Chapter 20
“Was Simeon planning to go somewhere while we were out?” Lydia asked as she pulled into Abigail’s empty driveway.
“No.” Abigail frowned. In fact, it had taken all of her persuasive skills to convince Simeon that he didn’t need to come dress shopping with her and her sisters-in-law.
“Do you want me to hang out with you until he gets home?” Lydia asked.
“That’s okay. I’ll be fine.” The truth was, she wouldn’t mind having a little time to herself. A little time away from Simeon’s unrelenting attempts to help her remember, from the constant feeling that she was letting him down when she couldn’t.
“You’re sure?” Lydia frowned the same way Simeon did when he was worried.
“Positive. Thanks for driving me. I love the dresses we picked out.”
They’d all agreed on a soft green that the other women had said was Carly’s favorite color.
“All right.” Lydia leaned over and gave her a hug, which Abigail returned, making sure to cover her groan as her ribs pulled with the movement. The pain was lessening day by day, but there was definitely still a constant ache.
She got out of the car and made her way to the house. It was starting to feel more like her home—or at least less like a stranger’s home—although she still couldn’t remember picking out a single item in it.
Inside, she set her purse on the small table next to the stairs, pausing to stare at herself in the mirror. She had almost gotten used to connecting the image there with herself.
She wondered what other people saw when they looked at their reflections. Was it their whole identity—their whole past—or did they only see the surface, the way she was forced to?
Abigail shook aside the question—it didn’t do any good to dwell on it—and made her way to the living room. She’d made more progress on the baby blanket for Ireland, and even though her sister-in-law wasn’t due for months yet, she wanted to get it done so she could make one for Ava too.
She turned on the TV for background noise but after a couple of minutes of searching for something to watch flipped it right back off.
Now the house was too quiet.
She pulled out her phone to text Simeon and find out when he’d be home but then put it away. He’d spent nearly every moment since the accident at her side. He deserved a break.
She set the baby blanket down and moved to the cabinet next to the TV, where she’d noticed a collection of DVDs. She squatted and ran her fingers along their spines, wondering which one might be her favorite.
But she didn’t recognize a single title.
She grabbed one at random and pulled it out—but her eye caught on the DVD next to it. Simeon and Abigail Calvano.
She dropped the other DVD and slid this one out.
She rubbed her fingers across the image on the cover. It was the same picture of her and Simeon from their wedding day that sat on her dresser upstairs. And yet, it might as well have been a picture of two actors.
Without considering whether she really wanted to, Abigail opened the case and popped out the DVD. It took her a few tries to figure out how to work the DVD player, but once she did, she dropped back onto the couch and watched.
The video started with messages from all of the Calvanos, directed to them. There was one from Grace, who looked uncomfortable with Levi hovering next to her—from what Abigail had gathered talking to the other women while shopping today, Levi had only come along to their wedding so that Grace’s mama would stop trying to fix her up with someone else. And then there was a message from Joseph and Benjamin—both apparently as goofy then as they were now. Next it was Asher’s turn, and though he didn’t say much, Abigail could tell his words wishing them well were sincere. And then Zeb came on the screen, his arm wrapped around a woman Abigail knew to be Carly from pictures she’d seen.
They looked happy, and a stab of remorse went through Abigail. On the way to the dress shop today, Lydia had grown silent as they’d driven past a section of road where the guardrail was damaged. She’d squeezed Abigail’s hand and told her that it was the location of the accident.
But as hard as she’d tried to remember something, anything, about that spot, about what had happened there, Abigail couldn’t.
She couldn’t even remember the person who had died right next to her.
“We have one rule in our marriage,” Carly was saying on the screen. “Always say ‘I love you.’ Even when you’re mad or even when you’re tired or even when one of you is just running out to the grocery store. Because you never know when it’s going to be your last chance to say it.”
Abigail’s stomach rolled over. But she couldn’t tell if it was because Carly wouldn’t ever have another chance to tell Zeb she loved him or if it was because Simeon seemed to be following that advice religiously—and it tore at her every time he said those words. Because she didn’t know when—if—she’d ever be able to say them to him again.
The video cut away from Zeb and Carly to Pastor Calvano, who was smiling as always. “Well, you two, I’ve been praying for y’all for a very long time.”
Abigail sat forward. According to Simeon, they had only met a few months before they’d gotten engaged—and they’d gotten married less than six months after that.
“Simeon, I’ve of course been praying for you since before you were born. And, Abigail, I’ve been praying for you since before I ever knew you—before Simeon knew you. I prayed that God would bless him with a wife who was godly and who would walk together with him in faith. Who he could encourage and who would in turn encourage him. Who he could love with his whole heart and who would love him back without reserve. And watching the two of you together over the past few months, I see that God has answered that prayer even more richly than I could have imagined. I want you to know that as you start your life together, I will continue to pray for you. And I trust God will answer these prayers in even greater ways than I could imagine as well.”
The screen faded, and Abigail reached to turn off the video. She couldn’t watch anymore of this. Because she didn’t know how to be that woman Pastor Calvano—everyone—seemed to think she was.
The front door opened, and Simeon rushed inside. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you got home. Liam needed a hand with a plumbing issue and it took longer than we expected and then Lydia showed up and I realized that meant you were here by yourself and—” He broke off, finally taking a breath. “Are you okay?”
“Of course.” Her smile felt wavery, but she worked hard to hold it in place. She picked up the blanket she’d abandoned and started knitting, hoping he wouldn’t notice the extra clacking from her shaky hands.
“What are you—” His eyes went to the TV, and he froze.
Abigail glanced at the screen. Apparently she’d only paused it.
“Our wedding video.” He sounded surprised but delighted. “I wasn’t sure if you would want to . . . Let’s watch it together.”
“Oh. Um.” She tried to come up with an excuse, but he was looking at her with such hope. “Okay.”
“Great.” In two strides, Simeon was settling onto the couch—not close enough to touch but definitely close enough for her to get a drift of that fresh scent she hadn’t been able to place.
Simeon pressed play, then looked at her with a wide smile. Abigail tried her hardest to return it.
Because she may not know how to be the woman they all thought she was.
But she could sure try.