Chapter 23Luke
CHAPTER 23
LUKE
Tortured jackass doesn’t begin to describe me. It’s my second shift since Hailey walked away with my heart, and I’ve never felt emptier inside. If I thought it was bad the first time she supposedly walked away, I couldn’t be more wrong. At least back then there was pain. There was confusion. There were emotions.
All I have now is a black hole of nothingness in my chest.
The rest of that first day, after Hailey left me in my front yard, I spent at 10-42, drowning my sorrows. Liam and Brody came by, probably after a call from Nate or maybe his fiancée, Savanna, and were kind enough to commiserate with me. They were both tossing the beers back as fast as I was. At first, I didn’t want them there, but it turned out to be nice having the company. I’m not sure any of us said a whole lot, but knowing I had a couple of guys to drink with seemed to help.
It was a far cry from salty brews.
The next day was the hangover from the devil himself, and I spent most of the day wishing I could take back the last two rounds of shots. Then again, maybe it was for the best. I was so dang sick, my brain and heart couldn’t spend much time thinking about Hailey.
If you can call her invading my thoughts every ten minutes not a lot, anyway.
It’s been more of the same since then, with a bit less drinking involved, and a lot more Hailey in my head. She isn’t back to work yet, something I think is a blessing, considering I have no idea how I’m going to handle it when she is. I feel destroyed without seeing her, I’m not sure how it’s going to feel walking around the station knowing she’s here. Honestly, I’ve contemplated requesting a new house.
“Hey,” Quinn’s voice drifts my way from the door.
I hardly spare her a glance, grunting my greeting to her instead, hoping she’ll leave me alone. After nearly losing my patience a few times today, I decided it was best to hole myself up in the sleeping quarters of the station. It’s better if I’m not wandering the house in this mood.
With my eyes glued to my phone screen, I don’t see her coming closer, but I can feel her. No luck on keeping her at bay then.
“How’s it going?” she asks, far too chipper for my current mood.
I give her a noncommittal sound while playing a riveting game of solitaire. “Fine.”
“Check out my nipple rings.”
My head jerks up, my eyes widening as they come to rest on her at the end of the bed I’m sitting on. Her shirt is still tucked safely into her pants, but she’s looking at me with a pleased smirk. Two cups of coffee are in her hands.
“Just checking to see if there’s still a red-blooded male in there along with the somber, pity-partying barbarian that’s been hanging around,” she explains with a pleasant smile. Taking the couple of steps that separates us, she holds a coffee out to me. It’s from the shop down the road, so someone must have made a coffee run. “I thought you could use this.”
Releasing a breath, I toss my phone to the bed and take the cup from her. “Thanks.”
She sits on the bed across from me, getting comfortable. I’m not sure I like the looks of that since I just want to be left alone, but there’s not much I can do, so I try to make the best of it. “What was the verdict?”
An eyebrow arches over pink contact covered eyes until she realizes what I’m asking, then she laughs. “The male thing? The jury is still out. Guys are so weird when they’re going through emotional shit.”
I’m not sure why I bothered to ask. My legs are stretched out in front of me on the bed and I cross an ankle over the other, trying my best to look bored so she won’t continue this conversation.
It doesn’t work.
“In my experience men are one of two things,” she goes on, “Mopey and depressed, and everyone knows it, or you’re drinking everyone under the table and trying to fuck anyone and everyone.”
I take a sip of my coffee, refusing to look in her direction.
“You’re the former. The mopey guy. Which I think in your case means you don’t actually want to be over Hailey.” Out of the corner of my eye I see her set her coffee down on the nightstand between our beds before she slides further onto it, lifting her legs to sit cross legged while facing me. “Do you?”
Taking a deep breath, I finally look in her direction, frowning. I wish I could say I had a good poker face, but I know I don’t. Quinn basically has it all correct. I don’t want to be over Hailey, but Hailey also wants nothing to do with me.
“If you’re that miserable, why don’t you just talk to her?” she asks with a bit of annoyance.
“Because she’s upset and wants space,” I answer with my own irritation.
“So?” Quinn looks at me impatiently. “Is that it?”
I’m taken back by the question. “What?”
She reaches over and grabs her coffee, waving it at me. “That’s the only reason? Newsflash. She’s not the only person in the world to ever be mad at someone. Plus, she’s told you to leave her alone before, and that didn’t stop you from getting in her pants.”
“I wasn’t just getting in her pants,” I say through gritted teeth.
Quinn snaps her fingers and then points in my direction. “Right. You probably got in her mouth, too.”
