Chapter 24 Lucas
lucas
I watch as Hannah and Lettie walk down the stairs arm in arm, smiles on their faces as Lettie laughs at something Hannah says.
My chest warms at the way Hannah’s pulled her into her orbit.
If there’s one person here who can help Lettie see it’s okay to let go of the past, it’s Hannah.
She’s like the fairy godmother of trauma.
I'm sure she’d hate that title, but she lives up to it with the way she always gets people to feel comfortable enough to be themselves, regardless of their baggage.
Lettie’s eyes catch on mine, and I can’t help the smile that crosses my face. It’s been twenty minutes, but I feel like it’s been days since I’ve seen her. I’ve come to realize that twelve years without her made me a man starving for her presence.
“Hey,” I murmur as I wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her from Hannah. I press my lips to the top of her head as I whisper, “Missed you.” Her hands rest on the side of my stomach, my muscles jumping under her touch.
“It’s been like ten minutes,” she chides, but there’s no heat behind it. “Sorry for running, I needed to process that information for a minute.”
I smile, choosing to ignore the second half of her sentence. “Twenty-two minutes and eleven seconds to be exact,” I reply without missing a beat.
Her eyes widen before she throws her head back and lets out the laugh I’ve been dying to hear more of for over a decade. When she brings her head back, her gleeful gaze pulls me toward her like an invisible string.
I slide my hand along her jaw, threading my fingers into the hair behind her ear as I bring my head down, lips meeting hers in a kiss that I hope conveys just how happy I am that she’s here.
That she’s letting herself be here, with me, in the presence of all my friends. “I love you,” I say against her lips.
Her smile stretches, but she doesn’t pull away, “I love you, too, Goldie.”
That sentence has no business sounding that good from her lips. But if I could only hear five words for the rest of my life, it would be those.
“We need to talk, Monroe.” Hannah’s voice breaks the moment, and I start to groan until I realize everyone is standing around the island.
Immediately, I’m on high alert, “What's going on?” I ask, as I subconsciously shift Scarlett behind me.
“Lettie told me about the guy here the other day,” Hannah says, and I relax slightly.
“We can get Elliott and Collin out here to put up security of their own. That way, if the other system has been hacked or someone has access to it, it won’t matter because you have your own.
” I nod, my eyes skating to Abby’s, who are hardened as they focus on me.
“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” Abby asks as she leans back into her new husband.
My fingers push through my hair as I look down the line of my teammates, all with varying levels of concern. “Like you told me what was going on in your life?” I snap, “It wasn’t my story to tell.”
“Lucas,” Lettie hisses from behind me. Her hands coming to rest softly on my lower back.
I roll my eyes before bringing them back to Abby, “Sorry,” I grumble.
“I already texted Elliott,” Abby says as she shakes her phone, “They’ll come set it up while we’re gone.”
My eyebrow hikes, “Gone? Where are you going?”
Hannah’s hands clap rapidly in front of her as she bounces on the balls of her feet, “We’re going to the Caribbean for Christmas. The Wilders’ first Christmas as married couples. Just for a weekend, but we’re excited!” She squeals as she looks up at her husband.
“Sounds fun,” I say, ignoring the squeeze in my chest at the fact that I wasn’t invited.
My faulty brain doesn’t comprehend that they aren’t my wives.
It doesn’t take into account that I have zero romantic feelings for either of them.
It just tells me that I wasn’t enough to be invited.
That I’m not important enough, that I’m getting left behind. Again.
But I don’t let that thought stay. It doesn’t need to. Clearing my throat, I motion to the ridiculous amount of food on the island. “Let’s eat, we can figure the rest of this out later.” That’s all it takes for everyone to jump into the mountains of food sprawled across the island.
I turn to Lettie, who’s watching everyone with a look of adoration in her eyes, one that looks oddly like Ms. Anna did when she watched us as kids. “What do you want? I’ll make you a plate.”
When her eyes slide to mine, she gives me a wobbly smile. “Thank you for accepting me as I am. I’m sorry I made you wait so long.”
As if she could see my inner turmoil, she hits me right in the gut. “None of that, remember?”
My arm slides around her shoulder as I pick up a paper plate with my other hand. “I would have waited my whole life for you.” I kiss her temple, lingering as I relish the feel of her skin against me. “But right now, I’d like to feed my woman, so, what’ll it be?”
