Chapter 46
“You have to hold still so I don’t pull your hair.”
Abigail let out a breath and tried to obey Grace’s command. But it was impossible.
Butterflies were zooming around her stomach at Mach-10, under the white satin bodice of the wedding dress she’d last worn five years ago. She didn’t remember being this nervous for her actual wedding, and this was just a vow renewal.
Except, it felt like more than “just” a vow renewal. It felt like a chance to start over, like a commitment to a new life together with Simeon.
“There.” Grace slid one more bobby pin from her mouth into Abigail’s hair. “I dare that veil to try to slip.” She gave Abigail a quick hug, then stepped out of the way so Abigail could look at herself in the mirror they’d set up in the corner of the church conference room.
“Wow.” Abigail stood and moved closer to her reflection.
Grace laughed. “I’ll say. I think you look even more beautiful today than you did on your wedding day.”
Abigail shook her head, sliding her hands down the smooth fabric of the simple dress. Fortunately, the dress shop where they’d gotten everything for Lydia’s wedding had been able to alter Abigail’s dress within their two-week timeline, and it slid easily over the new curves she’d developed since her wedding day.
But that wasn’t what drew her attention.
It was the way wearing the dress made her feel—like the old her and the new her had finally become one person. One memory.
“Are you ready?” Ava bustled into the room, her baby belly finally starting to show under her simple peach dress. “I don’t think Simeon can wait a moment longer.”
“Almost.” Abigail turned to her sisters-in-law. “But first, I just wanted to say—” She had to stop to blink. Grace had worked hard on her makeup, and she didn’t want to ruin it. “I wanted to say thank you to y’all for—” Oh man, there went the first tear. “For being there for me and Simeon through all of this.” It was all she managed to get out before the tears started to fall in earnest and arms surrounded her from all sides, crushing her in a group hug.
“Watch her dress,” someone cried, and they all laughed, but no one let go.
“What are y’all doing?” A male voice from the other side of the room made them all shriek, and the other women formed a wall in front of Abigail.
“Joseph,” Ava scolded, stepping toward her husband. “I told you I’d get her.”
“Well, you’re taking too long. It was either I came in here and dragged y’all out, or Simeon would.”
“All right. All right. We’re coming.” Ava pushed Joseph playfully toward the door, then turned to Abigail. “Ready?”
“Absolutely.” The butterflies in her stomach went still, and Abigail suddenly found she couldn’t stop smiling.
She followed her sisters-in-law toward the lobby. Only Grace had been in their first wedding—Ava and Ireland hadn’t been dating Joseph and Asher at the time, and no one had even known Lydia was part of the family then—but Abigail had wanted them all to be up there with her this time.
As Ava stepped into the sanctuary and started down the aisle toward Joseph, Zeb fell into place next to Abigail. She and Simeon had debated asking him to walk her down the aisle, as he had at their wedding, but he’d put an end to their debate by asking if they’d allow him to do it.
“You look happy,” he whispered to Abigail as Ireland started down the aisle toward Asher, her rounded middle giving her a soft, maternal look.
“Thanks. I am happy. I only wish—” She swallowed back the words as Zeb shook his head.
“Me too,” he said simply. “But she’d be happy for you.”
Abigail nodded, once again failing to fight back her tears. She let them fall as they walked toward the sanctuary. Lydia was making her way down the aisle now, followed by Grace. Abigail smiled through her tears as she scanned the line of bridesmaids and groomsmen, all of them her family. A family that had blessed her in ways she couldn’t even count.
The piano switched songs, to Vivaldi’s “Spring,” and from inside the church Abigail heard the sound of a hundred people getting to their feet.
“Are you ready?” Zeb asked.
“Absolutely.” She gave him a quick hug before taking his arm. “I’m so ready.”
As Zeb led her into the church, Abigail had to fight the urge to run straight to the end of the aisle, where Simeon stood with his eyes fixed on her, his smile reflecting such love that it took her breath away.
When they reached him, Zeb hugged each of them. The moment he stepped back, Simeon leaned forward and kissed her tenderly.
“Ah, Simeon,” Pastor Calvano said from in front of them. “I think that part is supposed to come at the end.” The guests all laughed.
“Sorry.” Simeon grinned at her. “I couldn’t wait. And technically, she’s already my wife.” He took her hand, and they turned to Pastor Calvano so he could begin the service.
He started with a prayer and a responsive reading, then turned to Simeon and Abigail for the sermon.
“When Simeon told me the verse he wanted me to preach on for your vow renewal,” Pastor Calvano began, “my first reaction was, ‘Son, I love you, but you haven’t got a clue about romance.’” The congregation burst into laughter, and Abigail shot a curious glance at Simeon. He hadn’t said anything about requesting that his dad preach on a specific verse.
He smiled back at her and squeezed her hand tighter.
“But the more I thought about it,” Pastor Calvano continued, “the more I realized that this verse was perfect for you, Abigail, and all you’ve been through. And I had to admit that maybe my son knows what he’s doing after all.”
Simeon snorted quietly. “Thanks, Dad.”