“Quinn,” I say in rumbled warning, suddenly understanding the tone Hailey sometimes takes.
“Look, all I’m saying is where’s that guy?” She waves a hand around the room expectantly, waiting for someone to appear out of thin air.
That guy’s heart and soul walked away with Hailey when she left me on the concrete, though. Turning my head to stare at the end of my bed again, I take another sip of coffee, hoping my silence deters her.
It doesn’t.
“I might not be the best person to give relationship advice because I’ve never actually had one, but I’m going to give you my two cents anyway.” In my periphery, she leans forward a bit. “I’m pretty sure a relationship isn’t always easy. I’m also fairly certain you’re going to get mad at each other. Sometimes really mad. You’re probably going to tell the other to fuck off. But then you work it out, and you work through whatever made you mad in the first place.”
She grabs the pillow from the top of the bed and pulls it into her lap, resting her arms on it as she continues while I remain silent. “She’s had a lot happen in the last few weeks, I won’t deny that, but I also know the changes she’s had in the last couple months since you showed up. Everyone here has seen a side of Hailey—a really, really good side of her—that we’ve never seen before. I’m dubbing it the Luke effect.”
A huge part of me wants to snarl at her and tell her to mind her own business, but I tamp down on it, refusing to let Quinn be a victim of my bad mood. I hate the relentless poking, though. The reminder that I’m sitting here, broken, numb, and full of pity, instead of out there doing something about it. The thing is, I know why I’m taking the beating.
Hailey told me what she needed, and she was right—I do always give it to her.
Yet everything inside of me screams that she’s wrong. Space isn’t what she needs. I’m what she needs.
But frick, that just makes me sound like a chauvinistic pig, thinking I know what’s best.
Dang it. I need out of my brain. The numbness is better than the constant circle I find myself in when I think about it.
Instead of answering Quinn’s observations, I deflect, changing the subject in the hopes she’ll leave me alone. “Why haven’t you ever had a relationship?”
My words surprise her. She sits up straighter, and when I look at her, her eyes widen subtly. “Me?”
I nod. “If I’m going to take relationship advice from someone who hasn’t even had one, I figure I better know why that is.”
Quinn studies me for a moment, sizing me up. I wonder if she’s contemplating if she can trust me or not.
Finally she offers, “My parents screwed me up. My mom took off when I was seven and my dad was a drunk. Still is.” She gives a shrug like it’s no big deal, but it’s easy to tell it affects her more than she tries to let on. “I’ve been taking care of myself since I was a little girl. I don’t plan on that ever changing.”
“Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to let the other person take care of you,” I point out. “You can still have your independence.”
Watching as she shifts uncomfortably, she tries to play it off by taking a drink of her coffee. “Maybe,” she concedes before falling silent for a few moments. When she speaks again, there’s an air of melancholy around her. “I gave up hope in people and relationships, though. When I was twelve, my dad got this girlfriend I thought was amazing. Things were great for a while. I thought maybe they’d even work out, but I should have known by then they never do for me.”
When she drifts off and doesn’t continue, I prod. “What happened?”
“She left,” Quinn says, waving her hand dismissively. The movement seems to pull her out of whatever mood she sunk into. “It was just my dad and me again, and he was worse than ever after that.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” I tell her earnestly.
Shrugging it off like it doesn’t make any difference to her, she brings things back to me. “Why aren’t you fighting for her?”
Putting my coffee on the nightstand with enough force it sloshes out the top, I scrub my face with both hands, blowing out a breath. “Because she’s not going to believe me. If I tell her how I feel now, why would she believe it?”
Quinn gives a snort laced with derision. “That’s rather presumptuous of you.”
My eyes widen with incredulity. “I withheld the truth from her, why?—”
“Wait, wait,” she interrupts, her legs flying out from under her to land on the floor. She pulls herself closer to the edge of the bed. “By not telling her how you feel, aren’t you withholding the truth again?”
I blink, then shake my head. “I tried to tell her. She didn’t want to hear it.”
Quinn laughs, but the sound doesn’t carry any humor. “You told her how you felt in the past, you didn’t tell her a single thing about how you feel now, you dope. Right now, she has no idea how you feel, she just thinks you couldn’t trust her.”
My lip curls in a snarl. “How the hell do you know what I told her?”
Quinn’s head tilts to the side, giving me a look like I’m a moron. “Who do you think has had a front row seat to her tears?”
