Chapter 9
BLAIZE
Ihammered the worn punching bag repeatedly until I felt my knuckle split, but I kept going.
The self-mutilation is the least I deserve.
I hurt Kadence, triggered her to the point she was retraumatized from her assault.
My life was spent protecting and saving innocent people from the same fate Kadence lived through.
She was sold, raped, and almost fucking killed by the leader of a gang.
I was moments away from doing something I would regret later if she didn’t have a fucking panic attack.
My mind was flooded with anger and grief by Layla’s death and Fallon’s injuries.
Fallon coded multiple times. She was clinically dead for almost five minutes before they got her back.
Brain damage was possible, but she needed to wake up before they knew anything.
I was in the same mindset I was in five years ago after I watched Olivia and Charlee die.
A void—nothing but rage and the need for vengeance seeped through my bones.
Everything that was happening in my town and territories was my fault.
My reign in this town caused enemies, enemies who watched me like vultures from the quiet shadows.
The same enemies who witnessed my interaction with Kadence, who saw how she got under my skin and got stuck in my head.
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize my feelings for the blue-haired vixen who stumbled into my town.
Everyone could see how she affected me, except for me, apparently.
The thought of being in love again chilled me to the bone; the fear of being that vulnerable again made me act irrationally.
It’s an excuse I was using to make myself feel better.
When my fist ached to the point that air caressing it left the split skin stinging, I stopped, walked to the bench, and cleaned the wound.
Hurting myself like this was nothing compared to what I did to Kadence.
I knew if Hunter or Hawke walked in here to see the self-mutilation, Hunter would kick my ass, and Hawke would pay her to do it again.
Even angry, Hawke wouldn’t lift a finger to hurt me.
He was torturing himself for hurting Kadence.
His wife was in a hospital bed, barely holding onto life, and he still thought he deserved to be struck down by his God.
He was ready for Fallon to wake up so she could ream him and subject him to her own personal form of torture.
My phone vibrated with an incoming text.
I wanted it to be Kadence or Drew telling me to come over, even though I knew it wasn’t.
Instead, it was Cross. Normally, he was in the shadows, dealing with tech or security shit like Hunter, but with Hawke, Sin, and Ranger all grieving, Cross was fourth in line to take the lead. He hated it, but he did the job well.
Cross
We got a problem at the shipyard.
Me
What is it?
Cross
Shipments were destroyed. Symbol was left behind.
Me
I’m on my way.
Three more shipments were destroyed, and now I had several angry men aiming for my throat.
I couldn’t do anything because we’d been distracted, but I already had Hunter organize another shipment with more potent drugs to replace the ones destroyed.
I made arrangements to have some of Damon’s men watching the docks when it arrived to ensure no one destroyed it.
I couldn’t deal with this right now. The aftermath of Layla’s death, on top of fixing what I did to Kadence, had knocked me off my game.
But whoever was trying to destroy me didn’t care about breaks or life.
“Let the men know we will have something for them within the week,” I informed Cross. “Damon is sending two dozen men to help with our patrols. Whoever this is has already infiltrated us, but now we are distracted and mourning.”
“I know, boss. I’ll do damage control,” Cross agreed, typing away on his phone. “How’s Kadence?”
“She’s…” I sighed, running my hands through my hair. “She’s healing. I fucked up.”
Cross gave me a reassuring squeeze. “It’ll all work out, boss. Kadence is a little spit fire. I don’t think this will break her beyond repair.” I hoped not.
“I’m keeping my distance for now.”
He arched his brow. “The Blaize I know would take what she wants.”
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. If I hadn't reacted before thinking, maybe this would have been avoided and I could have her, but I was selfish and wanted her to fall to her knees like I was a confessional. Everyone said I should take what I want, but that’s exactly how this mess started.
This time, getting what I wanted wasn’t an option.
I think I could love her. Something was already growing between us, but I destroyed it.
Even if Kadence loved me, she had to be the one to choose me, to forgive me.
“This time it’s not my choice,” I told him.
“Well, I have faith in you two. She’s good for you. You just need to accept it.”
Kadence managed to form an attachment with my motorcycle club while she was recuperating there after waking up from being attacked in one of our streets.
Doc liked her instantly. He was the main person who refused to let her go back to her ratty motel room, but he wouldn’t let anyone know that.
I didn’t believe in fate or God’s will, but my men found her for a reason.
It should’ve been before she was attacked, but that is irrelevant now.
My men loved her, the girls adored her, and even Hunter had a soft spot for her.
I was the only anomaly in the equation that was Kadence, and I was the one that hurt her.
But I needed to stop thinking about what I did to her and focus on the situation going on in my town.
I need to figure out who attacked my people and why Kadence was the target of my anger.
Once I solved that, I could take a breath and listen to my heart.
It sounded like a fucking Disney movie. How could one girl come here and change the trajectory of my life?
I had no moral compass. My heart had been an empty, icy shell since I buried my family, yet, I saw her in a piss-stained yellow waitress outfit and my world was thrown off its axis.
The organ in my chest was coming back to life with her, but of course, I fucked up.
But I was going to fix my mistake, and Kadence would be mine.