Chapter 31
The golden-hour sun showers my flat in warm colors as I flit around trying to clean every surface and corner.
Carson is on his way. And it’s our first time spending the night with each other since returning from Boston.
His team made it into the playoffs again this season, so he’s been extremely busy preparing for that, all while still trying to make as much time as he can for us.
Time which feels like it’s moving so much faster as my return home looms over us.
I light a lavender scented candle, hopefully it’ll help relax both of us, Carson from work, and me from my anxiety around what I hope will happen tonight.
I’ve already spent way too much time in the bathroom and online making sure I prepared everything right, everything meaning my body.
I groan, sinking into my couch, my ears burning just thinking about it.
What if nothing happens? I’ll probably feel stupid.
The door buzzing jolts me from my thoughts just in time. I jump up, smoothing the invisible wrinkles in my clothes out. I head to the door and open it to Carson on the other side, grinning at me.
“So I guess I have a boyfriend now.” He says, pulling me into his body.
I bite my lip, “Who said that?”
“We had a deal.” He nips at my ear, a purr catches in my throat at the sensation.
“I didn’t win gold.”
“When did we agree you had to win gold?”
“Carson..” I giggle as he starts kissing my neck.
He’s right, we never agreed on that.
“You still won, and you’ll be going to the Olympics, so that means I get my boyfriend.” He nuzzles into my neck, taking me in, “You smell really good, by the way.” Carson drawls.
“You’re so ridiculous,” I say, swatting at him. Though I’m glad he noticed, I spent a lot of time lathering every inch of my skin in body cream.
“Did you eat?” I ask.
“Yeah, a little, didn’t have much time. Today was a little crazy, but we survived.” He chuckles.
“It’ll all pay off. You guys are going to do great.”
“I know now that I really have a lucky charm.” He winks at me, and I roll my eyes. He truly believes I’m his lucky charm. I always thought hockey players and their superstitions were just a silly little thing they did, but they’re actually quite serious about it.
I bring him some fruit, and we both get comfortable on the couch.
We recently started watching another drama together, and it’s been nice.
We watch them together while he’s away at games, when he’s back in his hotel room.
I snuggle up closer to him while he munches on the apple slices, both of us laughing at a funny scene.
My mind has never felt so relaxed, Carson’s fingers playing in my hair, the TV bathing him in soft lights. If nothing happens, I wouldn’t mind. Him just being here like I’m his safe space is more than enough. Though I would love to give him all of me tonight.
I just don’t know how to start it.
What if he’s too tired and rejects me, and I burst this peaceful bubble we’re in because I’m greedy and horny?
I’m completely in my head when Carson looks down at me, his brows furrowed and his face a bit tight, “You ok? You seem tense.” He asks.
“Oh no…I’m fine. Sorry, I was just thinking.” I mumble.
“Thinking about…”
“Nothing.”
“But you just said you were thinking about something.” He says as he gently brushes the hair from my eyes.
“I….I just. I don’t know how to say it.” My heart shudders against my chest.
“Is it something we need to go to the bed for?” He says, his voice deep in my ear, the only answer I can give is a small nod.
Carson stands from the couch and picks me up. I wrap my arms around his neck, letting him carry me to the bed, my body buzzing with adrenaline, nerves. I can’t believe it was that easy. I giggle at the thought.
“What’s so funny?”
“I was so worried, and that’s all it took,” I say, kissing him along his jaw.
“You have no idea how much I want you all the time. So, no, it doesn’t take much.” He says as he lays me down gently.
“Ok,” I mumble.
My breath hitches as he stands over me, his gaze dark and intense.
“Are you sure?” He asks.
“Yes…I’m sure.” I say softly, lying back further on the bed. But before I can gain any more distance, Carson climbs on after me, fitting himself between my legs. His hands are hot against my skin as he rubs up and down my thighs.
“If there’s anything you don’t like, tell me.” Carson whispers, fitting his face in the crook of my neck and peppering the area with kisses and small bites, “Say ok.”
“Carson….” I mewl underneath him as he wraps me around his waist, our erections rubbing together, “Say it, Julian.”
“Ok. I will.”
“Do you want to tell me what you want, or do you want me to do whatever I want to you?” He says, pulling away to look me in the eye, sending a shiver racking through my body.
Carson feels so different above me in this moment, like he’s close to being consumed by something he’s been holding off for a very long time.
“Please do whatever you want to me.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He teases, licking my ear as he grinds down against me. I’m going to fucking die. I need everything all at once. Carson leaves a trail of heat after every inch of me he tastes.
“Please…Carson.” I beg, arching into him.
He snaps, pulling back onto his knees before he starts stripping me of any clothing between us.
I lift my hips so he can pull my pants and underwear off at the same time, leaving me completely bare.
The exposed skin of my body warms as Carson stares down at me with a look I’ve never seen on him before.
I wish I knew what he was thinking. It’s so embarrassing.
So I reach for his shirt to even the playing field, and he tugs it off.
Now that’s better. His body is perfect in every way; his shoulders are so wide, every single minute he spends in the gym is on display.
After removing the rest of his clothing, he goes back to gazing at me.
It feels like he’s studying my naked body.
“Carson….”
“You’re so good just like this,” he smirks, “but there’s something I need to see,” he says, leaving me on the bed, confused.
Carson walks over to my closet and pulls out a shirt, his jersey, the number eighty-eight in red on the back.
He gave it to me, claiming that me having it was one of his good luck charms, hockey players and their weird superstitions.
My mouth falls open as he comes back to the bed and helps me get into it.
The shirt is huge on me, falling to right above my knees.
Carson says nothing, but the lust in his gaze is absolutely suffocating. I want it to choke me.
I want him to choke me.
