.
“Well, does Carson know you want Carson to fuck you?” He giggles.
“Obviously not,” I take a sip of my drink, “but I’m spending the night on Monday…at his place,” I say, fidgeting with the sleeve around my cup.
“Ohhh.” Liam says, brows raising into his hair, “What are you going to do?” He asks.
“That’s what I’m asking you! What should I do?” I groan.
“Just do whatever feels natural, don’t overthink it. If it goes there, then let it, Julian.” I never let anything go anywhere naturally except skating, of course.
“What does that even mean?”
“Just let the night lead you to wherever you end up. Even if it’s on the floor.” He smirks.
“Haha…very funny.” I roll my eyes.
We sip on our drinks and critique the pastries while we talk about everything under the sun.
The flower shop, Kevin’s obsession with orange, and hockey, of course, and when the next round of classes will start up.
When we both laugh at something Liam is ranting about, I feel a sense of warmth.
The mundaneness of it all is my favorite part.
“We should head out. I have something to show you.” Liam grins.
“What is it?”
“Something I think you’d like, something very Jersey.” He says, and I shake my head, smiling a bit.
We throw away our empty cups and lingering wrappers before heading for the door. The crisp air, whipping across my face gently as we walk toward a set of trucks parted not too far from the cafe.
“A food truck?” I tilt my head.
Liam grabs my hand and pulls me toward the front of the truck. There’s already a line formed, but it’s short, thankfully. I flex my hands and rock on my heels. It’s freezing today.
“You’re gonna love it, trust me.”
“If you say so.” I chuckle.
The line dies down fast, and we walk up, “Can we have two Italian hot dogs, everything on them?” The worker manning the truck’s window nods before sticking the order note next to the previous ones.
“Hot dogs, Liam?” I laugh.
“Shush, you. Let’s grab a seat!” He says, waving me off. We secure a table nearby, and I try my best not to be grossed out at the trash on the surface. Liam shakes his head and grins at me.
The food doesn’t take long to finish up, and Liam heads off to retrieve them while I make sure no one takes our seats.
He returns with them, the hot air wafting from the hot dogs that look super overstuffed in my opinion.
But he’s right, I’m intrigued. I haven’t had much food here that really stands out to me.
Although what I have had through Carson has been really good.
“Ta-da! Italian hot dogs, a Jersey classic. You can’t come visit and leave without trying it.” He seems so excited to share this with me, and that makes me smile.
“Looks good, but are those french fries on it? Don’t they go on the side?” I say.
“Just eat it, silly.” Liam laughs.
I giggle, grabbing the hot dogs and trying my best to take a bite that won’t get all over the place, but it’s inevitable, this thing is huge. The flavors all together work surprisingly well, so Liam is right, I do love it.
“This is good,” I say through chewing.
“I told you.” He grins.
“By the way…” I start, “How did you and Kevin meet? At university?”
“Oh yeah, we started at the same time, and he was in one of my classes.” He takes another huge bite of his hot dog, wiping his mouth after, “He was my class crush.”
“I can see how that would happen with you guys.” I chuckle.
“Yup, then I saw him at a party of a mutual friend, we hooked up, it was hot. Rest is history.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me, making me laugh.
“Can you please cut it out!” I chuckle.
“Hey, I’m just giving you a little hope.” He laughs.
“Yeah, but you weren’t a virgin, were you?” I roll my eyes. I feel like there’s such a thick layer of unknowing when it comes to me and Carson. Especially sexually. It makes me nervous and overwhelmed. The experience gap definitely doesn’t help either.
“Well, no. I had lots of fun in university, let me tell you.” Liam laughs, holding his stomach.
“Please don’t.” I laugh before taking the last bite of my food and cleaning the ketchup that’s spilled onto my fingers.
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine! We all start somewhere.” He grins, “Besides, I think Carson will love whatever you do to him.” Liam teases.
“You’re absolutely ridiculous, you know that?” I laugh, my face burning hot.