Chapter 13 Regret
REGRET
DELILAH
“Are you feeling better today, my dear?” Betty asks as she takes Lulu from my arms before I’m even three steps into the kitchen of her apartment.
“I am. Thank you.”
Better doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. Waking up next to Lucio, tangled in a pile of sheets and limbs makes me feel more than better… I feel like a new woman.
“I was worried about you after your father stopped by.” She motions for me to sit, and I do without hesitation because I’m not crazy enough to argue with her. “Even though you handled him like a pro, I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’ve had a lifetime of practice.”
I thought I’d wake up this morning feeling awful about everything that happened, but I don’t. For the first time in a long time, I’m hopeful. There’s a new sense of freedom I’ve never felt before. I’m no longer walking on eggshells, waiting for the next drunk tirade from my father.
She sits across from me, rocking Lulu back and forth. “If you don’t mind my asking, why did you stay so long?”
I lean back in my chair, trying to figure out why I did stay as long as I did. “I’ve asked myself that very question a million times.”
“We all do what we feel is right at the time, sweetheart. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
“I didn’t want to abandon him like my mother did to both of us. At first, I was too young to leave. And then I stayed with him through college because I was barely ever home anyway, so it didn’t matter. He still got drunk, but I couldn’t be his whipping girl if I wasn’t around.”
She nods her head but stays silent, listening to me spill my guts.
The look on her face isn’t judgmental, and I’m comfortable talking to her.
She’s been nothing but gracious and kind, treating me better than anyone in my family ever has.
So, I keep going, figuring I could use a little motherly advice on where I go now and if I’m headed in the right direction.
“When I found out I was pregnant with Lulu, my father promised he’d change if I’d only stay with him to raise his granddaughter. He remained sober through my entire pregnancy, going to every doctor’s appointment with me after Lulu’s father took off.”
Betty gasps. “He just left?”
I nod. “I haven’t seen him since, and he’s never even tried to contact me. Dwight is no better than my father, but at least he gave me a beautiful daughter out of the situation and has left me in peace.”
“She’s a dream,” Betty says as she leans forward to kiss Lulu’s head. “This baby girl deserves all the love and kisses.”
I smile and keep talking so I don’t start crying over all the love Lulu’s missed out on already.
“For a few months after she was born, my dad kept up his sobriety. But slowly, one drink turned into two, and then he’d down an entire bottle.
Somehow, his temper didn’t return with the drinking like it had before.
Not at first, but over the last week before he kicked me out, he became more aggressive and rarely had a sober moment. ”
“Did something change?” she asks.
“Yeah.” I pause and chew on my bottom lip, remembering the job offer in California for the first time in days.
“How about some tea?” she asks before I can answer.
“I’d love some,” I tell her and stop myself from asking for whiskey instead.
I could use a drink, but I’ve never let myself use alcohol as a crutch or to relieve stress. I didn’t want to end up like my father, and I knew enough about alcoholism to know, typically, it is passed on through genetics.
She carries Lulu on one hip like she’s been doing it a lifetime, grabbing the teapot and filling it with one hand. “We don’t have to talk about it anymore,” she says as she turns the stove on, and the flame licks the bottom of the pot.
“I’m fine. I want to talk about it.”
“I never want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You have never done anything but make me feel welcome and comfortable, Betty.”
She leans against the countertop, and Lulu grabs at her pearls. “We love having you here.”
“I took Lulu out of town for a few days for a job interview on the West Coast.”
“Oh.” Her eyebrows shoot up, and I know the information is something I haven’t shared before. Betty seems to have grand plans for Lucio and me. While I like the idea, and could probably be happy here forever, I’m not sure we’ll work out in the long run.
“Anyway, after we left, he started drinking more and more. He’d call at all hours of the night, yelling and cursing me for leaving him.
” I blow out a breath, still hearing the scathing words my father strung together over the phone echoing in my ears.
“The day before we were scheduled to come back, he went to a meeting and promised he’d get his life back together. ”
“People make grand promises when their backs are against the wall, but they never seem to remember to follow through during the small moments. Those matter the most,” she tells me.
“They do.” I nod. “When he picked us up from the airport after a long flight, I didn’t think he was drunk, or I never would’ve gotten in the car with him.
But after a few blocks of him swerving, I knew he was too drunk to drive.
He couldn’t even keep his promise for twenty-four hours and pick us up sober. ”
“I’m sorry, dear.”
I wish my father could be half the person Betty Gallo is. Even on his best day, he couldn’t hold a candle to her love and charm.
“He didn’t just put our lives in danger that night, he cleaned out my bank accounts and cut me off completely.”
She lifts the teapot, removing it from the hot burner and placing it on a cool one as soon as it whistles.
“Earl Grey?” she asks, and I nod. Using one hand, she carries two teacups with little pink flowers around the rim and sets them down on the table before grabbing the pot along with two tea bags. “Would you like cream and sugar?”
“If you’re having it, yes.” I’ve never been a tea drinker and I’m not sure what proper etiquette is when sipping tea, but I’ll follow Betty’s lead.
“So, what about the job on the West Coast?” she asks as she pours the hot water in the cups, watching me as she does.
“I was offered a position at an entertainment company. It’s entry-level, but perfect for someone like me. I can’t take it, though.”
“Why not?” She plops two cubes of sugar in my cup along with a splash of milk before doing the same to hers, but her eyes are on me and I feel the weight of her stare.
I tug on the tea bag, waiting for her to sit before I continue.
Lulu’s too busy playing with Betty’s necklace to care that I’m in the same room.
It’s nice to have someone else she’s comfortable with because, any other time, she doesn’t want to leave my arms. “Without the money I had in the bank, I can’t afford to make the move and earn the small salary they were going to give me to start. ”
She tilts her head to the side. “Is that the only reason?”
