Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
ECHO
August 2014
A man of so few words wants me to give him all the words. I walk around the house, trying to think of what to write. Going down memory lane sounds like an awful idea, but as I lie here on my old bedroom floor staring up at the ceiling, all I can think about is the constellation that used to be up there. A faint outline still remains.
Dustin,
I’m not sure I can give them all, but here are some words. I hope they hold you over until I can string together some more.
My parents are selling their old home, so for the last two weeks I’ve been staying here. I offered to fix it up some in an attempt to get it sold quicker. But I’m starting to lose faith that it will help. I’ve taped off every room in this house except for my old one. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I just can’t bring myself to paint over the memories, pretending they never existed. That you never existed.
I sit in here nightly, much like I am right now writing you, leaning against my old broken bed. Then I get pissed that the reason for my bed being broken is gone. Someone stole Orion’s Belt, Dustin, so I need you to buy me another one.
I’m just kidding. I am upset about it, but it’s not your responsibility.
I won’t be here much longer, with school starting back soon. Plus, I’ve taken enough vacation from work. I might come down on some weekends to continue working on the house. It just depends on how busy life gets once I get back to it. I’ve loved being close to Lynsie and Dax again. I don’t really have anyone else I’m close with back in Alabama. But they're not the real reason being here feels… right.
Yet, it doesn't fully feel right without you here.
I would like to say that all of this is making things messy, mudding up feelings. But the only reason it's getting muddy is because the feelings have never went away. They've just been hidden and are now being unearthed.
Maybe I shouldn't be telling you these things with the situation, but feel that with the distance it's safe to just be honest with you and hopefully work all this inner turmoil out. I can't help but still feel drawn to you. You've always been my safe place. And I've missed you terribly.
Love, E
I fold the paper, second guessing whether I should be so vocal with my vulnerabilities with Dustin when he's the reason behind them all. I walk to the study and pull out the last envelope. The idea of just sliding the letter into the drawer and forgetting about it crosses my mind. Just because my feelings and thoughts are all over the place doesn't mean I should muddy up Dustin's, too.
Then lack of better judgement takes over and I address the envelope, put a stamp on it, and walk it to the post office. I have a lot I need to get done today at the house. Mostly just organizing all my supplies neatly in the garage for the off chance someone will want to view it while I’m back home.
Back home. What a foreign thought.
My mom is supposed to be bringing Dylan back to me tomorrow and I know he’s not going to want to stick around here long. The idea of leaving has me feeling very apprehensive. I feel close to everyone I love here. Something about this place just feels right.
And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that feeling.