Abigail laughed and brought her eyes back to Pastor Calvano as he flipped open the Bible in his hands. “We read from Philippians: ‘But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’”
Pastor Calvano closed his Bible and looked up, smiling at them. “When I was a kid, there was this older man in our neighborhood who walked past our house every day—backwards. I would just watch him, waiting for him to fall, because he never looked at what was in front of him, only what was behind him.” He shook his head. “Sure enough, one day, some kid left a roller skate in the middle of the sidewalk. It wasn’t me,” Pastor Calvano added with a chuckle. Abigail’s laugh mingled with Simeon’s and they smiled at each other in the way that made her heart know this man understood her absolutely.
“But I saw it,” Pastor Calvano continued, “and I saw him getting closer to it, and I thought, ‘I have to warn him.’ So I ran to the door and shouted, ‘Hey, mister.’ Just in time to watch him fall.” He paused for a moment, but then continued. “Don’t worry, I went and checked and he was all right. And the next day, he was out there walking backwards again. And you know what I wish?” He paused. “I wish I had asked him why. What could possibly have led him to walk backwards instead of forward? And why did he keep doing it after he’d fallen once? Now, in the years since, I’ve Googled it, and apparently there are some benefits to walking backwards—it strengthens your calves and hamstrings, for one. And it’s apparently good for balance. Some people even say it helps with short-term memory. I don’t know. All I know is, walking backwards can make you stumble and fall.”
He looked up. “That’s what Paul is saying in these verses, right? He says we should forget what is behind. In other words, don’t walk backwards. Don’t spend your time looking at what is behind you, regretting all the mistakes you’ve made, dwelling on all the sins you’ve committed, thinking about all the things you wish you’d done differently.” Pastor Calvano was wearing that warm smile he always wore when he preached, and his eyes rested on Abigail.
She swallowed. How was she supposed to not look back—not think about those things—now that she remembered?
“You’re wondering how,” Pastor Calvano said, and Abigail nodded with a smile. He seemed to have a knack for knowing what people were thinking.
“Paul says to forget what is behind,” Pastor Calvano said. “But is that even possible?”
Abigail sighed. It had been for her. For a short time. It had been nice to shed all that baggage of her past sins. To forget what she had done and who she had been.
“I’m going to be honest,” Pastor Calvano continued. “Short of developing amnesia—” He looked to Abigail with a fatherly smile. “It’s pretty tough to forget some of these things, no matter how much we might want to. But that doesn’t mean we have to walk backwards, looking at them every day, dwelling on them, letting their weight drag behind us. What Paul is saying here is, ‘Turn around. Leave those things behind you. Let go of them.’ By trusting that Jesus has taken them on himself. By crying out with David, ‘Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.’ And trusting that he hears you. That he does have mercy on you. That his love and forgiveness are limitless. That means that your sins, whatever they are, are forgiven.”
Pastor Calvano looked from Simeon to her and back again. “Instead of looking backwards, move forward. In your relationship with each other, yes. And also in your relationship with your Savior.” He lifted his Bible and read again, “Straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
He closed the Bible and looked to the bridal party and then the congregation. “Let’s make sure we understand this correctly. Paul isn’t saying turn around and work hard to earn your salvation. No, he’s saying, turn around and look at the prize that has already been won for you. Heaven is yours. Not because you deserve it. Not because you’ve turned your life around. Not because you try hard. Not because you’re a good person. Heaven is yours because he has promised it to you. Go back again to those words of David: ‘Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love, according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.’”
He leaned toward them. “Did you hear that? God forgives you because of his unfailing love, not because of yours. He blots out your transgressions because of his great compassion, not because you’ve shown so much compassion for others. The reason Paul encourages us to press on isn’t to earn our forgiveness. It’s because we already have that forgiveness. Do you see the difference?”
Abigail found herself nodding. Simeon’s arm came around her back, and he pulled her close to him. His eyes glistened, and he pressed a long kiss to the top of her head, breathing in deeply.
Abigail closed her eyes, unsure if she needed to laugh or cry—or both.
“This doesn’t mean you have to literally forget everything you’ve ever done,” Pastor Calvano said. “The peace isn’t in the forgetting. It’s in the remembering. Remembering Jesus and what he’s done for you. Remembering the lengths he went to for you. Remembering the strength of his unfailing love. And when one of you forgets that, when one of you struggles, the other will be there to remind you. To encourage you. To focus your eyes—and your relationship—on him. So that together, you can walk forward. Amen.”
Abigail smiled through her tears as the piano began to play and Lydia’s and Grace’s voices joined in singing “How Firm a Foundation.” She leaned closer to Simeon to whisper, “Those were the perfect verses.”
He smiled and held her close until the song ended, and then they repeated the same vows they’d made at their wedding. Though that whole part of the ceremony had seemed to pass in a blur five years ago, this time Abigail made sure to focus on every word as they promised to love, support, and cherish one another as long as they both lived. Simeon had already loved and supported and cherished her more than she ever could have imagined on their wedding day. And she was determined to do the same for him—with God’s help.
As the ceremony ended, Pastor Calvano grinned at Simeon. “All right, son, I think this is the part you’ve been waiting for.”
“Yes, sir.” Simeon turned and gathered her to him, his lips coming to hers in a kiss that sparked applause and cheers and even a wolf whistle from the direction of the groomsmen.
Abigail laughed—and kept kissing her husband. After all, she wanted to make sure the memory would last.