The numbness in my heart moves aside for a moment, making way for a sharp, stabbing pain to sear it. The thought of Hailey crying, especially because of me, physically hurts, but a part of me welcomes the feeling. It’s the first I’ve felt something besides my own numbing pain in days.
“Good. I’m glad she has you. She needs someone in her life like you,” I tell her, reaching to grab my phone. Solitaire is sounding pretty frickin’ good right about now.
“Oh Jesus, Luke, get your head out of your ass. What she needs is you . And one of you needs to stop being stubborn as hell and figure it out.”
“Get out, Quinn. I’m done talking about this.”
She stands between the beds. “You know, you’re not the guy I thought you were if you’re just going to roll over and let this happen. Do you really want her to end up with some boring ass imbecile that won’t challenge her or push her or?—”
“No!” I shout, throwing my phone on the bed. Two seconds later, I’m on my feet, challenging Quinn face to face. “Of course I don’t want that. I want Hailey to want me . I want her to trust me . I want her to believe in me .” My hand thumps against my chest with every declaration.
Quinn doesn’t back down. She doesn’t even flinch. “So then do something about it. Stop being a coward and tell her how you feel. Give her a chance to give you one. A real one. Now that everything is on the table.”
I drop down to the mattress, my head falling into my hands as I lean forward with my elbows on my knees. “She doesn’t want me.”
“You stupid man,” Quinn chuckles lightly, and her weight sinks into the mattress beside me, a hand coming to rest on my shoulder. “She does. It’s like I told you a while back—she’s just scared of you. You aren’t her safe option, but you are her best one, and all the others don’t even come close.”
Turning my head to find her smiling at me over my shoulder, I release a deep breath. “You really think she wants me?”
“As much as I want a monster cock every single night of my life,” she nods with confirmation.
Bursting out with an unexpected laugh, I shake my head. “Gosh dang, Quinn. Really?” I pause for a brief second, contemplating, then add, “I’m not sure if that’s a yes or no.”
She pats my shoulder. “Bring on all the monsters.”
“Sharing isn’t always caring, you know,” I tell her, sitting up straight.
“Yeah, I know,” she retorts, like it’s the most obvious thing. I don’t think it is, though. Quinn doesn’t have many boundaries. “It’s why Hailey’s the only one in the house who’s actually seen my nipple piercings.”
“Let’s keep it that way.”
“Duh, you’re like my brother.” Her eyes roll in my direction. “Now please come out of this mopey fog bullshit and figure out how you’re going to win her back. I’m not sure I can stand another second of either of you.”
My phone rings before I have a chance to answer her, or come up with a plan. Picking it up from where it landed on the bed, my heart leaps with the hope it might be Hailey, only to be disappointed when her name doesn’t flash on the screen. It’s not a number I recognize, either, but the area code is Waco, so I answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hi Luke,” coos Priscylla.
“Priscylla, I’m hanging up,” I tell her, pulling the phone away from my ear. I rarely disrespect a woman by calling her a name, but Priscylla comes close most times I interact with her.
“Luke, wait! Please don’t hang up. I need to tell you something.”
I don’t know why I stop. My lawyer has always advised me to hang up before she says anything more than hello, but there’s something in her voice that tells me to listen and find out what she wants. “What?”
Quinn’s face is a mask of concern as I look at her. Pulling the phone away from my ear, I quickly put it on speaker. Another thing my lawyer advised—if possible, always have a witness.
“I know how distracted you’ve been. Angela told me everything about that Hailey woman. How she broke your heart so many years ago and how you’ve never gotten over her.”
At the sound of Hailey’s name out of Priscylla’s mouth, the air is sucked out of my lungs. I spring up to my feet like that will erase Hailey’s name from Priscylla’s vocabulary. I hate that she knows about Hailey. I hate that she’s seen Hailey, and knows what she looks like.
“Angela doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“I think she does,” Priscylla tells me as Quinn stands up beside me. “I fixed it, though. It’s my gift to you.”
“What are you talking about?” Fear like I’ve never known spreads through me at a rapid rate, my heart rate kicking into high gear as blood pounds in my ears.
“You don’t need to worry about it anymore, Luke. I made everything better. I took care of her. I just need to make sure our baby is okay, now.”
“Priscylla! Do not do anything to her. Do you hear me?” I yell at the phone, causing Quinn to grab my arm, fear reflected back at me when I meet her eyes. The line goes dead then, the call disconnecting. “No. No, no, no.”
Then Liam’s ramming a shoulder into the door of the room, coming around the corner too quickly to stop his full momentum. “Nate just got a call. It’s about Hailey.”