He leans down and laps at my lips, and I open up for him instantly. I want to savor this kiss for the rest of my life. He pulls away and swipes his thumb across my cheek.
“Do you have lube?” He says, his voice dangerously low.
“Yeah.” I breathe out. I point to where it is on the nightstand.
“Prepared are we?” He chuckles, and I look away, feeling a little shy.
He reaches over, grabbing the tube and coating his fingers with some of it while I watch.
I swallow nervously when he grabs my thighs and pushes them forward a bit, his jersey bunching up around my chest. Carson leans down over me, putting his face in the crook of my neck again as his fingers find my entrance.
He circles a few times before pressing into me, my back arching from the motion.
“Relax your body for me, baby.” He kisses my neck, and I try to relax, but it feels a bit weird.
I’ve never had someone else’s finger inside me.
I focus on him kissing along my ear and neck so much, I barely feel the second finger entering me.
Carson moves both digits in and out, my body chasing his fingers as it starts to feel good.
“Look at you, need more?” He hums in my ear.
“Please, Carson…” I gasp.
He removes his fingers and coats his dick with lube. I’m going to pass out because I can’t believe it’s going to fit. I know it will, but still. I also can’t believe my body feels like it’s going to fall apart if I don’t get him inside me right now. I’m so painfully hard.
“Hurry,” I whine beneath him, and he just smirks down at me before pushing my thighs against my chest. He positions his dick at my entrance, pressing in with a long groan.
“Fuck…” Carson gasps.
Fuck is exactly it. I try to relax and take him as he pushes in further slowly, but I can’t deny it stings a little. I let out a small gasp, reaching up to grasp his bicep when he nudges past another tight ring.
“You ok, baby?” He asks.
I nod, and he kisses me deep, giving me a minute before continuing to inch into my body until I’ve taken all of him inside me.
I feel so full. My mind so completely gone that I can only nod when he asks me if I’m ready.
Carson’s thrusts start slow and shallow, my body growing used to them with every motion. He grips my thighs and starts pushing into me faster and deeper the minute I open up.
Just for him.
I’m shivering in bliss, my eyes rolling back as he fucks into me harder.
“Carson…” I whimper, covering my face with my arm, embarrassed by how I might look right now. But he snatches my arm away and pins them both above my head by my wrist.
“Don’t cover your face. I wanna see you.” He growls, his pupils are so dilated, and he’s fucking me like he’ll fall apart.
“You’re so perfect, baby. Tell me, does it feel good?”
“It does. It feels so good, please…More…” I groan.
“Fuck…”
“Turn around.” He says.
I turn around onto my stomach. Carson pulls me up onto my knees and pushes my torso back toward the bed before reentering me. He pushes his jersey up my back further.
And oh….Oh god.
I’m definitely not going to last in this position.
He threads his fingers into my hair, snapping his hips into me, and I cry out in ecstasy. If this is what sex has been this entire time, I wish I’d done it sooner. But would it be as good if it wasn’t with him? I doubt it. Carson is fucking me like his life depends on my pleasure.
“You’re doing so good, taking me like you were made for it.” He groans.
“Please…” I whine, tears welling up in my eyes with every thrust. I feel myself reaching the end without even being touched.
Carson pulls me against him, my back flush with his front, before he begins fucking up into me.
He kisses my neck, licking all the way up to my ear before biting down on it.
I feel like I can’t control my body as I push back down on him, matching his exact tempo.
“You’re so fucking greedy.” He growls into my ear, holding me by the throat.
“I’m going to cum hyung please….please please…“ I beg in Korean, my mind not able to get anything out in English.
“Please, what?” He whispers.
“Fuck me more…please..”
And he does just that, pushing me back down into the mattress and thrusting into me hard and fast just like I wanted. Like I needed. Carson drapes his body over mine, his pace becoming more frantic as he nuzzles my cheek wet with tears.
I’m completely gone when he hovers over me, our faces inches apart, with my head tilted back, we lock eyes. His thrusts feel even more earth-shattering like this.
“I need to see you cum.” He says, and a sound I didn’t even know I could make rips through me.
“Juyeon-ah…” He breaths out. I cum on the spot, my eyes rolling back. My body doesn’t know what it wants to do, but I’m still cumming when I feel him spill into me. It’s so warm.
I could just sleep right here. Carson pulls out. I can tell he’s staring at his mess dripping out of me, and if I had the energy, I would probably be super embarrassed right now.
“So pretty…” He hums, trailing kisses along my spine.
“You did so well, baby.” I hear him say before my eyes flutter shut.
* * *
My mind is still a little fuzzy while Carson is cleaning both of us.
When he finishes throwing the towels in the bin, he comes back into the room and gets comfortable behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist. I could become addicted to this feeling, which is horrible because we’re going to be long-distance soon.
I almost wish we had sex sooner. But I also value how we got here.
I think that was a part of what made it feel so good for me.
“Carson.”
“Hm?” He hums, nuzzling into my hair.
“Thank you.”
“For what love?”
“For being a good friend to me.”
“Well, you deserve it.” He says softly, kissing my head.
“I love you,” I whisper, my eyes stinging. I don’t know why I’m crying, I just feel so overwhelmed in the best way.
“I love you too.”
“Aww, baby, are you crying?” Carson says, trying to hold my face in his hands.
“No! I am not!” I turn away, and Carson starts leaving kisses all over my face, making me giggle. He pulls me into his body, spooning me.
“You know what I kept forgetting to ask you during all of our pillow talks?” I say.
“What is it?”
“You never told me your Korean name.” He sits up on his elbow and perches his head in his palm, “Really?”
I shake my head.
“It’s Jaeyoung.”
Jaeyoung.
“That suits you,” I whisper into his lips before giving him a soft kiss.