She beams up at me as she points out all the things she wants, and by the time we’re both sitting around the huge dining room table I bought specifically for today, we’re all laughing, trading stories about embarrassing traditions and all the things we’re thankful for.
She doesn’t realize how polarizing she is, how, when she talks, she naturally garners the attention of everyone in the room. They lean in, hanging on her every word.
My friends love her just as much as I do, and there’s nothing in the world I’m more thankful for than moments like this. Sitting around a dinner table with all the people I consider family, accepting me and the woman I love with open arms. It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
A few hours later, multiple trips to the kitchen for more food, and demolishing more slices of pie than should be legal.
My friends are lying around my living room watching the football game while Lettie and I separate the leftovers into Tupperware so everyone can take what they want when they leave.
“Hey,” I whisper. Her head slowly turns toward me, a small smirk pulling at her lips as our eyes meet. “Let’s go missing for a bit.”
She puts the lid on some sweet potatoes before she props a hand on her hip.
“Missin’?” I nod, grabbing her hand and pulling out the side door.
Her laugh carries through the quiet night, a soundtrack I’ll never tire of. “Lucas, where are we going?”
I don’t stop until we get to my Jeep, then I push her up against the door, my arm resting against the window above her head, “I’ve needed to get you alone since you told me you loved me.”
Her eyes flare at the mention of those three words. I duck my head, bringing my lips to the shell of her ear, “Say it again.” My smile slowly grows when she shivers. “Make me the happiest man on the planet and say it again, Lettie. Please.” I beg.
She doesn’t, she just grabs a fistful of my hair, pulling my head down to hers, and slams her mouth against mine. I chuckle against her, breaking our kiss as I carry her around to the passenger side and slide her into the front seat. “I love you, Lucas.”
“Mhhh…” I hook my finger through the metal of the seatbelt, buckling her in before climbing in the driver's seat. “That’s my girl.”
We drive in silence, but she runs her fingers up and down my neck, the inside of my forearm, the entire way. Cliffs aren’t a thing in Florida unless you count the trash dumps, but this spot has been one of my favorite places for as long as I can remember.
It’s an open field, but there’s a small hill on one side that leads down to a lake. It’s almost as pretty as some of the springs in the area, but at night, you get the reflection of the moon off the water and an unobstructed view of the seemingly endless stars in the sky. It’s quiet, peaceful.
“Wow,” she breathes as she looks up. I took the top off the jeep this morning, so her face is flushed from the wind, hair blown in all different directions, but she’s never looked more beautiful than she does right now.
“Come on,” I push my door open before she can argue. I pull the tailgate open, grab the blanket I put back here in anticipation of making this trip at some point, and walk a bit closer to the water.
Shaking out the blanket, I flatten it on the ground before sitting and opening my arms for her. She slides between my legs, back to my chest as I wrap myself around her. “I used to come to this place a lot when I was younger.”
Stars were always something I wished on, like the song says, anything your heart desires…
I wished for more time with my dad, for Lettie.
For the love of my mom. But more than that, I felt connected to the ones I lost. I thought maybe my dad was up there among the twinkling lights, and maybe she was looking at the same night sky, thinking of me, too.
I’ve spent a good chunk of my life talking to things and people who don’t talk back.
I'm comfortable in the silence until I’m not.
I’m comfortable until the good memories start to fade and the dark thoughts creep in behind them.
“Did you know what I was doing when you and Ms. Anna found me at the bridge?”
Her head tips back, a wrinkle popping out between her eyebrows. “You weren’t just walking around? That’s what Nana said you did when you didn’t want to be home.”
My forehead meets hers, breathing her in, reminding myself I’m not alone anymore.
Still, the weight of that day sits heavily in my chest. One sentence, and she may never look at me the same.
My mouth goes dry, and before the moment slips away, I blurt, “I was going to jump off it.” My voice cracks, my whispered admission tearing through the peaceful night like a lightning strike.
She gasps, turning around until her legs are straddling my hips. Her hands cup my cheeks, trembling, her thumb brushes a stray tear from my face. I hadn’t even realized I was crying, too lost in the memory, wrecked by the anguish written on her face.