I frown and peer down at my tea. “I don’t know, Betty.”
“What about my son?” she asks.
“He’s kind of great,” I say and can’t stop the goofy smile from spreading across my face.
She places her hand over mine. “He really likes you, Delilah. I know Lucio’s heart, and it’s the biggest of all my children. Sometimes he’s hard to read, but when he loves, he loves deep.”
“I’ve never had someone treat me the way he does,” I admit.
Before I left California, I wanted to take the job, but something had stopped me.
I asked for a little time to think over their offer, and they agreed, giving me one week to make my final decision.
The only reason I applied was to get as far away from my father as possible, and now that he’s out of the picture, I can’t imagine uprooting my life and moving clear across the country.
“Lucio has never fallen in love. He’s been so scared he’d be like his father that he wouldn’t open his heart, but he’s different around you.”
“You’re not the first person to say that to me.”
“Angelo?” she guesses.
“Yeah.”
“He’s the only one of my kids to have already fallen in love, but when his wife died, I think it scared everyone. My relationship with Santino already had them skeptical. But after Angelo found someone who made him happy and she passed away, no one wanted to put themselves out there.”
“Do you regret being with Santino?” I ask even though it’s none of my business.
She sighs as she sets down her teacup. “No. Even though our love wasn’t always easy, there has never been a time when I regretted being with him. How could I?” She cradles Lulu in her arms, rocking her gently. “He gave me four wonderful children.”
“Were there moments when you wanted to leave?”
“Sure. I think there’s a point in every relationship when people could walk away. Sometimes it’s easier than fixing what’s wrong and building a stronger foundation.”
“But he’s in prison, right?” I grimace as soon as the words leave my mouth. “It’s none of my business.”
“Santino is in prison for a little while longer, but I never thought about leaving him for that or the long, drawn-out trial that was splashed across every newscast and paper in the city.”
Suddenly, I put two and two together, realizing why the name Gallo sounded so familiar.
The trial of Santino Gallo was one of the biggest news stories a few years ago.
Many people in Chicago claimed organized crime was dead and there was no such thing as the mafia, but after Santino’s arrest, they could no longer make the same statement.
“I remember now,” I tell her, and my face heats. “I’m sorry.”
“Santino did the crime, and now he has to do the time. He knew what could happen, leading the life he did. I turned a blind eye to his business dealings, but I never let him slide when it came to his extracurricular activities.”
“Lucio mentioned that.”
“There’s so much my children don’t know.
They think I was complacent with his behavior when I wasn’t.
For a long time, I believed Santino was faithful.
No one wants to think otherwise. But I wasn’t a fool either.
I’d smell the cheap perfume on his clothes when he came home at night.
I got sick of it and took matters into my own hands.
” She laughs, and there’s nothing sweet about it.
“Yeah?”
She nods with a smirk. “He knew if he wanted to keep his vital organs, he’d leave the broads in the past and learn to be a faithful partner. I wouldn’t leave him, but I wasn’t above torturing him. He knows my temper better than anyone, and he came to his senses after a little convincing.”
“Convincing?” I swallow, almost choking on the word. I’m not sure I want to know the lengths Betty would go to in order to rein her man in.
She pats my hand, still laughing. “It’s best if some things stay a secret, dear.”
“I think you’re right,” I whisper. “You’re an amazing person, Betty.”
“Delilah, if you want to go to California, we’ll understand,” she tells me, but while I feel she’s being sincere, I don’t hear the conviction in her voice.
“You would?”
“I wouldn’t be happy, but I’d let you go. I’d love to see you with my son and sitting around my dinner table with this bundle of joy every week. But you need to do what’s best for you and your little one.”
“Betty,” I tell her, covering her hand with mine and squeezing. “To be honest, I’ve never felt more complete and content than I do here with Lucio, you, and the entire family.”
My words bring the smile back to her face. “Does he know?”
I shake my head, because I didn’t really know until I just said the words. “I don’t think so.”
“If you want to love my son, love him fiercely, but don’t wait too long to tell him.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little soon for me to love a man I barely know?”
She laughs softly and shakes her head. “I knew Santino much of my life, but we were never more than acquaintances, growing up on the same block. He was older and I always knew he was a player, but after one kiss, he asked me to marry him.”
“Really?”
“I told him he was crazy, but every night, he’d come to my house, crawl onto the roof of my parents’ front porch, and knock on my window to ask me again.”
“And you said yes?”
“After thirty nights and not a single date, I said I’d move in with him.”
“Move in with him?” My mouth falls open. “Why didn’t you marry him?”
“I knew marriage wasn’t for me. I don’t know.” She shrugs.
“But you have the last name Gallo.”
“I went to court and had my last name changed. I wanted the same name as my children.”
“Why not just marry him?”
“His business was complicated. We knew he’d eventually get caught—everyone always does—and this was the best way for me to protect what’s mine.”
“Will you ever marry him?”
“Maybe. As we get older, I do regret not being his legal wife.”
“Well, it’s not too late,” I tell her, trying to picture her in a wedding dress. “He sounds like he’s romantic. He swept you off your feet.”
“I was young and stupid back then. But every day, I’d wait for the sun to set so Santino would come to my window. Nothing else mattered. I couldn’t even look at another man because I was so smitten.”
“So, you kissed him, and that was enough?”
“He was relentless in his pursuit of me. No one else went to the lengths he did. It didn’t matter how many times I said no, he wasn’t going to give up.
He was foolish and so was I, but sometimes our heart wants what it wants.
There’s no rhyme or reason to any of it.
You can’t overthink love, baby. You just got to jump. ”