Chapter 21 Tilly
TILLY
Betty is standing in the kitchen, spoon in hand, trying to replicate her sister-in-law’s sauce recipe. “I swear to God, she left something out.” She grimaces as she takes a small sip of the red sauce from a spoon. “It’s too bitter.”
“Try adding a little sugar. It’ll help cut the acidity.”
Betty smiles, and Angelo puts his arms around my waist, nuzzling my neck. “Do you need a break?” he whispers.
I turn my face, staring into his beautiful eyes. “From your mom? Never.”
She may be a lot to handle sometimes, but she’s Betty and now my mother too. It had been so long since I’d had someone to call Mom that I don’t really care how over the top or crazy she is sometimes, she’s still mine.
“I can hear you,” Betty says, and when I look up, I see the smile on her face.
“Go back to the living room with the men,” she tells him, waving the spoon around in front of her. “Send your sisters in here because I’m sure they need a break from all the testosterone by now.”
“Fine, Ma. I’ll tell them,” he murmurs against my skin before he’s gone.
“How’s the shop doing since you’ve been busy all week?” Betty asks, grabbing a small bowl of sugar and sprinkling a little into the pot.
“A little more,” I tell her. “It’s going fine. I have a solid team working there and hired a fabulous pastry chef so I don’t have to be chained to the bakery.”
“Smart girl.” Betty winks at me. “Life is hectic. Throw in two kids, a husband, and a business, and time passes in a blur. Just make sure to take some time and enjoy every minute you can. Soon enough, you’ll be older and looking back, wishing you could do things over again.”
I move next to her and grab a clean spoon, dipping it into the sauce and focus on my mother-in-law. “I know how precious time is, Ma. I promise not to take a moment for granted.”
She reaches out and cups my cheek. “That’s my girl.”
I smile, feeling like I am hers. She’s the only mother I have, and I wouldn’t trade her for anyone in the world. I place the spoon in my mouth, and my lips pucker around the spoon. “More sugar,” I whisper, trying to swallow down the strong tomato taste lingering on my tongue.
“We’re here,” Daphne says with Delilah and Bianca at her side. “What’s up?”
“Sit,” Betty tells them, dumping more sugar into the pot. “I just want some company and some girl talk. We’ve been so busy this week, I haven’t had time to catch up with my girls.”
“Grab another bottle of red,” Daphne tells Delilah and pulls down four wineglasses from the cabinet. “And a bottle of water for Bianca.”
“I can have a few sips,” Bianca says as she sits down on the stool across the island. “My doctor said it was okay but not to overdo it.”
“I drank while I was pregnant,” Betty replies.
“That explains what happened.” Daphne chuckles.
“Oh, stop. All my children are healthy and happy. What more could a mother ask for?” Betty dumps a few boxes of pasta into the boiling water and stares at us across the island. “I have everything I ever wanted.”
“Is there anything you’d change if you could?” Delilah asks Betty.
“I’d have more children.”
“Oh Jesus,” Daphne mutters. “Life was crazy with the four of us. I can’t imagine more.”
“Would you rather have been an only child?” Betty asks Daphne.
“Trust me, it sucks,” I add.
“It totally does,” Delilah says.
Daphne shrugs. “I guess not, but having three brothers tried my nerves sometimes.”
“I never wanted my children to feel what I did,” Betty says as she leans against the counter, crosses her arms, and bows her head.
“Ma,” Daphne whispers and covers her mouth.
Betty shakes her head. “I had a brother.”
The room is silent besides the garbled voices from the family room. My eyes are locked on Betty, and I see the pain etched on her face.
Daphne’s out of her seat, making her way around the island. “Ma, you don’t have to talk about this.”
Betty moves to her daughter and grabs her hands. “It’s important for you to hear this.” Betty turns to us, still holding Daphne’s hands. “For all of you to hear this.”
I brace myself because I know whatever she’s going to say is going to gut me. Utterly and completely wreck me in a way I hadn’t expected for a simple family dinner.
“It was important for me to have a lot of children. Growing up, I had a brother, Davin. He was older by a handful of years, but we were still close. I never once thought about life without him. I thought he’d always be there, you know?
” She wipes the corner of her eyes with the back of her finger.
“He had the most beautiful smile, and he was quite the ladies’ man.
He just had one of those personalities where people were drawn to him.
” She smiles, but her eyes hold nothing but sorrow.
“When I was sixteen, Davin was out with his friends late at night. He did this often, but I remember waking in the middle of the night to my mother screaming downstairs. It’s a sound I’ll never forget. ”
I’m frozen to my seat, unable to move as I stare at Betty and soak in her pain.
“In that moment, I went from having a brother to being an only child.”
My vision blurs in her sadness. I feel it in my heart and my gut so completely.