“Are you saying if we hadn’t found you that day, you wouldn’t be here?” Her voice cracks as the first tear falls from her eyes.
I shrug, “I don’t know what would have happened after I jumped…
but yeah, that was the plan.” My eyes drop to where my thumbs mindlessly brush across her skin that peeks out from the bottom of her shirt.
“It’s why I didn’t turn around when you first yelled my name.
I thought you were in my head. Not actually there. ”
My eyes trail up her body, savoring the fact that she’s here, in my arms. She’s invaded all my senses.
She’s the life that runs through my veins.
My life has been a series of shitty cards, but I need her to know she isn’t one of them.
She could never be one of them. Tears continue to fall down her face as her eyes bounce between mine. “Lucas…”
I kiss the apple of both of her cheeks, one after the other, trying to calm the panic in her eyes.
“You saved me from a copperhead when I was nine, you saved me from acting on the thoughts that would have kept us apart forever when I was eleven. You gave me a second and third chance at life. I’ve lived my life for you and my dad every day since then.
But Lettie, I don’t want to live without you again. ”
I slide my hands from her hips into the back pocket of her jeans as I say, “Stay with me, not just for now. Forever. You like your house better, we’ll stay there.
You want to crash at mine, fine. But if I’m here, I want to be with you.
” Her head falls forward, resting on my shoulder as she heaves, tears falling faster.
“We’ve spent twelve years apart. Let’s rewrite our lives, together like we promised we would. You and me, forever.”
“Yeah,” she chokes out. “You and me forever, Goldie.”
Her tear drenched lips meet mine, soft, but full of promise. “I want to be selfish with you.” I kiss her again,
“I want every goodnight and good morning.”
Kiss.
“Every tear. Happy or sad.”
Kiss.
“Every fear, share them with me. We’ll slay them together.”
Kiss.
“I want everything you have to offer. Please, pretty girl. Tell me I can have it. Tell me I can have you, all of you.”
My heart beats wildly in my chest as we stare at each other. There are so many things left unsaid, yet so much conveyed in the silence that’s currently pulled tight between us. She slowly stands, pulling her shirt off over her head and throwing it at my feet. “What are you doing, Lettie?”
“Catch me, and I’m yours, Goldie,” she purrs, hands reaching for the button of her jeans. She accentuates the curve of her hips as she slowly slides them down to her knees, then looks back up at me, the light of the moon bouncing off those beautiful, dark brown eyes of hers.
“Scarlett…” She takes a timid step back, eyes heavy and half-lidded but locked on mine. “Run, Lettie girl,” I growl. “Don’t let me catch you.”
She squeals and takes off in the opposite direction.
I give her a good thirty-second head start before I tear off my shirt and run after her.
She’s almost to the water when my arms wrap around her waist, throwing all my weight to the side so she hits my chest instead of the ground. “I said, don’t let me catch you.”
She twists so she’s straddling my hips, her chest heaving as she bites down softly on her bottom lip. “Maybe I wanted you to catch me.” Slender fingers run from my shoulders to my chest as she pushes against me. “Maybe I wanted you to show me I’m yours instead of just running your mouth about it.”
My head falls back onto the ground, eyes slamming shut as I try to keep from losing it on the spot. “Come on, Goldie.” Her fingers dig into my pecs as a knowing smirk pulls at her lips. “Show me what it means to belong to Lucas Monroe.”
Those words snap what's left of my restraint. Before she can blink, I’ve flipped us over, my hand cradling her head so she doesn’t hit the ground. “You want to know how it feels to be mine?” My eyes bore into hers, and she nods with wide eyes, lips parting as I lower my hips to meet hers.
“You want to know what happens when you tease a man that’s been desperate for you most of his life?”
She gasps as I bite softly on the skin just under her ear. “I dare you, Goldie.” She tries to keep her hard exterior, but fails the second I suck on the spot I just bit. Her moan carries through the night, her back arching into me, but I relax more of my weight, keeping her pinned to the ground.
“Just remember, I love you. Because it might not feel like it in a second.”
“Lucas…” she whines as she arches into me.
“Oh, you beg too?” I chuckle as I nip at her collarbone, “You really are my good girl, aren’t you?”
“Less talking,” she mumbles, out of breath under my touch.
“Yes ma’am…”