Chapter 3 Scarlett #2
“Ahh, come on, Lettie Girl. Draw me a sparrow, please.” He’s asked for so many drawings this summer, says he wants to decorate his room with them.
“I don’t have any paper,” I whisper. He pulls out two Sharpies, black and light blue, then pulls up the leg of his shorts.
“You can draw it on me.” He smiles.
I nod, getting to work while we watch Captain Jack Sparrow fight all Davy Jones’s men on TV. When I’m done, he smiles. “Aye. It’s perfect, Lettie Girl.”
Damn it, what is happening to me?
“You okay?” Miller asks from just outside the run.
I nod. There’s no point in trying to hide my tears from him. He’s wiped plenty of them from both of our faces over the years.
“Come on then, I made lunch.” He holds up a blue and white cooler, tipping his head at the door.
I stare at the cloud of dust his boots send into the air as he climbs the rungs of the fence surrounding the horse corral.
I follow suit as he hands me a sandwich.
Warmth floods me as I look at it, ham, cheddar cheese, and butter, the same way I used to make it when I was a kid. “You remembered?” I ask in awe.
He hands over a paper napkin, “You’re a hard one to forget. ‘Specially when you’d throw a fit if there was anything else on it.”
I swat him lightly on the arm. “I’ve since expanded my palate.”
“Well, s’cuse me then. Let me know your preferences, I’ll do better next time, Boss.” He salutes while trying to smother a smile.
My eyes roll. “You’re not gonna let me off easy, are you?”
“No. Your Nana would have kicked my ass if I did.” I take a bite, buying myself some time.
“She’d be happy you finally came back.” There’s the line I didn’t know I needed. The anchor that ties me to this place, that tells me I made a good decision.
“Ms. Operations, it’d be nice if you could take over the books. I’m not a paperwork guy. I need my hands dirty.”
I snort. I’m not a paperwork person either, yet that seems to be all I do these days.
He looks off in the direction of the withering sunflowers, scratching his beard before letting out a soft snort. “You know, your Nana always used to tell me, ‘you’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine when it comes to numbers.’”
My laugh takes me by surprise as it bursts from my chest. She always had the most outlandish sayings, yet they always hit the mark.
It’s then that I realize his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, burns mar his skin, swirling in a way that tells you he’s survived more than he’s let on.
But now that I really think about it, I don’t know how he got them.
I don’t know much about his life before he showed up here one summer.
I wonder what a younger Miller could have done to get burns of that degree. He must notice my inquiring eyes because he pulls them back down. “Should have died that day.” That's all he says as he buttons the cuffs.
“I remember the first day you showed up here. You were all sunshine and rainbows for a week or so until Lucas showed up,” I say, the mood turning somber.
His mouth softens at the corners before his eyes screw shut, like he’s trying to forget the memory. “That was the only time I think I've ever seen you cry. You said he was more like you than you could ever imagine. “
He nods, eyes still closed. “I remember.” His voice comes out as a choked whisper.
“You still think that?”
He cracks an eye open, and the redness in it catches me by surprise. “He’s like a son to me. I’d protect him with my life. Just like I know he’d do for me.”
I chew softly on my bottom lip. “You and Kerry never wanted kids?”
His tongue peeks out, wetting his lips before he turns to face me fully.
“There are a lot of things I regret in life, letting my fear and pride get in the way of loving the ones who meant the most, will always be at the top of that list.” His head hangs in front of him, defeated in a way I’ve never seen from him.
“Don’t repeat my mistakes, let love in. Let it heal you, there’s nothing stronger. ”
“The burns, how long have you had them?”
He sighs, digging the toe of his boot into the ground. “Almost twenty years, rehab on them was… excruciating.”
“Are you ashamed of them?”
His head pops up, and a slow smile spreads across his face as he shakes his head softly. “Always full of questions, aren't you?”
I find myself returning his smile. “Just trying to learn more about my bestie. Someone’s gotta love my grumpy ass.”
He looks at me with a look I can’t quite decipher.
Something like pity and sadness swirls in his eyes.
“You know, when Lucas started with the Hawks, he connected the Ranch with the Wilder Foundation. Now, there are kids here a couple of times a month for equine therapy. Most of ‘em don’t have easy lives, just like he didn’t. ”
He reaches out, letting his hand land on the outside of my shoulder, giving it that comforting squeeze, “There’s this one girl, I swear she’s you when you were that age.” My eyes follow the sunflowers as they sway in the breeze, sitting with that piece of information.
“Her name’s Lily. They’re besties. She lost her dad, too.
” Something laced with pain passes through his gaze.
He turns his head, motioning toward the stable we were just in.
“She gets up on Princess. She wants to barrel race someday.” I try not to get jealous of a child, and maybe it’s not entirely because she’s besties with Lucas.
Maybe it’s because she’s allowed to be a kid in a way I was only allowed to be when I was here.
Nana always used to tell me I was the kind of girl free spirits wished they could be.
The kind that never took life too seriously until it came to the people I loved.
The kid who always did everything to make someone else happy.
The one who knew who she was and wouldn’t tolerate people who didn’t love her as she was.
“When do they come next?” I ask, trying to keep my mind from taking another stroll down memory lane. It’s a painful place to walk through most days.
“Should be next week, it’s the start of hockey season.
Visits get shuffled around when they go out of town.
” He rubs the back of his neck. “I haven’t been the greatest at keeping up with their games.
Shot myself in the foot last time they were all here.
” I watch in amusement as a flush creeps up his neck.
“Told ‘em they played great, congratulated them on the win. They lost both games.”
My hand covers my mouth, eyes widening as a giggle escapes my lips. “You did not.” I can only imagine how awkward that was for him.
He laughs, head shaking as he looks at the ground, “I did, Lucas gave me shit for it for weeks.” He clears his throat, and genuine affection shines in his eyes as he looks down at me. “Go easy on him, Lettie. He’s been hoping you’d find your way back this entire time.”
Yeah. That’s what I’m afraid of.