“Ma, you still have a brother,” Daphne tells her.
“He was born, but he’s no longer here,” Betty replies and squeezes Daphne’s hands.
“My life never felt the same after that. I was so lost. I felt like everything I was changed in that moment. The only person who knew my secrets, my inside jokes had vanished. I never had a day without Davin in it until then. I didn’t know life without him. ”
I wipe away my tears and bite my lip, trying to stop myself from sobbing.
Delilah and Bianca are doing the same. None of us have heard Betty talk about her brother, what happened, or how it affected her.
She rarely talks about her family, and I understand why.
Her parents and only sibling have died. The pain she must feel even now, decades later, is so deep, it’s not something she can easily vocalize.
“When I had Angelo and looked at his sweet little face, I knew I never wanted him to experience the same pain I had. I knew I wanted lots of children because I never wanted my child to know how it felt being part of something amazing and then having nothing.”
Daphne pulls her mother into her arms and buries her face in her neck. “Ma, I’m so sorry.”
“I would’ve had ten kids if my body was able and your father would’ve kept his ass out of jail a little more. I never want you to have that hurt.”
“I won’t,” Daphne tells her as she rubs Betty’s back.
“I know you won’t, baby. I made sure of that, and now you have sisters.
” Betty moves out of Daphne’s embrace. “You have a large family filled with love and children of your own. You all have one another, and that’s all that matters.
There’s nothing more precious than family.
I want you all to understand that too. There’s nothing more precious than the people you surround yourself with, both through marriage and blood.
I never want anything to come between you girls and my boys. ”
I understand exactly what she’s saying. The sting and ache I felt when Mitchell died were excruciating, and the only person who got me through those moments was Roger. He was the only family I had until I met Angelo. I’m not sure I would’ve survived without him.
“You can never have too many people in your life who love you. Remember that,” Betty says, dabbing her eyes with her fingers.
“We know,” Daphne says.
“I can never begin to imagine your heartache of losing your brother, Betty,” I say.
“Ma,” she reminds me.
I nod. “Ma. But I promise nothing is more important to me than my family. You girls…” I pause and collect my thoughts for a moment, trying to get my lip to stop trembling, but I fail and continue.
“You gave me something I never had. Not even when I had a different life, I never had this.” I wave my hands toward the four women in front of me.
“I never had a family that I felt had my back all the time. And not just a little family, but a big one so full of love and happiness that I ask myself every day how I got so damn lucky.”
Betty smiles and reaches across the island to pat my hand. “We’re the blessed ones, sweetheart. You brought my baby back to life at a time I wasn’t sure he’d ever be like he was.”
I want to argue with her because I didn’t know the Angelo before, but I knew the Tilly before Angelo.
Although I’m living, thriving, and completely in love, I know I’m not the woman I used to be.
The pain has a way of staying etched on your heart forever.
The wound may close, but the scar will always remain as a constant reminder of the path I walked and the hurt I endured.
“We’ll always have each other,” Delilah says. “I’ve never been so loved. I don’t know where I’d be without this family.” Delilah lets out a relieved sigh. “I’m happy I’ll never have to know either.”
Daphne smiles. “We’re a sisterhood.”
Bianca nods. “I always wanted a sister, and I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am to finally have girls at my side.” She places her hands on her stomach. “My baby is going to have some kick-ass aunts and an amazing and strong grandma.”
“My children and grandchildren will never know what it means to be alone, and for that, I’m thankful. Even though I had to go through the hurt, I’m okay with taking that if it means I’ve shielded them from the same pain.”
“You have, Ma,” Daphne says and wraps her arms around her mother’s waist. “We will never be alone, and neither will you.”
There are heavy footsteps behind us, and I turn, catching the men, our men, standing near the doorway to the kitchen. They’re watching us, eyes roaming around the room, taking in the teary-eyed faces of their women.
“Do you need us to give you time?” Angelo asks, but he’s not asking me; he’s asking his mother.
She shakes her head. “No, sweetheart, but can you boys set the table? The food is just about ready.”
Angelo nods and makes his way into the room and toward me. “You okay?” he whispers as he leans forward to kiss me.
“Perfect, baby.” I smile, moving into him and wanting that kiss.
It’s sweet and short, soft and warm, but as he pulls away, his eyes search mine. “You sure you’re okay?”
I nod and smile. “I couldn’t be better.”
“I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you too,” I whisper back.
And I couldn’t be better. I have everything I ever wanted.
A great husband, loving children, parents, sisters and brothers, and most of all, love.
I’ll never know the pain of being alone again like I felt after my parents died.
I knew sadness, but in this moment, I am certain I’ll never be alone again.
I am part of something bigger, a family that has taken me in like I have been there my entire life, and for that, I’ll be forever thankful.