Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
DUSTIN
“ W e tried to preserve as much of your arm as possible, but there was just nothing we could do from the wrist down. The burns, shrapnel damage, and crushed bones were just too much. Honestly, you’re very lucky to have the majority of your forearm left.”
I snort when the word lucky comes out of his mouth. Yeah, I’m some ungrateful asshole who wants everyone to pity me. I do realize I’m lucky to be alive. But you should only consider yourself lucky when that’s what you’re wanting.
“My men?” I croak, my throat feeling dry and scratchy. I could give two shits about my own flesh wounds. I need to know the status of my platoon.
“No casualties.” The doctor looks up, finally making eye contact. I can see the sympathy in his crystal blue eyes before he quickly adverts his gaze back downward to my arm where he continues business as usual. “You still have full mobility of your elbow, which will allow you the ability to wrap that part of your arm around in a gripping motion. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but if we’d had to amputate”—I shudder at that word, but he continues without noticing—“from the elbow down, you’d only have from the bicep section up.” He gestures with his own arm what he’s trying to explain. I get what he’s saying. The puppet show isn’t necessary.
“How much longer will I be here?” I ask, needing to get to get an idea of when I’ll be discharged from the hospital. My facial hair scratches my neck and I can imagine I look pretty unkempt and rough.
“Well, if everything goes smoothly with no infection, both of your wounds should be fully healed in four weeks at the earliest.”
“I have to stay here for a month?” My voice comes out louder than I intended. I grip the bedsheet with the only hand I have left, and breath in and out, reigning in my temper.
“Ideally, no.” The nurse attempts to be calming with her low tone and sympathetic stare. “If you have somewhere to go and no infection, you should be able to leave here in ten to fourteen days.”
I don’t want sympathy but have a feeling it’s a look I’ll receive from here on out.
I lean my head back as my eyes begin feeling heavy. I refuse to look down at my wounds. I’m so drugged up; I can barely feel them. I don’t need to see them. Seeing them will make them more real. The doctor’s lips continue moving, but I don’t care what he’s saying. All I can do is think of the fingers I’m trying to move that no longer exist. It’s such a weird, empty feeling.
“HOW LONG HAVE you been having nightmares?”
I open my eyes, trying to focus on the nurse in my room. I push the button, elevating my bed into a sitting position.
“What makes you think I’ve been having nightmares?” I ask before taking a drink out of my now lukewarm water. My throat is dry and scratchy. Must be the meds.
She walks up to the side of the bed, and I lean forward a bit so she’s able to readjust my pillow. “Your heart rate increases, your body begins to tremble, followed by beads of sweat near your hairline. You shake your head back and forth, and when you finally do wake up, it’s as if you’re startled.” She takes a step back, eyeing me, waiting for an answer.
I contemplate telling her the truth, but then think what the hell and decide the truth won’t affect a stranger. “I only have nightmares when I’m awake. Sleep is the only time I’m able to escape them, for the most part.” I attempt a shrug.
She looks at me with a faint expression of sadness. Like she’s all too familiar with the nightmares I just explained. But it leaves as quickly as it came.
“Then why do you seem scared if they aren’t nightmares?” She pulls up a chair and starts to slowly pull off the dressings. I wince as I bite through the twinge of pain. For the most part, I’m so medicated it doesn’t bother me, not until they have to change the dressings on it.
I take a deep breath before releasing a heavy sigh. “Because sometimes dreaming about something you once had and knowing you’ll never have it again is frightening to come to terms with.”
She nods, and I see understanding in her eyes.
Since being in the hospital, all I seem to do is dream about her…what we had…what I miss…what I will never have again. It’s as if my subconscious mind is playing out the time we had together on a constant loop, reminding me why I’m here in the first place.
Just like the meaning of her name, a repetition of sound, everything about her ripples through my soul. But unlike her name, the vibrations never cease. To this very day, they’re still very much moving throughout my mind, my heart, and every fiber within me.
The love I feel for this girl is an untamable force of nature just waiting to be unleashed again. It calls out to me, begging for one more chance. It’s her or no one. I will never feel these feelings for anyone else. But she’s taken, and it’s eating me up inside. The one thing I want more than anything in the world is unattainable.
“Well, maybe getting you out of this hospital and back to your home state will help.” The nurse gives me a smile as if me going home will fix all my problems. Little does she know home is where they all began.
I’m leaving here worse off than I ever imagined, yet far better off than I deserve to be. I’m a jobless, handless, Echoless man with nothing left to offer. But I wouldn’t do a damn thing differently. In some screwed-up way, I protected what I love, and there’s no way I can regret that decision.